草根修改铺(楼主不在）

bzr2915UID: 2612029

最近坛子里的习作越来越多但是能被改的寥寥无几，本人甚感冷落，特为我们这些游魂开此活动，互改，以彰显人间真爱~



本铺规则如下，请需要被改的同学先把上一楼的文章改完后以全文的形式贴出（此过程请先占楼注明修改楼上的,改完后直接在占楼贴中编辑）然后在下一层贴上自己的习作，依次类推。（额。。如果还不懂，看一下下面的帖子应该就懂了吧。。）

为防止秩序混乱 请大家一定先看一下楼上同志发帖是否符合规则 无视规则者请忽略之 如发生断层(如有人改了楼上的但没发自己的习作）以断层楼下第一位童鞋的习作为准继续接力 当然前期我会维持秩序~

PS：如果对文章有深入交流的需要，大家改完后可以留下自己的联系方式QQ等 不作要求 感谢的话请评分表达(推荐大家还是表达一下，改一次不容易）~

再次申明 本贴拒绝无关回复！


再ps：这个过程需要你先修改别人的习作然后再贴自己的，如果你不想付出就想得到或者心有戚戚那么这里不适合你~


注意：1\本活动打破以往的互拍规则，而是以接力的形式进行互改，无视规则者其习作可被忽略。2\本活动不限于A或者I，均可开贴，不论楼下同学是否擅长A或I请改完楼上的再贴自己的习作 3\本贴拒绝无关回复 4\补充说明见二楼

lynnzhang2009UID: 2789534

占楼发文，期待楼下拍

lynnzhang2009UID: 2789534

楼上坂田的我占楼改
红色是错误
蓝色是评注。
TOPIC: ISSUE124 - "Instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation-all of these recent developments are designed to save time. Ironically, though, instead of making more leisure time available, these developments have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before."
WORDS: 446
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-4-2 10:54:59
In the era of the tremedous (tremendous) upswing in the social progress, technologic achievement bring

us abundont（abundant） material and mental life. The pace of our daily life becomes more rushed and more frantic than ever before in order to make the life involves everything we need to do and want to do. For that matter, technologic achievement fails to truly make more leisure time available for us, but instead make us more busy (busier)in abundont
（abundant）material supply the quatities（quantities） of which have excessed （excess不是动词改为exceeded）（加than）any other centries（centuries） before. Concequently(Consequently) instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation-all of these recent developments to designed to save time. Actually these instant objects fails（fail） to enhance the qualities of our life but tire our body and deficient our thought. （tire 和deficient 做谓语为动词可deficient 不是动词）


It is true that technologic achievement bring us many innovations and inventions which enrich our material and mental life and to some extent make us more leisure and more convenient. Automobile revolution has realized the dreams that most（lots of 或 a host of ） people
can afford cars and drive their own cars everywhere they want to go in order to help(删去) to save the time on the journey of the road. With these saved time, however,（前后句子不是转折啊？） we can do more other thing（things） we like to render the precious time well used. Similarly, the advancement of information technology render （renders） information exchange more convenient and more instant. We can not only gain any information but also distribute ours or even publish our writing（writing） works in the network which is the less expensive way to exchange our informations. （不可数）

There is no denying that with the help of technologic development, human life is better now, but this development contributes to the more rushed and more frantic pace than ever before. Just as the information technology mentioned above, this advancement helps to save our time to search the helpful information（两个to使得句子结构不合理）, but at the same time render us sunk into the information sea. We have to read more words today than before to choose the value information in the mass. In the period of Ranaissance, most great men can be all-around talents in various fieds（field）at the same time, but this seldom happened （happen）in this era for the knowledge, information, news in a certain field are so numerous and renew so frequently that we hardly keep our pace on it, let out（这个词组不知用在这里什么意思，不知是做什么成分） learning the knowledge of other fields.

It is because of the adundant（abundant） materials today that people have to rely on the instant foods, instant communication, faster transportantion-all of these recent developments to save time in order to finish more and content our insaficent appetite（这个长句你在改好些，because of 和后面没感觉有因果关系）. Less people today truly finish reading the classical works our ancestor left to us(删去), instead we read the condensed one which involves only the code （core）content of the book. We read books not for the purpose
to meet the mental needs but for the purpose to boast. In addition, for the purpose of convenience, we communicate with our relations and friends using telephone or internet more but through the face-to-face way less. These instant communication render people's relationship stranger than before. These instand （instant）innovations indeed satisfy our disversity（diversity） of the material needs, but actually our mental world is valid and our inner emotion is deficient.

