issue38 还是超时..欢迎互拍,一定回拍

monkeydryUID??183691

In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the most common method for people to learn knowledge? What is the primary medium for persons to study the world? Some people's answer is watching television. They hold the views that through the development of television there has been as much knowledge provided by it as what books can give. However, I disagree with this opinion because I am convinced that in the predictable future reading books still plays the essential part in human being's study.
First of all, books contain far more knowledge than what television has provided. From time when the first book born to now, it is responsible to claim that all the theories, novels, poems, papers and thinking have been recorded verily on the books, without any missed. Anyone can get any information needed from books, in theory, while it is not that case from television. Based on the survey made by United Nations in 2003, only 20 percents of television programs focus on  education and science, and 80 percents of those programs which promulgate knowledge are simply telling audiences some simple and surface knowledge, instead of arts, literature and so on. In contrary, when you step into a library, the numerous books presented before you represent the elite of human being's intelligence and knowledge. You can gain any information what you need in any level from books. Whether in the level or the scope of knowledge, television educating still locates a remote distance comparing with books.
Secondly, in the terms of effort of learning, reading books also reveal its strongpoint. It is more convenient for reading a portable book in any place where you want to study than only watching the heavy television in you house. In addition, image the scene that you study in the library, when you meet a problem, you can refer to various books on this issue to solve it , and the index in library also cause your work more convenient. How can you repeat this scene before you television? Television educating only provides a boring method to know such limited knowledge, and the educating method by it is also simplex. Books help people observe and study the world more conveniently than television.
Admittedly, television educating, as a supplementary way for books, is also an important part in today's studying. It helps many remote places where lacks of library to study by digital technology. What is more, comparing with the fixed books, the programs on television can change more rapidly on the latest discoveries or events happened around the world. Furthermore, the vivid picture and sound in television program also make people accept the knowledge more easily.
Consequently, upon the critical analysis advocated and examples presented, we can arrive at the conclusion that reading books still are on the ascendancy position in people's dairy learning, while watching television also plays a helpful role. In order to meet the challenge brought by the globalization, we should enrich our knowledge continuously both from books and television.

飞啊~飞UID??2121330

issue38 还是超时..欢迎互拍,一定回拍

In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
建议加上提纲
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the most common method for people to learn knowledge? What is the primary medium for persons to study the world? Some people's answer is watching television. They hold the views that through the development of television there has been as much knowledge provided by it as what books can give. However, I disagree with this opinion because I am convinced that in the predictable future reading books still plays the essential part in human being's study. 开头定义了一下--在学习方面的作用.表态:大正小负

First of all, books contain far more knowledge than what television has provided. From time when the first book born to now, it is responsible to claim that all the theories, novels, poems, papers and thinking have been recorded verily on the books, without any missed.[太绝对了吧这种词还是要避免的] Anyone can get any information needed from books, in theory, while it is not that case from television. [绝对化]Based on the survey made by United Nations in 2003, only 20 percents of television programs focus on  education and science, and 80 percents of those programs which promulgate knowledge are simply telling audiences some simple and surface knowledge, instead of arts, literature and so on. In contrary, when you step into a library, the numerous books presented before you represent the elite of human being's intelligence and knowledge. You can gain any information what you need in any level from books. [Whether in the level or the scope of knowledge, television educating still locates a remote distance comparing with books. ]这一句应该是总结, 我觉得段内就从level和scople两方面分开来写比较条理清楚.可以说, 在level上,书怎样怎样, while电视怎样怎样;also, 在scope上, 书怎样, 电视怎样.你觉得呢?

Secondly, in the terms of effort of learning, reading books also reveal its strongpoint.[强度?intension] It is more convenient for reading a portable book in any place where you want to study than only watching the heavy television in you house. [好别扭,改一下:compared with watching TV merely in your house, it is more convenient to bring books to everywhere, and read at any time.]In addition, image the scene that you study in the library, when you meet a problem, you can refer to various books on this issue to solve it , and the index in library also cause your work more convenient. [觉得你有跟我一样的毛病.句子就不通嘛]How can you repeat this scene before you television? Television educating only provides a boring method to know such limited knowledge, and the educating method by it is also simplex. Books help people observe and study the world more conveniently than television. 主题句说是省力. 对电视的评价却是方法简单.不对吧. 应该说电视如何劳神费力才对啊.还有段内缺乏连接词,说理也不透彻.给我的感觉是,狂在说但没啥内容

Admittedly, television educating, as a supplementary way for books, is also an important part in today's studying. It helps many remote places where lacks of library to study by digital technology. [展开说,给个例子]What is more, comparing with the fixed books, the programs on television can change more rapidly on the latest discoveries or events happened around the world. Furthermore, the vivid picture and sound in television program also make people accept the knowledge more easily. [同上]

Consequently, upon the critical analysis advocated and examples presented, we can arrive at the conclusion that reading books still are on the ascendancy position in people's dairy [牛奶场, 奶品场, 售牛奶, 奶油, 鸡蛋等的商店, 奶制品?]learning, while watching television also plays a helpful role. [while表转折,再看看]In order to meet the challenge brought by the globalization, we should enrich our knowledge continuously both from books and television. 结尾有问题!你的第一段是大正小负, 结尾成了两个都要,不一致了!

