Argument4 谢谢大家指点！~~~

BerlinbearUID: 207694

ＡＲＧＵＭＥＮＴ
4. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town--Adams Realty and Fitch Realty--Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”

1.        雇员人数与销售量没有直接联系。
2.        十年前的楼价与现在没有可比性，且房子本身因素未被考虑。
3.        一年的销售量不足以代表通常情况。
In this argument, the author concludes that Adams Realty (AR) estate firm is more capable than Fitch Realty (FR) to sell houses. To confirm this assertion, the author provides some information, including AR has a lager quantity of employees , a higher averaged revenue and so forth. How ever, the arguer neglects certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove. I find this argument suffers from several flaws.

First and foremost, the author achieves the conclusion based on the fact that Adams has 40 real estate agents while Fitch merely has 25, and many of whom work only part-time. However, there is no enough evidence to prove that a greater amount of employees relates to or gives rise to a more profitable business for a real estate firm. However, it is quite possible that the real estate agents in Adams are not as efficient and effective as the agents in Fitch so that Adams has to employ such a large amount people to work. Although Fitch does not have many agents, but maybe every employee in Fitch is skilled and professional so that there is no necessary for Fitch to engage more people and for their employees to work full time.

To further support the claim, the author cites the fact that it took a lager time for Adams to sell one of his or her house recently than Fitch which sold another his or her house ten years ago. Nevertheless, the arguer fails to consider other possible alternatives causing to this situation. Such alternatives may include the fact that the real estate maybe has been changed significantly in the last decades. For instance, it is possible that the price of houses ten years is too expensive for almost people to afford but decreased largely through ten years so that many people can pay for it. Or that people did not realize that investment in real estate could increase their money in the past while nowadays more and more people get this information. In addition, perhaps the house which Fitch sold for the author ten year ago located in a very remote region so that little people are interested in it, but the house sold by Adams is just in the popular area. So without specific proofs about what the houses are, it is hard to draw the conclusion that Adams has done a better job that Fitch.

In further support the assertion, the author points out that Adams gain a more profit than Fitch last year. However, the arguer ignores the possibility that the amount of one year is not representative enough and maybe even an aberration. In addition, perhaps Adams has actually sold fewer houses than Fitch in most yeas In addition, perhaps sales volume is higher in Adams just because of its larger employees, and each agent indeed sells fewer houses on average than Fitch’s agent does. Without establishing that there are many other possibilities for the situation, the author cannot defend the conclusion just rooted in the one year’s revenue.

In conclusion, to persuade us that Adams is better than Fitch, the author would need to provide more credible support that the amount of employees is related to the sales ability of the real estate firms directly, the situation of different houses, etc.

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

4. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town--Adams Realty and Fitch Realty--Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”

1.        雇员人数与销售量没有直接联系。
2.        十年前的楼价与现在没有可比性，且房子本身因素未被考虑。
3.        一年的销售量不足以代表通常情况。
In this argument, the author concludes that Adams Realty (AR) estate firm is more capable than Fitch Realty (FR) to sell houses. be capable of doing sth, be able to do sth To confirm this assertion, the author provides some information, including AR has a lager quantity of employees , a higher averaged revenue and so forth. How ever, the arguer neglects certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove. I find this argument suffers from several flaws.
最后一句和前面最好连接一下，增强流畅性．

First and foremost, the author achieves the conclusion based on the fact that Adams has 40 real estate agents while Fitch merely has 25, and many of whom work only part-time. However, there is no enough evidence to prove that a greater amount of employees relates to or gives rise to a more profitable business for a real estate firm. However,觉得这里instead更合适 it is quite possible that the real estate agents in Adams are not as efficient and effective as the agents in Fitch so that Adams has to employ such a large amount people to work. Although Fitch does not have many agents, but　although和but只能有一个 maybe every employee in Fitch is 这里加个表程度的副词更好skilled and professional so that there is no necessary for Fitch to engage more people and force their employees to work full time.

To further support the claim, the author cites the fact that it took a lager time for Adams to sell one of his or her house recently than Fitch which whosold another his or her house ten years ago. Nevertheless, the arguer fails to consider other possible alternatives causing to去掉 this situation. Such alternatives may include the fact that the real estate maybe去掉，前面已经有了may has been changed significantly in the last decades.这里是在说地产业情况变了，所以最好说trend of For instance, it is possible that the price of houses ten years is too expensive for almost most applies better here people to afford but decreased largely through觉得改为in the course of在１０年期间房价改变了不少 ten years so that many people can pay for afford is more native it. Or that people did not realize that investment in real estate could increase their money in the past while nowadays more and more people get用得到这个消息力度明显不够，最好说现在人们深信投资地产可以赚钱，所以用completely convinced by/are totally attatched to  this information. In addition, perhaps the house which Fitch sold for the author ten year ago located in a very remote region so that little people are interested in it, but the house sold by Adams is just in the popular area. So without specific proofs about what condition the houses are in, it is hard to draw the conclusion that Adams has done a better job that Fitch.
在后面阐述有很多可能导致了十年前销售不如现在的时候可以尝试下用别的方式，而不是生硬地用it's possible...or...in addition perhaps这样的结构，要么把中间再用结果段开，要么严格用排比句试，要不然结构有点头重脚轻

