独立作文互改--hzd515976083

tgbzsqUID: 2511368

I am always amazed when I hear people saying that the best way to improve the quality of the education in a country is to raise teacher's salaries. With no doubt, I hardly agree with this statement. Since raising the teacher's paid payment is far from enough if you want to improve education quality, the paramount way to achieve better education is to increase the whole input to invest on  ？the education industry.

Admittedly, with a higher salary, teacher teaching will be a more attractive job for many college graduates. Thus, this entails the employers, the schools I mean (感觉有点口语化，我觉得把I mean 去掉然后用破折号连接比较好), to choose teachers they desire from a larger range. Because of the higher salary, it will be more competitive if you select teacher as your career. As a result, we can expect better teachers with more knowledge and more excellent teaching skills. Indisputably, our education quality will be enhanced. But this may be only (just) the first step on our way to a better education. Other factors which also matter are the hardware and software of education, which should be improved as well.

When you enter a school, your first impression about this school must be the environment. A school with concrete buildings, large library and beautiful dorms will definitely make you believe that it is, at least in some sense (annke 说这里应该是in a sence, 我Google了一下，貌似in some sense用得也很普遍), a better school. And you would feel even better if there are classrooms which equipped with TV and computer, and dining room with different dishes every day. Why, because these things are the basic factors in judging the quality of education. You can never expect a man who struggles to get enough food to pay his attention on studying. Therefore, enhancing the schools' hardware is premise of our commitment to a better education.

And what comes up next is the software of our education, including but not limited to how many students there are in one classroom, the quality of the textbook, and how much effort we put to the continuous education of our teachers. For instance, even we get better teacher, but if the teachers put into a class with 100 students and given a textbook which is out of time, we cannot ensure students get desirable education as well. To some degree, these soft powers are of greater importance to our goal

As discussed above, paying more to teachers is only a tiny fraction of our plan to get education improved. The best way to a higher quality of education is to do our utmost to enhance both the hardware and software of education.

分段看着有点不习惯，一般如果段首顶格的话，段间最好空一行。观点很清晰，很少有假大空话，值得学习

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

哈哈 我的神速！

5.9 修改 by 暧暧

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hzd515976083UID: 2487213

5.10 08.5.16 NA
是telephone还是television对人类的有moreeffects?
Thanks to some dramatic human inventions, such as telephoneand television, our life today has changed so much that is it impossible for usnowadays to image how difficult it was for the pioneers. But when asked,between telephone and television, which has more effects on human beings, theviews are varying from individual to individual. According to my perspective,the changes come up with the creation of television is more extensively.
First of all, with television, it is now more quickly for usto know what is going on in other parts of the world. For instance, CCTV has anews channel. And each hour, it will broadcast the most recent news around theworld. Even if you are incapable of going out to buy a newspaper or gettingyour access to internet, you may still keep in touch with the outside world aslong as you have a TV set. Actually, this kind of news channel is very commonin most of the major broadcasting companies. On the contrast, it is absolutelyimpossible for anyone of us to use telephone as a regular way of getting dailyinformation.
Furthermore, television enables us to get a full appreciate ofthe outside since it not only offer information with text, but describe thingswith sound and picture. Consequently, with a close and vivid view, we feel theworld more real. One of my favorite TV programs is discovery. From it I amacquainted of the reason of volcanic eruption, the link between echo locationin bats and the echo-sounding apparatus, and even the picture of the aliensconceived by scientists.
Expect for the faster and multi-dimension information,television is also a device for entertaining. People can enjoy the newlyrevealed movies at home, if it is inconvenient for you to go to theater or justcannot afford the constantly rising ticket price. Also, television creates anew form of art--TV series. And it has gained popularity all over the world.Moreover, comparing with a couple of years ago, kids today can play video gameson TV, which are fun and good for their intelligence development.
As is shown above, I believe television has more effect onhuman society.