To sum up, I never doubt the contribution（of） the technologies to our human society. It is primarily through the innovation of the technologies that our daily life become better and more convenient. In other cases, however, we also become busier with the abundant material. We travel more, read more and learn more. Consequently, we have to rely on the instant innovation helping to satify （satisfy）our insatiable appetite which promotes us to pursue everthing （everything）we meet.
可能是时间原因，有很多拼写错误。

坂田模型UID: 2766140

TOPIC: ISSUE124 - "Instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation-all of these recent developments are designed to save time. Ironically, though, instead of making more leisure time available, these developments have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before."
WORDS: 446
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-4-2 10:54:59

In the era of the tremedous upswing in the social progress, technologic achievement bring us abundont material and mental life. The pace of our daily life becomes more rushed and more frantic than ever before in order to make the life involves everything we need to do and want to do. For that matter, technologic achievement fails to truly make more leisure time available for us, but instead make us more busy in abundont material supply the quatities of which have excessed any other centries before.Concequently instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation-all of these recent developments to designed to save time. Actually these instant objects fails to enhance the qualities of our life but tire our body and deficient our thought.


It is true that technologic achievement bring us many innovations and inventions which enrich our material and mental life and to some extent make us more leisure and more convenient. Automobile revolution has realized the dreams that most people can afford cars and drive their own cars everywhere they want to go in order to help to save the time on the journey of the road. With these saved time, however, we can do more other thing we like to render the precious time well used. Similarly, the advancement of information technology render information exchange more convenient and more instant. We can not only gain any information but also distribute ours or even publish our writting works in the network which is the less expensive way to exchange our informations.

There is no denying that with the help of technologic development, human life is better now, but this development contributes to the more rushed and more frantic pace than ever before. Just as the information technology mentioned above, this advancement helps to save our time to search the helpful information, but at the same time render us sunk into the information sea. We have to read more words today than before to choose the value information in the mass. In the period of Ranaissance, most great men can be all-around talents in various fieds at the same time, but this seldom happened in this era for the knowledge, information, news in a certain field are so numerous and renew so frequently that we hardly keep our pace on it, let out learning the knowledge of other fields.

It is because of the adundant materials today that people have to rely on the instant foods, instant communication, faster transportantion-all of these recent developments to save time in order to finish more and content our insaficent appetite. Less people today truly finish reading the classical works our ancestor left to us, instead we read the condensed one which involves only the code content of the book. We read books not for the purpose to meet the mental needs but for the purpose to boast. In addition, for the purpose of convenience, we communicate with our relations and friends using telephone or internet more but through the face-to-face way less. These instant communication render people's relationship stranger than before. These instand innovations indeed satisfy our disversity of the material needs, but actually our mental world is valid and our inner emotion is deficient.

To sum up, I never doubt the contribution the technologies to our human society. It is primarily through the innovation of the technologies that our daily life become better and more convenient. In other cases, however, we also become busier with the abundant material. We travel more, read more and learn more. Consequently, we have to rely on the instant innovation helping to satify our insatiable appetite which promotes us to pursue everthing we meet.

限时没写完，后来给补的。

坂田模型UID: 2766140

TOPIC: ARGUMENT97 - The following appeared in a memo from the manager of television station KICK.

"A nationwide survey reveals that a sizeable majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television. After television station WACK increased its sports broadcasts, its share of the television audience in its viewing area almost doubled. To gain a larger audience share in our area, and thus increase company profits, KICK should also revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage."

The argument is far from cogent. Basing on a survey of the audience, the increasing share of the television in WACK, supposing the successful experience could also be implemented in KICK, the advice to add more sports coverage to the broadcast schedule sounds reasonable on its surface.  (这句话挺奇怪的，我建议这样写吧，The arguer cites a survey of the audience and the fact of the increasing television share in WACK, based on which he supposes the successful experience could also be implemented in KICK and advices to add more sports coverage to the broadcast schedule sounds reasonable on its surface.  )However, failing to see the differences between KICK and WACK, as well as some other logical flaws, weaken the argument.（如果这句要按你原来这样意思表达，我建议这样写：However, falling to see the differences between KICK and WACK, this arguer is unable to convince me for some other logical flaws as well.)

