issue177,求拍，有拍必回，还有几天就考了，帮忙找找硬伤啊

xwjsarahUID: 2627269

Issue 177,The study of an academic displine alters the way we perceive the world .After studying the displine ,we see the same world as before ,but with different eyes.
Just as an idiom which I paraphrase that the knowledge is just like the limpid water to clean people's eyes and make them to find the glitter of truth
.I strongly agree with the speaker that the study of an academic displine alters the way we perceive the world with different eyes, although we see the same world as
before .
Knowledge can preponderate over our stubborn consciousness of
one thing that we have understanded for a long time, with the thought that we will never change.Meanwhile ,with such new and different perception ,we also have the ability to differ what is right and what is wrong around us .

Any academic knowledge or even the common sense has impled the profound perception of philosophy or natural values which are concern with
the significance of life ,the beauty of truth ,and the miracle of nature,also help us to change the stubborn concept of those common things.As far as I concern . If one man can have the patience to delve one thing ,one of the academic fields as well as possible ,the man absolutely find the most beautiful part of the fields ,because the man have the ability to communicate with the academic field ,then he must have gained the opptunity to know the secret and perception of it .For instance ,a famous Japanese scientist have ever done an interesting experiment about water that in divergent environment such as under noise ,under silence ,under beautiful and green forest or under the dirty factories ,when water was freezing to be the ice ,the shape of the ice can embody differently in their molecule form,some of which were pretty in the silence circulmstance ,some of which were ugly in the dirty factories .Through the penomenon ,we have the sense that water have an interesting emotion to prefer the high quality environment as people or certain wildlife and animals ,which inform us that we should protect environment not only for ourselves .On the lateral of the
instance ,the exemple have effeciently illustrated that every acdamic field possesses its profound and interesting perception .With such perception ,we could know more about the world and change our stubborn concept of it .

On the other hand the study of an acdamic discipline also broaden our horizons
and help us use another perspective to confront the the same world as before .Knowledge and the procession of exploring would make difference of people's perception with the world and make contribution to human's development .Respectively ,Charles Darwin comes to my mind immediatedly .As we know that Darwin was born in a trditional genteel rich family ,he was nurtured with gentalman's manners and living habits .When he was a young student of Cambridge University ,his favorite was hunting ,and be good at it .Nvertheless ,when he was addicted to the biology research and exploring in the South America ,he would be shocked by the beauty of nature and the significance of life in South America .At the same time , Darwin must have changed the notion of values and the perception to the nature.Hence ,in the rest of life of Darwin ,he had never touch a guy to hunt any animals and devoted his the whole life to the research of evolution of species .Darwin has set a good example to illustrate
that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we percieve ,with the thought to face the familiar world as utilizing different eyes.

In sum ,the knowledge are not only the power ,but also the method to recognize the world ,which can do well to help us overrun the ignorance ,and the stubborn concept of substances .

xiao.xinUID: 2682051

If one man can have the patience to delve one thing ,one of the academic fields as well as possible ,the man absolutely find the most beautiful part of the fields ,because the man have the ability to communicate with the academic field ,then he must have gained the opptunity to know the secret and perception of it。

还是大男子主义的错误，不是the Man 就是He，应该用中性词person之类的. 另外这个the man在一句话里面用了太多次了。还是把这句话拆开或者从句，who/whose 指代。

plukaUID: 2721764

Just as an idiom（这部分是主句。后面的which和that都是从句。主句结构不完整） which I paraphrase that the knowledge is just like the limpid water to clean people's eyes and make them to find the glitter of truth. I strongly agree with the speaker that the study of an academic displine alters the way we perceive the world with different eyes, although we see the same world as before . Knowledge can preponderate over our stubborn consciousness（确定这个词合适？） of one thing that we have understanded for a long time, with the thought that we will never change（此with短语接在哪里，是啥意思？是说知识with这东西改变人的认识？有点不合常理。或者跟在consciousness后面？觉得也有点不自然：‘with thought we understand'...诡异呢）. Meanwhile ,with such new and different perception ,we also have the ability to differ what is right and what is wrong around us.


