2013年11月学习小组"雅思写作互改小组"打卡帖

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

yeyeshane 发表于 2013-11-30 21:05
貌似我添加不了附件？
--------------------
可以了。。。唉。。。第一次写大作文，完全不懂怎么写0 0，就 ...

总体建议是不要写套话。

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

yuyuyuyuhy 发表于 2013-12-1 00:06
：）

谢谢，评论说得很好！！！！

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

我在 2013-11-30 15:05完成打卡，是本组当天第3个打卡的组员,获得奖励 寄托币 1

here i am


我保存的word文档，有同学说打不开，所以这次上传两个版本啊。





部分文章如下

In modern society, the devoted and dedicated female workforce in all levels of job markets is not only justifiable but also beneficial to the whole world. Firstly, it is the common principle that any individual, no matter what gender a person is, shares equal opportunities to get a job and education as well as to survive on this planet. Furthermore, women are an important source of tax in developed nations such as Japan. If it were not for the tax paid by women in industrialised countries, their public infrastructures and facilities would never be so sophisticated as what they have today.

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

这两天看小组里面大家写的作文发现几个问题。
依我自己考雅思的经验（真的已经很多了），还有以前我的老师也是雅思考官告诉我的，

下面几点希望大家在写作的时候注意。

1, 不要有任何第一人称的词，包括 I, me, our, ourselves, my, own等等。
因为 TASK 2是 学术写作，学术写作要求客观。Voice(人称) 是很重要的。

2, 开头和节尾段要写短一点。开头和结尾都要有明确的观点。Agree or disagree。不要似是而非，一定要观点明确（观点明确可是打分点，可以参考评分标准）。

3, 内容上平衡观点不要写，尽量写一边倒。因为一边倒好写，平衡观点很难把握的。

4, 好像写作的评分老师偏爱，一个小的让步段，cover一下反面观点。但是不能太多。

5, 句子形式一定要多变。there be, 让步状语从句，虚拟语气，should，Not only...but also, 强调句型。如果你有能力一个句型写一个。

6, 自己平时做写作练习的时候，要总结一个自己的写作套路，在哪一段写句型，哪一段用什么样的思路展开讨论。写熟练了，考试时候就简单了。

7, 考试时候千万不要多写字，250个词足够得到很高的分数。关键是用词，造句，意思连贯。写多了，错的也多。拼写错误是要倒扣分数的。

8，有很多东西写错是要扣分的，所以不会写的词，不会用的句型。宁可不用，不要乱写。

9，有时间就检查多读两遍。修改一点语法错误。

10, 考阅读的时候，如果你足够有信心，就出去上个厕所，喝口水，放松一下。这样考写作的时候不会那么紧张。

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

冰镇肘子 发表于 2013-11-24 20:05
我不是改作文的~就是去膜拜的~

还是很感谢你帮我看了作文。

另外，你的建议 and the old gone,

如果要这样写的话，可能还要上 the old ones gone。
所以我觉得还是保留用最简单的办法做省略比较好。

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

冰镇肘子 发表于 2013-11-24 09:39
说是要转换为97或97以后的才能打开，你那边方便转换一下不？

更新完成

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

冰镇肘子 发表于 2013-11-23 09:14
我来啦！大家周末愉快，写作文也要写的愉快！！写好了，这一次我没有刻意遣词造句，希望能有所进步。

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

冰镇肘子 发表于 2013-11-23 09:19
才看到今天的作文题目，感觉。。。。好难。。。

some animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos become extinct because of natural processes. so, it is not necessary to try and prevent this from happening. do you agree or disagree?



some animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos become extinct because of natural processes. so, it is not necessary to try and prevent this from happening. do you agree or disagree?


It is the nature that makes some species extinct, which is part of the natural selection. Although the human activities and environmental pollution have played an unique but ugly role in the extinction of many wild species, there is still a procedure of natural selection ruling out some kinds inadaptable to the change of  ecological system.

It is true that human is the cause of almost all environmental disasters on this planet. For example, if it were not for the urbanlisation and the progression of metropolis, many wild species would never lose their precious and valuable natuaral habitats; as long as the human seafood consumption and overfishing were still limited and  restricted, there would never have been so many endangered ocean creatures.

However, there are other reasons, especially the nature itself, adjusting the destiny of evolution. In the evolutionary history, new species have come and old gone. This is the course of nature, and no one can ever try to stop it including human beings who have enormously changed this planet.

Letting nature decide what should come or go is beneficial to both human kinds and the nature. The genetic evolution is the cause and also the result of the natural selection. Tracking and analysing this course of gentic transition could give biologists hints to better understand the complete biological system. Not only is people and academia beneficial, but the new generations of creatures could be more energetic and dynamic to adapt to the developing natural situations along with new species are enriching the biological diversity.

In conclusion, although the animal extinction may be largely caused by human beings, the natural process is still inevitable and also good to nature itself.

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

我在 2013-11-23 10:13完成打卡，是本组当天第2个打卡的组员,获得奖励 寄托币 1

来了







原来要这样传附件啊。。。。

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

打卡？

sailingpottaryUID：3487233

现在打开还有用吗？