Into further support the assertion, the author points out that Adams gain a more profit than Fitch last year. However, the arguer ignores the possibility fact比possibility好点吧，有的时候不要太中立，ＡＲＧＵ一定要在气势上压倒ＥＴＳ that the amount of one year amount of one year感觉有点chinglish，the selling condition of one year可能还合老外表达习惯些吧，但这个也不是很好，我再想想． is not representative enough and maybe even an aberration. In addition, perhaps Adams has actually sold fewer houses than Fitch in most yeas In addition, perhaps sales volume is higher in Adams just because of its larger employees, and each agent indeed sells fewer houses on average than Fitch’s agent does.这个论点好！ Without establishing that there are many other possibilities for the situation, the author cannot defend the conclusion just rooted in the one year’s revenue.
结尾很有力度，但这段似乎in addition 用得多了点

In conclusion, to persuade us that Adams is better than Fitch, the author would need to provide more credible support  that the amount of employees is related to the sales ability of the real estate firms directly, the situation of different houses, etc. 这句语法好象有点不对

berlinbear不错啊！！！～～～细节再注意下就没问题了．我觉得你不用太担心你的阿狗的

gtrandUID: 2156108

In this argument, the author concludes that Adams Realty (AR) estate firm is more capable than Fitch Realty (FR) to sell (of selling)houses. To confirm this assertion, the author provides some information, including AR has a lager quantity of employees , a higher averaged revenue and so forth. How ever, the arguer neglects certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove. I find this argument suffers from several flaws. However, I find this argument suffers from several flaws in that the arguer neglects certain important factors.

First and foremost, the author achieves draws the conclusion based on the fact that Adams has 40 real estate agents while Fitch merely has 25, and 前后是主从关系，不能用andmany of whom work only part-time. However, there is no enough evidence, however,这是纯正英语写法，将however放在句中。你可以仔细观察一下，老外很少将however放在句首。 to prove that a greater amount number。amount只能修饰不可数名词of employees relates to or gives rise to a more profitable business for a real estate firm. However, 与前面重复，不用it is quite possible that the real estate agents in Adams are not as efficient and effective as the agents in Fitch so that Adams has to employ such a large amount number ofpeople to work. Although Fitch does not have many agents, but 有了although，后面决不能再用butmaybe every employee in Fitch is skilled and professional so that there is no necessary it is not necessaryfor Fitch to engage more people and for their employees to work full time.

To further support the claim, the author cites the fact that it took a lager longertime for Adams to sell one of his or her house recently than Fitch which sold another his or her house ten years agodid ten years ago in selling another house.. Nevertheless, the arguer fails to consider other possible alternatives causing to this situationfactors which might help explain the difference.. Such alternatives may includesuch as the fact that the real estate marketmaybe has been changed significantly in the last decadesdecade. For instance, it is possible that the price of houses ten years is (was) too expensive highfor almost people most peopleto afford but decreased largely through ten years so that many people can pay for it. Or that people did not realize that investment in real estate could increase their money in the past while nowadays more and more people get this information. 不是特别清楚In addition, perhaps the house which Fitch sold for the author ten year ago waslocated in a very remote region so that little fewpeople arewere interested in it, but the house sold by Adams is just in the popular area. So without specific proofs about what the houses are, it is hard to draw the conclusion that Adams has done a better job that Fitch.

InTo further support the assertion, the author points out that Adams gain(s) a more profit (more revenue.注意revenue与profit是不同的概念)than Fitch last year. However, Neverthelessthe arguer ignores the possibility that the amount of 多余one year is not representative enough and maybe even an aberration. In addition, 　这句话是解释前面一句话的，不是提出新的论点，因此不能用in addition.perhaps Adams has actually sold fewer houses than Fitch in most yeas In addition, perhaps sales volume is higher in Adams just because of its largernumber of employees, and each agent indeed sells fewer houses on average than Fitch’s agent does. Without establishing that there are many other possibilities for the situation, the author cannot defend the conclusion just rooted in the one year’s revenue.

In conclusion, to persuade us that Adams is better than Fitch, the author would need to provide more credible support that the amount numberof employees is related to the sales ability of the real estate firms directly, the situation of different houses, etc.

很不错很不错，无论是语言还是逻辑都很到位，尤其是关于职工人数差别的驳斥更是痛快。如果不满足的话，还有几个地方可以反驳的。如公司营业收入高，未见得利润高（营业收入－开支＝利润），而开支我们不知道。况且客户关心的不是公司的营业收入，而是房屋的销售价格与公司收取的费用，Ａ公司的营业收入有可能很大一部分是高佣金。此外，Ａ售房的价钱高于F，未见得它卖的就是好价钱，因为成本价不清楚。
结尾段显得有点匆忙，可以把前面几段论述的总结一下。

[ Last edited by gtrand on 2005-12-20 at 10:05 ]

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

楼上的建议不错