1006G[Redemption]备考贴 by gantian

gantianUID：2650936

第五次作业--Argu238

238)  158. The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
[Evidence]"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. [Conclusion]To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their résumés and interviewing skills."

逻辑关系：
[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]

攻击步骤：
1.    攻击[Evidence]：
a.    GM90%, MV70%只是个相对比例，有可能90%的人数比70%的人数还少。
b.    Within 3 month，文章并没有指出GM的是在多久期限找到的工作，3个月不能代表未来（时间推广），有可能MV的在3个月的时候还在实习，半年以后才能签约。
c.    GM的Job offers，并没有说去，说不定工作不好，而only 50% MV Employed in their major field并不一定代表不好，有可能他们的专业并不好，工作转到另外一个更好的领域去了。

2.    攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion] 2：（Conclusion中的错误的充分性）
文章无根据地认为more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumès and interviewing skills 是 more employment的充分条件。
并没有说GM有更多Computer Tech的课程，没有证据证明business 和Computer Tech会更利于就业，有可能是一个师范类学校，学生更多的应该学教学技巧，而不是business & computer Tech。 同时也没有事实说明additional job counselors就对学生有帮助，可能是就业市场现在不好，或者是实力不行，而不是因为学生的resumès and interviewing skills差。

3.    攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion] 1：（=>中的错误类比关系）
GM比MV是两所不同的学校，More employment可能是由其他很多他因导致，比如GM比MV的生源（student background）好， MV学生倾向于选择深造而不是就业。

习作：

In this memo, the president of Mira Vista (MV) College recommends providing more business and computer technology courses and hiring additional job counselors in order to help MV's graduates find a job. To support this recommendation, the president cites a statistic comparison between Green Mountain (GM) College and Mira Vista College showing that GM College has a better graduates’ employment condition. However, close scrutiny of the evidence and of the line of reasoning reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumption and is therefore unpersuasive.

To begin with, the author provides no evidence that the comparison between GM College and MV College is reliable. Without giving information regarding the absolute number of GM College and MV College, it is entirely possible that the number of 90 percent of GM's graduates is less than that of 70 percent in MV. Besides, the author unfairly infers that the other 30 percent of seniors in MV would not find a job after three months. Perhaps this 30 percents are on an intern of six months so that they will be engaged in a position in half of a year. What's more, a graduate who is not employed in his own major does not represent undesirable. Perhaps the changed working field can bring him more benefits than that of he majors in.

The argument also assumes too hastily that additional job counselors as well as more courses in business and computer technology will necessarily result in more employment. There is no evidence that business and computer technology courses will motivate employment. Perhaps MV College is a normal university, the students there should learn more teaching skills rather than how to run a business. Moreover, the author makes an unfounded assumption that the job counselors who help students with their résumés and interviewing skills may help the students in finding a job. Perhaps it is the slump of the job market result in the fail of the students who cannot get a job rather than the skill of writing résumés and interviewing.

Even I concede that it is GM's measure that contributes to higher employment rate, the argument fails to consider the possible differences between GM and MV. Perhaps the students' background in MV are not as good as in GM so that MV's students are not willing to take more courses, or perhaps the students in MV are prone to further study rather than employment. Without considering the alternatives related to employment, the author cannot conclude that MV must take the same measure like GM.

To sum up, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to provide more evidence about the employment condition in the two colleges and the difference between them. Additionally, he would have to consider more skills in helping the students to find a job.

这次比前几次认真多了。。。对于逻辑错误的选取和攻击安排改了好几遍。
但愿有进步了^_^

gantianUID：2650936

第五次作业提纲：

gantianUID：2650936

16# gantian
第五次作业总结

修改by 小鸟

错误（个人感觉）
我的看法
好句子

还没吃饭
就只PAT提纲吧
攻击步骤：
1.
攻击[Evidence]：
a.
GM90%, MV70%只是个相对比例，有可能90%的人数比70%的人数还少。（人数不是问题要的就是比率，现在的大学没有宣传年度就业人数的吧...转DOREEN的看法 GMC宣传的是就业一年以后的就业率
而 MV 是3个月的 GMC宣传的可能包括兼职而MV宣传的是
全职--》这两个就业率没有可比性）
b.
Within 3 month，文章并没有指出GM的是在多久期限找到的工作，3个月不能代表未来（时间推广），有可能MV的在3个月的时候还在实习，半年以后才能签约。

