全文习作 argument 13

hardheadedUID：3557538

3.29 一战，求批改

13. In an attempt to improve highway safety, Prunty
County last year lowered its speed limit from 55 to 45
miles per hour on all county highways. But this effort
has failed: the number of accidents has not decreased,
and, based on reports by the highway patrol, many
drivers are exceeding the speed limit. Prunty County
should instead undertake the same kind of road
improvement project that Butler County completed
five years ago: increasing lane widths, resurfacing
rough highways, and improving visibility at dangerous
intersections. Today, major Butler County roads still
have a 55 mph speed limit, yet there were 25 percent
fewer reported accidents in Butler County this past
year than there were five years ago.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific
evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and
explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen
the argument.


In this argument, the author argues that Prunty County should undertake the same kind of road improvement that Butler County completed due to the effectiveness of measures of Butler County and the lack of impact of the speed limit of Prunty County. However, this argument is not cogent enough if the author does not provide more details.
First, the increase of the number of accidents does not necessarily mean an increase in frequency of accidents. By demonstrating the increase, the author assumes that the frequency also increases, which means that the safety condition worsens. However, there may be other factors that make the number of accidents increase. For example, if the county is undergoing rapid growth, then the number of automobiles will probably increase drastically, which also leads to an increase of the number of accidents. To evaluate the argument, the author should provide evidence about changes of the number of vehicles in Prunty County and Butler County.
If there is an increase in frequency of accidents in Prunty County, it still does not mean that the speed limit has no effect. The report says that many drivers are exceeding the speed limit, it omits the past rate and severity of exceeding the speed limit. If the rate is higher before, or drivers were driving at a much higher speed, then the speed limit definitely makes a difference. We should also check the severity of accidents. The speed limit may significantly lessen the injuries due to the possible decrease of driving speed. If most accidents results in death before this speed limit, but now nearly all victims survive, then we should recognize its effect. Thus, the author needs to show further evidence of the change of the severity of exceeding speed limit and injuries.
Even if the measures in Butler County are more successful, it doesn’t follow that Prunty County should copy the measures. The author assumes that Butler County has similar condition with Prunty County. If accidents in Butler County are mainly caused by rough highways, narrow lanes and inadequate visibility at dangerous intersections, while accidents in Prunty County mostly attribute to exceeding speed limit, then measures in Butler County cannot be applied to Prunty County. The author must provide abundant evidence of similarities between Prunty County and Butler County to prove the feasibility of taking the same measures as Butler County did.
In conclusion, The author need to show specific evidence about the changes of vehicles in Prunty County and Butler County, the change of the severity of exceeding speed limit and injuries, similarities between Prunty County and Butler County. Without these details, the argument won’t be as convincing as the writer thought.   

xyzcjczUID：3549923

In this argument, the author argues that Prunty County should undertake the same kind of road improvement that Butler County completed due to the effectiveness of measures of Butler County and the lack of impact of the speed limit of Prunty County. However, this argument is not cogent enough if the author does not provide more details.
First, the increase of the number of accidents does not necessarily mean an increase in frequency of accidents. By demonstrating the increase, the author assumes that the frequency also increases, which means that the safety condition worsens. However, there may be other factors that make the number of accidents increase. For example, if the county is undergoing rapid growth, then the number of automobiles will probably increase drastically, which also leads to an increase of the number of accidents. To evaluate the argument, the author should provide evidence about changes of the number of vehicles in Prunty County and Butler County.（觉得最后一句的number 换成proportion 比例 更有说服力些）

If there is an increase in frequency of accidents in Prunty County, it still does not mean that the speed limit has no effect. The report says that many drivers are exceeding the speed limit, it omits the past rate and severity of exceeding the speed limit. If the rate is higher before, or drivers were driving at a much higher speed, then the speed limit definitely makes a difference. We should also check the severity of accidents. The speed limit may significantly lessen the injuries due to the possible decrease of driving speed. If most accidents results in death before this speed limit, but now nearly all victims survive, then we should recognize its effect. Thus, the author needs to show further evidence of the change of the severity of exceeding speed limit and injuries.

Even if the measures in Butler County are more successful, it doesn’t follow that Prunty County should copy the measures. The author assumes that Butler County has similar condition with Prunty County. If accidents in Butler County are mainly caused by rough highways, narrow lanes and inadequate visibility at dangerous intersections, while accidents in Prunty County mostly attribute to exceeding speed limit, then measures in Butler County cannot be applied to Prunty County. The author must provide abundant evidence of similarities between Prunty County and Butler County to prove the feasibility of taking the same measures as Butler County did.
In conclusion, The author need to show specific evidence about the changes of vehicles in Prunty County and Butler County, the change of the severity of exceeding speed limit and injuries, similarities between Prunty County and Butler County. Without these details, the argument won’t be as convincing as the writer thought.

其他感觉没什么问题……语法上的小错误不怎么影响得分吧

hardheadedUID：3557538

xyzcjcz 发表于 2015-3-22 21:14
In this argument, the author argues that Prunty County should undertake the same kind of road improv ...

你觉得写成这样得分多少，还有你是怎么练作文的

xyzcjczUID：3549923

hardheaded 发表于 2015-3-22 22:15
你觉得写成这样得分多少，还有你是怎么练作文的

我那个贴 有人说是4分……那我觉得我们写的差不多……应该也是4分……我还没怎么连作文……同29号考……