14年秋季提纲互改小组 issue 5 support major cities to preserve culture

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5) Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

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刚刚看到这个题目 感觉很有意思就随手写了一小段， 只论了一小点
Issues occurred in the wake of the development of major cities worldwide and the solution personally suggested

With the rapid progresses of global economy, major cities worldwide are growing rapidly, there are problems occurred consequentially must be faced by the residents who settles in the cities that has been changing fast like it never was.
Initially to mention, the overwhelmingly increasing urban population has now become the inducement of many serious issues that exists globally, not only could it aggravates the scarcity of resources and hastens the pollution of environment, but the potential instability it could bring into society shouldn’t been ignored as well.
Toronto, the busiest city among all Canada, is no doubt one of the major cities in the world. Even in such a cities with such a well-built economy system, Toronto is also severely bothered by the problem brought by its enormous number of resident - unemployment . The research from the University of Toronto gave the data that the unemployment of the city has rise to 7.8%, which means over a quarter million employee has lost their job in the ongoing year. The hazard of unemployment is irreversible, With one person losing his job, there is one less person that will pay state and federal income taxes, one less person that will pay additional sales tax revenue, also to mention that, money that used to be spent for entertainment or extravagances must be cut to save the budget. The recession of entertainment and manufacture industry is a immediate consequence led by high unemployment rate. Governments had put great effort in resolving problems formerly mentioned. Although the solutions vary, there is no doubt that policies about birth control is essential. Nevertheless, more job and profession should be created in the aim to mitigate the influence of unemployment.

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Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Cultural traditions, which are accumulated throughout the history of a nation, should be preserved and passed from generation to generation.

In the statement, financial support for major cities is given top priority based on the reason that the cities preserve and generate the cultural traditions. It seems tempting to agree with the statement, since we can't imagine how the Unite States will be with a rotten Big Apple, or how disappointed tourists will be if Beijing is a fallen city. However, since cities have different functionality, history and even location, traditions are well preserved in some cities while they are actually disappearing in other places. Moreover, even we want to make cities to thrive for the protection of traditions, financial support may not be the prerequisite.

Every nation has its unique footprint in the field of language, clothes, food, poem and music. In Beijing, you can have a nice tour in the Forbidden Palace, the Summer Palace, watch some traditional talk shows and opera, or have a taste of various Chinese food. All these will make you exposed in the shining cultural history of 5000-year history. Flying to the other side of the earth, from the ladies on the streets, coffee shops on the corner, and nice architectures, Paris has been always showing the elegance and spirits of freedom, which are the essential part of French culture. Besides, Beijing and Paris are brooding numerous artists which are the creators of the future cultural traditions.

But not all the cities are like that.  Shanghai are mixing the cultural traditions with the impacts from all over the world. Traditional items are barely preserved here as they are in the original hometown. That is mainly due to the location and functionality of Shanghai. There are too many foreign products, business men and companies in Shanghai to preserve the pure Chinese traditions, since Shanghai is a center of trade and one of the biggest ports in the world. There are even many English words in Shanghai dialect.

用英文写着写着就像全文了，最后一段用中文写。。。
即使我们需要让城市繁荣以保存文化传统，政府拨款也不是绝对必要的条件。现在的文化产业本身就能够提供大批的资金，而且有很多人有热情推动文化产业的发展。城市自身的造血机制也不容忽视。 从某种角度来说，政府更应该从政策和宣传的角度来引导传统文化的继承和发展。例如在中国很多的大学里政府开展了传统戏剧的定期演出，培养了大批的年轻观众。为从事传统手工业的艺人减免税收，并在媒体上进行宣传，也有助于保留文化传统。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qinjichun 发表于 2014-11-22 21:16
老师我这个题的思路是完全同意claim但觉得reason要分情况。所以第一段就简单说了下为什么同意claim，然后 ...

https://www.evernote.com/l/AJCNiKXpAidKlbmaLDvUaEKMzQt-v3fo5lY

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tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-22 17:32
Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need i ...