（归并到上一条）
c.
GM的Job offers，并没有说去，说不定工作不好，而only 50% MV Employedin their major field并不一定代表不好，有可能他们的专业并不好，工作转到另外一个更好的领域去了。

2.
攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]2：（Conclusion中的错误的充分性）
       文章无根据地认为more courses in businessand computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help studentswith their resumès and interviewing skills
是 more employment的充分条件。
        并没有说GM有更多Computer Tech的课程，没有证据证明business 和Computer Tech会更利于就业，有可能是一个medical university，培养的是医生，学生更多的应该学教学技巧，而不是business & computer Tech。
同时也没有事实说明additional job counselors就对学生有帮助，可能是就业市场现在不好，或者是实力不行，（也可能GMC的counselors传授了其他的技能而非resumès and interviewing skills）而不是因为学生的resumès and interviewing skills差。

3.
攻击[Evidence]==> [Conclusion]1：（=>中的错误类比关系）
GM比MV是两所不同的学校，Moreemployment可能是由其他很多他因导致，比如GM比MV的生源（student background）好， MV学生倾向于选择深造而不是就业。

我的提纲（交流)
1\错误类比 GMC 与 MV存在差异 MAYBE GMC在当地享有盛誉，而MV名不见经传 MAYBE GMC 学生对工作没有追求（不在乎品位）
2\即便GMC与MV之间情况相似，也并不能说GMC的成功是由于XX和XX原因造成的 MAYBE GMC人多同时它还是商学院
3\即便是由于XX和XX原因造成的成功，MV在不确定XX和XX的具体内容的情况下盲目照搬可能适得其反

拍错的的地方
多交流~

gantianUID：2650936

16# gantian
修改by Doreen

错误
好处
238)
158. The following appeared in amemorandum from the president of Mira Vista Collegeto the college's board of trustees.
[Evidence]"At nearby Green MountainCollege, which has more businesscourses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year'sgraduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors whoinformed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had foundfull-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of thesegraduates were employed in their major field of study. [Conclusion]To help Mira Vista's graduates findemployment, we must offer more courses inbusiness and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to helpstudents with their résumés and interviewing skills."

逻辑关系：
[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]

攻击步骤：
1.
攻击[Evidence]：
a.
GM90%, MV70%只是个相对比例，有可能90%的人数比70%的人数还少。要看的是比例，实际人数反而不具有说服力。要看就业率，而不是就业人数。
b.
Within3 month，文章并没有指出GM的是在多久期限找到的工作，3个月不能代表未来（时间推广），有可能MV的在3个月的时候还在实习，半年以后才能签约。
c.
GM的Job offers，并没有说去，说不定工作不好，而only 50% MV Employed in their majorfield并不一定代表不好，有可能他们的专业并不好，工作转到另外一个更好的领域去了这一点没想到，不错。

2.
攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]2：（Conclusion中的错误的充分性）
文章无根据地认为more courses in business andcomputer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students withtheir resumès and interviewing skills
是 more employment的充分条件。
并没有说GM有更多ComputerTech的课程，没有证据证明business 和Computer Tech会更利于就业，有可能是一个师范类学校，学生更多的应该学教学技巧，而不是business & computerTech这种说法不太好，即使是师范类学习，学习了b&c技能也可以帮助更容易找工作。
同时也没有事实说明additionaljob counselors就对学生有帮助，可能是就业市场现在不好，或者是实力不行，而不是因为学生的resumès and interviewing skills差这里的论据是好论据，但和论点有点无关，论点讲的是additionaljob counselor的作用，论据讲的是工作不好找的原因，即使你有其它原因，也不能排除additionaljob counselor可能是有作用的，如果把论点稍微改一下，变成题目没有分析其它对找工作可能有帮助的更大的原因，就可以继续这么论证了，因为如果其它原因更重要，就不一定要找jobc~了。


3.
攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]1：（=>中的错误类比关系）
GM比MV是两所不同的学校，More employment可能是由其他很多他因导致，比如GM比MV的生源（student background）好， MV学生倾向于选择深造而不是就业。

习作：

In this memo, thepresident of Mira Vista (MV) College recommends providing more business andcomputer technology courses and hiring additional job counselors in order tohelp MV's graduates find a job（对应于graduates）. To support this(his)recommendation, the president cites a statistic comparison between Green Mountain(GM) College and Mira Vista Collegeshowing that GM College has a bettergraduates’ employment condition. However, close scrutiny of the evidence and of the line of reasoning reveals that it containsseveral unconvincing assumptions and is thereforeunpersuasive.

