AW互改组-每日一题.每日精彩不断！拜求高手路人围观一下！！

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

51# tyfytj

Argument 150



In this argument, the arguer concludes that the decline in the numbers ofamphibians worldwide is due to the global pollution of water and air. Tosupport the conclusion, the arguer raises two studies about amphibians inYosemite National Park in California. In addition, the arguer reasons thatthe introduction of trout caused the decline of amphibians in Yosemite anddenies that(this) is the real reason for theYosemite decline because that is not applicable to the whole world situation.(这句稍显平淡,可以用些副词,插入语或者独立词组结构像becauseof来使结构紧凑,语言活跃) From my point of view, the argument suffers fromseveral critical fallacies(这句需要改写太多人用了,要提高印象分,特别在首尾段的句子).

First, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between the globalpollution of water and air and the decline in the numbers of amphibiansworldwide. While the decline in the numbers ofamphibians(重复,要找替换) is to some extent(前后可以用逗号做小分隔，防止长句的拖沓，试试看一篇economist，会有帮助) caused by the pollution of waterand air,（这句话和本段第一句任选一句保留，完全重复）there are morefactors causing it also such as changeable climate, over-industrializedcity, lack of protection of amphibians（可改为：more factors,such as changeable climate, over-industrialized city, lack of protection ofamphibians, also cause the decline）. In spite of（没有构成对比关系，换成except/besides？） so many factors, the arguer fails to figure out how the water and air werepolluted and how the pollution leads to the decline in the numbers ofamphibians in the world, so we cannot conclude the pollution of water and airis the main cause resulting to the decreasing of amphibians（太泛了，而且大量重复topic，没有改写，没有details，每一个how后面最好再引申一句话，举个直观形象possible的例子。建议这句另开一段分析）.

Second, the arguer makes a false analogy between Yosemite National Park andthe whole world. The decreasing numbers of species of amphibians in YosemiteNational Park have not direct relation with the numbers of those worldwide（与上段同样问题，变成一句话比较好）,because the environment for amphibians’ living is quite different from that inother places（detail！！！）. The global data of something（删！） cannot be presented by that of a certain place, I think.

In addition（觉得换大一点的词，what’s more，furthermore，或者moreover？）, the arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the introductionof trout has caused the decline in amphibian population（quantity）
in YosemiteNational Park. Since the arguer tries to convince others that trout are not onecause of the decline of amphibians in Yosemite National Park，（太长句子用逗号隔一下） as well as all over the world, he should illustrate that troutare not the killers to amphibians（缺少detail的分析）. However, the introduction of trout, mentioned in the argument, seemsto be the main cause towards the decline of amphibians in Yosemite NationalPark（这句用在结尾突兀了，需要举个例子，然后用therefore一句话来结尾）.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logicallyacceptable, the arguer should（删）have to demonstrate that the global pollution of water and air has a causalrelationship with the decline in the numbers of amphibians worldwide and pointout that it is suitable not only in one place but also in all the world.Additionally, the arguer must provide evidence to rule out the possibility thatthe introduction of trout caused the decline in amphibian population.（结尾不错！）

结构清晰，中心明确。
注意句子问题，that从句太多，可以适当用名词性短语替换。
尽量用些副词和修饰成分，可以参考ainizhouni发的ppt
论据展开不充分，缺少detail，会扣分，可以看看北美范文和ets官方范文
仅供参考哈！

turnpUID: 2776787

lyyn
Does the decline in the numbers of amphibians worldwide represent the global pollution of water and air? The arguer claims so in the letter, with the evidences (evidence,只有这一个论据，应该不需要用复数) of two studies of amphibians in a national park—Yosemite in California. Meanwhile, he refutes to ascribe the plunge（朗文字典里的plunge表示降低时是”a sudden large fall in the value of property, shares etc” 好像更普遍的是用于表达价值方面的下降） of amphibians in Yosemite to the introduction of trout. In his view, the threat of trout, because it fails to explain the worldwide decline, could not be the real reason for amphibians decline in Yosemite. However, with manifestly unfounded grounds and perplexing statement，this argument seems completely untenable.

First of all, the author asserts （assert 用在这里好像不太合适，其主要意思是“state firmly something is true”按这句话要表达的意思可以换成 cites ）two studies of amphibians in Yosemite to prove that worldwide amphibians decline reflects the global pollution of water and air .Unfortunately,  the absent of the significant details in the two studies makes his assertion unconvincing. How do the scientists conduct the studies? Are the two studies only towards the number of amphibians? Or are the samples of the animals healthy and representative? The less information the author provides, the less reliable his conclusion is； let alone no information offered.

