issue196 点评by GITER and galaxysong

poohUID：146994

Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or
damage the quality of life.【196】
技术解决了问题，但是带来了更多的问题，并且可能会威胁或损害生活质量。技术对人类社会的影响


Many people blame on technology of worsening the world by enduring problems such as wars, poverty, and pollution, while ignoring what they've been enjoying in everyday life, say, a computer or medicine to cure diseases. Although I admit that problems never leave us even for one minute; however, technology doesn't give birth to those problems but human do. Moreover, to maneuver technology in a wise way, it can benefit us; to be afraid of it, we check ourselves to move forward.

Wars, the most terrible and last thing we want, have deluded us too long. In another word, some people think it is technology that should be responsible for the great losses that wars impose on human. Reckless people even criticized those scientists who contributed to the research on atomic energy. In their disappointment and fears that technology is a monster that would one day destroy us, while they forget that technology is just a tool, a servant, invented by us and implemented by us; and if it has done something wrong, it is human that should be to blame. Why turn angry at the scapegoat, technology? The illusion on wars has cheated us and confused us, so that it takes the place of facts, then how could we progress if we go on coax ourselves? If someone thinks that to stop the advancement of technology is enough, that idea seems too childish and naive. It is time to wake up and have a retrospect on ourselves.

Actually, we, human can render technology work for us, which has made modern world today. To go on with the example of atomic energy. After we have seen how powerful the atomic energy, for a better use of such power, many nuclear power stations are built to provide electric power. The advantage of such energy enables us to save lots of natural resources as well as satisfy needs at a low cost. From the nuclear bomb to the nuclear power station, it is nearly the same technology, but with huge difference in the result. How come? The answer is that we are the commanders and it is eventually up to human that decide how to use technology. When it comes to progress in medical technology, everyone is a beneficiary. Born before the age of Pasteur, one could be knocked down to death even with a common wound exposed to the air, not to mention once catching vaccinia. Thanks to the advancement of medicine, most diseases cannot threaten people's lives and even some cancers can also be cured with special treatment. Thus, to use technology in a positive way, it can be a good servant.

Moreover, those pessimists that turn a blind eye to the benefit technology brought to us, not only indulge themselves in illusion, but also hamper the further development of technology. For instance, every time there is a space exploration of the outer space, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest or demonstrate against the exploration. They just fear that the movement will enrage deities or bring forth some disasters. If every member of a society has adopted the same opinion like them, no technology research or attempts could have been carried out, needless of saying any progress. Would anyone like to live in such a word just in order to feel 'safe'? Absolutely no. Even those detractors would not choose to live in any of the less technological ages that have preceded ours.

To recapitulate my point, only we break through the erroneous conception that technology spawns problems that can we realize the responsibility of any misconducts, if ever related to technology, should be accounted for us, and this is the premise for us to better use technology and make it a powerful engine to gear towards a brighter future. To fear technology only results in stagnation.

PS: 所谓经典‘范文’，乃是本人作品中的范文， :p

DoDoqiangUID：154933

嘻嘻，你可不可以把这句“PS: 所谓经典‘范文’，乃是本人作品中的范文”放在前面啊
不过，我还是会全看完的

poohUID：146994

送给大家一首歌，放松一下


休闲跳舞乐队比利·沃恩(Billy Vaughn)演奏的一曲《再见 Aloha Oe》，曲名中的Aloha有多重含义。它既是“你好”，也是“再见”，更有“我爱你”的意思，真是一个绝妙的地方词汇。

[rtsp]http://202.130.245.38:7070/ramgen/real/panda/scribble/xwy13.ra%20[/rtsp]

GITERUID：138732

Issue196
Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life.
技术解决了问题，但是带来了更多的问题，并且可能会威胁或损害生活质量。(技术对人类社会的影响)

Many people blame on(不用要”on”吧) technology of worsening the world by enduring problems such as wars, poverty, and pollution, while ignoring what they've been enjoying in everyday life, say, a computer or medicine to cure diseases. Although I admit that problems never leave us even for one minute; however, technology doesn't give birth to those problems but human do. (能明白这句话想表达是人而不是技术造成的问题，不过后面的but和however用在一起总觉得不舒服~~可以用个强调句)Moreover, to maneuver technology in a wise way, it can benefit us; to be afraid of it, we check ourselves to move forward. (最后一句好像不太懂~~)

