GRE作文6分教学博客

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

zyuanxia
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1882660-1-1.html

对于作文分数，我自己也很意外，因为几乎没有怎么准备（私以为对硕士申请不太重要），就看了看那个6分博客，结果上场的时候真的有思路比较重要，有了思路，没啥名人例子貌似也没关系（一己之见，也许我只是运气比较好~~~前辈们不认同还望轻拍）

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

今天将入门系列帖子里隐藏可见取消了  节省版面的空间和大家的时间  
目前正在分析我自己写的范文 希望能有一些成果出来  
另外之前指导的过程中的反馈也在分析中
因此这段时间没空指导版友
希望接下来能建立更好的指导模式

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

我读本科时也上过计算机课写过一些代码。当时印象最深的就是代码写完之后要交给编译器编译，而且经常会出各种错误，等把错误都修复了，运行程序，结果memory leak。然后就呵呵了......

我想写文章也应该像写代码一样，想象有一个编译器，检查文章是否符合语法，有没有完成一些规定动作。比如观点是否清晰、中间段的主题是否明确、例子是否切题等等。编译器的作用是将代码转化成机器能读懂的机器码。同样的，我们写文章也要确保符合读者的预期。GRE作文的阅卷是e-rater和人工混合阅卷。但即使人工阅卷也有相对固定的程序。因此，我们应该像写代码那样按照一个适当的程序去写文章，这样写出来的东西才能让erater和人工阅卷员满意。

这是一个不太成熟的想法。但基本的理念就是我们在写作时要像写代码一样给自己设置更多的规范和要求，这样或许写出的文字会更加靠谱。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

starrywalk 发表于 2015-10-2 19:52
老师，我有一点困惑...就是比如说issue89，您用一段在写法律的重要性，可是我感觉这一段对整个论证的作用不 ...

这道题有全文么 麻烦你把相关文章贴出来吧

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

starrywalk 发表于 2015-10-2 21:12
哦哦！！就是本楼366层~

Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the le ...

你还是看我的考场回忆吧 这篇习作可能写得不是很好

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qimiaohao 发表于 2015-10-4 21:42
王老师您好，我现在才刚刚开始准备gre作文，大家都推荐您的博客。我还没看完，但是觉得确实很有帮助。版主说 ...

一个基本的问题 你的观点是什么  
thesis statement在哪里 有没有1+3？
如果你是刚开始练的话 建议先多看几篇我的范文 学习一下思路 比自己拍脑袋想要靠谱一些

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

546397607 发表于 2015-10-4 21:50
后排占个楼感谢王老师，顺便说下自己的情况
920的G，8月初报的考试开始准备，在家背了两天单词发现背不进去 ...

恭喜你取得理想的分数  你issue写的哪一篇 大概怎么写的  
有些同学用1+3去考托福 好几个作文拿29分的 你也可以试试

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

明天见小绿版主要商量一下如何在版面上推一些点评的活动。现在的想法是所有人都练同一套题，issue和argument各一篇。写完之后要求修改一次，看看之前的错误问题能否得到改善。根据之前的修改记录，目前已经整理出了一些常见的问题，可以专门发一个帖子。作为在点评后给大家参考的资源。比如看到某个问题，就不必多费唇舌，只需要指向那个帖子的某个代码即可。

我还想了解一下对于这些不同的问题，大家的反应如何。这里的反应包括，第一自己如果犯了这个错误，原因在哪里；第二知道自己犯了这个错误后有没有能力解决；第三是有没有能力在别人的文章中发现这个错误。我目前针对每种错误都有至少10个例子。可以针对每一种错误分别做一个简短的视频。让大家看完视频后，做一些相关的练习和问卷调查。

具体明天和小绿再讨论。希望10月10日（本博客开通一周年）开始推出一个系列的活动。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

There is now evidence that the relaxed pace of life in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Masonton. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Masonton the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. Finally, the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Masonton residents. These findings suggest that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted

有同学考场上遇到这道题，现在回忆了一下，点击这里查看他的回忆和我的点评。以下是我写的示范。

The conclusion that people should move to small towns for longer and healthier lives is based on the comparison of two cases- Leeville and Masonton.  A number of assumptions about why Leeville businesses reported fewer instances of sick leave, Leeville has fewer physicians and residents of older ages have been made and need to be examined critically in order to decide if the argument is valid.

It seems to be assumed in the argument that fewer days of sick leave taken by workers in Leevile indicate that people there enjoy better health.  Yet, there might be other interpretations of the fact. For example, perhaps the businesses in the small town have more relaxing attendance policies. As result, workers could take a few days off when they are sick without formally applying for sick leaves. If this is the case, the number of sick leave reported by the businesses in Leeville may not accurately reflect the general health conditions of the Leeville residents. Also, due to the fact that fewer physicians are available in Leeville per resident, it probably takes more time and money to see a doctor, thereby deterring some people from taking sick leaves.  Workers in Masonton might take more sick leaves simply because the businesses Masonton provided better health insurance coverage for its employees.  