Any academic knowledge or even the common sense（主语） ||（定语从句+that才清楚）has impled the profound perception of philosophy or natural values which are concern with the significance of life ,the beauty of truth ,and the miracle of nature,（从句）||also（为啥用also？） help（谓语） us to change the stubborn concept of those common things. As far as I concern .（逗号，非句号） If one man can have the patience to delve one thing ,one of the academic fields as well as possible（何意？） ,the man （+will )absolutely find the most beautiful part of the fields ,because the man have the ability to communicate with the academic field（communicate这一中心词的意思不明确，导致论证很模糊） ,then he must have gained the opptunity to know the secret and perception of it（思路诡异：如果一个人努力，就一定能窥得其中美妙，因为他有能力沟通，那么他一定已经有机会知道其中奥妙？“努力”跟“有能力沟通”不是一回事。“沟通”的意思不明确。“一定已经有机会”为啥用完成时？）（另，这句话是一个观点吗？若是，跟TS有啥联系？是道理论证？论证了啥？若都不是，就没用） .For instance ,a famous Japanese scientist have ever done an interesting experiment about（on） water that in divergent environment（分岔的环境是啥环境。diverse？） such as under noise ,under silence ,under beautiful and green forest or under the dirty factories ,when water was freezing to be the ice ,the shape of the ice can embody differently in their molecule form,some of which were pretty in the silence circulmstance ,some of which were ugly in the dirty factories .Through the penomenon ,we have the sense that water have an interesting emotion（可以用来形容非生物？） to prefer the high quality environment as people or certain wildlife and animals ,which inform us that we should protect environment not only for ourselves（怎么inform了？看不出来...“水喜欢高质量的环境，所以我们要保护环境，这不只是为了我们自己”。那么是为了谁？水咩？水会“喜欢”环境？水“喜欢”某种环境对我们有啥影响？思路诡异）. （这个例子的目的应该是支持前面的观点，即论证“只要努力就能发现其中的美丽”。但至此，俺没在论述中看到对观点的任何支持）On the lateral of the instance ,the exemple have effeciently illustrated that every acdamic field possesses its profound and interesting perception（用词不当。此词语意为“感觉”）. With such perception ,we could know more about the world and change our stubborn concept（例子中看不到'改变旧有观念’这个方面） of it .

On the other hand the study of an acdamic discipline also broaden our horizons and help us use another perspective to confront the the same world as before .Knowledge and the procession of exploring would make difference of people's perception with the world and make contribution to human's development .Respectively（个别的？特别的？用particularly) ,Charles Darwin comes to my mind immediatedly .As we know that Darwin was born in a trditional genteel rich family ,he was nurtured with gentalman（gentleman)'s manners and living habits .When he was a young student of Cambridge University ,his favorite was hunting ,and be good at it .Nvertheless ,when he was addicted to the biology research and exploring in the South America ,he would be（别用虚拟语气，was就行） shocked by the beauty of nature and the significance of life in South America .At the same time , Darwin must have changed（是推测还是事实？若是后者则去掉must） the notion of values and the perception to the nature（为啥说改变了?以前啥样现在啥样？）.Hence ,in the rest of life of Darwin ,he had never touch a guy to hunt any animals and devoted his the whole life to the research of evolution of species .Darwin has set a good example to illustrate that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we percieve ,with the thought to face the familiar world as utilizing different eyes.

In sum ,the knowledge are not only the power ,but also the method to recognize the world ,which can do well to help us overrun the ignorance ,and the stubborn concept of substances .

语言方面：有Chinglish的感觉，有些地方的选词甚至像逐字翻译，如respectively。时间不多的话，找找常用的一些词和短语，确认语法和用法。
论证方面：论点不突出，例子的重心没有把握好。比如达尔文，目的是说他的观点改变了，但是什么观点？从啥样变成啥样了？在剑桥他学了啥？哪些知识促成了他的思想转变？这些在例子中都没有提到。缺少关键细节，怎么能有说服力呢？建议是，用观点来领导例子，先写好例子中最能支撑观点的部分，再酌情添加其他内容。

以上。

plukaUID: 2721764

论点：一个人能尽量好的研究一个学科就能知道学科里蕴藏的奥秘。
论证的结尾：我们不仅只为人自己保护环境，还要为水保护环境。
你的意思是“我们不仅只为人自己保护环境，还要为水保护环境”这个结论就是“水研究”这个学科里蕴含的奥秘吗？我觉得有些不自然。私以为学科奥秘是客观的，而上述结论是主观推断出的（主观认为应该保护环境）。
其二，依然不解为什么从那些研究可以看出应该“为了水”而保护环境。虽然你说水在干净的环境里是“漂亮”而肮脏的环境中“丑陋”的，但是漂亮和丑陋究竟是啥意思？这么主观的描绘很难让人知道想表达啥。比如，我就会觉得漂亮和丑陋无非是表象，没啥大不了的，于是我就不能理解为什么要因为漂亮与否而判断这个水好不好这个环境好不好要不要保护。拿出客观描述来！如果跟我说，所谓漂亮的水就是干净健康的，丑陋的就是有毒的，那么我就能理解。否则真觉得模糊。

达尔文那个又看了下，发现是我开始有点看错= =抱歉。这样是OK的。

consciousness是意识没错，侧重于一种心理状态，比如觉悟，觉察力。但如果把它用作”认识“，私以为就有点不恰当了。个人觉得"认识”并没有到“觉悟”那么深层。当然，这也是个人的理解，并不完全确定。