Second, the reasons of the descent in the numbers (number) of amphibians are various. Pollution of water and air may be an important, but not the only one aspect. Perhaps these amphibians were moved from other lands which are totally different from Yosemite Park in environment. If so, habitat loss would result in gradual extinction of the animals. Or perhaps some external causes like infectious disease, drought and war in California have ever killed most of the amphibians. Moreover, perhaps these species are under the biologic evolution. In this process, from the year 1915 to 1992, some species lost their lives while the fittest survived. Without considering these factors, the author cannot conclude that only water and air pollution should be responsible for the decline of amphibians in Yosemite.

Third, the claim that the introduction of trout would be the real reason for the Yosemite decline still needs to be investigated. On one hand, No evidence reveals whether the number of the trout is （改成are） increasing or not. If the trout in the water are also declining, then we have every reason to believe that the water must have been polluted. On the other hand, it is highly possible that the trout have lost the ability of predation and eventually lost the interest in eating amphibian eggs; because in most parks, the predators and preys are always fed separately.(不是很明白作者这一段的立场是什么，原文里是否认鳟鱼的引进是两栖动物减少----but the introduction of trout cannot be the real reason for the Yosemite decline…，但为什说the claim that the introduction of trout would be the real reason for the Yosemite decline still needs to be investigated？这样看起来好像原文是肯定鳟鱼的引进是造成两栖动物减少的真正原因了)

Finally, even if that pollution caused Yosemite’s amphibian decline is true, the single sample is inefficient to confirm the author’s conclusion in the first sentence. Yosemite cannot represent the whole world. To strengthen his argument,  he must provide additional samples from diverse geography regions in the world. Otherwise, no one would accept such a groundless viewpoint.

Numbers of species are in danger of extinction in every moment. I appreciate the author’s concern about the decline in the numbers of amphibians, yet his statement on the reasons of the decreasing is incomprehensive and even confusing. Such an analysis would mislead the public opinion and to some extent, accelerate loss of species of amphibians if put into practice.（结尾进行了一个升华，非常棒！）
有理有据，结构清晰，语言简练，写得真好~~

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

63# turnp
多谢修改，呵呵：）plunge的意思没有仔细查，看到就用上了，以后就注意了
原文update

lynn

Reverie520UID: 2646867

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."



In this statement, the speaker claims that education should designed to satisfy each student's need and interest, thus it can be effective. However, from my part, education should not only take account of the students’ needs and interests, but also a broad knowledge which should request students to learn.

Admittedly, education will be truly effective when it meet the students' needs and interests. There is an old saying:" interests are best teachers". As we all know, interests can inspire students’ potential talent. With the instruction of interest and curiosity of exploring more about it, students will go further in that field by learning passionately. In addition, by specifically designed curriculums to the students, they will get fully attentions and more encourages from teachers. This also can inspire students to pursue a better job in the future. At the same time, teachers who are professional in certain fields can offer valuable and latest information to the students whose interests lie in. Thus, this will be a virtuous circle for students and education system.

However, it is unwise to design education specifically for each individual. Firstly, in most case, students even do not know where their interests lie in. Unless some gifted students who shows their talent early in their lives, it is more likely that students should through a long period of learning process and then find out the field or aspect which interested them. Secondly, whether the interests and needs of the students are correct to develop should be considered. For example, if a student's interest is playing computer games and he is really good at it. Should we meet his interest and help him to develop his ability to win those games? Of course not. Thus, education should not blindly designed depend on the students’ needs and interests.


What's more, even assuming that students' needs and interests are correct and this designed education can be truly effective to students, it is unreasonable to do so. Because it is not only bad for students' education development, but also harmful to the whole society. Since students only learn what they interested in, how about the subjects they are not willing to learn? Do those subjects worthless or useless? [As far as I am concerned, our existing education system is kind of perfect. Students get all-around knowledge through the 9-year compulsory education and then enter high school. In high school, students are divided into two parts: liberal arts and science. When students enter colleges they will choose one subject and focus on specifically fields before working into society. Thus, students should acquire a broad knowledge before specifically devoted into a certain one.] Image this scenario, a professor in chemistry know little about the geography of the world (a professor in chemistry has little idea about Shakespeare). As far as I am concerned, students should acquire a broad knowledge before specifically devoted into a certain one. Furthermore, if all the students only learn certain subjects, how does our society make progress? Definitely, our society needs generalists as well as specialists, as only generalists can offer a broad viewpoint.