annkeUID: 2605122

Governments all over the world spend money raised[to raise] fromtaxpayers on infrastructure construction with the purpose to stimulate economicdevelopment. However, as the financial resource for[of] government is very limited,people are divergent on how to distribute the disposable money and use it moreefficiently. Some assert more money should be spent on internet construction,while others insist to develop public transportation first. According to myperspective, internet is more important and thus we should pay more attentionto build[a] high quality internet.
% m1 d8 R& t* y% PAn apparent fact is that our daily life is involving in atighter link with internet, and this trend keeps going. Internet has been themajor information channel for an increasing fraction[这个词有点人格分裂的感觉，似乎能听到crack的声音] of people. This can beeasily deduced from some concrete examples[?]. One is that newspaper andtelevision programs are facing more combative competition from internet sincemore people use internet to acquire news. They search internet[? Use internet engine to search, 毕竟不是搜互联网] to keep in touchwith[keep the pace with] outside world, read political, economic and sports events, and look upinformation concerning with food, weather and airline schedule.
7 W/ R# j0 W- d" KIf we stand at a higher level, we may be more decided aboutthe choice to use more money to build internet. Remind what happened in theUnited States during the last 10 years of the twentieth century. The Bill Clintongovernment carried out a plan called "National Information Infrastructure"to construct more and higher-speed internet. The significant thing behind theinternet construction is that internet has been a key factor in[promoting] economicgrowth, just like express way several years ago. Nearly all of the governmentsnowadays, according to recent reports, are putting tremendous resource todevelop internet. And the competition in IT technology is so fierce thateveryone is afraid to be a follower. And if we have internet that is fast and stableenough, it is possible that we just complete our work at home.[感觉例子很丰富，但是论证不够，最好能把互联网相对于交通竞争优势点出来，最后总结一下] Consequently,the transportation pressure will extensively decrease.
1 x0 E& w  v- A3 d6 r- i0 D9 |. `0 dFor the reasons discussed above[以上主要是强调互联网的便利和好处，涉及到公交和政府的太少了], I believe that it is a wisedecision to spend more money on internet instead of public transportation.
14# hzd515976083

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

5.10 修改 by 暧暧

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hzd515976083UID: 2487213

5-11
Nowadays, as the international competitions in all aspects are getting fiercer and fiercer, every country is trying to do its utmost to make development. And an increasing proportion of people believe that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country,which I hardly agree with.

Undeniable, improving education is a vital step in enhancing a country's competitiveness. Attribute to improved schools, people will receive better education. And it would definitely conduce to people's development not only in knowledge, but in social skills and even body performance as well. Take the United States as an example. As the most developed country in the world, it was found, according to a survey conducted in 2006, that roughly 27% of all the population hold a bachelor's degree or higher. This ratio, however, in some developing countries is much lower.
But advancement of education merely cannot ensure a effective development of one country. The definition of development comprises many regards, of which education is only a small part. For instance, construction of infrastructure is a premise for economic growth, which with no doubt contributes to a country's development. With the purpose to stimulate business, each country builds highways, hospitals, and communication facilities. Specifically, improvement of internet is prominent since its more notable role in daily work compared with several decades ago. Nearly all the offices today are linked with website, and people are using internet to look up necessary data, exchange files with other enterprises, and collaborate with their co-workers. Particularly, email has been a major way of communication, according to a Radicati Group study from May 2009, a tad more than one in fivepersons on earth are email users. Indisputably, infrastructure construction is elemental to development.
Moreover, shipping lines, new air routes, cable communications and investors are bringing societies closer together into an integrated world. Thus a country's development couldn't be apart from the restof the world. A concrete example comes from China's huge changes since the enforcement of the Open-up Policy. China's transformation into market economy brings an expansion of international trade, at an average rate of 15% each year in terms of exports and imports. Its integration into the global economy facilitate general opening of the economy. Consequently, China's economic development has been the most dramatic one of the recent decades.
Based on detailed discussion above, it's hard for us to conclude that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country. On the contrary, the development of a country should be a comprehensive development.

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

~

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

是telephone还是television对人类的有more effects?# y9 p. A! Y2 x& F
Thanks to some dramatic human inventions, such as telephone and television, our life today has changed so much that is it impossible for us nowadays [Nowadays 应该放在前面，句子开头。]to image how difficult it was for the pioneers[这个词很好，但是要更加个定语具体一点，否则读起来有点odd~ 比如：our ancestors who pioneered centuries ago. ]. But when asked, [，后面要加一个空格，基本格式要注意哈~]between telephone and television, which has more effects on human beings, the[the　可以不要]　views are varying from individual to individual. According to my perspective,the changes [句子结构错误，一定要避免. 改为：the changes coming up with the creation of television is more extensive. ]come up with the creation of television is more extensively. ----句子结构错误，一定要避免. 改为：the changes coming up with the creation of television is more extensive.