（这段我感觉语法错误有点严重，想把句子写长写漂亮也不该用这种方式吧，如果写成这样我觉得还不如全是普通短句效果还好。而且我建议还是按照：结论+列举evidence+反驳，这种结构来写会显得清晰，通过这样的信息整理也有助于下面的反驳分析。）

To begin with, the nationwide survey can not predict the trends of television share in local of KICK. First, the nationwide results may different from the trends in KICK. (The nationwide survey showing does not necessarily apply to KICK.)It is entirely possible that the residents’ attention to the additional sports programs in KICK declines, while people in other cities show great appetites, thus the nationwide results turn out to be sizeable majority. Second, the survey only concerns about the men’s attitude to the additional programs. In fact, the amount of other groups such as women, children who also watch television could be as large, if not more, as of men. Without taking the women’s attitude into consideration, the survey results may be unwarranted and meaningless.

(论证合理，结构也清晰。)

Furthermore, the arguer falsely assumes that the additional sports lead the television share to uplift in WACK. There is no evidence to show the definite cause and effect relationship (改成这样子吧，the definitely causal relationship)between the increasing share and the additional sports programs. Generally speaking, television shares vary with the content that the（the 去掉吧） provided by the TV stations, but not the amount of the content. Since the arguer has not mentioned the time span of statistical results of the television share in WACK, it is entirely possible that there is a famous sports meeting broadcasted by the television at certain period. People may only see the sports meeting and seldom take a glance at the additional sports. It is also possible that the station broadcast some interesting comics, which lead to the increase of the television share. Without ruling out these possibilities, the influence of the additional sports to （改成on吧。）the increasing share can not be sound.

Even if the survey result is reliable and the additional sports do increase the television share in WACK, extending this regulation hastily to KICK is still open to question. （我觉得改成这样顺点吧，the hasty extension of this regulation to KICK is still open to question.)
The arguer assumes that the television share will also grow in KICK basing on the experience of WACK. However the existed differences in television share, the audience structure and their appetites also influence the trend of television share. First, what is the television share of WACK now? If it is high enough, or even higher than that of KICK, rescheduling may not be a wise measurement, because the high television share may decline due to changes. Second, the structure and the appetites of the viewers are worth mentioning. If the majority audience of KICK is women, or children, they may tend to enjoy the programs like music, talk shows, and teleplays, other than sports programs. Adding sports programs, the television may become less attractive to them and lead to share declination. The argument （虽然用argument也不能算错，但是arguer的话就绝对不错。）neglects all these factors in making its conclusion.（in这里我不肯定对错，但是我会这样写，to make a hasty conclusion.)

Given the television share enlarges because of the rescheduling strategy, that the profits of the station will boost is still open to doubt. ()The arguer, at least, fails to take the following two factors that influence the profits. On one hand, adding more sports coverage needs extra resource including time, energy and money which also increases the investment of the station. In the argument, there is no evidence shows that the station can get profit from this additional investment. (没有说清楚，他怎么就不能从投资中获得利润。)On the other hand, usually, a station earns most, if not all, of its profits through the advertisements. After programs rescheduling, the additional sports programs may take up the time for advertisements, or the customers may tend to choose the station with less sports programs to broadcast their advertisements. In this situation, the profits of the station may probably decrease. （这一点还行。）Without ruling out these possibilities, the conclusion of earning more profits is also groundless.

After carefully analyzing the evidence as well as the reasoning, it is clearly that the conclusion can not be safely reached. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should make sure whether the increasing of the television share is due to the additional sports programs of WACK, propose a specific survey to show the real needs of the audience of KICK, and take both the similarities and differences between two stations into account. Also, evidences to justify that profits of the station will increase due to larger television share should be given.
（结尾思路也行吧。）

我觉得分析的还行，错误都找到了，反驳的挺到位的。我觉得这篇ARGUMENT最大的问题不是分析的思路，还应该在语言表达上下功夫。其实语言不一定非要多复杂，最重要是清晰明了，有复杂长句当然可以锦上添花，但是如果写出的长句是错误了或者根本没办法理解，那对你的ARGUMENT真是大大削弱。
我自己语法本来也不是特别好，后面我都不敢给你看语法错误了，怕自己改错了也不好。像我自己吧，语法不是特扎实的那种，但我尽量不用我觉得似对非对的句子。像伴随状语这种，我也挺喜欢用的，可我一般不会用错或乱用吧。

BackerShuUID: 2658043

TOPIC: ARGUMENT97 - The following appeared in a memo from the manager of television station KICK.