Wars, the most terrible and last(lasting好像更好一点) thing we want(“want”这里是什么意思?), have deluded(这个词好像用来形容战争不是很合适，应该指的是一些没有解决的科学问题什么的，总之不是应该说这种纯人为因素造成的争端) us too long. In another word, some people think it is technology that should be responsible for the great losses that wars impose on human. Reckless people even criticized those scientists who contributed to the research on atomic energy. In their disappointment and fears that technology is a monster that would one day destroy us, while they forget that technology is just a tool, a servant, invented by us and implemented by us(这里有点tautology, 可以考虑换一个或者索性abridge前一个”by us”); and if it has done something wrong, it is human that should be to blame. Why turn angry at(“upon”吧！) the scapegoat, technology? The illusion on wars has cheated us and confused us, so that it takes the place of facts, then how could we progress if we go on coax ourselves? If someone thinks that to stop the advancement of technology is enough, that idea seems too childish and naive. It is time to wake up and have a retrospect on ourselves.
说得对！我们不应该只看到技术对人类的影响，实际上技术所产生的罪恶是有人自己造成的，其实也是随着技术的发展所不可避免的。我们在享受一个事情的优越性的同时，肯定也应该对它所可能带来得负面影响有心理准备。

Actually, we, (pooh mm好像很喜欢这种用法，上面那个scapegoat, technology也是，呵呵)human can render technology work for us, which has made modern world today. To go on with the example of atomic energy. After we have seen how powerful the atomic energy, for a better use of such power, many nuclear power stations are built to provide electric power. The advantage of such energy enables us to save lots of natural resources as well as satisfy needs at a low cost. From the nuclear bomb to the nuclear power station, it is nearly the same technology, but(表现出一个对比的关系，用while更合适一点) with huge difference in the result. How come? The answer is that we are the commanders and it is eventually up to human that decide how to use technology. When it comes to progress in medical technology, everyone is a beneficiary. Born before the age of Pasteur, one could be knocked down to death even with a common wound exposed to the air, not to mention once catching vaccinia. Thanks to the advancement of medicine, most diseases cannot threaten people's lives and even some cancers can also be cured with special treatment. Thus, to use technology in a positive way, it can be a good servant.
(这里的例子可以再挖掘深一点，因为技术为人类服务是不可争辩的事实。后面medical technology偶觉得不如前面的有说服力，要找那些对人类有利有弊的东西说才更切题)

Moreover, those pessimists that turn a blind eye(hehe, 典型中国人的说法, 直接blind就可以了) to the benefit technology brought to us(to the technology that benefits us这样更好点~~), not only indulge themselves in illusion, but also hamper the further development of technology. For instance, every time there is a space exploration of the outer space, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest or demonstrate against the exploration. They just fear that the movement will enrage deities or bring forth some disasters. (其实有无神论者对于外太空的探索并不是绝对的分歧，其实反对者主要是根据高昂的费用发起的protest, 举个例子, 在崇尚唯物的中国，却出现了法轮功这种连唯心都称不上的邪说，而西方信仰自由，崇尚上帝对人精神的操控，实际上他们在从事科学的研究中并没有把信仰加入到主观的意识中，这也使得他们在铸造了伟大的科学成就的同时，保持着自己的信仰)If every member of a society has adopted the same opinion like them, no technology research or attempts could have been carried out, needless of saying any progress(even say nothing of progress). Would anyone like to live in such a word (?world) just in order to feel 'safe'? Absolutely no. Even those detractors would not choose to live in any of the less technological ages that have preceded ours.

To recapitulate my point, only we break through the erroneous conception that technology spawns problems that(去掉problem that) can we realize the responsibility of any misconducts, if ever related to technology, should be accounted for us, and this is the premise for us to better use technology and make it a powerful engine to gear towards a brighter(promising更好点~~) future. To fear technology only results in stagnation.

PS: 所谓经典‘范文’，乃是本人作品中的范文

不好意思偶改作文的经验不多，基本上套用一个中文的思路思考，感觉里面写得一些句子就好像是自己的一样，偶同样的错误也是经常烦，所以好像体会也比较多~~

poohUID：146994

谢谢GITER给我批，很有道理啊,我会认真改的


1

Wars, the most terrible and last(lasting好像更好一点) thing we want(“want”这里是什么意思?), have deluded(这个词好像用来形容战争不是很合适，应该指的是一些没有解决的科学问题什么的，总之不是应该说这种纯人为因素造成的争端) us too long.

the last thing we want 最不想要的，最不想发生的事
我的意思是，人们痛恶战争，但是却一直被蒙蔽，应为人是战争的制造者，是这个思路，可以吗？

2

turn a blind eye(hehe, 典型中国人的说法, 直接blind就可以了) to the benefit

gg可以查字典，不是中国人创的

3

(其实有无神论者对于外太空的探索并不是绝对的分歧，其实反对者主要是根据高昂的费用发起的protest, 举个例子, 在崇尚唯物的中国，却出现了法轮功这种连唯心都称不上的邪说，而西方信仰自由，崇尚上帝对人精神的操控，实际上他们在从事科学的研究中并没有把信仰加入到主观的意识中，这也使得他们在铸造了伟大的科学成就的同时，保持着自己的信仰)

