issue同主题写作第五类 8月20-21日

HelloC424UID：3815350

issue 8/111/149
In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


Intro:
From my perspective, I partially agree with the argument's statement that leader of every areas should be replacement every five years. To scrutinized my opinion, I am going to illustrate from three different areas: business, education and the political system. Leaders of business area and educational system may not have to step down in a short five years, while for the political system such as government , the leaders on the top should , in my opinion, be elected again.

Ts1: First, leaders of business do not have to be replaced in five years after he or she accede. Business man need a relatively long period to accumulate his or her reputation in this competitive society. They also have to develop human resources to aid the whole corporation works more effectively and efficiently. And it is not an easy work that can be accomplished in five years.

Ts2: Then, leaders of education should not step down every five years. Education is a long-time thing and need the educationist to inherit experiences from predecessors and make some innovations to benefit the schools and the students. Only when a educationist casts about a long-period and feasible plan and practices it in this long time insistently, the effect and achievement will be seen. If the leader such as principal of a school changed in a short time, the plan will never be completely practiced and not mentioned the development of students of the schools.

Ts3:However, leaders on the top of the government may need to be changed periodically. As we all known that every leader including president in most countries of the world carry out tenure system because it can, to some extent, keep the clarity of democracy and freedom. It also can limit the president's power in case of he or she abusing the power so that it is beneficial for the political system and the country's development.

In conclusion, in certain areas, for instance, in business or education, leaders may not have to step down as quickly as five years, while in other areas such as political, people in power should be changed in a short period such as five years.

分析段落后面补。



我的问题：语句比较简单，没有什么例子，字数少，要通过练习多写一点。

点评楼上：
题目：政府不应该单纯靠人们的期望而是应该有自己的判断。
作者态度：同意－－应该有自己的判断
论点1：人们只关心自己的利益导致政策目光短浅。
论点2：简单跟从人们的意愿会分裂国家（不是很理解）
让步：为了限制政府权力，政府应该跟随人们的意愿。

问题：
1.开始段写的比较模糊，希望可以写的更加与题目本身贴合，我刚开始还以为是不同意题目观点，有些混乱。
2.有一些小小的语法错误
3.从三个主题句来看，应该是部分同意题目观点，不是完全同意。
4.论点2的topic和例子我觉得不是很贴合，因为好像没有分裂，只是内战，而且黑奴问题不是平等的人民意愿问题，是一个比较复杂的历史文化问题，内战并不一定是不好的，但是在这个论点的情况下作者认为是贬义的。