To begin with, theauthor provides no evidence that the comparison between GM College and MVCollege is reliable. Without giving information regarding the absolute numberof GM College and MV College, it is entirely possible that the number of 90percent of GM's graduates is less than that of 70 percent in MV. 上面是我在提纲里提到的问题Besides, theauthor unfairly infers that the other 30 percent of seniors in MV would notfind a job after three months. Perhaps this 30 percents are on an internship of six months so that they will be engaged in aposition in half of a year. What's more, a graduate who is not employed in hisown major does not represent undesirable. Perhaps the changed working field canbring him more benefits than that of he majors in.这里说明MV的30%可能还是能找到好工作，但忽视了GM的10%也有可能找到好工作，而且这一段的论点是GM和MV的比较是不合理的，论证中需要将两者结合考虑，否则考虑片面了。

The argument also assumes too hastily(hastily assumes读起来更顺) that additionaljob counselors as well as more courses in business and computer technology willnecessarily result in more employment. There is no evidence that business andcomputer technology courses will motivate employment. Perhaps MV College is anormal university, the students there should learn more teaching skills ratherthan how to run a business. Moreover, the author makes an unfounded assumptionthat the job counselors who help students with their résumés and interviewingskills may help the students in finding a job. Perhaps it is the slump of thejob market result in the fail of the students who cannot get a job rather thanthe skill of writing résumés and interviewing. 同提纲


Even I concedethat it is GM's measure that contributes to higher employment rate,； the argument fails to consider the possibledifferences between GM and MV. Perhaps the students' background in MV are notas good as in GM so that MV's students are not willing to take more courses, orperhaps the students in MV are prone to further study rather than employment.Without considering the alternatives related to employment, the author cannotconclude that MV must take the same measure like GM.

To sum up, therecommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render itunconvincing as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the authorwould have to provide more evidence about the employment condition in the two collegesand the difference between them. Additionally, he would have to consider moreskills in helping the students to find a job.结尾方式挺好，先概括，再稍具体。

文章的语言方面不错，就是逻辑方面需要论证紧密围绕论点。

gantianUID：2650936

重写第五次作业--Argu238
238)
158. The following appeared in amemorandum from the president of Mira Vista Collegeto the college's board of trustees.
[Evidence]"At nearby Green MountainCollege, which has more businesscourses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year'sgraduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors whoinformed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-timejobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduateswere employed in their major field of study. [Conclusion]To help Mira Vista's graduates findemployment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology andhire additional job counselors to help students with their résumés andinterviewing skills."

逻辑关系：
[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]

[修改的地方]

攻击步骤：

1.    攻击[Evidence]：
        a.    GM的job offers并没有指出性质，有可能是part-time jobs，而MV的是full-time jobs. MV的Within 3 month，文章并没有指出GM的是在多久期限找到的工作，3个月不能代表未来（时间推广），有可能MV的在3个月的时候还在实习，半年以后才能签约。
        b.    GM的Job offers，并没有说去，说不定工作不好，而only 50% MV Employed in their major field并不一定代表不好，有可能他们的专业并不好，工作转到另外一个更好的领域去了。

2.    攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion] 2：（Conclusion中的错误的充分性）
        文章无根据地认为more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their résumés and interviewing skills 是 more employment的充分条件。
        并没有说GM有更多Computer Tech的课程，没有证据证明business 和Computer Tech会更利于就业，有可能是一个medical university，培养的是医生，更需要的是专业知识和经验而不是business & computer Tech。 同时不能完全认为additional job counselors就对more employment有帮助，有可能是学生个人能力问题的限制，而不是因为学生的résumés and interviewing skills这种表面功夫(just learn how to show themselves)。

3.    攻击[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion] 1：（=>中的错误类比关系）
        GM比MV是两所不同的学校，More employment可能是由其他很多他因导致，比如GM比MV的生源（student background）好， MV学生倾向于选择深造而不是就业。


感谢小鸟和Doreen的建议

习作：

In this memo, the president of Mira Vista (MV) College recommends providing more business and computer technology courses and hiring additional job counselors in order to help MV's graduates find jobs. To support his recommendation, the president cites a statistic comparison between Green Mountain (GM) College and Mira Vista College showing that GM College has better graduates’ employment condition. However, close scrutiny of the evidence and the line of reasoning reveal that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is therefore unpersuasive.