In sum, I believe that [education should be designed to meet the majority of the students' interests and needs after these students get full a broad knowledge.] The most effective education is both cultivate students’ needs and interests and develop an all-around knowledge as foundation and be specialists in certain fields in the future.

·····不用管我死活
拍死我吧！！

malrinyUID: 2539355

报名：4月26号。武汉
QQ：545104705

白马多多UID: 2560385

51、"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
As the speaker claims that only education designed to meet each student’s interests and needs can be truly effective, is this true? Admittedly, it seems to be plausible that this way of education will bring more benefits to students than the traditional way at a glance. However, it is so utopian that we can’t make it come true in the real world.

The world would be change dramatically if teachers and parents changed the way of education to educate every student in different way. We may have more skillful artists, superb technologists, excellent scientists and so forth than we received the same way of education in the classroom containing 50 students. Because students will have more freedom to choose what they interest and what they like. For instance, Xiao Hua, one of the most illustrious writers in china, said she did not go to school by reason of poverty when she was at the age of 9. However, it is lucky for her that her uncle was a literate farmer. And her uncle taught her in his own way every night and she read a lot of books about literature, art, and philosophy. Twenty years later, she wrote a book ‘Sun’, won the Mao-Dun literature prize and became one of the most famous modern writers in China. From Xiao Hua’s example, it seems to be easier to attain the goal for students to receive specific and designed education.

However, to my point of view, it is too difficult to put this way of education into practice. Obviously, Xiao Hua’s example is not fitting for every student in modern times. Less students will have such strong ambition to get the success like Xiao Hua in such a prosperous society. When they feel hungry, their parents will cook a delicious meal for them; W        hen they are tired of study, they can play the computer game or GameBoy. Therefore, this time of students are enduring less pressure than previous times.

Furthermore, it is a serious question that how we specifically design the various education to meet the individual needs and interests of each students. And even if some of educators would invent kinds of education to satisfy different interests of students, hardly persons can make a guarantee that students will have intense enthusiasm to receive this kind of education several years later. I can think of no better illustration of this idea than this assumable case. One little boy said he want to be a great mathematician. Then, his parents sent him to a mathematic school to study professional knowledge. However, five year later, he became boring to maths and began to like literature. So, he suddenly realized that he had wasted about five years to such a boring subject. And it is impossible for him to back 5 years to choose literature and receive fundamental lessons. Therefore, I think it is ridiculous that developing such education to fitting for interests of each students.

In summary, due to the reason discussed above, I commit to the approach that the way that education designed to different interests of students may bring tremendous benefits to some students, but to majority of them, it is questionable.

turnpUID: 2776787

turnp 4.6
As defined in the Oxford dictionary, education is a process of teaching, training and learning, especially in schools or colleges, to improve knowledge and developed skills. From this conception, we can conclude several essential qualities of education. First of all, the most common place we get educated is schools or universities where teachers play a significant role in the course of teaching and training. Secondly, the central function of education is to enhance ideas and advance talents. Thirdly, it is us, who are so different from each other in almost every respect such as characteristic, interest, values etc, act the role of students or trainees during the process of education. In a highly civilized modern society, the idea that education is one of the best ways to thrive a nation is definitely appreciated worldwide and therefore every year a large part of GDP is contributed into supporting education in many countries.  However, when it comes to the question: what is the most effective way to design education, in specificity or on generality, issue becomes controversial. Some argue that personalized education is unavailable and too difficult to execute due to the limited resources in educational systems. By contrast, others believe that education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interest of each student. As far as I'm concerned, the latter statement is more compelling as the following aspects.
To begin with, as Luxun, a famous Chinese writer and revolutionist once said: "an educational system should be one in which the love of learning, rather than the acquisition of knowledge, is cultivated", students are supposed to be fostered with due to their own interest and special talents. Only in this way can they be fully stimulated to learn knowledge and sufficiently enjoy the process of study.  Thousands of years ago, there was a grateful educator and politician--Confucius created the view "teach students in accordance of their aptitude". This saying is used to point out that, because of the diverse interest and peculiar features in each individual, different educational manners and resources should be offered to each student. Confucius had 3000 students and he is well known for teaching these students according to their special aptitude. Some of them are fond of learning knowledge by arguing with others, Confucius then let these students freely argue with each other in debates; some are obsessed with gaining ideas by traveling around, he satisfied their needs to take them to lots of places; others are quiet and just love to sit in classroom peaceful and keep themselves deep in meditations, he provided them with environment conclusive to study quietly. Thanks to his wise and innovative teaching method, Confucius cultivated a large number of talented people who eventually became pillars in various fields in ancient society.
Turn our attention to the limited time and energy of every one; it might perhaps be a wiser idea to educate students specifically rather than generally. Considering we are looking for the most effective educational method, which means maximize the output of our learning under the fixed input--our time, energy, effort and so on, allowing the students to digest and assimilate whatever knowledge they are really fond of and skills they are good at may be the best choice for educators. After all, students cannot become jacks-of-all-trades.  
Of course, designing education to meet the individual needs and interest is not an easy task. Lots of difficulties and problems will occur in the process. Firstly, lacking of enough qualified and excellent teachers is a chronic obstacle. Carry out personalized education requires sufficient teachers to meticulously distinguish each student's aptitude and correctly guide him or her. Secondly, whatever else may be said, most people would agree that a general foundation of knowledge is necessary and indispensable to everyone. Thus, being an all-round developed person necessitates mastering a basic knowledge of all subjects. But this is not to say that we have to give up individualized education owe to the above problems. As long as the practice of individualized education can help students make the best use of their talents and bring out good results, every effort we make are worthwhile.

