lycheee的临死挣扎独立作文……orz

lycheeeUID: 2447890

5.3   09.9.12北美
Some people think children should study and play, other people think children should help with household chores. Which opinion do you prefer?

（题目问，你喜欢哪一个观点，但立论时我觉得两方面都重要，不过论述的时候侧重于家务，不知道算不算跑题……）

There is a traditional prospective existed in Chinese people that a child’s duty to a family is only to study hard. Parents are always too permissive on all aspects besides studying. However, I don’t think it is a proper attitude when educating children; in contrast, I consider a well-behaved child should be studying hard, have some interests as well as help parents to do some household chores.

To a child, intellectual development is as important as moral cultivation. The school work helps the development on intellegence while the housework contributes to morality. Not to mention the intellectually exercise in school, helping with housechores makes children realize their responsibility to a family. As a member of a family, everyone should contribute to it, no matter large or small, young or old. This is the philosophy of maintaining a family which must be passed on from generation to generation. To increase children’s awareness of that principle, doing household chores makes effect.

What’s more, helping with household chores not only can modify their morality but also can train children’s living skills. Children should made a their own life when they are grown up. Doing housework can be a preparation of living independently in future, and do good when children go to a boarding school. For example, at the time I went to high school, which require all the students to live in campus, I amazed to know that most students did not know many basic living skills, from washing clothes to piling an apple. Students who lack of living skills met problems in their compus lives.

Not only moral development or living skills training, there are other advantages to let a children help their parents to do some houseworks, like decreasing their parents burden, reducing family expenses on housing. All in all, making children do houseworks have lots of benefits and harmless. Therefore, it is better to let children allocate some time to do some housechores.

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

There  a traditional prospective existed in Chinese people that a child’s duty to a family is only to study hard. Parents are always too permissive on all aspects besides studying. However, I don’t think it is a proper attitude when educating children; in contrast(已经转折过了 负负得正 删之), I consider a well-behaved child should be studying hard, has some interests as well as in helping parents to do some household chores.
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8 }, F: G1 k7 d9 z  i3 u  ATo a child, intellectual development is as important as moral cultivation. The school work helps the development on intellegence while the housework contributes to morality. Not to mention the intellectual exercise in school, helping with housechores makes children realize their responsibility to a family. As a member of a family, everyone should contribute to it(指代不清), no matter large or small(你指family吧 改一下), young or old. This is the philosophy of maintaining a family which must be passed on from generation to generation. To increase children’s awareness of that principle, doing household chores makes effect.1 x* V; E# R+ R# g5 \

* H! x, i) R: O; B1 CWhat’s more, helping with household chores not only can modify their morality but also can train children’s living skills. Children should made a(?) their own life when they are grown up. Doing housework can be a preparation of living independently in future, and do good when children go to  boarding schools. For example, at the time I went to high school, which requires all the students to live in campus, I  was amazed to know that most students did not know many basic living skills, from washing clothes to piling an apple. Students who lack of living skills met problems in their compus lives.
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. x& Y: ~; {6 O: I# C& oNot only moral development or living skills training, there are other advantages to let a children help their parents to do some houseworks, like decreasing their parents burden, reducing family expenses on housing. All in all, making children do houseworks have lots of benefits and harmless. Therefore, it is better to let children allocate some time to do some housechores.
没啥问题很好，楼主进步好多

canoe03UID: 2786666

There is a traditional prospective(这是一个形容词，想必楼主指的是prospect) existed in Chinese people(表述有点怪异，直接用of Chinese people会好点) that a child’s duty to a family is only to study hard. Parents are always too permissive on all aspects besides studying. However, I don’t think it is a proper attitude when educating children; in contrast, I consider a well-behaved child should be studying hard(语态和后面的一般现在时不一致), have some interests(in) as well as(放在have some interests前面) help(helping) parents to do some household chores.

To a child, intellectual development is as important as moral cultivation. The school work helps the development on intelligence while the housework contributes to morality. Not to mention the intellectually exercise in school, helping with household chores makes children realize their responsibility to a family. As a member of a family, everyone should contribute to it, no matter large or small(这和后面的old or young重复了吧，楼主如果想表达的是贡献的大小，那么这里就写错了，如果是指人large用的就不对了), young or old. This is the philosophy of maintaining a family which(这个从句应该修饰philosophy，放在这里的话就不对了，放在这里好像指的是family) must be passed on from generation to generation. To increase children’s awareness of that principle, doing household chores makes effect.