"A nationwide survey reveals that a sizeable majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television. After television station WACK increased its sports broadcasts, its share of the television audience in its viewing area almost doubled. To gain a larger audience share in our area, and thus increase company profits, KICK should also revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage."

The argument is far from cogent. Basing on a survey of the audience, the increasing share of the television in WACK, supposing the successful experience could also be implemented in KICK, the advice to add more sports coverage to the broadcast schedule sounds reasonable on its surface. However, failing to see the differences between KICK and WACK, as well as some other logical flaws, weaken the argument.

To begin with, the nationwide survey can not predict the trends of television share in local of KICK. First, the nationwide results may different from the trends in KICK. It is entirely possible that the residents’ attention to the additional sports programs in KICK declines, while people in other cities show great appetites, thus the nationwide results turn out to be sizeable majority. Second, the survey only concerns about the men’s attitude to the additional programs. In fact, the amount of other groups such as women, children who also watch television could be as large, if not more, as of men. Without taking the women’s attitude into consideration, the survey results may be unwarranted and meaningless.


Furthermore, the arguer falsely assumes that the additional sports lead the television share to uplift in WACK. There is no evidence to show the definite cause and effect relationship between the increasing share and the additional sports programs. Generally speaking, television shares vary with the content that the provided by the TV stations, but not the amount of the content. Since the arguer has not mentioned the time span of statistical results of the television share in WACK, it is entirely possible that there is a famous sports meeting broadcasted by the television at certain period. People may only see the sports meeting and seldom take a glance at the additional sports. It is also possible that the station broadcast some interesting comics, which lead to the increase of the television share. Without ruling out these possibilities, the influence of the additional sports to the increasing share can not be sound.

Even if the survey result is reliable and the additional sports do increase the television share in WACK, extending this regulation hastily to KICK is still open to question.
The arguer assumes that the television share will also grow in KICK basing on the experience of WACK. However the existed differences in television share, the audience structure and their appetites also influence the trend of television share. First, what is the television share of WACK now? If it is high enough, or even higher than that of KICK, rescheduling may not be a wise measurement, because the high television share may decline due to changes. Second, the structure and the appetites of the viewers are worth mentioning. If the majority audience of KICK is women, or children, they may tend to enjoy the programs like music, talk shows, and teleplays, other than sports programs. Adding sports programs, the television may become less attractive to them and lead to share declination. The argument neglects all these factors in making its conclusion.

Given the television share enlarges because of the rescheduling strategy, that the profits of the station will boost is still open to doubt. The arguer, at least, fails to take the following two factors that influence the profits. On one hand, adding more sports coverage needs extra resource including time, energy and money which also increases the investment of the station. In the argument, there is no evidence shows that the station can get profit from this additional investment. On the other hand, usually, a station earns most, if not all, of its profits through the advertisements. After programs rescheduling, the additional sports programs may take up the time for advertisements, or the customers may tend to choose the station with less sports programs to broadcast their advertisements. In this situation, the profits of the station may probably decrease. Without ruling out these possibilities, the conclusion of earning more profits is also groundless.

After carefully analyzing the evidence as well as the reasoning, it is clearly that the conclusion can not be safely reached. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should make sure whether the increasing of the television share is due to the additional sports programs of WACK, propose a specific survey to show the real needs of the audience of KICK, and take both the similarities and differences between two stations into account. Also, evidences to justify that profits of the station will increase due to larger television share should be given.

第一次写Argument，没限时，感觉写得太长了，楼下狠批吧~~
从各个角度，批驳点的取舍，段落的展开，总之越猛烈越好，谢谢~~

BackerShuUID: 2658043

占，改205楼~~
建议206，207互改吧~
楼主不在，大家保持队形~~


With the explosive development of science and technology, our lives are changing every day. When it comes to tradition and modernization, there are a host of different opinions held by different individuals. Are tradition and modernization so incompatible that one has to choose between them? Admittedly, sometimes they are contradictory. However, in most situations, they combine pretty well and no choice has to be made between them.