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

How to educate effectively in the school environment hasalways been a hot spot debated by the people ranging from the educationaliststo the parents. Some suggest schools should design special curriculums tosatisfy the needs and interests of every student, while some oppose to it.Personally, I prefer the first proposal. However, major factors, which would alsoaffect the achievement of education in reality, are far more than this.

Admittedly, in the school, educators should design theirpedagogies and principles in accordance with various needs and interests of thestudents, because students in different ages and genders may have differentreceptivity and requirements towards knowledge. In the elementary school,children would study vocabulary, mathematics and other common knowledge as afundament to benefit further study and training. As they become teenagers,young boys and girls would find some physical and mental changes. Therefore,education in this time should provide some socialization and physical coursesin order to help them know and treat the changes with a scientific attitude.When they go to the college, students have to prepare themselves withprofessional knowledge and skills so as to find a good job after graduation.With these considerations, education must instruct knowledge distinctively tosatisfy students with different requirements.

However, besides what mentioned above, other principlesshould not be neglected which is inextricably related to education effect. Onone hand, effective education would help to arouse learners’ interest, enkindletheir thirst for knowledge and achieve their potential. A student cannotsuppress yawns in the class is probably not because the teacher does not teach himwith what he needs, but obviously because of the rigid teaching ways andtedious study atmosphere. On the other hand, another standard which wouldmeasure whether education is in effect or not is the students’ adaptability tothe society. That’s to say, schools should educate their students to master learningmethods and cultivate their ability of problem analysis and solving. Forinstance, when facing a new business case, a well-educated students, who mustjust graduate from a business school, could quickly know how to collectrelevant materials, organize and analyze with specialized technologies andfinally express it from a professional viewpoint. All of these should benoticed when judging whether education is effective or not.

Then, another question is whether the education shouldsatisfy each student’s needs and interests, from the second perspective of thespeaker. Honestly, the answer would be no. Education could not become a servantthat pleases every student, which would bring about an inestimable waste ofhuman and material recourses if put into practice. Besides, two ways, as Ithought, could be applied to solve the problem that some students could not findthe proper methods or recourses to study. First is to set up special agenciesand employ advisors to instruct this kind of students. Another way is toorganize supplement classes and encourage development of technology trainingschools which would help students to learn specific skills that the mainstreamschools could not provide.

In conclusion, So many ways could provide possibilitiesto fulfill students’ needs and interests and meanwhile, make our education moreeffective. Thus, educators or other people should broaden their horizon anddevelop education in all aspects instead of limit their thought only at oneaspect.

--lynn

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

67# 白马多多


As the speaker claims that only education designed to meet each student’s interests and needs can be truly effective, is this true?（sentence variety+1） Admittedly, it seems to be plausible that this way of education will bring more benefits to students （benefit students more） than the traditional way at a glance. However, it is so utopian that we can’t make it come true in the real world（reality）.

