Silvia(langtianrinuan) 的独立写作帖

lingmin66UID: 2404789

Job is thenecessity of every person nowadays.（我会这样写：Nowadays having a job becomes more necessary for everyone. 题外话：美国主妇很多滴：)） Many People account on jobs to live on, or to fight through the routine life. When it comes topeople, "what kinds of job would youlike", most people will（may） have to take some
(删)
minutes to thinkabout that. There are several characteristics people will take intoconsideration, such as work spot, interest, work(team)members, work environment, boss, and time etc. Salary and security, undoubtedly,are among the most significant factors. For some people salary accounts morethan security does. However, others hold quiteopposite opinions. As it is for me, salary is my priority concerns.

First of all, high salary jobs usually means challenging (challenge) which and challengemakes me keep learning. In nowadays marketing economic society, the employers
will not pay employees extra money for their work just for mercy. That means high rewardjobs also require people work harder or bebetter qualified. In order to meet that requirement people have to learn more.On the other hand, changing jobs frequently alsohelps employees earn more experiences. Suppose aman who has been working for a shoe'sfactory for twenty years, making shoes is his only talent, competes withanother woman who has worked for a shoe factory'sproduction department and a selling department before (我觉得这样写比较好：who hasexperience in both production department and sales department in a shoe factory)for the(a) position of management of the shoecompany. Who has more possibility to get that job? The answer is obvious (Actually I don’t think the answer is obvious J).

Moreover, secured job are not always that secured as itseems, however, money and experiences are good ways (essentialelements) for security. For instant, inthe twenties century in China,the jobs as national factories’ workers were once regarded as one of the most secured jobs.Thousands of young people fought to get into the national factories. There wasa saying that people(a person) who was anational factory's worker meant that he had found an irony bowls and would never lost (lose)his jobs. However, with the reformation of the economy by the end of twenties century,millions of national factories' workers were lay off. Nowadays, with thedevelopment of market system, there are never (no)jobs that can never be lost. Instead, people can buy insurance to get securedas long as they have money. So why not choose high paid jobs, and earn moreexperience and money to get ready for other work opportunities?

Most important of all, stable jobs are boring. Always working(动名词才能做主语) for the same boss alsomeans that people will communicate mostlythe same group of familiar faces(with familiar facesfrom same group) and handle daily assignments that they probably havedone thousands of times ago. What is thepleasure? Life is short. Life is precious. Life deserves something different,unexpected and colorful. If at the beginningpeople have already known what are going to happen during their entire life,what is the joy of the life? So work for a company in Beijing for a while then bang find another job in New York and enjoy atotally different job will definitely make life more splendid.(建议重写)

To sum up, the secured jobs are not as secured as they seem,and, for me, money is good way to get secured.Moreover, high salary jobs are more challenging, andchallenge make people learn. Most importantly, life is short andprecious. Life deserves something different, unexpected and colorful. So Iwould rather have jobs with high payment than jobs with high security. (感觉是完全重复上面的话)


不知道你定时没有，字数很多呢。Good job！！！
但是我认为首段写得太多展开太多。重点应在中间body。注意文章的时态，单复数，动名词作主语。还有论点还不够鲜明有力，有点中式味道，比如说iron bowl，不知道老外懂不懂~~~ 写得很好，不过既然要改，就是挑毛病了，所以不对的地方请见谅哈，呵呵~~~~

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.   9.16 by langtianrinuan.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-9-16 15:28:11 上传

下载次数: 2

With the advent of high-end technical products, such like televisions and computers, a new world was available to people, where all kinds of splendid or bizarre stories are going on every day every minutes. Audience are laughing or crying with the plot of movies or TV shows developed. Some people claims that one of television or movies mission is to educate audience, in ways of showing good people are bound to reward and bad people are doomed to be penalized. However, other people hold quite adverse opinions. For my respective, I agree the latter for the following reasons.

Firstly movies and television series, above all, should be entertainment programs rather than educational programs. Nobody will deny that some movies or TV shows do have some significant influence in making people take a second thought about life. However, for most movies their priority purpose is to release pressures of people, to make people forget about all the troubling stuff, or merely to make people laugh. Take British TV show Mr. Bean for example, it has nothing to do with the good people or bad people, but you cannot ignore its success, considering the well popularity in audience.

Another important reason would be that it is not the exactly way the real world runs. When we are in our childhood, we are told in the stories that the bad guys will be punished while good deeds will be rewarded. However, when we grown up, we see a totally different world, where had buys still live happily, while kind-hearted people are waiting for rewards in vein. So we get disappointed about the reality. What is the problem? The way of education is wrong. The real world is complex, and in this world one person could be good person and evil in the meanwhile, and in this world no one can justly judge who is good and who is evil, not mentioned to punish the bad and reward the good. So why should we brother to use such superficial way to fool audience.