西方也有邪教，即使是基督徒也有很多因为信仰反对的。
不知道你有没有看过一个电影叫做contect 里面就有很多人反对搞太空研究，是因为信仰，不是因为钱的问题。

biosonUID：156346

哎呀，都写着么好，我，，，，唉！

rukawaUID：156277

Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or
damage the quality of life.【196】
技术解决了问题，但是带来了更多的问题，并且可能会威胁或损害生活质量。技术对人类社会的影响


Many people blame on technology of worsening the world by enduring problems such as wars, poverty, and pollution, while ignoring what they've been enjoying in everyday life, say, a computer or medicine to cure diseases. Although I admit that problems never leave us even for one minute; however, technology doesn't give birth to those problems but human do. Moreover, to maneuver technology in a wise way, it can benefit us; to be afraid of it, we check ourselves to move forward.

Wars, the most terrible and last thing we want（用want感觉很模糊）, have deluded us too long. In another word, some people think it is technology that should be responsible for the great losses that wars impose on human. Reckless people even criticized those scientists who contributed to the research on atomic energy. In their disappointment and fears that technology is a monster that would one day destroy us, while they forget that technology is just a tool, a servant, invented by us and implemented by us; and if it has done something wrong, it is human that should be to blame. Why turn angry at the scapegoat, technology? The illusion on wars has cheated us and confused us, so that it takes the place of facts, then how could we progress if we go on coax ourselves? If someone thinks that to stop the advancement of technology is enough, that idea seems too childish and naive. It is time to wake up and have a retrospect on ourselves.

Actually, we, human can render technology work for us, which has made（用create会不会好一点） modern world today. To go on with the example of atomic energy. After we have seen how powerful the atomic energy, for a better use of such power, many nuclear power stations are built to provide electric power. The advantage of such energy enables us to save lots of natural resources as well as satisfy（如果平衡的话是不是应该加个s） needs at a low cost. From the nuclear bomb to the nuclear power station, it is nearly the same technology, but with huge difference in the result. How come? The answer is that we are the commanders and it is eventually up to human that decide how to use technology. When it comes to progress in medical technology, everyone is a beneficiary. Born before the age of Pasteur, one could be knocked down to death even with a common wound exposed to the air, not to mention once catching vaccinia. Thanks to the advancement of medicine, most diseases cannot threaten people's lives and even some cancers can also be cured with special treatment. Thus, to use technology in a positive way, it can be a good servant.

Moreover, those pessimists that turn a blind eye to the benefit technology brought to us, not only indulge themselves in illusion, but also hamper the further development of technology. For instance, every time there is a space exploration of the outer space, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest or demonstrate against the exploration. They just fear that the movement will enrage deities or bring forth some disasters. If every member of a society has adopted the same opinion like them（like them  是不是有点多余，而且读起来有一点不顺口）, no technology research or attempts could have been carried out, needless of saying any progress. Would anyone like to live in such a word（拼写） just in order to feel 'safe'? Absolutely no. Even those detractors would not choose to live in any of the less technological ages that have preceded ours.

To recapitulate my point, only we break through（用explode会不会更好） the erroneous conception that technology spawns problems that can we realize the responsibility of any misconducts, if ever related to technology, should be accounted for us, and this is the premise for us to better use technology and make it a powerful engine to gear towards a brighter future. To fear technology only results in stagnation.（结尾很漂亮）

但是我有一种感觉就是和题目有一点点的不对，是我的感觉，我觉得没有抓住"Technology creates more problems than it solves"more是不是可以做一个攻击点，因为是说有了更多的问题才会。。。不知道我的理解是不 是正确
不过楼主的文章写的很好的说
小妹我就说说吧

apolloxpUID：156355

楼主的文章确实不错，乘机灌水一篇表示佩服。

madtoyUID：114985

呵呵，题目还是建议改一下
要不就把你的那句“PS: 所谓经典‘范文’，乃是本人作品中的范文，”放到前边

GITERUID：138732

你说的那个思路是可以的呀！
补充一下就是说人先是战争的制造者，由于信仰的不同，更重要的是在我们地球能源竭尽枯竭的时代对人类共同财富的争夺。战争永远是强者占先， Providence is always on the side of big battalions.”“的事实永恒不变。在强者享受者侵略的快感的同时，一部分受到战争折磨或者中立的国家就公然反对战争，但是由于这种少数国家 hold the centralization of global power，大多数的呼声不能改变世界格局总体发展的趋势。现代的战争，由于交战双方的实力差距一般很明显，这种被蒙蔽的作用也就减少了，主要都是侵略和被侵略的关系了！呵呵~~