The world would be删 change dramatically if teachers and parents changed the way of education to educate every student in different way.（这句可以变成假设句，Suppose......）
We may have more skillful artists, superb technologists, excellent scientists and so forth than we received the same way of education in the classroom containing 50 students.(这句可以用there be 句型，和上句连在一起变长句) Because students will have more freedom to choose what they interest in and what they like删. For instance, Xiao Hua, one of the most illustrious writers in china, said she did not go to school by reason of poverty when she was at the age of 9. However, it is lucky for her that her uncle was a literate farmer. And her uncle（who） taught her in his own way every night and she read a lot of books about literature, art, and philosophy. Twenty years later, she wrote a book ‘Sun’,
won the Mao-Dun L
iterature Prize and became one of the most famous modern writers in China（并列的有些牵强，she wrote a book ‘Sun’which help her

win the Mao-Dun L
iterature Prize and eventually，she became one of the most famous modern writers in China）. From Xiao Hua’s example, it seems to be easier to attain the goal for students to receive（with） specific and designed education.（persuasive examples+1）--主题：因材施教有效，用一个例子证明。

However, to（from） my point of view, it is too difficult to put this way of education into practice. Obviously, Xiao Hua’s example is not fitting for every student in modern times. Less students will have such strong ambition to get the success like Xiao Hua in such a prosperous society. When they feel hungry, their parents will cook a delicious meal for them; When they are tired of study, they can play the computer game or GameBoy.Therefore, this time of students（students in this time） are enduring less pressure than that in previous times.
--主题：现在这种教学法不现实，因为学生本身的原因。

Furthermore, it is a serious question that how we specifically design the various education to meet the individual needs and interests of each students. And even if some of educators would invent kinds of education pedagogies to satisfy different interests of students, hardly persons can（倒装 can a person） make a guarantee that students will have intense enthusiasm to receive this kind of education several years later. I can think of no better illustration of this idea than this assumable case.（建议直接用例子，不用假定） One little boy said he want to be a great mathematician. Then, his parents sent him to a mathematic school to study professional knowledge. However, five year later, he became boring to maths and began to like literature. So, he suddenly realized that he had wasted about five years to（in） such a boring subject. And it is impossible for him to back 5 years to choose literature and receive fundamental lessons. Therefore, I think it is ridiculous that developing such education to fitting for（adapt ） interests of each students. --主题：怎样设计这种教学，会出现的问题。

In summary, due to the reasons discussed above, I commit to the approach that the way that删 education designed to different interests of students may bring tremendous benefits to some students, but to majority of them（我觉得应该是第3段提到的students in nowadays）, it is questionable.

点评：
1 presents a well-considered position on the issue
2 develops the position on the issue with relevant reasons and well-chosen examples
3 adequately focused and organized （关联词使用的好）
4 expresses ideas with reasonable clarity
5 appropriate vocabulary
6 sentence variety（反问句，排比，倒装？，长短句）
7 generally demonstrates control of the conventions of standard written English but may have some errors

标准参考：

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1059265&page=1#pid1773594140

maplewind001UID: 2738208

我也报行不。。。？
qq: 786215433
5.4 武汉

maplewind001UID: 2738208

68# turnp
As defined in the Oxford dictionary, education is a process of teaching, training and learning, especially in schools or colleges, to improve knowledge and developed skills. From this conception, we can conclude several essential qualities of education. First of all, the most common place we get educated is schools or universities where teachers play a significant role in the course of teaching and training. Secondly, the central function of education is to enhance ideas and advance talents. Thirdly, it is us, who are so different from each other in almost every respect such as characteristic, interest, values etc, （is there a "that" is missing? the pricinpil clause goes like "it is us,..., that..."）act the role of students or trainees during the process of education. In a highly civilized modern society, the idea that education is one of the best ways to thrive a nation is definitely appreciated worldwide and therefore every year a large part(part or proportion?) of GDP is contributed into supporting education in many countries.  However, when it comes to the question: (i belive a comma is more appropriate here than a colon, because of which this part can well serves its role as a parenthesis)what is the most effective way to design education, in specificity or on generality, issue becomes controversial. Some argue that personalized education is unavailable and too difficult to execute due to the limited resources in educational systems. By contrast, others believe that education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interest of each student.(some... other... shift the focus from backgrounds to topic sentence, which is clear and coherent.) As far as I'm concerned, the latter statement is more compelling as the following aspects.