To begin with, the author provides no evidence that the comparison between GM College and MV College is reliable. Without giving information regarding the detail of the job, it is entirely possible that the job offers received by GM's students are part-time while the MV's are full-time. Besides, the author unfairly infers that the other 30 percent of seniors in MV would not find a job after three months. Perhaps this 30 percents are working on intern of six months so that they will be engaged in a position in half of a year. What's more, a graduate who is not employed in his own major does not represent undesirable. Perhaps the changed working field can bring him more benefits than that of he majors in.

The argument also hastily assumes that additional job counselors as well as more courses in business and computer technology will necessarily result in more employment. There is no evidence that business and computer technology courses will motivate employment. Perhaps MV College is a medical college which is aiming at fostering doctors--whose specialized knowledge and practice more important to know how to run a business. Moreover, the author makes an unfounded assumption that the job counselors who help students with their résumés and interviewing skills may contribute to the students' better employment. Perhaps it is the students' personal competence plays as a bottleneck in the employment rate rather than skills of writing résumés and interviewing.

Even I concede that it is GM's measure that contributes to higher employment rate, the argument fails to consider the possible differences between GM and MV. Perhaps the students' background in MV are not as good as in GM so that MV's students are not willing to take more courses, or perhaps the students in MV are prone to further study rather than employment. Without considering the alternatives related to employment, the author cannot conclude that MV must take the same measure like GM.

To sum up, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to provide more evidence about the employment condition in the two colleges and the difference between them. Additionally, he would have to consider more skills in helping the students to find a job.

总结：
这次Argu写得比以前认真，对于两个大的逻辑错误是反复推敲了以后才最后动笔。参考了很多北美范文里论证的表达，比以前从笔记里瞎挑句子出来有了进步。觉得用模板并不是不可以，关键形成一个自己熟悉并且表达合理的模板，这样在遇到错误的时候可以马上反应过来运用哪些句子来表达自己的驳论。

这次文章的问题还是体现在选取去解释观点的例子上，有好几个选择的不妥当，甚至还有选择错误的（比如第一个攻击锻的就业人数，应该是考虑就业率）。
开头和结尾段这次也花了点心思，为了概括下文错误和总结上文错误。如何去用多种语言来说同一件事，还挺头疼的。

最后，还要多积累一些词语和语言，用在句式和词的变换上。

加油加油^_^

gantianUID：2650936

第5次作业再改 by...

gantianUID：2650936

阶段性总结一：对于Argu的思考。
一、精华贴笔记：

1.给非非牛人的感想（https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=933101&page=1#pid1772470866）
个人很不喜欢模板，可以说很少用模板，所以也建议大家，那种所谓的A模板，写了500字其中350都是废话，没有一点内涵，你要清楚，改你的作文的是老美，他们每天阅读无数的作文，看一眼就知道你这篇文章有多少你自己的痕迹，有多少你的模板，而上面已经提到了，AW不是考语言，是考逻辑！所以对于A，我的观点是：不要从一个批判者的角的看，ETS不是想让你把这篇文章批驳得一无是处，而是想让你帮助这篇文章如何改进，所以不要说一些很肯定的反对之类的话语，而要委婉的提出他这个遗漏了啥，one may be more interested into the argument if theauthor should renderus..类似于这样的话，然后结尾我的建议是不要重复那些要改进啥，没有多大意义，这个我通常放在每段结尾捎带提下，结尾可以写下这篇a说服力不够(the argument lacks credibility) OR 肯定它的出发点是好的但是论证过程有问题（比如说想要人民更健康）itmay render us the appealing information aboutsth然后一句话点出这篇A还要仔细考虑从之类的话，最后加一个不这样做可能的结果。。
ps:特别注意哪些新东方教的逻辑错误，这是帮助你找到错误的第一步，但是千万别记住什么这是那个那个错误，什么什么用词，这样的语言千万别用，很死很干！！后面我附了一个我自己总结的新东方那些错误，关键是让你们知道都有哪些错误，只要自己会找就行，不用在意名词和术语！！

关于BODY的论证，个人强烈建议看看Imong的A论证三部曲，个人收获最大！！

另外，个人最后最大的感悟，你一定要在举了例子后好好分析这个例子为什么能支持你的TS，这个才是体现你的analytical 的地方，举例子谁不会，一举一大串，但是你加入个人的分析之后，整个段落完全不一样，就变成饱满而有逻辑的了。