First and foremost, modernization indeed seems to escape from tradition sometimes. The statement brings immediately to mind the example of spongiform encephalopathy. Hundreds of years ago, sharing the brain after a person died for food used to be traditional custom in some villages. Then more people died without obvious symptoms. The more people died, the more brains living people ate; the more brains people ate, the more people died. As a result, these villages tended to extinct, until the factor killing people was found later by a scientist. It was the spongiform encephalopathic virus, living in dead people's brains, which killed so many people. However, in modern times, there exists no such custom; consequently, few people get this disease. This is to say, something stupid has been removed from our lives, for a better life.
有些stupid的传统跟现代的科学矛盾，应该消除，对应TS前半部分，很清晰。例子的中的名词不认识，汗~~


While for most occasions, tradition and modernization are good friends. For instance, a student has the right to choose to take traditional classes or accept the distant education. And both have their own advantages, in order to fulfill different students. Lending even more credence on the statement is book and e-book. E-book makes it come true that we can read on a vacation without a heavy luggage. Besides, it also protects many trees due to decline of the print books. However, we still need regular books, on which we can write freely. Other examples to support this opinion are car and bike, library and computer, and so on. In short, tradition and modernization are not necessarily incompatible, both of which could contribute to a harmonious society.



In our daily life, we benefit from the combination of tradition and modernization, which supplies us perfect objects to fulfill our goals. Such as combination of letter and email, and cooperation of traditional medicine and western medicine（这句没主语，应该前面是 , 号吧）. 此处观点刚提出来，没有展开，不太合适。 However, sometimes we also have to make a choice between them due to the incompatible situations. For example, the statue of female was not equal to male in the past. This should be removed, because women have the right to control their lives and earn the respects of society. In addition, the excessive open and confusing relationship between girls and boys should be removed in modern life. More and more university students surprise parents. They cohabitate, hang out just for fun and make trouble without responsibility. Due to the huge burden to build the future society, I cannot imagine the destiny of our society unless they change their behavior and learn to be responsible. 转折以后，主要讲make choice的问题，这样一来感觉整篇文章与TS有些偏离



In sum, tradition does not mean fool and modernization does not mean smart either. In most occasions, the two can combine pretty well and bring about a better society. However we must find out the shortage lying【laying】 in these two cultures【culture modes似乎好一些，个人意见】, and change it sparing no effort, no matter which is wrong. Only in this way, can our culture become better and better.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

楼上两位 你们都不改楼上的？ 看好规则再发帖 ~

fchtiancaiUID: 2696347

题目：ARGUMENT 235 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the general manager of KNOW radio station.

"Several factors indicate that radio station KNOW should shift its programming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format. Consider, for example, the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically, while the total number of our listeners has recently declined. Also, music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music. Finally, continuous news stations in neighboring cities have been very successful, and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citizens are interested in becoming better informed about politics."


In the argument ,the authoe presents that radio station KNOW should shift its paogramming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format.To support the conclusion,the author make a comparsion with the neighboring cities,which have been very successful,and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citzens are interested in becoming better informed about politics.At the first glance,the conclusion seems to be somewhat logical and convincing ,but after a further detailed consideration,I cannot agree with the argument in the following reasons.

The first reason I cannot agree with the argument is that the author did't assert other information about the radio station.The fact that the number of our listeners has recently declined and the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically,cannot assert that we must shift our program.
At the same time ,music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music.The arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between this and shifting its program.The argument is unacceptable unless there is compeling evidence to support the connection between these two events.

In addition,even assuming that the decreased sales due to the shifting its program,the author fails to consider possbile differences between our area and the neiguboring cities that might help to bring different result for our area.Only if the arguer can provide more substantiated information can this argument be fully accept.

Last but not the least,the memo provides no evidence that the number of respondents is statistically significant or that the repondents were representative of all in general.Lacking information abount the randomness and size of the survey's sample,the author cannot make a convincing argument based on that survey.All these factors should be taken into account before come to the final conclusion ,nevertheless,the author neglect nearly all of them.

To sum up,the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the argument does not lend powerfull support to what the author maintains.To make the memo more convincing,the author should provide more detailed information about the area and radio station.

powerjohnUID: 2778361

Issue 047 society does not place enough emphasis in the intellect-that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills.

Nowadays, a debating over whether enough attention has been focused on intellect is increasing. Supporters argue that reasoning and other cognitive skills are neglected in daily life. While, the opponents hold the view that other abilities rather than intellectual factors should be reinforced. As my concern, I will give the evidence favoring the latter one and refuting the former one.