It is further assumed that Leeville has lower physician-to-residents ratio because people there are healthier and do not need as many physicians.  This assumption may not hold as other explanations for the lower ratio might be more reasonable. As mentioned earlier, it is possible that Masonton businesses spend more money on health insurance for employees, thereby creating a stronger demand for physicians in the city. On the supply side, perhaps more physicians choose to work in Masonton due to the higher income level, higher standard of living and better infrastructure for health care.  With better access to physicians and other health care resources, perhaps Masonton residents would enjoy better health and longer lives than those in Leeville.

The third assumption is that the higher average age of Leeville residents necessarily means that residents there can live longer lives. Perhaps Leeville is a town more friendly to older people for a number of reasons. For one thing, it is possible that the town offers cheaper nursing homes for the elderly, thereby attracting more older people to move in. It is also possible that due to limited job opportunities available in Leeville, most younger people have left the town, leaving behind the older residents and driving up the average age.  We need to collect more information about why the average age of Leeville residents is older to decide if Leeville offers a better environment for living long lives.

The final assumption made in the argument is that Leeville and Masonton are typical communities that can represent the small towns and large cities that the readers have to choose for where to live. This assumption may not hold true as large cities and small towns across the US can be very different in terms of environment, infrastructure and economic development. The characteristics of Leevile and Masonton in terms of age of population, physician-to-resident ratio and number of sick leaves may not be found in other small towns and big cities. A comparison of two cases can hardly support the general conclusion reached at the end of the argument.  

Overall speaking, the assumptions discussed above should be carefully examined in light of more evidence and information to decide if the conclusion is reasonable.  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

bit_liang 发表于 2015-10-8 09:14
王老师您好，最近一直在看您的教程，写了一篇全文，想请您有时间帮忙看看有哪些问题，应该从哪些方面加强。 ...

Whether our ability of think creatively will deteriorate or not depends on differences of the fields technologies are applied in. 第一句话的句子结构就有问题啊  然后意思也不是很清楚 你先改了第一句 我再往下看吧

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

bit_liang 发表于 2015-10-8 14:37
ISSUE 01

你的第二段 整段没有提到solve problem  写了很多关于生活如何方便 却没有回应题目中的关键词
希望其他同学也引以为鉴
另外这个句子的表达也有问题time for making decisions by ourselves are becoming less and less.   
写成 we spent less time ...

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

tobinz 发表于 2015-10-8 22:34
今天第一天写全文，前几天按照老师的方法练习了开头段。我托福作文还好考了28分，但基本考试都是根据自己经 ...

首先 argument的内容相对固定 建议发习作前先比对我的范文或提纲 找出差异 再有针对的提出问题
其次你第二段开头的it is assumed that all employees can achieve better performance other than executives 没有说清楚题目表达的意思
第三举例的时候没有必要提华为这么具体的公司
最后你明显漏了很多重要的point 比如reported needing和need之间的区别

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

bit_liang 发表于 2015-10-10 16:33
老师，ISSUE 01修改了一下。
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=redirect&goto=findpost&ptid=1883374& ...

你修改的时候请保留之前的版本
另外 请将文章之间贴过来

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

tobinz 发表于 2015-10-11 23:34
今天写了第二篇。问题在文章后，谢谢老师点评。

The following appeared in a memorandum from the mana ...

我觉得不管是写文章还是找人改文章都要好好考虑读者或者老师看到你的东西后回怎么想。你列出具体问题的做法是很好的，但是你问我觉得桑格论点句合适否，我就得逐句去看。我说过针对argument，整个题库我都写了提纲或范文。你不要问我你的论点是否合适，而应该这样问

这道题我的论点和老师的论点分别是这样的

我的....
老师的....
比较：

我的....
老师的....
比较：

我的....
老师的....
比较：

综上，我的问题是 ...

另外，我在博客顶楼建议先写某两道题

我还在探索某种更高效率的点评模式
有任何问题或建议请提出  

另外我想知道我的博客你看了多少
在我没有时间细看你的文章时 建议你多看我的博客
尤其是多做动作分析
就是仔细想想我的每句话在做什么 然后你看看你的每句话又在做什么

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ssphia 发表于 2015-10-25 17:38
之前考过一次，AW特别烂，那天看了老师的1+3模式感觉人生打开了新的大门，写了Issue15和Argu85，希望能点评 ...

If the schools tailor the courses to suit lucrative employment
这个和原题的意思有很大的出入啊 不能这样篡改题目