Moreover, to maneuver technology in a wise way, it can benefit us; to be afraid of it, we check ourselves to move forward.
这里我之所以说有一点小问题是说，maneuver和后面的check ourselves实际上并不是很矛盾，在技术帮助我们生活的同时，我们还要不断的完善技术，发现自身问题并且不断发展，这个也是一个check的过程。其实越是造成很深远影响的，即便人们能多少预知到后果，也不会停止研究的脚步，比如Manhattan Project和Human Genomic Project以及它对 Human cloning上的应用。按照现在的发展趋势，唯一可能停止我们科学文化发展的因素或许就是技术的发展造成的后果。A. Einstein不是预测过如果发生了第三次世界大战我们的武器就会又变成石头嘛？估计也就是从这个方面考虑的。

你说的电影好象还真没看过，等什么时候写累了可以去注意一下！ BTW, 应该是contact吧！
其实我始终认为人类的太空研究被一种力量驱使着，就是一种为了展示国家实力的太空竞赛，这也正是为什么世界上最技术最领先的两个太空研究机构NASA和欧洲航天局(缩写不知道~~:@)迟迟不能合作开发的原因吧！当时J. F. Kennedy在Rice University做登月演说的时候就体现出了这种霸权性。—— For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own, whether it will be a force for good or ill depend on man, and only if the Unite States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help to decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war. .”“所以说客观的讲，现在在美国，多数人对太空研究不关心，觉得只要是没有影响到我们正常的生活就可以。从信仰的角度说，既然我上面说到的那两个project都没有被interdicted，太空研究也不会。从历史上讲，也很少有由于宗教信仰的问题使一项科学技术没有得到开展的例子。其实科学来自圣经，来自一种法则——Law of Nature，但是现在似乎远远摆脱了起源的束缚了~~~

我们之所以每天被 ETS折磨着不也正是因为要去老美那里学先进科学知识嘛！中国缺少这段宗教的历史，自然也就没有真正的科学。

PS: 可能有些例子有点极端，一点点想法嘛！~~你还可以按照原来的思路写的~~~

poohUID：146994

rukawa: mm言之有理，我会改正的，另外你说的那个攻击点，不太明白你的意思，我想我在作文里说到了人类的使用使科技自造了problem也解决了problem, 至于那个more,倒是没写到呢， :(

GITER:
gg真是厉害，佩服，不仅知识面广，而且很思辨，相对来说我写作文就没有考虑那么多，思路也比较简单，向你学习ing

BTW: 是contact，呵呵

galaxysongUID：152834

[我干脆试着给你重写，当一回超级编辑。]

Many people blame on technology of[哪来的of？看看blame的用法吧。] worsening the world by enduring problems such as wars, poverty, and pollution, while ignoring what they've been enjoying in everyday life, say, a computer or medicine to cure diseases[怎么能放在第一段？删之！]Although I admit that problems never leave us even for one minute[这句让步没什么意义。]; however, technology doesn't give birth to those problems but human do. Moreover, to maneuver[“操纵”？莫非有什么阴谋诡计？] technology in a wise way, it can benefit us; to be afraid of it, we check ourselves to move forward.
[太多的转折。我以前也是这样：好像唯恐被人误解一般翻来覆去地辩解，但实际上没有几句说到点子上。]

[Many people blame on technology that the world is worse off with enduring problems such as wars, poverty and polltution, while ignoring the benefit by technology that they are enjoyijng in everyday life. In fact, it is we human beings, other than technology, that gave birth and still sustain those problems. If afraid to employ technology, we will check our progress in dealing with the problems.]

Wars, the most terrible and last[？] thing we want, have deluded us too long.[不是个合适的topic sentence。] In another word[word表示话语时必须是复数。], some people think it is technology that should be responsible for the great losses that wars impose on human. Reckless[Improper!] people even criticized those scientists who contributed to the research on atomic energy. In their disappointment and fears that technology is a monster that would one day destroy us,[主语在哪里？] while they forget that technology is just a tool, a servant, invented by us and implemented by us; and if it has done something wrong, it is human that should be to blame.[这句话很关键，但所处的位置不好，前后的关联太差。] Why turn angry at the scapegoat, technology?[太口语化] The illusion on wars has cheated us and confused us, so that it takes the place of facts, then how could we progress if we go on coax ourselves?[分析说理不足。] If someone thinks that to stop the advancement of technology is enough, that idea seems too childish and naive. It is time to wake up and have a retrospect on ourselves.
[大杂烩，一团乱麻。显然你远在理清头绪之前就匆忙动“笔”了。]

[Wars, the most horrible thing which we want least, is a good case in point. Some people believe that it is technology that should be responsible for the massive losses and deaths in wars. And a few even hate the scientists who contributed to exploring and exploiting atomic energy that gave birth to atom bomb, the most powerful weapon human have ever created, which can destroy the entire Earth.

