5.10 writing

m4mischaUID: 2740466

怎么你也用了富士康的例子 ~ 我也用了 ~嘻嘻　

yixin5690UID: 2790180

我是被你提醒的

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.14
by m4mischa

macaoUID: 2404395

1

yixin5690UID: 2790180

5.15
咋就在30分钟内写不完呢？ 救命啊！

canoe03UID: 2786666

When asked about whether professional athletes deserve high salaries or not, people find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse(diversely) personal experience and conflicting values. Some people contend that they have provided us wonderful tournaments, thus they deserve high payments. But as far as I am concerned, I highly doubt that for the following reasons.

First of all, athlete, I think, is just one of the ordinary occupations like teacher, doctor, or merchants. They do not need any specialties or posses any unusual qualities(个人反驳一下LZ，他们是需要特殊技能的，比如说跑的比别人快跳的比别人高，而不单单练习就可以了). What they need is continuous training and some sort of high-tech equipments. For example, Liu Xiang, winning the Olympic Games in 110-metre stride, has a pair of exclusively designed shoes. This pair of shoes are said to have contribute a lot to his successful. According to a recent survey that conducted by a group of scientists in University of Maryland, the further improvement of the performance in the competition will have an increasing close relationship with the technologies adopt by the athlete(这个句子不错). On the basis of this trend, how should they earn that much sum of money?

What is more, some of athletes begin to live a dissipated life due to the high salaries rather than training much harder or doing something charitable. Somebody may have heard that, the famous basketball player Sun Yue has been witnessed to go to nightclub frequently, and sometimes even fight with the other people due to minus issues which has brought about a adverse effect on the whole basket team.(个人觉得，球员自身道德素质和他们拿不拿高工资没关系)

Despite so many drawbacks, high salaries might have some advancement too. It is a stimulus to encourage them to achieve a higher performance. But the bonus, in my opinion, is so much for them to take. So many children can still not afford to get educated. This amount of money would be better invested to improve the fundamental facilities in schools in the remote area.(LZ提到高收入的正面，很好，但是怎么又转到投资基础设施建设了呢？)

To sum up, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. So it is safe to draw the conclusion that professional athletes do not deserve high salaries that they are paid.

(LZ的语法很强大，我觉得这篇作文比较难写就是貌似找不到合适的论据说明球星的高收入是不值得的，我自己也不大了解体育方面的东西，导致高收入的原因恐怕有很多种，比如说媒体、俱乐部炒作、明星的长相个性对收入甚至运气的高低都有影响。所以在第三段里我觉得有些偏题。就说这些了，如有不当，请谅解本人水平实在有限。嘿嘿!)

m4mischaUID: 2740466

还是忍不住来看看你的作文~　嘻嘻　　

不得不说这词用词比以前考究很多啊～

yixin5690UID: 2790180

今天不知咋的，完全提不出观点，论证也举不出例子。
问下大家一般除了举例论证还可以怎么有效的证明

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

yinxin5690是我改你5月15日的文章吧
貌似我怎么已经看见有人帮你改了，不管如何，贴上再说，不好意思，晚了

When asked about whether professional athletes deserve high salaries or not, people find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people contend that they have provided us wonderful tournaments, thus they deserve high payments. But as far as I am concerned, I highly doubt that for the following reasons.（第一段写的和我蛮像的，大众写法，看了几遍，没有找出错误，貌似这种写法不易得高分）

First of all, athlete（表示职业是不是要用an athlete 或者 the athletes，后面teacher等 同）, I think, is just one of the ordinary occupations like teacher, doctor, or merchants. They do not need any specialties or posses （poss，主语是they）any unusual qualities. What they need is continuous training and some sort of high-tech equipments. For example, Liu Xiang, winning(这里who winned也可以吧，探讨)， the Olympic Games in 110-metre stride, has a pair of exclusively designed shoes（这个表述蛮好）. This pair of shoes are said(reported更正式) to have contributed a lot to his successful（success，这里用名词）. According to a recent survey that conducted by a group of scientists in University of Maryland, the further improvement of the performance in the competition will have an increasing close relationship with the technologies adopted by the athlete. On the basis of this trend, how should they earn that much sum of money?

What is more, some of athletes begin to live a dissipated life due to the high salaries rather than training much harder or doing something charitable(这个表达会不会好点contributing to charitable business). Somebody may have heard that, the famous basketball player Sun Yue has been witnessed to go to nightclub frequently, and sometimes even fight with the（这个the 不要） other people due to minus issues(琐事，小事trivial matters)， which has brought about an adverse effect on the whole basket team.

