【独立写作】blessling的作业贴【1229

blesslingUID: 3401831

已上传的
请尽情拍砖……
新年快乐阿民那~这两天专心等成绩了木有动力写了。。。



20121229

In order to make ourselves happy, we should learn how to make others happy first. (Happiness)

 The magically contagious power of joy has been long attested to by various cultures, in which  bringing happiness to others is not only a virtue but a fountain of mutual happiness. The same situation happens to many of us when we feel equally happy cheering up our family, friends or even strangers. Yet, this does not necessarily mean that the ability to make others happy Is the prerequisite for us to gain happiness.

In many cases, our happiness relies on others' pain. Imagine a cold winter night when you are extremely longing for a hot meal but are stressed out by work. Other than driving to a local restaurant or cooking at home, I bet the instant reaction for most people is to call a food delivery man, because who does not want to stay in a cozy and warm house and enjoy  a total relax. In order to satisfy their customer, a cook have to make a dish , a chore he has been repeated for thousands of times and a delivery man has to fight against the freezing wind to deliver the meal. The costumer feel happy with the order, yet the cook and delivery man may feel otherwise.

Additionally, to some level, happiness is a private thing that is only concerned with ourselves. Consider our various identification of happiness resulted from different educational background, family environments or financial status, we may know what makes others happy, but won't feel exactly the same ourselves. For instance, If my friend was an art dabbler and I were a man of little taste of art, standing in the Sistine chapel and looking up at the beautiful ceiling would be an unprecedented satisfaction for him or her, while, for me, it would be nothing more than a frequent visit of a cultural spot.

Given what I have discussed, although we can make our selves happy by cheering up others first, I believe their is no strong connection between  one's happiness and others. After all, we do sometimes satisfy ourselves by distressing others, Besides, independent individuals have different perception of happiness.

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

加油呀

shancheUID: 3386780

喵呜~UID: 3339380

blesslingUID: 3401831

LS二位作文已改好~注意查收~

frozensmileUID: 3362752

shancheUID: 3386780

shancheUID: 3386780

月明日暗UID: 3400027

我很好奇新东方是怎么评价你的 因为我觉得此句什么的都很好，很高级啊。只是拼写错误实在实在。。。太！多！了！

blesslingUID: 3401831

月明日暗 发表于 2012-12-28 22:40
我很好奇新东方是怎么评价你的 因为我觉得此句什么的都很好，很高级啊。只是拼写错误实在实在。。。太！多！ ...

等我22号成绩出了我看看厨师学校给的分准不准~差不多的话我整理下给大家分享~
BTW，拼写问题确实是大软肋……THANK U~~

月明日暗UID: 3400027

嗯嗯好的。等你的分享帖。是你第一次考么？？平时有什么秘诀练习作文呀。我真的太喜欢你的风格了~~~

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Successful people would rather try new things and take risks than do things that they've done well already. Agree or not?

Hardly can we estimate since when books like '7 habbits of highly effective people' and 'Secrets of success' went viral (Book titles need to be capitalized, e.g. 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'.). Although not having read one of these best-selling books, I do believe that successful people possess some attributes that single them out. From my perspective, successful people invariably maintain a dynamic passion to innovate and an extraordinary courage to take risks.

The success of Steve Jobs and his cooperation has been long known as a legendary illustraition of how innovation and adventurism are vital to the learders. Notice that despite Microsoft and IBM's domination of the computer industry, Jobs, along with his staff, opened a brand-new area of mobile facilities (This usage of 'facilities' means 'the physical equipment and/or service required to do something', therefore you can talk about things like 'educational facilities', 'postal facilities'. But 'mobile facilities' would be dubious because, well, it doesn't quite make sense to say these 'facilities' are to do 'mobile'. The 'mobile' here doesn't describe the purpose of 'facilities'; rather it describes a property of the 'facilities' themselves, which is not how this '<adj> facilities' phrase is usually used. On top of that, 'facilities' generally mean equipment larger than your typical iPhone, so a real 'mobile' 'facility' is probably something like a technician's van, or Batman's car, or the kind of van used as a base of spy operations in movies, which has all sorts of cool stuff installed..With all that said, you could just use 'devices' or the more posh 'gadgets'.) including the iTouch, iPod, iPad and iPhone, all of which are only compatible with their own operating system, iOS. His audacious experiment proved to be an unprecedented success which not only brings him a great fortune but also changes the consumers' lifestyle. (The question means for you to compare 'new things and risks' with 'things that they already do well'. You have hinted at the first bit by 'audacious experiment', but it wasn't clear at all what was being compared to what in your example. Remember that your readers are not specialists. They probably don't really understand that the new thing here is the limited OS compatibility of Apple's products, which went against the market trend at that time. And I'm not quite seeing what might be the 'thing that Jobs already did well' would be, unless you happen to know he was also one of the pioneers of the personal computer GUI, which foreshadowed 'Microsoft and IBM's domination' to some degree. So what I'm saying is, your example is apparently more about 'successful people try new things and take risks', but not enough 'than doing things they've already done well'. It's not a lethal problem if you continue to cover the 'than' bit, which you did, but it's better if you could point out first that you're now covering the first part of the question so that your readers can see how and to what degree your example is relevant with minimum effort.)