What’s more, helping with household chores not only can modify their morality but also can train children’s(建议和前面的their对换一下) living skills. Children should made a their own life(这个表述有问题) when they are grown(grow up就可以了). Doing housework can be a preparation of living independently in future, and do good when children go to a boarding school. For example, at the time I went to high school, which require all the students to live in campus, I amazed to know that most students did not know many basic living skills, from washing clothes to piling an apple. Students who (are) lack of living skills met problems in their compus(campus) lives.

Not only moral development or living skills training, there are other advantages to let a children help their parents to do some houseworks(housework), like decreasing their parents burden, reducing family expenses on housing. All in all, making children do houseworks(housework) have lots of benefits and harmless(这个词放在这里比较多余，请斟酌). Therefore, it is better to let children allocate some time to do some household chores.
(这位童鞋的论点论据都很好(相比之下，本人惭愧死了)，就是文章的表述很中式，还有些语法错误和拼写错误，要是改正过来就很perfect啦！加油哦)

不好意思，你们都说我弄错了 搞了半天我还不知道我贴反了 结果最后的评价都弄错了。。。lycheee同学大有进步！加油。。。因为白天要上班，公司对上网控制的很厉害，匆匆拷了下来放在word里面改 弄错人了 最近老是昏头昏脑的。。。见笑了。。。

lycheeeUID: 2447890

18# canoe03
O(∩_∩)O哈~ canoe同学改混乱了……

lycheeeUID: 2447890

谢谢楼上两位同学的鼓励……那段关于Moral的论述确实拐不清楚……虽然查字典查了一些关于family的词，还有house, housing, household等，还是表达不清（而且写得像中文）…… 以后还是少写理论论述为妙……

lycheeeUID: 2447890

5.6
09.8.7
parents help determined the future of theirchildren. children allow to make their own choices.


When talked about children’s future, whichare the parents seriously consider about, parents have different perspective:in most cases in China,parents are likely to help their children determined their future, while theothers, yet less, might allow them to make their own choices. There are lessdespotic parents who deprive children’s right to make their choice, but theystill exist. A more general situation is that: parental generations are willingto provide all kinds of backgrounds knowledge or successful models to persuadechildren to choose the way parents prefer. I cannot deny the information likethat is useful to make children set up their future, but what my view is to letthe children make their own determinations eventually, without parents’ persuasionor seduction.

The reasons why I treat parental persuasionis harmful to children’s future are varied, and it is the major one that parentsignore or overlook a child’s interests even potential. Instead, what theyconsider most are the stability of position, abundance of salary or the respectableof the job. They hold an old-fashioned identification of success mostly, consequentlypush their child to the road to be a medical, a lawyer, or an accountantwithout asking what is the child most opinion. What’s worse, some parents willlet children to fulfill their dreams which had not been actualized. If thechild is lack of maturity or independence to make up their mind, it is easy tobe misled.

What’s more, to be a child, he/she should moreunderstand their interests and ideal future; they know how to show their talents.On one hand, children can choose a best way to realize their potentials; on theother, the most outstanding students I know are set up their mind long beforethey are graduated. I’ll take a young writer, Han Han, who was titled by “TheTimes” as “one of the most influential persons” in this year, for an example. Droppedout of high school and chose to be a race car driver, what he did is controversialbecause he is the first student who deny the loop of “being respectable” inpublic. At the time his dropped out, he was deemed as another looser of socialadaptation – but now, 10 years later, he became an influential writer and asuccessful race car driver. It is a persuasive case that children have abilityto choose a career which can not only fulfill their dreams but also to berespected.

It is hard to deny that parents usually havemore information and social experience than children, which may be helpful whenchildren made up their minds. However, the resources they hold can not be thereason that children’s future can be determined by them. The best way to make achoice on their futures should be carefully considered by children themselves,with information offered by parents objectively. To be parents, what theirproper actions are to help their children reflex themselves as well as offersuggestions impartially.