To begin with, as Luxun, a famous Chinese writer and revolutionist once said: "an educational system should be one in which the love of learning, rather than the acquisition of knowledge, is cultivated", students are supposed to be fostered with due to their own interest and special talents. Only in this way can they be fully stimulated to learn knowledge and sufficiently enjoy the process of study.  Thousands of years ago, there was a grateful educator and politician--Confucius created the view "teach students in accordance of their aptitude". This saying is used to point out that, because of the diverse interest and peculiar features in each individual, different educational manners and resources should be offered to each student. Confucius had 3000 students and he is well known for teaching these students according to their special aptitude. Some of them are fond of learning knowledge by arguing with others, Confucius then let these students freely argue with each other in debates; some are obsessed with gaining ideas by traveling around, he satisfied their needs to take them to lots of places; others are quiet and just love to sit in classroom peaceful and keep themselves deep in meditations, he provided them with environment conclusive to study quietly. Thanks to his wise and innovative teaching method, Confucius cultivated a large number of talented people who eventually became pillars in various fields in ancient society.（detailed examples which are very cogent. The question is, however, little clue to the topic sentence is found, which may leads the reader at lost at what the proposition the author wished to show in this paragraph.）

Turn our attention to the limited time and energy of every one(this is a more illustrative topic sentence compared with the one in the paragragh above, which i ,am sorry to say, failed to recognize, that plays the role of a supporting thesis to the main stance); it might perhaps be a wiser idea to educate students specifically rather than generally. Considering we are looking for the most effective educational method, which means maximize the output of our learning under the fixed input--our time, energy, effort and so on, allowing the students to digest and assimilate whatever knowledge they are really fond of and skills they are good at may be the best choice for educators. After all, students cannot become jacks-of-all-trades.  (coherent argumentation which may well be improved by more cogent details)

Of course, designing education to meet the individual needs and interest is not an easy task. Lots of difficulties and problems will occur in the process. Firstly, lacking of enough qualified and excellent teachers is a chronic obstacle. Carry out personalized education requires sufficient teachers to meticulously distinguish each student's aptitude and correctly guide him or her. Secondly, whatever else may be said, most people would agree that a general foundation of knowledge is necessary and indispensable to everyone. Thus, being an all-round developed person necessitates mastering a basic knowledge of all subjects. (incisive questions~~wouldn't it be more trenchant if they are provided with a little suggestions ?)But this is not to say that we have to give up individualized education owe to the above problems. As long as the practice of individualized education can help students make the best use of their talents and bring out good results, every effort we make are worthwhile.

(it may be advisable to have a laconic conclusion here.)

through the carefully chosen words the author demonstrated his or her (sorry about that) stance quite well, and made some useful expansive thinking about the practical problem education in specification is faced.  while, the logic ratiocination seems to have spaces to be improved into a more methodized logic chain.

thanks for bring us such a good thesis, pal~~

maplewind001UID: 2738208

半成品~~请高手指教

题目："The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."



---------------------------------------------------------------------------伟大的分隔线---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



正文：

Hegel, the German philosopher, thinks that good ideas are what can give trenchant or different insight into the world people are long used to. People like best ideas to simulate them and seek to discover the maxim to produce them. I give my agreement to the thought that passionate interest in commonplace things is not only a dispensable element but a catalyst to bring about best ideas, which makes commonness uncommon.

Commonplace thing is a mile in which lie many ores of best ideas for people to exhume. All the best ideas are derived from commonplace things and turning them into enlightenment to people. Sir Newton finds out the law of gravity from the common phenomenon of an apple’s falling down from a tree. Moreover, the study of uncommonness begins with commonness. Take the study of quark, which is esoteric and elusive for the non-professional, for instance. Its starting point is the very wish to unravel the mystery of the movement of the world, the common world.

However, such a long road in physic is not open to anyone who has the wish to demystify the movement of the world. Only knowing there are miles in earth does not necessarily lead to the finding of gems. The quintessence of this mile-digging is passionate interests, which implicates the process from likeness to hearty devotions. Passionate interest provides people with impetus and absorbs them to persist on making out tiny details others usually ignore, relating them in a harmony that may cost years and finally creating the best idea.

There are doubts that maybe intelligence and education of a person contribute more to best ideas. These doubts are untrue because of reasons as follow. According to the theory of developmental psychology, sixty percent of human intelligence quotients are above a hundred. Intelligence factor exerts weaker influence over people’s career with a proportion of thirty percent, the rest are emotional factor with nearly sixty eight percent and accidental factors with two percent of proportion. Passionate interest happens to be one of the main emotional factors in getting an achievement. As to education, it is more like a tool with which helps people to use scientific methods than the watershed to select people who can make a difference some day later.