老师我这个题的思路是完全同意claim但觉得reason要分情况。所以第一段就简单说了下为什么同意claim，然后之后的三段就开始对reason分类讨论同时提及了一下这种情况下与claim的联系。自我感觉还是有一定逻辑的，整体也有1+3的影子。 但老师您认为这样不够严密不符合英文习作习惯吗？

按照1+3改的如下 Major cities are like propaganda films displaying to the world and a mirror reflecting the economic vitality of their countries. However, major cities does not only play a symbolic role but also contributes a remarkable sum to the finance system. So I totally agree with that governments should allocate sufficient money to ensure their major cities to prosper. However, whether a nation's traditions primarily preserved and generated depends on the modernization level of each countries.

In developed countries, the civilization and citilization have already completed several decades ago. Therefore ancient traditions are eliminated by the power of this new era and consequently new traditions are generated and persevered in major cities. Some culture may even spread all over the country and prevails in the society.举例子比如法国的时装文化存在于大都市，英国的乐队文化也寄托于大城市等等。所以为了这些文化也要使大城市繁荣

As for those developing countries, the industrialization might just started and so ancient cultural traditions still survived from the penetration of modern lifestyle and globalization.  These traditions always exists in rural areas and countryside. The most likely situation is that the prosperity of major cities might extinct those traditions and force people to adopt a western lifestyle. In other work, the reason supposed to support the claim now inverted to the reason weaken the claim.

Additionally, some countries are between the developed countries and the developing counties, like China, Brazil and Russia.  New cultural traditions breeds in well-developed areas and world-renowned megacities. In the meantime, old cultures still possess mighty vital power in small cities and rural districts. So it is too complicated to define which kind of traditions can represent the whole nation’s traditions.比如在中国，北京上海有着自己独特的文化，且影响力深远。但同样许许多多的小城市以及农村住着中国更过的人口也有着更原始的文化，所以很难界定

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qinjichun 发表于 2014-11-21 09:00
第一次占到沙发，哈哈
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are pr ...

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Major cities are like the name cards sending to people all over the world and a mirror reflecting the economic vitality of their countries. However, major cities does not only play a symbolic role but also contributes a remarkable sum to the finance system. So I totally agree with that governments should allocate sufficient money to ensure their major cities to prosper.

题目的原因是保存文化传统 你竟然在主旨句中对文化传统只字不提
请你仔细看看我的1+3模型并修改提纲
主题句是一句完整的英语 然后后面用汉语展开


sending to 语法

qinjichunUID: 3544209

第一次占到沙发，哈哈
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Major cities are like the name cards sending to people all over the world and a mirror reflecting the economic vitality of their countries. However, major cities does not only play a symbolic role but also contributes a remarkable sum to the finance system. So I totally agree with that governments should allocate sufficient money to ensure their major cities to prosper.

However, for the reason part, this is partially true and can only be proved in developed countries. In developed countries, the civilization and citilization have already completed several decades ago. Therefore ancient traditions are eliminated by the power of this new era and consequently new traditions are generated and persevered in major cities. Some culture may even spread all over the country and prevails in the society.举例子比如法国的时装文化存在于大都市，英国的乐队文化也寄托于大城市等等。所以为了这些文化也要使大城市繁荣

As for those developing countries, the industrialization might just started and so ancient cultural traditions still survived from the penetration of modern lifestyle and globalization.  These traditions always exists in rural areas and countryside. The most likely situation is that the prosperity of major cities might extinct those traditions and force people to adopt a western lifestyle. In other work, the reason supposed to support the claim now inverted to the reason weaken the claim.

Additionally, some countries are between the developed countries and the developing counties, like China, Brazil and Russia.  New cultural traditions breeds in well-developed areas and world-renowned megacities. In the meantime, old cultures still possess mighty vital power in small cities and rural districts. So it is too complicated to define which kind of traditions can represent the whole nation’s traditions.比如在中国，北京上海有着自己独特的文化，且影响力深远。但同样许许多多的小城市以及农村住着中国更过的人口也有着更原始的文化，所以很难界定