daily writing ~~jackieydan 作文帖。求狠拍，求批改。。

jackieydanUID：3182030

負責任地對待自己，同樣地對待每一篇文章~
謝謝各位寄託戰友！！！

futureguitarUID：2235107

10.27 独立  revised by futureguitar水平有限，改得不多，不好意思

Heather890704UID：3167004

改好啦~~

A大队LXDUID：2588081

该好咯~~

lizlee0420UID：3163467

呵呵，看到你的回复啦，今天傻傻的灌了几个帖子就够啦，坛友真够热心的。也谢谢端端哦，看到你的批改很细心啦，一起加油~~

jackieydanUID：3182030

10月27日 20100306NA Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic; Others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals. What’s your opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer."
Have you ever dreamt about being the president of your country when you were still a young child? Have you ever had this kind of unrealistic dreams or goals? When it comes to chose from ambitious dreams or goals which may be not realistic and the realistic goals, different people have very different opinions. As far as I am concerned, I believe that people should focus on the realistic goals for many reasons. And I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, the majority of those people who only follow their ambitious dreams can finally gain nothing. Because they may not have those abilities which they must have if they want to make their unrealistic dream come true. Take the famous person——Sister Feng in china as a example, truly to say that, she is really ugly and left school only after graduating from middle school. However, she told the audience that the only person she wanted to be married with was Obama on a TV program. And she said that she was always trying to get to her destination. But what she really gets now? She wins nothing but the laughter from the whole society. Obviously, considering that you do not have those abilities$ Q% ?0 Z# N  l1 @5 f- \ and opportunities to realize your ambitious dream, you will get nothing if you do not change your direction immediately.
Secondly, even though you may not really love your realistic goal, only if you try hard to achieve it, you can also get other people’s applaud, and may fall in love with it when you make it come true. When I was young, I always dreamt about being as a actress. But gradually, I found that I was not so beautiful and always nervous before the camera, so I changed my goal to become a lawyer since it might help me find a better job in the future. And for the past 4 years, I have tried my best to achieve that goal. And now, I have been a part-time lawyer in my hometown and already finished three cases. I think being a lawyer is a more realistic goal than being an actress for me, and I begin to love the feeling standing in the court. Just from my experience, you can know that you will love your realistic goal which may be easier to achieve if you put you whole heart to do it.
Consequently, taking into account what we have talked above, I believe that sizable people will agree with my viewpoint that we ought to focus on those realistic goals rather than the ambitious dreams which are unrealistic.

jackieydanUID：3182030

奧。你回覆的時候，先點右上角兒那個【高級回覆】。
然後就跳到一個新頁面。
在這個頁面最下邊有一個【參與/回覆主題】按鈕，它右邊有一個【添加附件】。點這個就可以啦！！
如果你沒找到可能是級別還不夠，回覆幾個帖子就OK啦！！

:loveliness:

lizlee0420UID：3163467

谢谢端端的批改~~
问个菜鸟问题哦，我不会链接，就是把改好的存成word格式然后让别人下载，每次都是直接贴，那个要怎么弄呢……

byebyehakuUID：3124349

改好了~！

lizlee0420UID：3163467

不好意思，恢复以后发现都没有字体颜色了，原先使用红色标出来的，这次加上了下划线




When you get into some trouble, who do you prefer to ask for help? Just try to solve it by yourself, or ask help from your families and friends？ But have you ever thought about the government? People usually have a thought that the government is too far from their daily life。 However, as far as I am concerned, in some particular situations, we really need the government’s help. Hence, I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, when you get in trouble which you cannot handle by yourself in a city that you are new there, you have to ask for help form the government, since you don’t have families or friends there. Taking me as an example, I came to Beijing to attend an English class alone for the first time when I was only 15 years old. And I lost my way to the school just after I got down the train. At that moment, the first mancame（coming） to my mind who I could（改为to，感觉这样比较精炼，who前一般来说好像是直接修饰的对象） ask for help was the policeman, considering that I could not trust in any other strangers except them. Immediately, I called 110 and told them my problem. Only ten minutes late（later）, a police car arrived and took me to the place where I needed to go to. Obviously, my experience just shows that the help form the government is very necessary!