Intellect, especially IQ used more often, is over-emphasized in our society. Just think how we spent our first 30 years after birth--entrance exams to primary school, high school, college and numerous mid-and-final exams after entrance. What are these exams testing? Right! It's your IQ. It is even not over after graduation from college. Before taking a position in company, some tests lies in front of you; if you fail them--sorry, the company will turn you down. You may argue that IQ is not everything to complain your feeling of unfair. However, it is the rule! Another reason why intellect is thought to be more important than other factors such as leadership, virtues, passion and so on lie in that people with more knowledge are generally more productive and respected by others. Professors, engineers and financial experts, seldom of which do not have a PhD degree, earn very high salary and enjoy a high social status.

But, is intellect really so important as we thought? Or does IQ deserve obtaining so much worship? Definitely no! We know many people who do not own a degree of master or PhD but are very successful. Ruiming Zhang, CEO of Hair Corporation of China, who did not even graduate from primary school, has lead the firm into top 500 around the world. We can numerate lots of people like Mr. Zhang. Why these people were not found before they succeeded? Maybe one of the most important reasons is that intellect is easier to be observed than other talents (EQ as a general representative) which need some specific condition to show up. Leadership needs a special condition to shine. Cao Cao, one of the most famous figures in Chinese history, was thought to be at most a high level officer in peaceful time. But he made him an empire because he could explore all his gifts in wars.

Not only can EQ help us to succeed, it also plays a very important role in our daily life. When tackling problems in real world, as IQ calculates how many ways we can solve them, while, EQ decides which way should be adopted. IQ helps us to do things in a correct way, but EQ tells us what is correct to do. People lack of EQ may be very harmful to both himself and the society. The rising criminal rate in college, killing classmates and teachers with guns in particular, demonstrates that how dangerous people with high IQ but low EQ can be.

To sum up, intellect and other virtues as EQ are both important in terms of one's overall development. Without intellect, we can not make our survivor in modern society. Without EQ, the world will sink in chaos. As the ads of Suisse Credit propagandize (and I paraphrase): People are made of both rationality and emotions, talent and tenacity, logic and passions. We should strive to develop not only reasoning and other cognitive skills, but also the ability to lead, the heart to listen, the courage to stand with principles and the most important--a colorful inside world which could bridge the outside with virtues of human being.

sarawu1989UID: 2717145

TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS: 541          TIME: 00:43:00          DATE: 2010/3/27 16:53:06

With the explosive development of science and technology, our lives are changing every day. When it comes to tradition and modernization, there are a host of different opinions held by different individuals. Are tradition and modernization so incompatible that one has to choose between them? Admittedly, sometimes they are contradictory. However, in most situations, they combine pretty well and no choice has to be made between them.

First and foremost, modernization indeed seems to escape from tradition sometimes. The statement brings immediately to mind the example of spongiform encephalopathy. Hundreds of years ago, sharing the brain after a person died for food used to be traditional custom in some villages. Then more people died without obvious symptoms. The more people died, the more brains living people ate; the more brains people ate, the more people died. As a result, these villages tended to extinct, until the factor killing people was found later by a scientist. It was the spongiform encephalopathic virus, living in dead people's brains, which killed so many people. However, in modern times, there exists no such custom; consequently, few people get this disease. This is to say, something stupid has been removed from our lives, for a better life.

While for most occasions, tradition and modernization are good friends. For instance, a student has the right to choose to take traditional classes or accept the distant education. And both have their own advantages, in order to fulfill different students. Lending even more credence on the statement is book and e-book. E-book makes it come true that we can read on a vacation without a heavy luggage. Besides, it also protects many trees due to decline of the print books. However, we still need regular books, on which we can write freely. Other examples to support this opinion are car and bike, library and computer, and so on. In short, tradition and modernization are not necessarily incompatible, both of which could contribute to a harmonious society.

In our daily life, we benefit from the combination of tradition and modernization, which supplies us perfect objects to fulfill our goals. Such as combination of letter and email, and cooperation of traditional medicine and western medicine. However, sometimes we also have to make a choice between them due to the incompatible situations. For example, the statue of female was not equal to male in the past. This should be removed, because women have the right to control their lives and earn the respects of society. In addition, the excessive open and confusing relationship between girls and boys should be removed in modern life. More and more university students surprise parents. They cohabitate, hang out just for fun and make trouble without responsibility. Due to the huge burden to build the future society, I cannot imagine the destiny of our society unless they change their behavior and learn to be responsible.

