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[i习作temp] 首次尝试摆脱模板写作,感觉还是挺不一样的。。。Issue 37 Argument 154 求拍~~~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-3-24 08:31:25 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
在看过一些高人的经验分享后,自己也决定来试着摆脱已有的模板随意一些来写些东西,看到有5分6分的牛人文章简单易懂但逻辑清楚,但在自己写起来时发现还是没那么容易的,虽然可能会觉得那些个句子没什么了不起自己也能想得出来似的。
第一次尝试,感觉轻松舒畅许多,但也许只是时间的缘故,A 和 I 都分别给自己延长了15分钟。求各位高人指点,Issue里关于相互关系(比较级)是不是说的还不够啊。。。中间有些像是分开了,但没太想清楚该怎么说。除了文章本身,其实更期望得到关于我现在尝试的这种方向的回复,是不是应该摆脱掉模板,只要重视逻辑说明的顺序,普通随意些的话也无所谓,尤其是在距离考试不远的现在?(写完后觉得这句话其实就像一个Issue似的,在一些特定的条件下的选择问题,像是Issue83题这种讨论)

TOPIC: ISSUE37 - "In most societies, competition generally has more of a negative than a positive effect."
WORDS: 521          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2010-3-23 21:28:27
    As the new centrury is upon to us, both much more opportunaties and challenges we are facing at. And the new era requires us much competition than before. Just like anything else, both positive and negetive things could be done there. Being different from the speaker's assertion, I contend that the positive effects of  competition is more than the its negetive ones.
    Competition is an process that different individual, including independent groups, tries to achieve the same target, thus, it will encourage innovations in order to make the best to achieve the goal. Admittedly, innovation is a great force to promote the society. And the competition requires achieve the goal faster and easier, also economic. In this point, the old way to solve the problem or achieve the goal is not efficient, new and better solutions are required. Consider that if there is only one company provided all the avilable cars to buy. It is hard to imagine that the technology and design of auto may develop to such conditions. Undoubtly, it is competition that encourage all the companies to develop the cars and design a better style.
    In this condition, it is easier to understand that the competition can develop the acedemic research because of innovating to compete. The competition sometime roles as the goad to the research. Consider the project of US to send the man to the moon. No one can doubt that it is competion with Russia in the outer space development contribute to the final success of flying to and land on the moon. And such competition also bring US to the leader of the world in the outer space studies, and we also have enjoy many benefits of it, such as GPRS and Google Maps.
    Competition can also encourage to make great efforts to achieve the goal with the minimum cost. In this aspect, it do bring great benefits, especially in such resource-limited society. For instance, the green building development. It cost much materias to build up an house for a long time, no matter using wood, bricks, or concrete. But as the globalizaion and much more competitions, many technology was invented to make it possible to use less materias to build up. It is a really great step to human beings because that a lot of buildings are built every year, and much waste in the constructions, especially in the developing country, like China. And all of these benefits can be attribute to competiton.
    However, we should also realize that false competition may bring much negetive consequece, even in ethical and moral. Unfair competition comes to a compelling  example. Thus it may lead society unfair and the more resources waste, because it's not the result of justified celection and individual with less abilities may capture the valuable opportunaty.
    To sum up, we should face the competition with an positive attitude, thus it may make great contribution to ourselves and our society. In other word, competion has more of a positive effect instead negative ones. However, at the same time, we should also prevend from being unfair to compete, which may bring much negative effects.  
   

TOPIC: ARGUMENT154 - The following appeared in the editorial section of a health and fitness magazine.
"In a study of the effects of exercise on longevity, medical researchers tracked 500 middle-aged men over a 20-year period. The subjects represented a variety of occupations in several different parts of the country and responded to an annual survey in which they were asked: How often and how strenuously do you exercise? Of those who responded, the men who reported that they engaged in vigorous outdoor exercise nearly every day lived longer than the men who reported that they exercised mildly only once or twice a week. Given the clear link that this study establishes between longevity and exercise, doctors should not recommend moderate exercise to their patients but should instead encourage vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily basis."
WORDS: 423          TIME: 00:37:52          DATE: 2010-3-23 21:28:27
    Exercise is helpful to health of people, indeed. While the degree of exercise should be taken into account. In this argument, the author suggests that doctors should not recommend moderate exercise to their patients but should instead ecourage vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily basis. The author cites the study of the effects of exercise on longevity to bolster his conclusion. However, I find unwarranted in fact, for several reasons.
    To begin with, we have no idea about the further informations about the respondents such as ages, jobs to do, health conditions and so on. Thus, we can hardly value that the persuation of the study. It is quite possibly that the respondent who engaged in vigorous outdoor exercise nearly every day already have an much healthier condition. It is heath condition of their own, rather than frenquent exercise, that lead to longevity. And the daily diet can also contribute to the heath condition. The author should conduct another study, a balance between experimental ones and controlled ones. Without rulling out the other possibilities, we can not conclud that it is frequent vigorous exercise that lead to longevity.
    Even if the vigorous exercise nearly every day do help to longevity in this study just like the author claims, the author fails to realize that this study is design to men. However, the author unfair assume that it will work to all the people. To conclude such a recommend, the author should conduct another study based on women and provide suffience evidence, such as the health condition of the respondent, ages, works to do etc. to conclud.
    Moreover, the author also ignore the abilities to conduct such vigorous exercise of people, especially patients. It is very likely that the patient is too weak to afford such kind of exercise, and it may in fact hurts them badly, instead to brings them longevity.
    And, I still wonder that how could the author or the researcher know that the man who engaged in vigorous outdoor exercise may live long. As the auther mentions, the responder are middle-aged and the study is last for 20 years. In general, many of them should still be alive, except suffering from accidents or diseases. Thus, the conlusion that the man who live long is ungrounded.
    In sum, the author fails to conduct an controlled study and provide sufficient evidence such as the situation of women, and also concludes based on some subjective assumptions, furthermore, fails to realize the consequence of the recommendation, especially to patients. This argument is not convincing.
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RE: 首次尝试摆脱模板写作,感觉还是挺不一样的。。。Issue 37 Argument 154 求拍~~~ [修改]

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首次尝试摆脱模板写作,感觉还是挺不一样的。。。Issue 37 Argument 154 求拍~~~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1075865-1-1.html
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