In addition, in other particular situations, without the help from the government, you and your families or friends cannot solve the problem you meet. Just as （加上what）you have read on the newspaper or Internet, a large number of farmers lose their farmland and houses due to our national policy, and they are forced to migrate to the buildings in some small towns. Without their farmland, the farmers’ families lose income, and indeed, they do not want to live in those huge buildings since they are used to living in the bungalows! In these cases, the problems just happenbetween（among） us common people and the government. If we do not ask the government to solve it for us, whom others we can turn to?
Undoubtedly, once more, you need the help from the government.+ f8 S* z+ G0 u7 H. P5 ^& W( ?
Consequently, taking into account what I have talked above, I believe that sizable people may agree with my viewpoint that the help for（from） government is necessary in some particular situations. What’s more, since some people may have a wrong impression toward our government(感觉应该要具体解释一下是什么错误的认识), I sincerely hope that we can change our attitude and tend to it（感觉在指代前边的attitude） for help when it is necessary.

lizlee0420UID：3163467

When you get into some trouble, who do you prefer to ask for help? Just try to solve it by yourself, or ask help from your families and friends？ But have you ever thought about the government? People usually have a thought that the government is too far from their daily life。 However, as far as I am concerned, in some particular situations, we really need the government’s help. Hence, I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, when you get in trouble which you cannot handle by yourself in a city that you are new there, you have to ask for help form the government, since you don’t have families or friends there. Taking me as an example, I came to Beijing to attend an English class alone for the first time when I was only 15 years old. And I lost my way to the school just after I got down the train. At that moment, the first man came（coming） to my mind who I could（改为to，感觉这样比较精炼，who前一般来说好像是直接修饰的对象） ask for help was the policeman, considering that I could not trust in any other strangers except them. Immediately, I called 110 and told them my problem. Only ten minutes late（later）, a police car arrived and took me to the place where I needed to go to. Obviously, my experience just shows that the help form the government is very necessary!

In addition, in other particular situations, without the help from the government, you and your families or friends cannot solve the problem you meet. Just as （what）you have read on the newspaper or Internet, a large number of farmers lose their farmland and houses due to our national policy, and they are forced to migrate to the buildings in some small towns. Without their farmland, the farmers’ families lose income, and indeed, they do not want to live in those huge buildings since they are used to living in the bungalows! In these cases, the problems just happen between（among） us common people and the government. If we do not ask the government to solve it for us, whom others we can turn to?
Undoubtedly, once more, you need the help from the government.+ f8 S* z+ G0 u7 H. P5 ^& W( ?
Consequently, taking into account what I have talked above, I believe that sizable people may agree with my viewpoint that the help for（from） government is necessary in some particular situations. What’s more, since some people may have a wrong impression toward our government(感觉应该要具体解释一下是什么错误的认识), I sincerely hope that we can change our attitude and tend to it（感觉在指代前边的attitude） for help when it is necessary.

jackieydanUID：3182030

10月25日 20100320NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Since most people can solve their problems by themselves or with the help from their families, the help from government is often not necessary. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
When you get into some trouble, who do you prefer to ask for help? Just try to solve it by yourself, or ask help from your families and friends？ But have you ever thought about the government? People usually have a thought that the government is too far from their daily life。 However, as far as I am concerned, in some particular situations, we really need the government’s help. Hence, I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, when you get in trouble which you cannot handle by yourself in a city that you are new there, you have to ask for help form the government, since you don’t have families or friends there. Taking me as an example, I came to Beijing to attend an English class alone for the first time when I was only 15 years old. And I lost my way to the school just after I got down the train. At that moment, the first man came to my mind who I could ask for help was the policeman, considering that I could not trust in any other strangers except them. Immediately, I called 110 and told them my problem. Only ten minutes late, a police car arrived and took me to the place where I needed to go to. Obviously, my experience just shows that the help form the government is very necessary!
In addition, in other particular situations, without the help from the government, you and your families or friends cannot solve the problem you meet. Just as you have read on the newspaper or Internet, a large number of farmers lose their farmland and houses due to our national policy, and they are forced to migrate to the buildings in some small towns. Without their farmland, the farmers’ families lose income, and indeed, they do not want to live in those huge buildings since they are used to living in the bungalows! In these cases, the problems just happen between us common people and the government. If we do not ask the government to solve it for us, whom others we can turn to?
Undoubtedly, once more, you need the help from the government.
Consequently, taking into account what I have talked above, I believe that sizable people may agree with my viewpoint that the help for government is necessary in some particular situations. What’s more, since some people may have a wrong impression toward our government, I sincerely hope that we can change our attitude and tend to it for help when it is necessary.

