再次备战，俺老徐的作文本

闪闪硕硕UID: 2825715

我7月24号的作文24分，哎，重新复习继续写作文

闪闪硕硕UID: 2825715

8.31 号的作文
09.05.30NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

欢迎批评指正，俺也一定会努力给战友们该作文的，谢谢 ^_^

hong519690UID: 2548823

贴不了附件，只好在这里改了。。。

“If I had a child, I would send him/her to study piano since 5 years old rather than paying(这里是不是可以用原型啊？) all the attentions to the so-called “main courses” such as math and history." That is a swear from a college girl, whose(who is) 22 years old, when she looked back on her childhood.  A lot of young adults ,nowadays, feel regretted about the wrong choice(是不是用复数呢？) they have made when they were young, because they did not learn one or two skills in art or music as their strong point(复数，这个用法似乎不太地道). I hold totally the same attitude toward this issue, because in my point of view, art and music are as critical as math, science, history and language for younger school children, especially for those ages five to ten.

Admittedly, courses, like math, science, history and language, are irreplaceable. They are the basic knowledge for younger children, because they(这里可以加一个情态动词) make sure for their future further study. These knowledge can improve their critical thinking ability, enhance their word expressing ability and also reveal them oceans of truth of our real world. However, so may(many) evidences prove that the period of child in the age from 5 to 10 is a essential period in their development of mental recognition. Most importantly, more and more people are starting to realize the importance of art and music for a person's life.(这一句的递进似乎和前面一句的关系不大，有点牵强)

Music and art play an(?) important role, especially for child aged 5 to 10. A recent survey form(from) MBW shows that children in these ages are sensitive for sound, colorful pictures, (逗号应该改成and)they are easily abstracted by these beautiful things. It means  that these things have an unpredictable impact on younger children than adults. Younger children build up their own picture of  the world at that period. Music and art, which contains all these amazing parts, are the main factors. This big construction needs little help from math, science. This big construction(这里可以用it好像) can influence their aesthetics in their future life when they grow up.

Music and arts influse people's attitudes toward life.We all comitted that the judgement between right or(应该用and) wrong are in relation with law.(这一句不知道要表达什么) The color of a person's mental world motivates the activity. A people who love the world may have a happy attitude toward their lives, however, people who have darkness are just in the opposite. Music gives hour(our) life rhythm, when we feel sad, arts makes us release these beauties in the corner of life which we never notice. So that a younger child who likes music and arts since young may consider(这个单词似乎不准确) how wonderful the life is since they are so young. (young重复) Also these abilities in music and art will give them a great help in their future school and working life.

我觉得整体来说，写的还行。拼写错误要注意。开头挺新颖的，观点表达也比较明确。后面展开论述的层次比较清楚，但论证过程有点薄弱，没有深入，有点翻来覆去说一个意思，可以再丰富一些。语法还行。
第一次改别人作业，说的不对的还请见谅。大家一起加油。

闪闪硕硕UID: 2825715

18# hong519690

谢谢你的修改，呵呵

Icybaby77UID: 2893399

17# 闪闪硕硕
09.05.30NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

“If I had a child, I would send him/her to study piano since 5 years old rather than paying all the attentions to the so-called main courses such as math and history." That is a swear from a college girl, who is22 years old, when looking(这样简洁一点） back on her childhood.
A lot of young adults ,nowadays, feel regretted（regretful会不会好一点)about the wrong choice they have made when they were young,  owing to a lack of additional skill,such as math or art. I hold totally the same attitude towards this issue, because in my point of view, art and music are as critical as math, science, history and language for younger school children, especially for those ages five to ten.

Admittedly, courses, like(like最好不要用来举例，这个也是中国学生经常犯得错误，我们老是说滴。因为母语的使用对英语有一定影响） math, science, history and language are irreplaceable. They are the basic knowledge（knowledge不可数，前面是are的话就不对咯。可能改个词会更好吧） for younger children, because they make sure for their future further study（改成which ensure their further study in the future.会不会更好一点呢） These( knowledge 不可数哦，换成the可能比较恰当）knowledge obatained from these subjects can improve their critical thinking ability, enhance their word expressing ability as well as reveal them oceans of truth of our real world. However, so may evidences prove that the period of child in the age from 5 to 10 is an essential period in their development of mental recognition. Most importantly, more and more people are starting to realize the imprtance（significance更高档点。。呵呵。不过不换也ok的 ）of art and music for a person's life.

Music and art play an important role, especially for children aged 5 to 10. A recent survey form MBW shows that children in these ages are sensitive for(to) sound, colorful pictures, they are easily abstracted(这个是抽象的意思了，你是想说attracted吧） by these beautiful things. It(，which 感觉连接性更强一些）means
that these things have an unpredictable impact on younger children than adults. Younger children build up their own picture of
the world at that period. Music and art, which contains all these amazing parts, are the main factors. This big construction needs little help from math, science. This big construction can influence their aesthetics in their future life when they grow up.

Music and arts influse（influence) people's attitudes toward life.We all comitted that the judgement between right or wrong are in relation with law. The color of a person's mental world motivates the activity. A people who love the world may have a happy attitude toward their lives, however, people who have darkness are just in the opposite(O(∩_∩)O~，喜欢这个句子，简洁精练！）. Music gives our life rhythm, when we feel sad, arts makes us release these beauties in the corner of life which we never notice. （好句！）So that a younger child who likes music and arts since young may consider how wonderful the life is since they are so young.（may found a wonderful world out there waiting for them.突然想起来的，少了两个since感觉会不会直接点呢？) Also these abilities in music and art will give them a（改成be of 显得生动些吧) great help in their future schooling and working life.






嘿嘿。，第一次批作文能遇到你的这篇文章我还是挺幸运滴。。。语法基本没什么问题
但是我觉得第二段和第三段可以合在一起写，因为有的部分有点重复啦。。。
其他的就都写在上面拉。。。有时间可以和我分享下你的考托经历吗？我第一次考。有点怕怕的，。。那大家一起加油吧！！