Numerous examples in politics, arts, and knowledge seeking can lend credit to this point.
…(examples in the three fields above)

In conclusion, a palace of best ideas is build up with common bricks within hands of a man with devoted and perseverant interests.

白马多多UID: 2560385

改 turnp 4.6
As defined in the Oxford dictionary, education is a process of teaching, training and learning, especially in schools or colleges, to improve knowledge and developed skills (这词的主语是什么，好像有点前后不一致). From this conception, we can conclude several essential qualities of education. First of all, the most common place we get educated is schools or universities where teachers play a significant role in the course of teaching and training. Secondly, the central function of education is to enhance ideas and advance talents. Thirdly, it is us, who are so different from each other in almost every respect such as characteristic, interest（interests？）, values etc, act the role of students or trainees during the process of education. In a highly civilized modern society, the idea that education is one of the best ways to thrive a nation is definitely appreciated worldwide and therefore every year a large part of GDP is contributed into supporting education in many countries.  However, when it comes to the question: what is the most effective way to design education, in specificity or on generality, issue becomes controversial. Some argue that personalized education is unavailable and too difficult to execute due to the limited resources in educational systems. By contrast, others believe that education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interest of each student. As far as I'm concerned, the latter statement is more compelling as the following aspects.( 第一段，感觉有点多，范文里面都是简单交代下背景，然后在下面段落展开。不过写的真漂亮，句式丰富，长句加插入语，学习！)
To begin with, as Luxun, a famous Chinese writer and revolutionist once said: "an educational system should be one in which the love of learning, rather than the acquisition of knowledge, is cultivated", students are supposed to
be fostered with (in terms of )their own interest and special talents. Only in this way can they be fully stimulated to learn knowledge and sufficiently enjoy the process of study.  Thousands of years ago, there was a grateful educator and politician--Confucius created the view "teach students in accordance of their aptitude". This saying is used to point out that, because of the diverse interest and peculiar features in each individual, different educational manners and resources should be offered to each student. Confucius had 3000 students and he is well known for teaching these students according to their special aptitude. Some of them are fond of learning knowledge by arguing with others, Confucius then let these students freely argue with each other in debates; some are obsessed with gaining ideas by traveling around, he satisfied their needs to take them to lots of places; others are quiet and just love to sit in classroom peaceful (peacefully)and keep themselves deep in meditations, he provided them with environment conclusive （这词放在这是什么意思）to study quietly.
Thanks to his wise and innovative teaching method, Confucius cultivated a large number of talented people who eventually became pillars in various fields in ancient society.
Turn our attention to the limited time and energy of every one; it might perhaps be a wiser idea to educate students specifically rather than generally. Considering we are looking for the most effective educational method, which means maximize the output of our learning under the fixed input(漂亮！)--our time, energy, effort and so on, allowing the students to digest and assimilate whatever knowledge they are really fond of and skills they are good at may be the best choice for educators. After all, students cannot become jacks-of-all-trades.  
Of course, designing education to meet the individual needs and interest is not an easy task.. Lots of difficulties and problems will occur in the process. Firstly, lacking of enough qualified and excellent teachers is a chronic obstacle. Carry out personalized education requires sufficient teachers to meticulously distinguish each student's aptitude and correctly guide him or her. Secondly, whatever else may be said, most people would agree that a general foundation of knowledge is necessary and indispensable to everyone. Thus, being an all-round developed person necessitates mastering a basic knowledge of all subjects. But this is not to say that we have to give up individualized education owe to the above problems. As long as the practice of individualized education can help students make the best use of their talents and bring out good results, every effort we make are worthwhile.
语言没得说，逻辑清晰。写的很像范文，孔子那段写的真漂亮。
以前上过一个作文培训班，里面有个很牛的老师讲过，好文章是长短句合理搭配，那种长句只有在简单句中才更能显示的出他的意义。有些句子能用简单句表达，就尽量用简单句不要用长句，故意堆砌有时反而觉得过于华丽。大概就这么个意思。
你的写作功底真强悍，各种句式包括插入语用的炉火纯青。句子上，我觉得没什么毛病，也许就是地道不地道的问题。
改的不对的地方，多包涵。