Despite so many drawbacks, high salaries might have some advancement too. It is a stimulus to encourage them to achieve a higher performance. But（用however比较好） the bonus, in my opinion, is so much for them to take. So many children can still not afford to get educated. This amount of money would be better invested to improve the fundamental facilities in schools in the remote areas. （个人觉得这段写得不是很好，本来是按主线，是退而写其优点的，现在反而又是缺点了，而且举的例子有点远，你可以把这段后面这些说缺点的移到最后一段说，会不会比较好点）



To sum up, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. So it is safe to draw the conclusion that professional athletes do not deserve high salaries that they are paid.

yixin5690UID: 2790180

When asked about whether advertisements are a waste of money or not, people find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people contend that it is totally futile because we customers have already known what to buy while others hold a contrary opinion. As far as I am concerned, I think advertisement do have some advantages for companies.

Advertisements in newspapers, TVs, or magazines provide a chance for themselves got known by the ordinary people. For most of us, we do not know much about what is good or bad when we go shopping. The decisions we make are based on the extent of how familiar we are with it. For example, every time I go to Wal-Mart store to buy common commodities like soap or shampoo, I always tend to buy the one which appears a lot on TV rather than that of good qualities. Actually those in different brands, I think, have the same features at some extent.

What is more, the more exquisite the advertisement is, the more money the company gains. According to recent survey conducted by a group of socialist in Maryland University, companies like Coca Cola which represents those proficient in propagation earn money 10 times the amount of those newly emergent enterprises. In this case we can draw the conclusion that better advertisement is not a waste of company's money. So the critical part lies in the quality of your advertisement.

As I have mentioned above, there are some advertisements that are boring and tedious. After people confront it once, they would never see it again. Take those flies in the streets for example; most of them are advocating the mysterious effect of the medicine. People would not get confuse by it as long as he/she get educated. Thus this method is entirely a waste of money.

To sum up, whatever the consumers want to buy, as long as you get a persuasive and fascinating advertisement, you will make them become your clients, and fulfill your goal that is making profit. So Advertisements are not a waste of company's money.

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

改的16号的文章，抱歉，交的比较晚
我有个建议，LZ能不能直接把文章贴上去，这样更加醒目，每次要下载觉得不太方便。


When asked about which one is more important for students, ideas or facts, people always find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some contend that we should pay more attention on ideas and concepts while the others hold a contrary opinion. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter one for the following reasons.（个人觉得这段用模板结合题目结合的非常好，基本上找不出错误，而且意思上还蛮通顺）

First, facts are entitled as foundation for the concepts. For example, Hans Christian Oersted, the famous physicist in Denmark（强人，这个也想得到！！）, has(had，过去已经发现) found the magnetic effect of electricity from the phenomena that the magnetic needle detracts from the original position when the wire right above it has a current passes（passing） through. In this case we can conclude that students can comprehend the background information of the concept by learning facts. （举的例子非常好，描述也很好，佩服下）

What is more, the facts can also help us better understand the concepts. As we all know, some of the concepts are highly conclusive and complex, like the evolutionary theory by Charles Darwin. Without observing the evolution of creatures, it is hard for students to form the correct perspective（这里用perspective是否妥当？探讨下）. On the contrary, we can easily recognize the ever changing features influenced by the environment if provided with vivid pictures. Therefore, for the purpose of better absorption of knowledge, facts should be paid high emphasize in the content of study.

However, some people might argue that the purpose of learning facts is to get（我从作文书上看到说用get不大好，含义不清也不正式，个人建议用obtain） the ultimate meaning of why it behaves like that. Our whole scientific world is build(built) by many interrelated concepts. But I have to say it may be right at(to) some extent, but without the facts as a prerequisite, concept means nothing but some pointless words.

From what I have discussed above it is safe to draw the conclusion that it is more important for students to learn facts than ideas and concepts.

总体来说这篇文章写的真的蛮好的，有少量错误，这么空洞的文章能写成这样，已经很错了

canoe03UID: 2786666

When asked about whether advertisements are a waste of money or not, people find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse(diversely) personal experience and conflicting values. Some people contend that it is totally futile because we customers have already known what to buy while others hold a contrary opinion. As far as I am concerned, I think advertisement do have some advantages for companies.

Advertisements in newspapers, TVs, or magazines provide a chance for themselves got known by the ordinary people. For most of us, we do not know much about what is good or bad when we go shopping. The decisions we make are based on the extent of how familiar we are with it. For example, every time I go to Wal-Mart store to buy common commodities like soap or shampoo, I always tend to buy the one which appears a lot on TV rather than that of good qualities. Actually those in(of) different brands, I think, have the same features at some extent.