Natalie蝶UID: 2806232

21# lycheee

parents help determined the future of theirchildren. children allow to make their own choices.
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When talked about children’s future, whichare the parents seriously considerconsider是及物动词，而且这里是否应该用concern？ about. Parents have different perspectives:in most cases in China,parents are likely to help their children determined这里应该用原型 their future, while theothers, yet less, might allow them to make their own choices. There are lessdespotic parents who deprive children’s right to make their choice,固定搭配：deprive sb of sth but theystill exist. A more general situation is that: parental generations are willingto provide all kinds of backgrounds knowledge or successful models to persuadechildren to choose the way parents prefer. I cannot deny that information likethat is useful to make children set up their future, but what my view is to letthe children make their own determinations eventually, without parents’ persuasionor seduction.这句话没看懂，1.my view不是to let the children..的主语；2.eventually是不是应该去掉？
分析题目，应该只有两种情况，一是，父母帮孩子决策，二是给孩子自己决定权。LL在举父母的例子的时候，用的是most。。。the other。。。这种表达就说明已经涵盖所有可能了，后面又杀出一种，好像有点不清楚。
The reasons why I treat parental persuasionis harmful to children’s future are varied, and it is the major one that parents ignore or overlook a child’s interests even potential. Instead, what theyconsider most are the stability of position, abundance of salary or the respectable这是形容词of the job. They hold an old-fashioned identification这是？definition？ of success mostly, consequentlypush their child to the road （删掉to the road)to be a medical形容词, a lawyer, or an accountantwithout asking what is the child most opinion. What’s worse, some parents willlet children to fulfill their dreams which had not been actualized. If thechild is lack of maturity or independence to make up their mind, it is easy tobe misled.最后两句什么情况？是说不应该让孩子fulfill their dreams吗？' P$ ~7 h& ]2 i3 l& E
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What’s more, to be a child, he/she should more understand（chinglish) their interests and ideal future; they know how to show their talents.On one hand, children can choose a best way to realize their potentials; on theother, the most outstanding students I know are set up their mind long beforethey are graduated. I’ll take a young writer, Han Han, who was titled by “TheTimes” as “one of the most influential persons” in this year, for an example. Droppedout of high school and chose to be a race car driver, what he did is controversialbecause he is the first student who deny the loop of “being respectable” inpublic. At the time he dropped out, he was deemed as another looser of socialadaptation – but now, 10 years later, he became an influential writer and asuccessful race car driver. It is a persuasive case that children have abilityto choose a career which can not only fulfill their dreams but also to be respectable.
It is hard to deny that parents usually havemore information and social experience than children, which may be helpful whenchildren made up their minds. However, the resources they hold can not be thereason that children’s future can be determined by them. The best way to make achoice on their futures should be carefully considered by children themselves,with information offered by parents objectively. To be parents, what theirproper actions are to help their children reflex themselves as well as offersuggestions impartially. 更正LL一个语法错误：what引导的主语从句首先从句要是一个句子
！即what后面要有谓语！例如：what they should do is to ...

missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

When talking about children’s future, which are the problem the parents seriously consider about, parents have different perspective: in most cases in China,parents are likely to help their children determine their future, while others, yet less, might allow them to make their own choices. There are less despotic parents who deprive children’s right to make their choice, but this phenomenon still exist. A more general situation is that: parental generations are willing to provide all kinds of backgrounds knowledge or successful models to persuade children to choose the way parents prefer. I cannot deny the information like that is useful to make children set up their future, but what my view is to let the children make their own determinations eventually, without parents’ persuasion or seduction.

The reasons why I treat parental persuasion is harmful to children’s future are varied, and it is the major one that parents ignore or overlook a child’s interests even potential. Instead, what they consider most are the stability of position, abundance of salary or the respectable of the job. They hold an old-fashioned identification of success mostly, consequently push their child to the road to be a medical, a lawyer, or an accountant without asking what is the child most opinion. What’s worse, some parents will let children to fulfill their dreams which had not been actualized. If the child is lacking of maturity or independence to make up their mind, it is easy to mislead them.-

What’s more, as a child, he/she should understand their interests and ideal future better; they know how to show their talents.On one hand, children can choose a best way to realize their potentials; on the other, the most outstanding students I know are setting up their mind long before they are graduated. I’ll take a young writer, Hanhan, who was titled by “The Times” as “one of the most influential persons” in this year, for an example. Dropped out of high school and chose to be a race car driver, what he did is controversial because he is the first student who deny the loop of “being respectable” in public. (这句话有语法错误，分成两句会好些)At the time his dropped out, he was deemed as another looser of social adaptation – but now, 10 years later, he became an influential writer and a successful race car driver. It is a persuasive case that children have abilityto choose a career which can not only fulfill their dreams but also to be respected.,

It is hard to deny that parents usually have more information and social experience than children, which may be helpful whenchildren made up their minds. However, the resources they hold can not be the reason that children’s future can be determined by them. The best way to make a choice on their futures should be carefully considered by children themselves, with information offered by parents objectively. To be parents, what their proper actions are to help their children reflex themselves as well as offer suggestions impartially.

文章结构思路清晰，用词也很丰富，但是有如下问题：
1．主要问题是楼主需要多注意下语法，文章中出现很多主谓不明的现象。加强这方面训练会更好！
2．感觉第一段有些啰嗦，可以在二三段上多下功夫，比如在第二段举一个例子就挺好的。
加油！