Joymoon0307UID：3145258

10月19日独立改好了~~

koviUID：3154928

10月19日 20100821NA Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?; a) H8 O! g8 o" }) m. z0 O
When we were still unable to walk well, our parents had taught us that we should be polite to other people, since how we treat others may be a mirror of we and our families’ quality. However, I can not agree with the statement that, under no circumstance will we be impolite to another person.(我觉得这句话可以重新组织下,可以说,I can not agree to be polite to others under any circumstance.) Our attitude towards others depends on what they have done and how they do it.(这句话改成加些例子,这样突出之前的观点.) Now, I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.
! c; S: q; H% `
Indeed, being polite helps us leave a good impression on others, which could also provide us more unexpected opportunities. According to a recent survey conducted by an authority institution, we may learn that more than 70 percent people do not trust those who always speak ill of others or treat their workmates rudely. They do not want to work with those impolite people, either. What’s more, may boss once told me that the reason why he choose me to work with was that I was kind and polite to everyone, and wore a sunny smile all the time. Obviously, if we want to catch the golden chance and work harmoniously with others, we ought to learn to be polite to others.

On the other hand, in some particular situations, even the great philosopher of china, Confucius, who is always be regarded as the saint cannot keep polite. And this kind of thing just happened in my hometown a few days age. A man drove his car over a little girl’s body for twice within 5 minutes, and then left without any hesitation. When he was found, he told the newspaper that if the little girl dead, he did not need to pay so much money for the treatment! Can you still be polite and speak the truth with this kind of person who may not be a real human being! In my opinion, the only thing we need to do is to lay him down on the street, and then drive over his body, too. Hence, undoubtedly, you are sure that it is not necessary and possible for us to be polite all the time.

In conclusion, taking into account what we have talked above, I assert that sizable people will agree with my viewpoint that we should not always be polite to another person. Even though being polite may benefit us for some times, there is no need for us to treat those shameless people in same way.
我觉得组织和用词都挺好的,就是文章结构有点问题,因为一半说好,一半说不坏,这样没有很强的说服性,建议是3个论点+例子,这样会比较针对性,从而突出观点.
我的文章一会就赶出来,不好意思>,<

jackieydanUID：3182030

10月19日 20100821NA Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?
When we were still unable to walk well, our parents had taught us that we should be polite to other people, since how we treat others may be a mirror of we and our families’ quality. However, I can not agree with the statement that, under no circumstance will we be impolite to another person. Our attitude towards others depends on what they have done and how they do it. Now, I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.
Indeed, being polite helps us leave a good impression on others, which could also provide us more unexpected opportunities. According to a recent survey conducted by an authority institution, we may learn that more than 70 percent people do not trust those who always speak ill of others or treat their workmates rudely. They do not want to work with those impolite people, either. What’s more, may boss once told me that the reason why he choose me to work with was that I was kind and polite to everyone, and wore a sunny smile all the time. Obviously, if we want to catch the golden chance and work harmoniously with others, we ought to learn to be polite to others.
On the other hand, in some particular situations, even the great philosopher of china, Confucius, who is always be regarded as the saint cannot keep polite. And this kind of thing just happened in my hometown a few days age. A man drove his car over a little girl’s body for twice within 5 minutes, and then left without any hesitation. When he was found, he told the newspaper that if the little girl dead, he did not need to pay so much money for the treatment! Can you still be polite and speak the truth with this kind of person who may not be a real human being! In my opinion, the only thing we need to do is to lay him down on the street, and then drive over his body, too. Hence, undoubtedly, you are sure that it is not necessary and possible for us to be polite all the time.
In conclusion, taking into account what we have talked above, I assert that sizable people will agree with my viewpoint that we should not always be polite to another person. Even though being polite may benefit us for some times, there is no need for us to treat those shameless people in same way.