Trying new things and taking risks helps Jobs create a new industry. In some other areas, they expand one's success. Being as a medical student, I find the most successful physicians are not those who rely on their past experiences but those who struggle everyday to find cures for diseases (I don't see how the two types must be different. Surely you can and do rely on your past experiences when trying to find cures for diseases, just as how you may rely on past researches to approach new research questions..yes? What you meant to express here seems to be something more along the line of 'finding novel treatments rather than relying on the same old remedies that are known to work'. Be precise about what you're saying. Think about whether it really reflects the kind of meaning you intend it to.). Because practicing what we have already been accustomed to only prevents us doctors from being a charlatan, an effective new therapy, on the other hand, can cure tens of thousands of patients.(Again, I don't see how this must be the case. The crucial point here you're missing seems to be that either this new therapy you're trying to find cures something that had been incurable with existing methods, or that the new therapy is much much much more effective and cheaper than the existing ones. Otherwise I don't see how existing practices cannot 'cure tens of thousands of patients' while a new therapy must, e.g. your good old aspirin. Once again I must stress on the importance of precision, given that you obviously have a very good grasp on grammar and vocabulary. To use a medical metaphor, you need to make your argument 一针见血.) Chances are our efforts are worth nothing, yet we are responsible to try as saving lives is our cause.(Fair enough, but I don't see how this particular sentence is relevant to your paragraph's topic, which was 'they expand one's success'..)

Sometimes successful people try new ideas or otherwise they will fall behind and lose their success (Now this, is a very awkward expression..). Hidden amid the decay of abandoned factories in Lehigh Vally, is Martin Guitars, a refreshed brand as powerful as Apple to musicians (This seems half complete: '..as powerful to musicians as Apple is to graphic designers'..). To survive a highly competitive market, intelligent handicraftmen ('handicrafts' are the products produced by handicraft-ing, not the people who do handicraft themselves.) carefully added machines to their factory, even though a partially mechanized (Think 'mechanical', not 'machine'.) production line may risk the quality of the acoustic guitar. Now it turns out that the new manufactory strategy works well, helping them to increase their productivity and staying true to the tradition simultaneouslly.

Given what I have discussed, I believe undoubtedly that people would rather try new things and take risks, for that's what makes them successful, enlarges their success and maintains their success.

总结：

于是你可以对新东方的评语说去死去死了。。这还叫句式不丰富难道要写成莎士比亚的英雄双行体不成！你底子很好了好吧。。拼字感觉明显是受发音的影响啊（我个学语音的后遗症），所以建议你不要靠自己听觉/发音印象来拼字哈。另外关于论述方式和语言表达准确的评语都在内文，相信你肯定看得明白就不重复了哈。。

blesslingUID: 3401831

mpromanus 发表于 2012-12-30 01:40
Successful people would rather try new things and take risks than do things that they've done well a ...

非常感谢老师！！第一次有人这么认真的帮我改。。。jobs的那个加上PC确实会完整多了~ 我还有个问题就是我基本只会举实例。。。所以每次想例子都要憋死了。。。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

blessling 发表于 2012-12-30 05:34
非常感谢老师！！第一次有人这么认真的帮我改。。。jobs的那个加上PC确实会完整多了~ 我还有个问题就是我 ...

这个我只能说，同样一个例子可以用到N个话题上，全看你怎么用而已。。我很久以前有个回答问题的帖子里面也有提到过这个事情，供你参考。

凯子啊哦UID: 3397376

lz 你的1229呢~~~