In sum, tradition does not mean fool and modernization does not mean smart either. In most occasions, the two can combine pretty well and bring about a better society. However we must find out the shortage lying in these two cultures, and change it sparing no effort, no matter which is wrong. Only in this way, can our culture become better and better.

fairyand77UID: 2489516

不知道我考雅思准备的作文能不能发上来请大家帮忙改呢？

bzr2915UID: 2612029

TOPIC: ISSUE131 - "The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society." syllabus A In deed, the arts reflect impulses and the underlying ideas of a certain time.1.the source of arts is life.2.what artists think is limited in a certain time of the whole history B In addition,different forms of arts have their own characters. C However, we can find the hidden ideas and impulses of a society in dfferent ways, such as achitecture and politics. The speaker contents that the hidden ideas and impulses of a certain society would be reflected by the arts. To some extent, the arts play a vital role(泛泛了，vital role 和 反映社会隐含观念什么的没有必然联系） in the whole society, which we shouldn't ignore. However(看不出有转折关系，你可以说艺术什么的纵然反应了社会的XX，但是XX,因为前面的VITAL ROLE过于笼统这里的转折已经被削弱的近乎于0了）, in other cases, I believe some other forms（过于宽泛，这里的forms是指哪个方面的？还是艺术？） reveal the ideas and impulses of a society. （开头观点的引出不鲜明） In deed, the arts reflect impulses and the underlying ideas of a certain time in a society. In my observation, there are two reasons which cause the phenomenon. In the first place, the derivation of the arts is from life. Some arts reveal the real life and others reflect something beyond the realism. But （转折的很唐突，这里也看不出来有转折）any form of arts is based on our life, such the nature, city and emotions of people and even the thinking of cosmos. （和主题没关系，社会隐含IDEA注意隐含这个字眼儿）For instance, Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" is famous around the world, which is very normal in our life. In the second place, what artists think is limited in a certain time of the whole history. Artists are human beings, whose thoughts can't beyond the surroundings around us. Even though some artists are so forward that other people in a certain time of the history can't understand their arts, yet all the artists' thoughts can't be apart away from the time where they live because they live there. So, it's reasonable to believe that the artists' masterpieces reflect upon the ideas and impulses of a society（人家原题说的是hidden one 再审题）. In addition, different forms of arts have their own characters.（用作TS不合适） In painting, more artists tend to describe what they think and feel. For instance, in China Banqiao Zheng always drew bamboo as his picture, because he believed bamboo had an upright character which was just similar with his thoughts. In music, artists are willing to create more happiness for their fans. Illustrate with an example, the Beatles was famous all over the world in last century and still influence people now, who composed so many songs such as come together and all my life, that people all the world can receive satisfaction and happiness from their beautiful music. In literature, artists put more enthusiasm on creating different people and lives, which show us fictitious worlds and give us a cue of thinking about the realistic society and life. From "Jane Eyre", we can realize people's thoughts about love in the time when Jane lived. All the arts above reveal the ideas and impulses of a society from different aspects of society. However, not only do the arts show people the underlying ideas and impulses, other form such as architecture but also tells us something about the society. the Great Wall in China has been built for a long time, which tell us the diplomatic politics and the people's living situation in the certain history. The Pyramids in ancient Egypt describe the culture level and wisdom of ancient people. From the buildings, we can know what they believe, and look forward. In sum, the arts are great and contain so much information about the impulses and ideas of a society, while other form such as architecture also show the similar information for us. 中心要突出 把握关键字眼。

mianyixueUID: 2556529

TOPIC: ISSUE131 - "The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."

syllabus
A In deed, the arts reflect impulses and the underlying ideas of a certain time.1.the source of arts is life.2.what artists think is limited in a certain time of the whole history
B In addition,different forms of arts have their own characters.
C However, we can find the hidden ideas and impulses of a society in dfferent ways, such as achitecture and politics.

The speaker contents that the hidden ideas and impulses of a certain society would be reflected by the arts. To some extent, the arts play a vital role in the whole society, which we shouldn't ignore. However, in other cases, I believe some other forms reveal the ideas and impulses of a society.

In deed, the arts reflect impulses and the underlying ideas of a certain time in a society. In my observation, there are two reasons which cause the phenomenon. In the first place, the derivation of the arts is from life. Some arts reveal the real life and others reflect something beyond the realism. But any form of arts is based on our life, such the nature, city and emotions of people and even the thinking of cosmos. For instance, Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" is famous around the world, which is very normal in our life. In the second place, what artists think is limited in a certain time of the whole history. Artists are human beings, whose thoughts can't beyond the surroundings around us. Even though some artists are so forward that other people in a certain time of the history can't understand their arts, yet all the artists' thoughts can't be apart away from the time where they live because they live there. So, it's reasonable to believe that the artists' masterpieces reflect upon the ideas and impulses of a society.

