HeyCD的Independent writing

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

9月25日交09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.
Nowadays, it cannot deny that advertising plays an increasing important role in people’s daily life for the reason that it can offer numerous messages for people, not only about job information but mountainous nutrition（这里思维跳跃了一下，广告有很多营养？不解释的话，美国人反应不过来的）. Although some people point out that in recent years, advertising becomes the serious cause of unhealthy eating habits, as for me, advertising is not the reason that leads to unhealthy eating habits.

Admittedly, advertising changes people’s habits a lot, no matter good or not, especially the eating habits. Some advertising may indicate awful message which is bad for people’s daily life, like eating some nonnutritive food in every morning instead of diet food. Although（我没看出转折的味道） advertising sometimes suggest a few minor mistakes about eating habits, which make people get wrong information of eating habits.

For one thing, in modern society, for most people, information related healthy eating habits is not easily gained, and advertising is one of a few ways which is successful for offering significant messages in this kind. To some degree, it is largely difficulty for people to learn this kind of message, for the reason that there is few ways to access to learn them for people, especially people whose majors is not nutrition. In that case, advertising is a good way for people, as after a whole day working or studying, during the dinner time, people could learn plenty information about this kind of knowledge merely by watching television.

For another, enterprises tend to hire nutritionists to tell people what kind of nutrition in their food products and how many people should eat in everyday to stay healthy, in order to advertise their products for public. At the same time, to some extent, many experts tend to educate people considerable knowledge about healthy eating habits by advertising. For example, when HINI Flu caused serious bad illness in the whole world, nutritionists, especially Chinese nutritionists, told citizen which food was in danger and what kind of food people should eat at that serious time. （例子不错）Therefore, advertising is not just a tool that helps businesses to sell their goods, but a pretty useful way for people all through the world to obtain the right eating habits.

To sum up, from what we discussed above, we could conclude that even though some advertising show minor unhealthy eating habits to people, advertising is one of the most crucial ways to offer knowledge about healthy eating habits for the reason that they can not only offer this kind of messages conveniently, but also present largely useful information that experts suggest, which is difficult for people in their daily life.
1、        第一段说广告不是导致不健康饮食的原因，正文和最后一段表示的却是广告是不健康饮食的诱因之一，两相矛盾；
2、        文中部分转折词或连接词使用的不是很恰当，例子还可以增加几个，最好正文每段一个；
3、        最后一段不要来一句式，至少三句，只有一句的话，再精彩也不行；
4、        学校网络坏了，今日才恢复，还请见谅。

顺水飘扬UID: 2715101

9月28日交-08.08.08NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All university students should take basic science courses, regardless of their field of concentration.
Nowadays, whether let all college students, no matter what their majors are, have basic science courses become an increasing popular discussion（一般都是 under discussion, become…话题，或者可以说arouse big concern in society）. For some parents and university students, taking this kind of courses, to some degree, are apparently big border. However, as for me, since basic science courses are absolutely necessary for the reason that they contain almost all kinds of essential knowledge in every learning area, it is undoubtedly that all university students should have basic science courses, no matter what their concentration is.

Admittedly, for certain college students whose major are art, history or music, taking basic science classes seems to be unnecessary and wasting time, as they (最好加个already) have to spend scores of time to take their major classes. Nevertheless, basic science courses are essential in every kind of studying fields, as they offer mountainous information that could（去掉） help students learn their own study better and deeper, as well as making them live comfortable and reasonable in universities.

To begin with, as basic science classes are not only teaching information associated pure science, but also presenting messages linked science and other kinds of areas, so that college students could learn their own field considerably well. Dar Vinci, for example, is(这个动词是多余的吧) one of the most famous painters in the whole world, got the knowledge both in art and science, even in anatomy, in that case(可以用that is why), he could draw paintings more real and reasonable. Therefore, even university students in other fields, learning science classes are significantly important for their major studying.

Furthermore, basic science courses can teach quite a few essential messages(teach message有点不搭，可以把message改成skills，正好这段你说的是自己“救”自己的技能) for college students in daily life, which cannot be told in their(改成some) major studying, which are not in science subjects. For instance, when a college student get sick, if he has studied science classes regarding medical before, it is so easy for him to take care of himself, for the reason that he could do the right exercise for getting healthy and eat the proper food to keep fit. Hence, taking basic science courses are pretty indispensable in college students’ daily life.（这段的逻辑有点不妥，你想说的是：“如果一个人生病了，如果他以前学过一些关于医疗的知识，他就很容易去照顾自己，因为他知道要去做正确的锻炼去得到健康并且吃合适的食物保持健康。”但是一个人知道怎么保持健康，怎么还会SICK。我觉得应该是：由于他学过一些关于医疗方面的知识，当他生病的时候，他知道如何照顾自己，吃什么药，吃什么食物能恢复的更快，并且知道以后要怎么预防）

To sum up, although sometimes basic science classes are border for some college students, they are necessary for universities students for the reason that they offer mountainous knowledge that can help college students learn their own majors deeper and better, and also make them have crucial information that could be helpful for their daily life.

1蓝的 粉的 绿的是些重复的句子和词，最好把其中的一个换一种说法，否则感觉文章总是重复着绕来绕去的。
2 我理解的你的段落文章结构是 1
2
34
5，34段是第2段的一个举例扩充说明。如果是这样的话，我觉得第二段和第一段说的是一个意思，没有必要说两遍。
加油～

kimi0428UID: 2592187

写的相当不错，呵呵

kimi0428UID: 2592187

36# kimi0428
主要在我看来的确写的不错的，基本不用改，呵呵！！~~~

littleecho33UID: 2876349

不好意思 改晚了

芒果yayaUID: 2759930

总的说来不错

njuslsUID: 2757819

10月5号
因为没什么可改的文章就不贴了
只有一个overnutrition错了
觉得楼主的写作和用词等方面完全没有问题
只是在说理方面有所欠缺：
如: 第二段是说广告不是主要原因，后来又说人们对广告的错误解读是重要的原因之一，再进一步想人们之所以产生对广告的误解其中的一个原因不就是广告本身带来的误导嘛！所以似乎跟前面的论点有点矛盾。最好还是换一个理由。

樾悦UID: 2689181

好了