还有很重要：最后一定要在AWP界面上练习想提纲[这个是在将Argu研究熟练后开始考虑的事情]，因为你到时候考试的时候是面对着电脑不是纸啊）面对电脑那种random的想提纲，锻炼才是最有效的！！

2.Argu论证如何展开（https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-175162-1-1.html）
by springy
The fact that experienced employees showed little improvement in theseareas cannot support that experienced workers have no progress afterthe retreat. In this memo, it seems that the speaker defined theimprovement only to be an increase of calls handled, and a decrease ofthe complaints from customers. However, the definition is quite limited because the speaker just focused on the number, butignored the quality. Maybe the calls handled by experienced employeesgave the customers more satisfaction than before, although the numberwas not added apparently, and the company hadn't noted the betterreflections from customers.
Another possibility also exist thatthe progress of those new employees the speaker had found was not thedirect result of the retreat. In fact, longer time in the work fieldand more thinking are always helpful for everyone to improve his workefficiency.
后面那个another possibility没看出来在说什么，不过前面关于quality和数量的区别的确给说了个清清楚楚。

再例如seeseafast提到的more patient之类的方面，都是比such as skills on other aspects要好得多。

by imong
In addition, the fact that experienced employees showed little improvements after the latest retreat does not necessarily follows that it is unworthy to send those experienced workers to all future retreats because in the latest retreat, what kind of training was given and for whom it was designed were not provided, and even worse, whether future retreat will be exactly the same of the latest one is not mentioned. [展开来说] For example, [other possiblity之对现在情况他因的解释]It is quite possible that the major purpose of the latest treat is to solve the question of experience, that is to say, to teach the trainees how to gain experience from the experienced workers, in this sense, it is natural that the already experienced employees would improve little compared with the novice. [other possiblity之还可能出现的其他情况]However, if the future treats are to focus on the creativity or originality of its employees, the result might be on the contrary.Under such circumstance, it is entirely possible that the experienced employees will improve greatly while the new employees achieve little. [整体结论，给出补救措施]Unless the arguer could confirm that the future retreats will not be designed for experienced employees as the latest one does, to exclude experienced employees from all future retreats will by no means be a wise practice.

很可惜的是并没有这个TS下面的ETS范文，不过参照范文我们也可以看出来一些端倪：

[TS]However, the citizens of Forestville are failing to consider other possible alternatives to the increasing car accidents after the raisein speed limit.  [Alternative1]Such alternatives may include the fact that there are less reliable cars traveling the roads in Forestville, or[Alternative2]

that the agebracket of those in Elmsford may be more conducive to drivingsafely.  [展开论述2]It is possible that there are more younger, inexperienced, or more elderly, unsafe drivers in Forestville than there are in Elmsford. 前面的age bracket在下一句得到了很好的阐述 [Alternative3]
In addition, the citizens have failed to consider the geographical andphysical terrain of the two different areas. [展开论述3]Perhaps Forestville'shighway is in an area of more dangerous curves, sharp turns, or hasmany intersections or merging points where accidents are more likely tooccur. 在这里，三个具体的反例用词一下子就说明问题了：很具体，而不是空泛的geographical difference.[总结] It appears reasonable, therefore, for the citizens to focus on these trouble spots than to reduce the speed in the entire area. 从而therefore得到对比就很顺利了，同时不忘交待对方：Elmsford may be an area of easier driving conditions where accidents are less likely to occur regardless of the speed limit.

另外一篇6分的：
Finally,[TS] there is absolutely no evidence provided that high quality(and presumably more expensive) gear is any more beneficial than otherkinds of gear. [展开论述] For example, a simple white t-shirt may provide the same preventative benefit as a higher quality, more expensive, shirtdesigned only for skating.  Before skaters are encouraged to investheavily in gear, a more complete understanding of the benefit provided by individual pieces of gear would be helpful.很简单也很清楚明了，注意三句话各自的位置和功用。

而看看同一个题目下面6分和5分的对比：
6
[TS]The argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take intoaccount the inherent differences between skaters who wear gear andthose who do not. It is at least likely that those who wear gear maybe generally more responsible and/or safety conscious individuals.  Theskaters who wear gear may be less likely to cause accidents throughcareless or dangerous behavior.  It may, in fact, be their naturalcaution and responsibility that keeps them out of the emergency roomrather than the gear itself.

