argument117G-89-互助社-8。27日同主题写作

fairy115UID：200324

Argument117  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：33分11秒     471words
从2005年7月27日10时9分到2005年7月27日10时33分
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The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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Based on the statistic a survey indicates and what the manager expected and planned to do, the arguer draws a conclusion that the office-supply department in Vau-Mart will become the most profitable component. However, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless this conclusion is. In my point of view, this argument suffers from three flaws.

In the first place, the survey cited in the argument is too vague to be informative.  From the survey, we found little sign for such procedure for sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents constitute a sufficient sample so as to be representative for the overall officers. If the survey is conducted only within the sample of 10 officers compared to the total number of 10 thousand, even 7 of the 10 give out the answer that they are required to take more work from home with them makes little sense because the answer of the other 90% officers are not available. On the other hand, where did the survey conducted were not informed to us. It is obvious that the result of a survey conducted in other places or nations may not be applied to where the Valu-Mart stores locates. In the third place, the tendency may not last long even the survey can indicates the work-at-home trend. If it is a transitory phenomenon because of seasonal factors or something else, the increase demand for office supplies is doubtful.

Even the survey is soundness and can show a lasting tendency the increase in demand for home office machines needs further consideration. No evidence shows that the work people bring to home needs such equipment as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders and fax machines. It is very likely that people can leave the work asked for those equipments to tomorrow so as to prevent such payment to buy them. And the computer technology may enable them to control such equipment in their office by long-distance tech.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the reasoning. Current wisdom says that, before you conduct a successful business strategy, you need first to perform detailed market analysis, making sure that your entry can gain a significant share of the market. Solely increase of stocks of these appliances will not necessarily increase the profit, not that the most profit one, the quality, diversity, price, and convenience should be taken into account.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains and the logic in the memo is not very reasonable. If the argument includes detailed information about the survey, like procedure of sampling, constrains on location, further information about the tendency's lasting time and market analysis, it will be more thorough and adequate.

polymathUID：179557

UP!

polymathUID：179557

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------正文------
Based on the statistic a survey indicates and what the manager expected and planned to do, the arguer draws a conclusion that the office-supply department in Vau-Mart will become the most profitable component. However, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless this conclusion is. In my point of view, this argument suffers from three flaws. 第一段论点鲜明，引述也非常简洁，赞！

In the first place, the survey cited in the argument is too vague to be informative.  From the survey, we found little sign for such procedure for sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents constitute a sufficient sample so as to be representative forof the overall officers. If the survey is conducted only within the sample of 10 officers compared to the total number of 10 thousand, even 7 of the 10 give out the answer that they are required to take more work from home with them makes little sense because the answer of the other 90% officers are not available. On the other hand, where did the survey conducted were not informed to us. It is obvious that the result of a survey conducted in other places or nations may not be applied to where the Valu-Mart stores locates. In the third place, the tendency may not last long even the survey can indicates the work-at-home trend. If it is a transitory phenomenon because of seasonal factors or something else, the increase demand for office supplies is doubtful. 对于调查分析得很不错哦！进步大大的！

Even the survey is soundness and can show a lasting tendency the increase in demand for home office machines needs further consideration. No evidence shows that the work people bring to home needs such equipment as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders and fax machines. It is very likely that people can leave the work asked for those equipments to tomorrow so as to prevent such payment to buy them.这个理由好象不是太好哦！应该从人的职业上来分析，比如a cleaner就不用带回家干活，而且有的职业需要办公用具也只是像typewriter之类的！ And the computer technology may enable them to control such equipment in their office by long-distance tech.这一点展望真棒！但不是普遍的！可以列到perhaps中说！这一端的分析有点略现简单了！最好举几个反面的可能性，直接用other explanations举出来！

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the reasoning. Current wisdom says that, before you conduct a successful business strategy, you need first to perform detailed market analysis, making sure that your entry can gain a significant share of the market. Solely increase of stocks of these appliances will not necessarily increase the profit, notnor that the most profit one, the quality, diversity, price, and convenience should be taken into account. 不错！

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains and the logic in the memo is not very reasonable. If the argument includes detailed information about the survey, like procedure of sampling, constrains on location, further information about the tendency's lasting time and market analysis, it will be more thorough and adequate.

总评：总体很棒的文章，5.5分左右吧！加油哦！看来你最近找到对付A的心得了！

fairy115UID：200324

得到斑竹的赞赏，真是让我信心大增哦！！！谢谢！我再来改进改进~~