issue56 球拍~~

nieyongUID: 2742661

Issue 56
Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
请高手指教  谢谢哈~~

We humans are facing more challenges than ever before, and the speaker hastily alleges that immediate problems of today should be paid more attention to rather than anticipated problems of the future. In my opinion, severe ignorance of the anticipated problems can be devastating; we should have more balanced policies.


Not to exaggerate, we cannot emphasize the importance of solving the anticipated problems too much. Just refer to the environmental problems, which should have the equal significance to the development issues. For the sake of industrial development, Excessive using of natural resources and pollutions have left our world in a mess. The gradually exhausted resource, Greenhouse effect and extinction of certain species are the consequences we are suffering. Also the population problem, of which effective actions should be taken to limit the eruption, and we should look for other habitats in advance. Furthermore, such foresight and earlier emphasis should be paid to disease as well; the loss of SARS for example, could have been diminished as the timely preventative treatment. Sustainability is a process or state that maintains the civilization of human beings. We should have more provident eyeshot, and stick to the sustainable development; it'll have prolonged benefit to our offspring as well as ourselves.

  
Admittedly, anticipated problems should be attained, but considering the public security and stability of society, immediate problems are indeed of great significance. With the rapid development of the whole world, more and more serious problems have emerged simultaneously. Instant measures should be taken to keep the society smoothly. For the realm of economy, the accumulated housing bubble and enlarged gap between rich and poor are the most obvious issues we are to solve for the public. Housing prices today are too high that most people cannot endure. The housing bubble will continue, and it is surely to harm the leadership of the government. Also the gap between rich and poor couldn't be overlooked, the majority will suffer from it which is a vital factor to the stability of a society. Level out the differences between the have and the have-not or it'll be a catastrophe. Other aspects, the security of human beings for instance, are of the same importance. The atomic crisis in Korea and Iran is crucial; atomic bomb is a tool to keep the peace of the world rather than to show its strength. Moreover, the terrorists, who caused terrible attacks as 9.11, will be another threatens to our security, and it’s a prolonged task, or our lives are under attack at any time.


Human civilization are to be continued, the health, environment, and natural resources needed therefore must not be ignored, we should think more for the anticipated problems. However, as the incertitude of the future, we cannot accurately draw a blue print for it and once leaving the immediate problems unsolved, our lives could be threatened, let alone discussing the problems of the future.



In conclusion, the immediate problems and the anticipated problems should not be perceived respectively, we should have combined opinions of both and take balanced measures. That is to say, to solve the immediate problems while doing our best not to impair the profit of the future.

plukaUID: 2721764

We humans are facing more challenges than ever before, and the speaker hastily alleges that immediate problems of today should be paid more attention to rather than anticipated problems of the future. In my opinion, severe ignorance of the anticipated problems can be devastating; we should have more balanced policies.

Not to exaggerate, we cannot emphasize the importance of solving the anticipated problems too much. Just refer to the environmental problems, which should have the equal （跟啥equal？be equal to是相称不是相等）significance to the development issues. For the sake of industrial development, Excessive using of natural resources and pollutions have left our world in a mess. The gradually exhausted resource, Greenhouse effect and extinction of certain species are the consequences we are suffering. Also the population problem, of which effective actions should be taken to limit the eruption, and we should look for other habitats in advance（句式杂糅。主语the population problem缺少谓语，of which啥的只是修饰。and weXXX只是另外的成分。）. Furthermore, such foresight and earlier emphasis should be paid to disease as well; the loss of SARS for example, could have been diminished as（此词何意？） the timely preventative treatment. Sustainability is a process or state that maintains the civilization of human beings. We should have more provident eyeshot, and stick to the sustainable development; it'll have prolonged benefit to our offspring as well as ourselves.（本段主题是论述解决未来问题的重要性。个人以为论证的最大模糊之处在于用”should“论证”be"。即，用“我们应该考虑这些情况”论证“考虑这些情况很重要”。用中文一说就看得出这两个东西是不一样的，不能混着证。此段既然要证明重要性，可以正面讲它如何重要，也可以反面讲没了它结局如何惨烈，至于Should可以作为建议而提到但不该是论证的主要部分。）

Admittedly, anticipated problems should be attained（搭配不当。有“获得问题”这一说么？）, but considering the public security and stability of society, immediate problems are indeed of great significance. With the rapid development of the whole world, more and more serious problems have emerged simultaneously. Instant measures should be taken to keep the society（缺动词或形容词） smoothly. For the realm of economy, the accumulated housing bubble and enlarged gap between（+the） rich and poor are the most obvious issues we are to solve for the public. Housing prices today are too high that most people cannot endure. The housing bubble will continue（读起来觉得奇怪啊，为啥知道它一点会continue？作者的意思是“如果continue"么，那么还是加上if吧）, and it is surely to harm the leadership of the government（这个结果间接了一些，不如直接说伤害大众福利和morale之类）. Also the gap between rich and poor couldn't be overlooked, （+since 注意连词！两个完整的句子结构如果被放在一个句子里，之间总是要连词的。）the majority will suffer from it（+，） which is a vital factor to the stability of a society. Level out（意为迅速下降等，此处貌似不是特别贴切） the differences between the have and the have-not or it'll be a catastrophe. Other aspects, the security of human beings for instance, are of the same importance. The atomic crisis in Korea and Iran is crucial; atomic bomb is a tool to keep the peace of the world rather than to show its strength（human security这方面个人以为其实包含了很多长远问题，并非只是眼前的事情。就算是核弹问题，也可以理解成事anticipated problem，毕竟现在其实没有确凿的证据证明一定会爆发核战云云，只是为了防备将来的核战嘛。）. Moreover, the terrorists, who caused terrible attacks as 9.11, will be another threatens to our security, and it’s a prolonged task, or our lives are under attack at any time.（例子和方面啥的说得不少，但若能多些分析就更好。论述”现状重要“用说理就很可以解释一通了嘛，比如人民的需求，没有现在哪有未来云云。多一些说理和分析然后再点几个例子，可能会显得开阔些。）


（+if）Human civilization are to be continued, the health, environment, and natural resources needed therefore （哪里来的”所以“？“因为”在哪里？跟着上面哪一部分的？）must not be ignored, we should think more for the anticipated problems. However, as（because of就好了= =as这个太别扭了，它只有做连词的时候才有因为的意思，介词没有） the incertitude of the future, we cannot accurately draw a blue print for it（此观点前文未论述）and once leaving the immediate problems unsolved, our lives could be threatened, let alone discussing the problems of the future（这个意思就很好嘛，可以在上段也提到啊）.

In conclusion, the immediate problems and the anticipated problems should not be perceived respectively, we should have combined opinions of both and take balanced measures（前文没有论述！总结也不能总结出没有论述过的东西啊）. That is to say, to solve the immediate problems while doing our best not to impair the profit of the future.（最后这两段可以合并）

论证方面个人以为分析还是需要留意的~说理论证虽然有时候老套软弱了点，但做的好能给人全局感。

然后就是感觉思路还不甚清晰，从后两段就可以看到，有些观点貌似是后来才想起来的，于是补到结尾去，前面却没能论述……比较可惜。建议提纲和思路一定要理清。

以上~加油！