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[a习作temp] 还有10天考了,处女A诞生,求拍啊~~ [复制链接]

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楼主
发表于 2010-4-16 11:12:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 ddiuchun 于 2010-4-16 11:30 编辑

发现自己语言匮乏啊。。。哭死。。凑了一个多小时才453words...

Argument 195
The following is a letter from an editor at Liber Publishing Company to the company's president.
"In recent years, Liber has unfortunately moved away from its original mission: to publish the works of regional small-town authors instead of those of big-city authors. Just last year, 90 percent of the novels we published were written by authors who maintain a residence in a big city. Although this change must have been intended to increase profits, it has obviously backfired, because Liber is now in serious financial trouble. The only way to address this problem is to return to our original mission. If we return to publishing only the works of regional small-town authors, our financial troubles will soon be resolved."



The editor's advice that Liber Publishing Company should publish the works of regional small-town authors rather than those of big-city authors is not sufficient proved. The evidence that the profit of the company decreased last year fails to support the editor's conclusion.

First of all, whether Liber Publishing Company really go against their original mission is not sure. As the argument shows that 90 percent of novels last year were not written by the small-town author, insufficient convince us that the company did not follow their original mission, which is to publish small-town authors' works. The arguer simply equates "the novels" with "the works", which is unwarranted. It is possible that most of the poems, thesis or biographies published by Liber Publishing Company were written by small-town authors and greatly excess the quantity of their publishing novels. Furthermore, what is the definition of "small-town author" is unclear. Do those who born in small towns but move out later? Or those who currently live in small towns? Perhaps those authors who maintain a residence in a big city were just moving out of small town a few years or months, even days ago. The arguer should not draw that hasty conclusion that they are not small-town authors.

Granted that Liber did not follow its original mission, the arguer unfairly assumes that the current finance trouble was caused by this change. There may be various causes of the financial problem, such as the finance crisis, the low quality of works, or tendency for people to read online. Overlooking the possibilities above, the arguer concludes too hastily that the change lead to financial problem. Lacking the completely analysis of the problem and current situation, the conclusion made by these insufficient evidences is open to doubt.

In addition, the arguer fails to think of other options to solve the financial problem. There are other better ways rather than simply publishing works by small-town authors. A survey about what kind of works do readers most interested in will helpful for Liber to change its publishing plan. Or ask the bank for a loan may help Liber pass through this trouble. Another element also overlooked by the arguer that whether the mission of publishing works by small-town authors really feasible. Do readers really love the works written by small-town authors? Some popular authors currently maybe from the big city, and some small-town authors have no fans. It is wiser to publish works both written by small-town authors and big-city authors so that readers have various options.

In conclusion, the arguer's suggestion is not sufficient supported by the evidences given. The conclusion that Liber Publishing Company should publish only small-town authors' works is not valid based on the information above.
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沙发
发表于 2010-4-16 11:48:56 |只看该作者
First of all, whether Liber Publishing Company really go [goes] against their original mission is not sure [整句表述不清]. As the argument shows that 90 percent of novels last year were not written by the small-town author [authors], insufficient convince us [we are not sufficiently convinced] that the company did not follow their original mission, which is to publish small-town authors' works. The arguer confuses "the novels" to [with] "the works". It is possible that most of the poems, thesis [它的复数是theses] or biographies published by Liber Publishing Company were written by small-town authors and greatly excess the quantity of their publishing novels [句意不明,还有excess是名词,exceed才是动词]. Furthermore, what is [delete “what is”] the definition of "small-town author" is unclear. Do those who [were] born in small towns but move out later? [整句表述不清] Or those who currently live in small towns? [整句表述不清] Perhaps those authors who maintain a residence [live] in a big city were just moving [moved] out of small town a few years or months, even days ago. The arguer should not draw that [the] hasty conclusion that they are not small-town authors.

Granted that Liber did not follow its original mission, the arguer unfairly assumes that the current finance [financial] trouble was caused by this change. There may be various causes of [for] the financial problem, such as the finance crisis, the low quality of works, or tendency for people [people’s tendency] to read online. Overlooking the possibilities above, the arguer concludes too hastily that the change lead to financial problem. Lacking [Without] the completely [a complete] analysis of the problem and current situation, the conclusion made by [based on] these insufficient evidences is open to doubt.

In addition, the arguer fails to think of [come up with] other options to solve the financial problem. There are other better [delete “better”] ways rather than simply publishing [publish] works by small-town authors. A survey about what kind of works do readers [readers are] most interested in will [be] helpful for Liber to change its publishing plan. Or [And they could] ask the bank for a loan may [to ] help Liber pass through this trouble [work through hard times]. Another element also overlooked by the arguer that [is] whether the mission of publishing works by small-town authors really [is] feasible. Do readers really love the works written by small-town authors? Some popular authors currently [delete currently] maybe [come] from the big city [cities], and [while] some small-town authors have no fans. It is wiser to publish works both written by small-town authors and big-city authors so that readers have various options.

In conclusion, the arguer's suggestion is not sufficient [sufficiently] supported by the evidences given. The conclusion that Libber Publishing Company should publish only small-town authors' works is not valid based on the information above.
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板凳
发表于 2010-4-16 11:54:55 |只看该作者
动词搭配,如confuse with;
名词单复数,如thesis-theses;
词性不明,如excess-exceed;
句式杂糅,如what is the definition of "small-town author" is unclear(这明显是两套主谓);
表意不清,如Do those who [were] born in small towns but move out later? [整句表述不清] Or those who currently live in small towns? [整句表述不清]
成分缺乏,如A survey about what kind of works do readers(语序不对) most interested in will helpful for Liber to change its publishing plan.

语言匮乏不是问题,问题是你掌握的东西有多少是对的。
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地板
发表于 2010-4-16 13:05:27 |只看该作者
3# 江雪

多谢~
写之前没意识到自己会有这么多语法错误。。
好多句子不通,意思表达不清楚的。。
看来我真的需要一个词一个句子地去扣扣才行。。

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荣誉版主 Virgo处女座 GRE斩浪之魂 GRE守护之星

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发表于 2010-4-16 13:16:19 |只看该作者
语言运用能力的提高确实是需要很长的时间。

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RE: 还有10天考了,处女A诞生,求拍啊~~ [修改]

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