1.你的语言有问题,想写长句但是又没写通,有的句子可以用简单的表达的.可能是你有意识的练习用长句吧.我建议还是意思表达清楚是第一位,不要得不偿失
2. 在论证上头脑里没有一个清楚的认识,写到后来主题都忘了.应该再提纲上写下来,每一段的内容,从哪个方向去讨论,这样行文也流畅.我建议你到精华区找imong的追星剑来看,照着练习, 很有启发,会看到自己的进步的^.^

不好意思,批的很了点:p
你应该刚开始也写多久吧, 看你写的很勤快, 自己主动思考也不是坏事.既然都已经那么努力的再写了,别懒这一下下

飞啊~飞UID??2121330

issue38 还是超时..欢迎互拍,一定回拍

In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
建议加上提纲
1. 书内容更丰富
2. 书更方便
3. 电视还是有好处的,体现在123方面What is the most common method for people to learn knowledge? What is the primary medium for persons to study the world? Some people's answer is watching television. They hold the views that through the development of television there has been as much knowledge provided by it as what books can give. However, I disagree with this opinion because I am convinced that in the predictable future reading books still plays the essential part in human being's study. 开头定义了一下--在学习方面的作用.表态:大正小负First of all, books contain far more knowledge than what television has provided. From time when the first book born to now, it is responsible to claim that all the theories, novels, poems, papers and thinking have been recorded verily on the books, without any missed.[太绝对了吧这种词还是要避免的] Anyone can get any information needed from books, in theory, while it is not that case from television. [绝对化]Based on the survey made by United Nations in 2003, only 20 percents of television programs focus on  education and science, and 80 percents of those programs which promulgate knowledge are simply telling audiences some simple and surface knowledge, instead of arts, literature and so on. In contrary, when you step into a library, the numerous books presented before you represent the elite of human being's intelligence and knowledge. You can gain any information what you need in any level from books. [Whether in the level or the scope of knowledge, television educating still locates a remote distance comparing with books. ]这一句应该是总结, 我觉得段内就从level和scople两方面分开来写比较条理清楚.可以说, 在level上,书怎样怎样, while电视怎样怎样;also, 在scope上, 书怎样, 电视怎样.你觉得呢?
Secondly, in the terms of effort of learning, reading books also reveal its strongpoint.[强度?intension] It is more convenient for reading a portable book in any place where you want to study than only watching the heavy television in you house. [好别扭,改一下:compared with watching TV merely in your house, it is more convenient to bring books to everywhere, and read at any time.]In addition, image the scene that you study in the library, when you meet a problem, you can refer to various books on this issue to solve it , and the index in library also cause your work more convenient. [觉得你有跟我一样的毛病.句子就不通嘛.看的很累]How can you repeat this scene before you television? Television educating only provides a boring method to know such limited knowledge, and the educating method by it is also simplex. Books help people observe and study the world more conveniently than television. 主题句说是省力. 对电视的评价却是方法简单.不对吧. 应该说电视如何劳神费力才对啊.还有段内缺乏连接词,说理也不透彻.给我的感觉是,狂在说但没啥内容Admittedly, television educating, as a supplementary way for books, is also an important part in today's studying. It helps many remote places where lacks of library to study by digital technology. [展开说,给个例子]What is more, comparing with the fixed books, the programs on television can change more rapidly on the latest discoveries or events happened around the world. Furthermore, the vivid picture and sound in television program also make people accept the knowledge more easily. [同上]
Consequently, upon the critical analysis advocated and examples presented, we can arrive at the conclusion that reading books still are on the ascendancy position in people's dairy [牛奶场, 奶品场, 售牛奶, 奶油, 鸡蛋等的商店, 奶制品?]learning, while watching television also plays a helpful role. [while表转折,再看看]In order to meet the challenge brought by the globalization, we should enrich our knowledge continuously both from books and television. 结尾有问题!你的第一段是大正小负, 结尾成了两个都要,不一致了!

1.你的语言有问题,想写长句但是又没写通,有的句子可以用简单的表达的.可能是你有意识的练习用长句吧.我建议还是意思表达清楚是第一位,不要得不偿失
2. 在论证上头脑里没有一个清楚的认识,写到后来主题都忘了.应该再提纲上写下来,每一段的内容,从哪个方向去讨论,这样行文也流畅.我建议你到精华区找imong的追星剑来看,照着练习, 很有启发,会看到自己的进步的^.^

不好意思,批的很了点:p
你应该刚开始也写多久吧, 看你写的很勤快, 自己主动思考也不是坏事.既然都已经那么努力的再写了,别懒这一下下

Chloroplast923UID??207486

呵呵
楼上的已经改得很透彻了!
我就不多说什么了

monkeydryUID??183691

谢谢:)