In addition, different forms of arts have their own characters. In painting, more artists tend to describe what they think and feel. For instance, in China Banqiao Zheng always drew bamboo as his picture, because he believed bamboo had an upright character which was just similar with his thoughts. In music, artists are willing to create more happiness for their fans. Illustrate with an example, the Beatles was famous all over the world in last century and still influence people now, who composed so many songs such as come together and all my life, that people all the world can receive satisfaction and happiness from their beautiful music. In literature, artists put more enthusiasm on creating different people and lives, which show us fictitious worlds and give us a cue of thinking about the realistic society and life. From "Jane Eyre", we can realize people's thoughts about love in the time when Jane lived. All the arts above reveal the ideas and impulses of a society from different aspects of society.

However, not only do the arts show people the underlying ideas and impulses, other form such as architecture but also tells us something about the society. the Great Wall in China has been built for a long time, which tell us the diplomatic politics and the people's living situation in the certain history. The Pyramids in ancient Egypt describe the culture level and wisdom of ancient people. From the buildings, we can know what they believe, and look forward.

In sum, the arts are great and contain so much information about the impulses and ideas of a society, while other form such as architecture also show the similar information for us.

mianyixueUID: 2556529

楼上我来拍！！

Issue 46: Government should focus more on solving immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

"Future" has been one of the hottest and thought-provoking topics everywhere since the late of the 20th century. People today seems to be too cult in picturing a blueprint for future while relegating more urgent problems to the second place. From world-class forum to classrooms, from elite magazines to our daily newspapers, issues as global warming, cultural recession, and problems caused by globalization and mass-destructive weapons never fail to draw attention whenever they have relevance to the "future" issue.
第一段写的很到位，句型很有特点。
Yet when experts, policy makers and those who give "future" the most priority try to make everyone of us understand the importance of our responsibility, either to future generation or to other living creatures on earth, is there anyone who give a damn thing on those who are on the blink of starvation and disease, who spend 24-hours of every day to worry about whether wars and riots happened in their country will take their lives away, who can not afford to buy their children a book, who live in desperate...
？？还以为是分段陈述，原来是层层递进！
I am not a pessimist who believe in the doom day of earth, and I admit that it is out of condemn to consider the consequence of what we do today and its serious impact on future, but the thing is, while we are keen to all these predication and prevention things, should the government, the servant of the public, at least pay as much as attention to those imminent and sometimes cruel reality at this moment? And figure out a better way, instead of sacrificing contemporary interests, especially those who come from interior classes, who have no one to speak for them.
这种写作结构很适合汉语作文，但英语中总分式结构比较受用，而且评卷老外容易误解你的文章意图。
History teaches us that no one, neither Peter the Great nor Stalin, can go by shortcuts to the ideal world they hope to build and rule, without solving the existing problems. It is because only under a peaceful and harmony environment can we construct future, we can not build a Babylonian garden hang in the air. Recently broke-up scandals of Akio Toyoda, president of Toyota, who is on his way to lead the motor industry to a new road of mass productivity and high efficiency, relying on replacing general components with ones made in Japan factories, is a case in the point. Without figuring out how to solve the contradiction between high quality and high productivity, I bet not only he can not continue his initiative trying, but lose the basement where he stands.

True as it is, should governments totally set aside issues, concerning the development of humans, such as environmental one? Of course not, for we’ve already sacrificed too much for the survival of human kind. And it is our duty to draw the line between basic human needs and our desires and unsatiable voraciousness. There should not be a sudden "halt" on all those industries millions of people living their life on, yet government is responsible to get the idea across that for a reasonable and promising society, we get to overcome selfishness and encourage providence, by always having “future” in mind, and do as much as we can to preserve an untainted landscape, for our offsprings.
这段感觉有点偏，不知道你想说什么，题目是做出一个选择， 你这是想偏向哪一方呀，主旨不够明确。

There is hardly a constant answer for this question, and it is certainly not an easy multiple choice in our math exam. To always have future in mind, yet try not to accomplish it at the huge expense of contemporaries may be the best way to cope with this complex contradiction.
文字表达的很好，句型用的都很到位，很漂亮。 但是你的行文结构建议修改，容易让人误会你的文章主旨，还有就是你后面的论据不足，有些偏题。要注意下。