What is more, the more exquisite the advertisement is, the more money the company gains. According to recent survey conducted by a group of socialist in Maryland University, companies like Coca Cola which represents those proficient in propagation earn money 10 times the amount of those newly emergent enterprises(这个例子不大好，因为你没有说清楚可口可乐盈利是新兴公司的十倍，如果企业规模不一样，是无法相比的，也许你可以说可口可乐在某个国家没打广告之前如何如何，做了广告之后如何如何). In this case we can draw the(a) conclusion that better advertisement is not a waste of company's money. So the critical part lies in the quality of your advertisement(此话和上下文联系不大).

As I have mentioned above, there are some advertisements that are boring and tedious. After people confront it once(这个句子有点奇特，有after和once，感觉怪怪的), they would never see it again. Take those flies in the streets for example; most of them are advocating the mysterious effect of the medicine. People would not get confuse(confused) by it as long as he/she get(was) educated. Thus this method is entirely a waste of money.(这短话的说服力不是很强)

To sum up, whatever the consumers want to buy, as long as you get a persuasive and fascinating advertisement, you will make them(这里them不知到指的是谁) become your clients, and fulfill your goal that(that不知道能不能用来做从句的主语) is making profit. So Advertisements are not a waste of (a) company's money.

闻楼主下周就要考试了，先祝福一个。楼主的语法基本上没什么问题，偶尔会有点小错误，我想楼主这篇作文是在半小时内写的，字数结构都不错。其实这里我也有一个问题，像那种不能肯定也不能否定的题目到底是中庸的写好呢，还是一定要有某种倾向？这篇作文中明显的不足就是证据不是那么有说服力，在考虑的时候我建议楼主应该边写边考虑这个问题，或者留出15秒想想证据。楼主在文章里用了一个词组：come to consensus，正好我昨天也看到了一个词组reach consensus(达成一致意见)，还有hugely important(及其重要)，be of the essence(及其重要)，pushing this a litter further(进一步说，这个词用在递进的段落里很好)。这是从纽约时报上看来的，一点点东西也许对楼主有用就发给你了。加油！

canoe03UID: 2786666

是这样的 ，形容词前面应该是副词，所以personal前面应该是diversely:)

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

When asked about whether advertisements are a waste of money or not, people find it hard to come to (a) consensus due to diverse personal experience (如果是经历的话是可数的，experiences) and conflicting values. Some people contend that it is totally futile because we customers have already known what to buy while others (the others因为只有两方) hold a contrary opinion. As far as I am concerned, I think advertisement(s) do have some advantages for companies (可能对顾客也有好处).
' g" R/ z! B% e# G" `
& i2 ~2 L+ U) P7 j8 B4 UAdvertisements in newspapers, TVs, or magazines provide a chance for themselves (代谁呢？产品？) got (to be) known by the ordinary people. For most of us, we do not know much about what is good or bad when we go shopping. The decisions we make are based on the extent of how familiar we are with it (代谁？). For example, every time I go to
(the ) Wal-Mart store to buy common （daily-use） commodities like soap or shampoo, I always tend to buy the one which appears a lot on TV rather than that of good qualities (quality). Actually those (代谁？) in different brands, I think, have the same features at (to) some extent. & H- C( p/ x( D- F# F; z" W/ d& p/ G2 t

( n. T; a- q% ]' l  U3 OWhat is （What’s貌似更顺口） more, the more exquisite the advertisement is, the more money the company gains. According to （a） recent survey conducted by a group of socialist(s) in Maryland University, companies like Coca Cola which represents those proficient in propagation earn money 10 times the amount of those newly emergent enterprises. In this case we can draw the conclusion that better advertisement (用复数更合适些) is not a waste of company's money. So the critical part lies in the quality of your advertisement. （因果关系不明显）8 J! ?( S0 ?4 m

( T2 A% T: b! D4 Y' v/ s( ~As I have mentioned above, there are some advertisements that are boring and tedious. After people confront it once, they would never see it again. Take those flies（苍蝇？） in the streets for example; most of them are advocating the mysterious effect of the medicine. People would not get confuse（confused） by it as long as he/she get educated. Thus this method is entirely a waste of money.
6 W/ M; U: P; H( P$ y+ p
7 L- R4 Q* v$ mTo sum up, whatever the consumers want to buy, as long as you get a persuasive and fascinating advertisement, you will make them become your clients, and fulfill your goal that is making profit. So Advertisements are not a waste of company's money.; G5 o/ O2 b1 h
看到楼主的意见了，非常感谢！今天时间有点仓促，上面的修改意见仅供参考，可能需要注意一下代词和单复数的使用，如果明天有时间我会再改一下。对于这篇题目，我的确把握的不是很好，回去我在想想，我们可以继续讨论。