寄托天下
查看: 3780|回复: 11

[习作点评] 考场碰到写过的高频,可是只有3分,求点评! [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
73
注册时间
2014-8-5
精华
0
帖子
14
发表于 2014-9-1 21:57:56 |显示全部楼层
如题,考场上碰到了之前练过并修改的issue高频,还高兴了一番,没想到最后分数出来只有3.0,不知道是逻辑和内容上有问题,还是考场上短时间内写作文语句太简单了(我一紧张就会蹦出很简单的句式)。把当初的习作贴出来,求大家帮看,谢谢!

39 college students should be encouraged to pursuit subjects that interest them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs



I agree with the speaker to the extent that students should be encouraged to take subjects which they are interested in. However, it is too hasty to conclude that there is no need for students to have courses that help to find jobs after graduation.

It is generally admitted that students have more passion in the fields that they are interested in. Therefore they are actively to learn further in that subjects rather than just perfunctorily aim to pass the final exam. Interest is the best teacher to arouse students’ potential to study. According to some reports, people are more likely to achieve success in the fields that they are interested in. Without great interest in science, how could Stephen Hawking, though was discovered heavy illness in his early twenties, going on his study in Cambridge and becomes the greatest physical scientist in the contemporary? It is great passion and interest in certain fields that help students to overcome difficulties in their studies.

In addition, college is a place where different kinds of subjects converge, thus after trying various courses that interest them, students are able to have a better understanding of which subject are much more suitable for further study, considering their talents. For example, a student may have interest in both biology and marketing, so he took courses related to them in his first year in college. Later he found himself not good at networking, which is necessary in marketing, but adept in doing experiment in the lab. As a result, he finally decides to choose biology as his major and hope to take study this subject to prepare his future career.

However, encouraging college students to take course that they like do not mean that there is no need to consider job matters, as interest not always conflicts with pragmatic considerations.Many students nowadays spare no effort to enter the finance market not for interest but for high income, which will support their interest in other field during leisure time. Moreover, not like high school students, college students face more pressure as their family may no longer provide financial support. Further, the placement of youth affects not only themselves but also the whole society. A high rate of unemployment will result social instability and doubt about college education.

To sum up, college students should be encouraged to take course not only for interest but for future career goal, both of which must suit the innate ability of students.
回应

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
55
寄托币
317
注册时间
2014-7-8
精华
0
帖子
15
发表于 2014-9-2 08:55:44 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 yuqingzhang2010 于 2014-9-2 13:46 编辑

我觉得内容挺好的, 语言有点问题。 我自己作文只有4分。 意见未必对啊。



how could Stephen Hawking, though was discovered heavy illness in his early twenties, going on his study in Cambridge

有语法错误。HOW COULD HAWKING GO ON 而不是GOING ON, COULD 后面应该跟动词原型. and becomes 应该是become
中间插入语也不对,建议改为分词形式 though being  diagnosed with  heavy illness

For example, a student may have interest in both biology and marketing, so he took courses related to them in his first year in college. Later he found himself not good at networking, which is necessary in marketing, but adept in doing experiment in the lab. As a result, he finally decides to choose biology as his major and hope to take study this subject to prepare his future career.
这段一会儿现在时一会儿过去时, 建议全部用虚拟语气。



However, encouraging college students to take course
此处应该是COURSES

已有 1 人评分寄托币 声望 收起 理由
logically + 10 + 5 感谢分享

总评分: 寄托币 + 10  声望 + 5   查看全部投币

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
73
注册时间
2014-8-5
精华
0
帖子
14
发表于 2014-9-2 14:00:12 |显示全部楼层
yuqingzhang2010 发表于 2014-9-2 08:55
我觉得内容挺好的, 语言有点问题。 我自己作文只有4分。 意见未必对啊。

谢谢,自己检查没发现问题,看来二战准备的重点要放在语句上了。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
142
注册时间
2013-9-4
精华
0
帖子
30
发表于 2014-9-3 04:17:29 |显示全部楼层
我也有这个问题,期盼高手指点一下。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
60
寄托币
240
注册时间
2014-8-15
精华
0
帖子
42

2015 US-applicant

发表于 2014-9-3 23:13:37 |显示全部楼层
A high rate of unemployment will result social instability and doubt about college education.

是不是少了一个in 啊 be result in

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
73
注册时间
2014-8-5
精华
0
帖子
14
发表于 2014-9-4 14:20:08 |显示全部楼层
diandian915 发表于 2014-9-3 23:13
A high rate of unemployment will result social instability and doubt about college education.

是 ...

不说都发现不了啊,谢谢

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
60
寄托币
240
注册时间
2014-8-15
精华
0
帖子
42

2015 US-applicant

发表于 2014-9-5 10:36:32 |显示全部楼层
猫猫虫 发表于 2014-9-4 14:20
不说都发现不了啊,谢谢

^_^

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
78
寄托币
2167
注册时间
2013-10-17
精华
0
帖子
316

US-applicant

发表于 2014-10-6 00:29:45 |显示全部楼层
想问下楼主,你作文高频是哪里来的?话说准确率高么?

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
71
寄托币
357
注册时间
2014-1-17
精华
0
帖子
73
发表于 2014-10-9 16:57:59 |显示全部楼层
目测LZ的argument写跪了

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
73
注册时间
2014-8-5
精华
0
帖子
14
发表于 2014-10-12 17:47:42 |显示全部楼层
Devinzhu 发表于 2014-10-6 00:29
想问下楼主,你作文高频是哪里来的?话说准确率高么?

https://docs.google.com/spreadsh ... d=3&output=html 这是台湾网站整理的,国内可能要翻下墙。准确率蛮高,我两次机经都中了。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
73
注册时间
2014-8-5
精华
0
帖子
14
发表于 2014-10-12 17:50:14 |显示全部楼层
181818181818 发表于 2014-10-9 16:57
目测LZ的argument写跪了

有可能两个是一起跪的:dizzy:

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
912
寄托币
6214
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
4
帖子
2367

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-10-12 19:32:23 |显示全部楼层
楼主的语言表达其实挺好,问题还是出在内容上
你的第二段讲Hawking的例子没有能充分证明应该基于兴趣选专业 只是说明兴趣对成功很重要 这两者是不同的
第三段 你举的例子也没有直接支持你第一段的观点
第四段 你是在支持观点的后半部分 但是你这段里涉及好几个点都是点到即止 使得整段十分杂乱

另外 你的基本观点 对题目两边的立场都表示肯定 有自相矛盾之嫌 不利于写出整合的文章

使用道具 举报

RE: 考场碰到写过的高频,可是只有3分,求点评! [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
考场碰到写过的高频,可是只有3分,求点评!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1768524-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部