这段问题：
---Nowadays 应该放在前面，句子开头。
----pioneer这个词很好，但是要更加个定语具体一点，否则读起来有点odd~ 比如：our ancestors who pioneered centuries ago.
----后面要加一个空格，基本格式要注意哈
First of all, with television, it is now more quickly for us to know what is going on in other parts of the world. For instance, CCTV has an news channel. And each hour, it will broadcast the most recent news around the [一定要注意空格哦~]world. Even if you are incapable----Incapable---是残疾吗？这个词是表示能力的；可以说不方便啊  of going out to buy a newspaper[Incapable---是残疾吗？这个词是表示能力的；可以说不方便啊 ] or getting your[删除] access to internet, you may still keep in touch with the outside world aslong as you have a TV set. Actually, this kind of news channel is very commonin most of the major broadcasting companies. [句子结构有问题，语病~　]----句子结构有问题，语病~　On the contrast[You say by contrast or in contrast, or in contrast to something, to show that you are mentioning a very different situation from the one you have just], ----You say by contrast or in contrast, or in contrast to something, to show that you are mentioning a very different situation from the one you have just; it is absolutely　impossible for anyone of us to use telephone as a regular way of getting daily　information.& P; @# m  t% p4 c( S4 N! C
Furthermore, television enables us to get a full appreciate[要用名词,词性不要用错了] ----要用名词,词性不要用错了
of　the outside since it not only offer information with text, but describe things with sound and picture----Auditory and visual 一般更常用吧 .[Auditory and visual 一般更常用吧 ] Consequently, with a close and vivid view, we feel the world more real. One of my favorite TV programs is discovery.----Discovery 专有名词要注意大写。
[Discovery 专有名词要注意大写。] From it I am acquainted of--with the reason of volcanic eruption, the link between echo location in bats and the echo-sounding apparatus, and even the picture of the aliens conceived by scientists.----这一句很不错啊，加油！

[这一句很不错啊，加油！]
Expect for ---except for 注意拼写 the faster and multi-dimension information, television is also a device for entertaining. People can enjoy the newly revealed movies at home, if it is inconvenient for you to go to theater or just cannot afford the constantly rising ticket price. Also, television creates an new form of art--TV series. And it has gained popularity all over the world.Moreover, comparing with a couple of years ago, kids today can play video gameson TV, which are fun and good for their intelligence development., F0 Y9 c. f( Q
As is shown above, I believe television has more effect onhuman society.

Notes:
注意句子语法，避免串句，run-one sentence;
注意拼写错误，还有每个单词后面要打一个空格，最基本格式嘛
注意词性使用，还有用词的准确性，不过这个要求有点高，慢慢来吧~  总体还是很不错的，加油！
Word一粘过来就成了这样，不好意思，下回注意。
BY Tsinghua10   2010-5-11

hzd515976083UID: 2487213

Nowadays, unhealthy eating habits have been the main cause of many fatal diseases. Consequently, enormously lights have been thrown on unhealthy eating habits such as too few meals, unaware of calories and fat, and junk food. Some argue that advertising is the only main cause of these inclinations. Nonetheless, I don't support this argument.
Indisputably, advertising conduce to some unhealthy habits. Advertisement is a form of communication intended to persuade a receiver to take some action, usually to purchase certain good. So food producers use advertising to expand their selling and their market share. For example, the food of Macdonald's has been proved to be junk food, which people shouldn't take too often. But in China, strange still, many kids and adults consume Macdonald's food. One of the reasons is its marketing. Macdonald spends much money in its budget each year to advertise its products.
Though attribute to advertisement, people purchase some unhealthy food. However, it is unfair to conclude advertising is the only main cause since many other factors contribute to unhealthy eating habits. And personal preference is a vital one. Some people develop bad habits mainly due to themselves. A friend of mine is studying a PHD program in UT Dallas. According to my contact with him, I find he has a tendency to spend too little time on his meal. A 10-minutes dinner is a common phenomenon. He explains that it is too costly to spend time on meals and he would save those time for his research.
In addition, another reason which is of the same significant is profession. That is job is the factor which matters. After graduating from university, one of my roommates starts his career as a exchange dealer in the headquarter of Bank of China. He was delighted when he received this offer. Nevertheless, he complains to me that the worldwide currency market is never close since the ending of China's market is followed by the opening of the market in the United States. So each month he is arranged to work at night for a few days. In order to get enough calories, he is reluctant to take some food after midnight, which is extremely unhealthy.
As discussed above, except for advertisement, some other factors can lead to unhealthy habits. Subsequently, we cannot state that the only main cause of those habits is advertising.

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

5-11: o8 M9 G+ x6 x$ x2 oNowadays, as the international competitions in all aspects are getting fiercer and fiercer,---more fierce,  every country is trying to do its utmost to make development---  make progression/  or develop就可以了哈. And an increasing proportion of people believe that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country,which I hardly agree with. 9 t; x+ Q) y8 A+ N9 [: \* YUndeniable, improving education is a vital step in enhancing a country's competitiveness. Attribute to improved schools, people will receive better education---？什么意思. And it would definitely conduce to --不错people's development not only in knowledge, but in social skills and even body performance as well. Take the United States as an example. As the most developed country in the world, it was found, according to a survey conducted in 2006, that roughly 27% of all the population hold a bachelor's degree or higher. This ratio,---of holding a college degree  however, in some developing countries is much lower.! O) n6 E! |3 [) B' q+ O+ i
But advancement of education merely---改为But mere educational advancement--- cannot ensure a effective development of one---a country. The definition of development comprises many regards---最好还是aspects吧, of which education is only a small part. For instance, construction of infrastructure is a premise for economic growth, which with no doubt contributes to a country's development. With the purpose to stimulate business, each country builds highways, hospitals, and communication facilities.
Specifically, improvement of internet is prominent since its more notable role in daily work compared with several decades ago. ---你是说因特网的作用和过去比起来大了，而不是因特网的改进’s role more notable了； 改为：  Since its advent in our daily life, Internet has been improved to a large degree, playing a more prominent role compared with it did several decades ago.