5
[TS]However, the conclusion that protective gear and reflective equipmentwould "greatly reduce.risk of being severely injured" ispremature. [展开论述] Data is lacking with reference to the total population ofskaters and the relative levels of experience, skill and physicalcoordination of that population.  It is entirely possible that furtherresearch would indicate that most serious injury is averted by theskater's ability to react quickly and skillfully in emergencysituations.

对比6分段落的详细分析而言，这里的it is entirely possible未免单薄一些。既没有上面的it may, in fact,be…句的对比总结，也没有it is at least… 的背景铺垫，相当于直接给出了the skaterswho…句（虽然内容上不尽相同）。而这一串total population of skaters， the relative levelsof experience, skill and physical coordination of thatpopulation并没有例如conscious individual这样的反例来得实在。

1.单独列出条目是不够的，如果说such as otherskills的话，为什么不写出来到底是什么skill？如果说improvements cannot be embodied（这个词用的有问题？） in their work，那到底体现在哪里了？如果说they actually MADE improvements，哪些方面，多大程度？etc.

2．从Daffi的段落里面可以看到非常具体的情景，更不用说范文里面for example的详细——而这样非常能够说明问题。False analogy总是虚的，而说清楚因为A地区成天种棉花B地区成天盖房子从而FALSE analogy才是具体的。同时不仅是场景，其中发展的过程也要给说清楚——看看段落里面在具体场景下面的动态描述（结合着对比），我想应该是很明显的。

3．当然啦，这不是说鼓励大家狂拽一气——GITER后面第二个段落未免太发挥到极致了。一句话能够说清楚的没必要啰嗦5句话，上面给出的一个6分段落就是3句话搞定的。问题仍然是：我必须把必要的内容给予充分的交代，把整个过程为什么出现fallacy分析清楚，这个分析就体现在例如上面提到的一些元素里（当然，也许不止）。大家看看范文，自己也可以琢磨一下：从范文里面能够找到什么样的体现论证充实深入的元素？

4．再次证明：这些元素都不是任何一个版本的号称普适的“模版”能够搞定的。


第一，逻辑要严密
对自己下的论断要有说明和阐述，除非显然正确

第二，要具体
如提到other possibilities，other reasons都要指出这些可能性原因
到底指什么

ARGUMENT需要一个严谨而充实的驳论过程，泛泛而谈很难有强大说服力的。而且不仅是指出原因，应该说要把动态的过程分析清楚（if necessary）。

3.Argu的开头和结尾（https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=134092&page=1#pid771949）

[Do not spend a lot of time summarizing the argument unless youthink it will effectively develop your critique.  Readers know whichArgument topic you were assigned.]

Unless you think it will effectivelydevelop your critique，可是目前恐怕还没发现哪篇文章因为写了summary从而effectivelydevelop了critique
因此，我认为，开头画上一个段落4到6句话来summarize基本上没有积极的效果，还不如省省力气好好组织深入后面的内容，这种summary性质的文字撑死了一两句话。

Forestville 6
The agrument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned.  Bymaking a comparison of the region ofForestville, the town with the higher speed limit and therefore automobileaccidents, with the region of Elmsford, an area of a lower speed limit andsubsequently fewer accidents, the argument for reducing Forestville's speedlimits in order to decrease accidents seems logical.

人家commentary的重心都在identifying flaws in the argument / target on central flaws… 花那么大力气写一个垃圾开头没什么意义

Forestville 4
从里面摘出来了两个句子：
1.A logical pathis followed throughout the paragraph and the conclusion is expected.

2. If the twomissing pieces of information had been presented and were in the author'sfavor, then the conclusion that the author made would have been much more soundthan it currently is.

而commentary里面恰好有关于这两个句子的评判：

The first thirdand last third of the essay are relatively insubstantial, consisting mainly of general summary statements (e.g.,"A logical path . . . conclusion is expected" and "If the two .. . more sound than it currently is"). The real heart of the critiqueconsists of minimal development of the two points mentioned above.