However, technology is just a tool and servant, created and employed by ourselves. If anything goes wrong with technology, it is human that should be responsible. Techonology is just a scapegoat in the illusion that coaxes us about problems like wars. As a result, some people firmly hold the childish and naive belief that discontinuing or even reversing the advancement of technology would settle all the problems that actually stem from human nature.]

Actually, we,[-comma] human can render technology work for us, which has made modern world today. To go on with[->Turning back to] the example of atomic energy. After we have seen how powerful the atomic energy[+is], for a better use of such power, many nuclear power stations are[have been] built to provide electric power[Too many "power"s!->electricity]. The advantage of such energy enables us to save lots of natural resources as well as satisfy[+our] needs at a low cost. From the nuclear bomb to the nuclear power station, it is nearly the same technology, but with huge difference in the result[单数？]. How come?[口语] The answer is that we are the commanders and it is eventually up to human that[错误。有两种改法，你原来想要写的是哪一种？] decide how to use technology. When it comes to progress in medical technology, everyone is a beneficiary[不准确]. Born before the age of Pasteur, one could be knocked down[？？？] to death even with a common wound exposed to the air, not to mention once[不对吧] catching vaccinia. Thanks to the advancement of medicine, most diseases cannot[->can no longer] threaten people's lives and[典型的不必要的and连接。前后的关系紧密到了需要合为一句的地步吗？] even some cancers can also be cured with special treatment[Really?]. Thus, to use[->if we use] technology in a positive way, it can be a good servant.

[Actually, we human can and should render technology to work for the good of us, which has propelled the world to the position where it is now. Turning back to the example of atomic energy. After the explosions of two nuclear bombs in Japan, people realized the ultimate result of using this weapon will be mutual destruction, and hence returned to the original purpose of this energy--peaceful use for power. Today, many nuclear power stations have been and still are being built, which save us lots of natural resources and relevant costs. The bomb and the station essentially stemmed from the same technology but differ distinctly in effects. Why? We are the master of technology and thus it is up to us to decide how to use it, either constructively or otherwise.
医药的例子纯属多余，删之。]

Moreover, those pessimists that turn a blind eye to the benefit technology brought to us, not only indulge themselves in illusion, but also hamper the further development of technology. For instance, every time there is a space exploration of the outer space, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest or demonstrate against[多余。] the exploration. They just fear that the movement will enrage deities or bring forth some disasters.[怎么又突然和迷信扯上关系了？] If every member of a society has adopted the same opinion like them, no technology research or attempts could have been carried out, needless of saying[->to say] any progress. Would anyone like to live in such a word just in order to feel 'safe'? Absolutely no. Even those detractors would not choose to live in any of the less technological ages that have preceded ours.

[Moreover, the Luddites blind to the benefit that technology has brought us hamper the further development of technology and thus that of the whole society. For instance, every time an outer space exploration is put on shedule, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest it. 下面的不改了，基本上没有价值，只有最后一句似乎还有些意思。]

To recapitulate my point[从哪儿学来的？], only[没理由如此强调。] we break through the erroneous conception that technology spawns problems that can we realize the responsibility of any misconducts, if ever[这么多让步？] related to technology, should be accounted for us, and this is the premise for us to better use technology and make it a powerful engine to gear towards a brighter future.[超长的超常句……逻辑关系一片混乱，虽然有些地方写的蛮好。] To fear technology only results in stagnation[话没说完。].

[To sum up, any misconduct related to echnology is actually on our own account. Only by acknowledging this fact can our sciety progress with the engine called technology fueled by constructive employment.]

[对于这篇文章的内容我不再多谈，毕竟各人有各自的观点。总的来说写得比较乱。而且奇怪的有，些地方文笔出彩，另一些却超级简陋。对于人类为何misuse technology只字为提，实在成问题。]

poohUID：146994

galaxysong：感激ing, 佩服佩服。。。

我要仔细研究一下了，太感谢了，你一定花了不少时间吧，还帮我重写了。
兄弟，帮我看看刚写得argument吧，心里没底，不知道那样写行不行