Nearly all the offices today are linked with website, and people are using internet to look up necessary data, exchange files with other enterprises, and collaborate with their co-workers. Particularly, email has been a major way of communication, according to a Radicati Group study from May 2009, a tad more than one in five persons on earth are email users. Indisputably, infrastructure construction is elemental----这个词作定语更常见吧？改为substantial. essential to development.( X) \' s: @" ]Moreover, shipping lines, new air routes, cable communications and investors ---删除，前面挺好的，这个不平行啊are bringing societies closer together into an integrated world.---Are bringing society much more closer into a integrated one. Thus a country's development couldn't be--get apart ---adv. from the rest of the world.// A concrete example comes from China's huge changes since the enforcement of the Open-up Policy. China's transformation into market economy brings an expansion of international trade, at an average rate of 15% each year in terms of exports and imports. Its integration into the global economy facilitate general opening of the economy. Consequently, China's economic development has been the most dramatic one of the recent decades. 写得很好，但是建议还要跟主题结合一下，结尾再强调一下思路显得更清晰，就是促进了国家的发展，走向成功~~
Based on detailed discussion above, it's hard for us to conclude that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country. On the contrary, the development of a country should be a comprehensive development换个词儿吧---process involving various fields.

NOTES:
观点明确，例子很丰富，很specific, 写的不错，看得出来用心了~
思路还是比较明确的，希望在加强一下，哪怕是形式上的，也能提醒考官~
语言和用的词汇感觉不错，比较地道。灵活选词和句子结构上已经有感觉了。建议多看看外国网站，多吸收~
总体感觉：不错~ 再加油！

annkeUID: 2605122

Word一粘过来就成了这样，不好意思，下回注意。
! I$ @" y% {) K8 S* D) aBY Tsinghua10   2010-5-11

annkeUID: 2605122

Nowadays, as the international competitions in all aspects are getting fiercer and fiercer, every country is trying to do its utmost to make development. And an increasing proportion of people believe that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country,which I hardly agree with.
9 ~- W. r* X) L) u
Undeniable, improving education is a vital step in enhancing a country's competitiveness. Attribute to improved schools, people will receive better education. And it would definitely conduce to people's development not only in knowledge, but in social skills and even body performance as well. Take the United States as an example. As the most developed country in the world, it was found, according to a survey conducted in 2006, that roughly 27% of all the population hold a bachelor's degree or higher. This ratio, however, in some developing countries is much lower[例子是为了说明什么？就算美国的学士率低又说明什么呢？ 学士率低说明教育差—美国是超级大国教育都那么差—就说明教育不是最关键因素。缺少论证过程。就是有论证，这个例子也很不恰当，不合逻辑。为什么学士率低就说明教育差了？不是还有研究生啊，基础教育啊，家庭教育么].1 H# `; i5 V8 V. a
But advancement of education merely cannot ensure a effective development of one country. The definition of development comprises many regards, of which education is only a small part. For instance, construction of infrastructure[不恰当] is a premise for economic growth, which with no doubt contributes to a country's development. With the purpose to stimulate business, each country builds highways, hospitals, and communication facilities. Specifically, improvement of internet is prominent since its more notable role in daily work compared with several decades ago. Nearly all the offices today are linked with website, and people are using internet to look up necessary data, exchange files with other enterprises, and collaborate with their co-workers. Particularly, email has been a major way of communication, according to a Radicati Group study from May 2009, a tad more than one in fivepersons on earth are email users. Indisputably, infrastructure construction is elemental to development.# o3 C9  w" g# U* T' Y+ F- m9 q
Moreover, shipping lines, new air routes, cable communications and investors are bringing societies closer together into an integrated world. Thus a country's development couldn't be apart from the restof the world. A concrete example comes from China's huge changes since the enforcement of the Open-up Policy. China's transformation into market economy brings an expansion of international trade, at an average rate of 15% each year in terms of exports and imports. Its integration into the global economy facilitate general opening of the economy. Consequently, China's economic development has been the most dramatic one of the recent decades.
Based on detailed discussion above, it's hard for us to conclude that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a country. On the contrary, the development of a country should be a comprehensive development
[作者的语言功底很不错，尤其是词汇驾驭上！ 不过，某些地方稍显生硬，表达不够自然~ 注意论证结构 ]

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

5.12 by DaisyTwins