issue93---个人觉得很难的一篇！！！！请拍砖！！！！！28号就考了！！！！！！11

RikkuUID：170558

Issue93  第18篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：35分37秒     655 words
从2004年11月16日10时58分到2004年11月16日11时35分
------题目------
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
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Is the concept of 'individual responsibility' only a necessary fiction? Is people's behavior largely determined by forces not of their won making? The speaker claims so. In my point of view, I can agree with the speaker insofar as that individual responsibility is indispensable. However, it must not be a fictional one. Everybody should take its own responsibility, because it is the persons, rather than external forces, that decide their behavior in most situations.

To begin with, it is no doubt that individual responsibility is necessary for our society. Society is a complex one that is made up of infinite elements which are connected with each other so tightly that any behavior of individuals influences the whole society, whether considerably or trivial. On the contrary, the society also affects every individual whose well-being is determined by the state of society. Since the society is so huge that is hard to operate as a whole, there is a necessity for individual responsibility. Foe example, everyone should account for the health of public. A man who is used to smoking has the obligation not to smoke in public places, especially in hospital. Or he would harm the health of someone else. Similarly, we should also be responsible for public environment. Any trivial malfunction of pollution will undermine the whole environment more or less. If all people pour rubbish everywhere, we would live in a bad environment and the final victims would be ourselves. Thus, individual responsibility is indispensable for our society. Everyone should take his or her won responsibility, which is good for both the society and individuals.

In the second place, everybody has the ability to be accountable for his or her behavior. Without a doubt, external forces play an important role in determining our behavior. However, it is not the key factor. What can really decide our behavior are ourselves. We are social creatures that have our won thinking. Any behavior is determined by what we think finally. External forces only promote what to do, not be the internal factors. Take some rock stars for example. There are many rock stars that abandon themselves into drugs. One of them claimed that many people around him are using drugs and it is the environment that contributes to his abuse of drugs. These words seem reasonable at a glance, but with careful examination of the saying, we can easily find that his claim is unfounded. There are still many rock stars in the same environment that do not contact drugs and even face the public with a health imagination. Maybe the environment largely influences him, but the decision that he addicted into drugs results from himself. It is entirely possible for hold him to hold himself far away from drugs, This illustrate that through external forces have great influence to us, it is only ourselves that can decide what to do, because the internal factors are the most crucial ones.

Admittedly, there also exist some situations in which we indeed cannot determine our behavior. Though such situations are few, we should not put ourselves into extreme. For instance, Ngo Dinah Diem, who is famous for his shot to former U.S president Kennedy, was set free at last by American count. Research indicated that when he trigger to shot Kennedy, he was out of control--that is , he did not know what he was doing. At that time he was in the control of some drugs. In other words, someone was controlling him at that time. Therefore, there are indeed some situations, such as delirium, unconsciousness and so forth, in which we cannot determine our behavior. Consequently in these rare situations, we need not be responsible for our behavior.

In sum, to have a better life, we should take our own responsibility, with which our society will be better and better. The final beneficent will be ourselves. Of course, we should also preclude some unusually situations first.

jorgeUID：108878

The speaker claims so. 这句用的不好，因为上面有两个问句呢。而且it must not be a fictional one。我觉得可以省略掉。
To begin with, it is no doubt that individual responsibility is necessary for our society. －－－why? what's reason? 这句话用在句首绝对不可以的啊。 whether considerably or trivial. whether ...or... 一般用在句中或者句子的开头。

malfunction 楼主想表达什么? the final victims would be ourselves.－－ourselves-改为us. won responsibility,--> 应该是own

看了第一段。感觉开头的几句很罗索，而且都没说出个理由。太长了。 给的例子比较不好，不能在公共场合吸烟本来是社会给的forces。而且例子所占的比例太少，应该写的具体点。

而且楼主笔误很多，相信你再发上来前自己没好好检查。下次不要忘记了自己先检查下呢。

剩下的有时间帮你再看。

jorgeUID：108878

win xp sp2 补丁下突然发现不能用那个作文修改工具。写乱78遭的，楼主见谅下吧。:)

RikkuUID：170558

我觉得这个毫无怀疑用得是不好

但我第一句是主题句啊，应该不能写在段末把