argument147 G-89-互助社-6日同主题写作

jason0926UID: 200697

147'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'


In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that they introduced games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. However, this alone neither constitutes a logical argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides compelling support making the argument sound. The arguer ignores certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove. In my point of view, this argument suffers from three flaws.

First of all, the survey cited by the arguer is too vague to be reliable. We are not informed that how many people were surveyed. If, for instance, only 10 subjects were asked, the conclusion would be highly suspectable. The arguer fails to point out that what kinds of people were surveyed, did these video-game players are stranger? If these players are all employees of Whirlwind company and know each other, the survey is possible an unconvincing one. Furthermore, the arguer fails to indicates that how the survey was conducted. If who conducted the survey by themselves or if these questions were leading, people might echo with expected answers, thus the results would be greatly unconvincing.

In addition,the arguer suggests that these video games require the most up-to-date computers,but how many people, at least, have a computer and how many people own a most up-to-date computer and, in these people, how many people like to play video games? we do not know the answers because the arguer forget to tell us. Since Whirlwind company have an emphasis on the age-group about 10 to 25, they have to realize whether most of these objects have a most up-to-date computer so that after they have bought the game videos they can play it normally. It is crucial to the numbers of video games' venditions.

Finally, whether can affect the numbers of venditions if they only introduce games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. Because most of them are children or students which do not have much free time to play these games, what is more, they have not enough money to buy it since most of them may not have jobs and their parents may not give them money to buy the games. Furthermore, are these video games fit for the children? If, for example, there are many unhealthy contents in it such as violence, eroticism,murder and so on, their parents must not permit them to buy and play it. In a word, the company would have to extend the confines of purchasers in order to make more profits.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is neither sound nor persuasive. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but also cites in the analysis the evidence, which does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To  make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to take the following conditions into consideration:  making the survey more concretely; broadening the confines of purchasers; and confirming that the contents of these video games are healthy. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and adequate.

melinda2036UID: 2108044

我帮你改哈

melinda2036UID: 2108044

First of all, the survey cited by the arguer is too vague to be reliable. We are not informed that how many people were surveyed. If, for instance, only 10 subjects were asked, the conclusion would be highly suspectable. The arguer fails to point out that what kinds of people were surveyed, did these video-game players are（or,还有strange用在这也不太好，用amateur可能要好一些） stranger? If these players are all employees of Whirlwind company and know each other, the survey is possible（probable语气强烈些） an unconvincing one. Furthermore, the arguer fails to indicates（indicate） that how the survey was conducted. If who conducted the survey by themselves or if these questions were leading(misleading), people might echo with expected answers, thus the results would be greatly unconvincing.（这段论证还是很不错的）

In addition,the arguer suggests that these video games require the most up-to-date computers,but how many people, at least, have (a) computers and how many people own (a) most up-to-date computers and, in these people, how many people like(intend) to play video games? we do not know the answers because the arguer forget to tell us.（这句话不是很好） Since Whirlwind company have an emphasis on the age-group about 10 to 25, they have to realize whether most of these objects have a most up-to-date computer so that after they have bought(真实将来条件句吧，用原形好了) the game videos they can play it normally. It is crucial to the numbers of video games' venditions.

Finally, (it is doubtful that) whether can affect（increase） the numbers of venditions if they only introduce games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. Because most of them are children or students which do not have much free time to play these games, what is more, they have not enough money to buy it since most of them may not have jobs and their parents may not give them money to buy the games. Furthermore, are these video games fit for the children? If, for example, there are many unhealthy contents in it such as violence, eroticism,murder and so on, their parents must not permit them to buy and play it. In a word, the company would have to extend the confines of purchasers in order to make more profits. (这段论证上感觉有点问题，小孩真的没时间吗？他们可是游戏巨大的消费群体呀。感觉有点牵强)

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is neither sound nor persuasive. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but also cites in the analysis the evidence, which does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To  make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to take the following conditions into consideration:  making the survey more concretely; broadening the confines of purchasers; and confirming that the contents of these video games are healthy. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and adequate.
只有些小错误，感觉句子结构上进步很大，要继续努力呀。

jason0926UID: 200697

谢谢,敏敏,你真是太好了,喜欢死你了