[Relatively insubstantial]，[general summary statement].这就是给出的评语。

国外6分学生对于AW的建议 （Paraphrase，Restate， not just summarise）
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=305238&page=1#pid1647439

小结：
A考什么？请大家认真思考。上面的帖子已经给出答案。
A的时间是多少？30min，比Issue少15min，包括更长的题目，难题还需要更多的时间分析。
有限的时间要做最有价值的事。如果大家只有一天可活，大家肯定会觉得给父母说我爱你，要比在QQ上和一个没见过面不知性别的人拉扯好。优势火力要集中方向。很多板油的习作，在开头上面花费了大量的时间。大家重述改写题目就要一个思考的过程。有时候，一个不错的restate开头，可惜伴随的是3段没有充分展开的逻辑论证Body。

再来说结尾，北美的结尾经典2步式：1.指出作者未能支持结论。2.指出还需要哪些信息可以完善这些论证。
第一步，无可非议。结尾提出你的结论，当然第一步是必须走的。第二步呢？有没有必要再变相把每个body的TS都重复一次？个人觉得没必要。但是相对restate题目，复述我们的个人观点是合理的。因此，结尾复述自己的论证逻辑有意义，但相对于Body来说不显得那么重要。做不做，取决于大家的考场时间。似乎孙远提过，如果没时间结尾，宁愿不结尾，去攻击错误。同时，可以使用一句话结尾。那一句话？指出作者未能支持其结论。结尾，通常是两步式，我觉得加上第三步更好。指出作者的结论会带来的bad effect。同样，无时间，只要第一步即可。

gantianUID：2650936

第6次提纲

gantianUID：2650936

第六次作业--Argu203

203)  123. The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.
[Evidence1]"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, [Evidence2] the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. [Evidence3] The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and [Evidence5] there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. [Conclusion]Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."


逻辑关系：
[Evidence] ==> [Conclusion]

Patient’s stay  --> economical
Cure rate, more employee/patient, few complains  --> better quality

先攻击economical，再攻击better quality，最后攻击S和M不能代表所有

攻击步骤：
1.    错误的假设average length of a patient's stay更短，花得钱就更少。 并没有给patient’s stay的细节，在同一天做化疗和打葡萄糖的cost不一样，有可能因为太贵了，S病人没有还未痊愈就出院了。
2.    better quality也无根据
       a.    在没有对patient的病进行调查之前，去对比Cure rate是无法对比的。有可能S的病人都是一些小毛病，很容易治愈；
       b.    More employees per patient这种比率也是没有意义的。有可能是因为S的病人少，也有可能M有个附属制药厂聘用了很多生产药物的employee，而对医院里的patient无意义。
       c.    Few complains about the service不能证明S的病人更满意，这里说的是service，说不定S的病人只是觉得服务很好，more complains about医疗效果，医院硬件条件呢。
3.    就算在S和M成立，也不代表所有的smaller, nonprofit hospitals or larger, for-profit hospitals


习作：

This argument concludes that the smaller, nonprofit hospital's treatment is more economical and of better quality than the larger, for-profit hospital's. To support this claim, it cites a comparison between Saluda(S) hospital and Megavile(M) hospital regarding the average length of patient’s stay, cure rate, the number of employees per patient and the amount of complaints about the service. However, careful scrutiny of the argument reveals several questionable assumptions and other logical problems, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument depends on an unfounded assumption that it will cost the patients less money if they stay at hospital less. The arguer provides no details about the patient's stay in the hospital which are important in comparing the two hospitals. For instance, it is a significant difference about the cost between receiving chemotherapy in one day and only having intravenous glucose drip in another day. Perhaps it is the huge expenses in S that makes patients leave the hospital without recovery which results in less stay time. If so, the author cannot reasonably conclude that S is more economical.

The arguer also unfairly infers that S is of better quality than M in three respects. First, without given details about the patients' diseases, the cure rate is not comparable. It is possible that most of the patients in S only have a slight indisposition which results in higher cure rate. Second, the comparison of the number of employees per patient is meaningless. For example, a lower employee to patient ratio in M may due to a large amount of patients which, on the contrary, looks like more popular. Or perhaps S has an attached pharmacy factory and hires many employees making and selling medicines that it could hardly take their contribution into consideration. Third, the author cannot justifiably conclude that the patients in S are satisfier than M for the few complains about the service. There is possibility that the patients in S are pleased with the service but have more complains about the instruments and efficiency there.

Finally, the argument rests on the groundless assumption that S and M typify smaller, nonprofit hospital and larger, for-profit hospital respectly. S is located in the town, and M is located in the city. It is entirely possible that the location plays a key element in the difference between S and M rather than the attributes of them.

To sum up, the arguer's conclusion relies on several poor assumptions and is therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author may provide more details about the comparison between S and M, and the representativeness of S and M.

gantianUID：2650936

哈哈看来没有了？

gantianUID：2650936

真的诶。。。哈哈哈～好。楼上占的帖明天再来填。

gantianUID：2650936

回复一个～睡觉去了。

gantianUID：2650936

还有20天回学校，不能再废了。。。
这两天欠的作业要补回来～加油加油！

bzr2915UID：2612029

22# gantian

很棒的总结！

第六次作业--Argu203

攻击步骤：
1.    错误的假设average length of a patient's stay更短，花得钱就更少。 并没有给patient’s stay的细节，在同一天做化疗和打葡萄糖的cost不一样，有可能因为太贵了，S病人没有还未痊愈就出院了。
2.    better quality也无根据
       a.    在没有对patient的病进行调查之前，去对比Cure rate是无法对比的。有可能S的病人都是一些小毛病，很容易治愈；
       b.    More employees per patient这种比率也是没有意义的。有可能是因为S的病人少，也有可能M有个附属制药厂聘用了很多生产药物的employee，而对医院里的patient无意义。
       c.    Few complains about the service不能证明S的病人更满意，这里说的是service，说不定S的病人只是觉得服务很好，more complains about医疗效果，医院硬件条件呢。
3.    就算在S和M成立，也不代表所有的smaller, nonprofit hospitals or larger, for-profit hospitals


习作：

This argument concludes that the smaller, nonprofit hospital's treatment is more economical and of better quality than the larger, for-profit hospital's. To support this claim, it cites a comparison between Saluda(S) hospital and Megavile(M) hospital regarding the average length of patients’ stay, cure rate, the number of employees per patient and the amount of complaints about the service. However, careful scrutiny of the argument reveals several questionable assumptions and other logical problems, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument depends on an unfounded assumption that it will cost the patients less money if they stay at hospital less.(这个地方a中并没有正面说和经济相关，也可能说住院时间短与医疗效果之间的关系。这样说会不会欠妥？） The arguer provides no details about the patient's stay in the hospital which are important in comparing the two hospitals. For instance, it is a significant difference about the cost between receiving chemotherapy in one day and only having intravenous glucose drip in another day. Perhaps it is the huge expenses in S that makes patients leave the hospital without recovery which results in less stay time.（可能是由于这种巨大的开销让S的病人没康复就出院了致使了较短的住院时间。按照前面的推理，你的意思是用化疗的人本来注射葡萄糖就能好，但是S讹他偏要它化疗？） If so, the author cannot reasonably conclude that S is more economical.

The arguer also unfairly infers that S is of better quality than M in three respects. First, without given details about the patients' diseases, the cure rate is not comparable. It is possible that most of the patients in S only have a slight indisposition which results in higher cure rate.（不妨再具体一点，什么样的轻微症状） Second, the comparison of the number of employees per patient is meaningless. For example, a lower employees to patient ratio in M may due to a large amount of patients which, on the contrary, looks like more popular（仅由病人多不能得出 雇员-病人 比率低 还要强调一下雇员数量，后面那句LOOKS LIKE MORE POPULAR干嘛的？人多和医院好坏也不一定有因果关系吧）. Or perhaps S has an attached pharmacy factory and hires many employees making and selling medicines that it could hardly take their contribution into consideration. Third, the author cannot justifiably conclude that the patients in S are satisfier than M for the few complains about the service. There is （a）possibility that the patients in S are pleased with the service but have more complains about the instruments and efficiency there.（效率和器具的不满依然和治疗效果没直接关系，不妨直接说对治愈效果的投诉）

Finally, the argument rests on the groundless assumption that S and M typify smaller, nonprofit hospitals and larger, for-profit hospitals respectly. S is located in the town, and M is located in the city. It is entirely possible that the location (论述不充分展开一下）plays a key element in the difference between S and M rather than the attributes of them.（话没说完，所以他们只是个例，不能推广）

To sum up, the arguer's conclusion relies on several poor assumptions and is therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author may provide more details about the comparison between S and M, and the representativeness of S and M。

细节论证不是太翔实，逻辑点都想到了，但驳论做的不是太有力，关于句子用词，我也拿不准，不予评论~ 加油加油~

gantianUID：2650936

29# bzr2915

谢谢～～占楼先。等把今天任务完成再总结这篇