Further more, if all movies and television dramas are all in that way, spectators can easily predict the end of the story by just watching the beginning of the show. Movies of that kind are boring and nobody is willing to watch them at all. As I have mentioned before, movies and TV shows are primarily intended for entertain. Since the spectators are driven away, why would people brother to produce them?

To sum up, let entertainment just remains to be nothing just amusement; do not involve in too much targets. Anyway, educating mission could hardly work out in this way.

hypnosis@1122UID: 2904175

With the advent of high-end technical products, such like televisions and computers, a new world was available to people, where all kinds of splendid or bizarre stories are going on every day every minutes(minute). Audiences are laughing or crying with the plot of movies or TV shows developed( audiences are impressed by the plot of movies as well as TV shows). Some people claims that one of television or movies mission(one mission of televison and movies) is to educate audience, in ways of (换成by更简练)showing good people are bound to reward and bad people are doomed to be penalized. However, other people hold quite adverse opinions. For my respective, I agree the latter for the following reasons.

Firstly，movies and television series, above all, should be entertainment programs rather than educational programs. Nobody will deny that some movies or TV shows do have some significant influence in making people take a second thought about life. However, for most movies their priority purpose is to release pressures of people, to make people forget about all the troubling stuffs, or merely to make people laugh. Take British TV show Mr. Bean as an example, it has nothing to do with the good people or bad people, but you cannot ignore its success, considering the well popularity in audience（上面的例子还可以深化）
Another important（essential少用important） reason would be that it is not the exactly（exact） way the real world runs.(another essential reason lies in the aspect that what we watch  in movies is not the way the real world runs感觉这样写更清晰) When we are in our childhood, we are told in the stories that the bad guys will be punished while good deeds will be rewarded. However, when we grown up, we see a totally different world, where had buys still live happily, while kind-hearted people are waiting for rewards in vein. So we get disappointed about the reality. What is the problem? The way of education is wrong. The real world is complex, and in this world one person could be good person and evil in the meanwhile, and in this world no one can justly judge who is good and who is evil, not mentioned to punish the bad and reward the good. So why should we brother（bother） to use such superficial way to fool audience.
Further more, if all movies and television dramas are all in that way, spectators can easily predict the end of the story by just watching the beginning of the shows. Movies of that kind are boring and nobody is willing to watch them at all. As I have mentioned before, movies and TV shows are primarily intended for entertainment. Since the spectators are driven away, why would people brother to produce them?
（上面这段有重复，有点多余）0 c0 c$ To sum up, let entertainment just remains to be nothing just amusement; do not involve in too much targets. Anyway, educating mission could hardly work out in this way.
能力有限，改的不对的地方还请多包含

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

9.18作业。还是时间问题。加油加油。
请狠批。谢谢。

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

改好了 呵呵～～能达到400字很让人佩服！！

teenteenUID: 2742580

9.16 by langtianrinuan_TNT_comments.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-9-20 19:25:54 上传

下载次数: 3

不好意思，不好意思，前两天出去玩了。。。

teenteenUID: 2742580

21# teenteen


刚才查了字典，audience是集合名词不可数，忽略我有关单复数的修改吧，呵呵傻了

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

Thousands of thousands of years have passed after human beings standed （stood）,walked with legs, when human have started their history of sports, even though by then the term "sports" was not invented. Until now all kinds of sports are ubiquitous（学习了） in society. No denying that sports have played a significant role in human beings' life. Sports not only make people physically healthy, but also satisfied people's mental requirements. Some people assets that sports make people learn about life while others hold different opinions. For my respective, I would agree the former.

To begin with, sports, such as football, helps people cultivate the ability of team work. Not mentioned(学习了) the obvious fact that without cooperation no team could win the game, even during the training secessions, football require player to communicate with each other, share honors and failures with each other and help each other as well. Nowadays, for most young people, they are usually the only child of their family, and they constantly the empire of their parents too. Accordingly, they have some difficulty in being understanding and supportive to others; since they are in most situations the center of their own family. However, playing football or basketball offers opportunities for them to care about others' feeling and learn to surrender sometimes.

Another lesson sports teach people is to make people mentally strong. As we can see, most athletes are strong will persons.  Along with(学习了) interesting and funny feeling sports will bring, there are also hardness and difficulties. For instant, a long distance running athlete may go into rapture when he/she won the 3,000 meters race, however, behind the victory there are countless days of trainings, which might be really boring and arduous, especially in those frigid winters mornings when the temperature might goes down to 20 cent degree below zero or in the sweltering summer afternoons when the heat of the sun could almost ignite everything under the sun. A successful athlete has to overcome all these hardship and keep on practicing day after day before she/he finally achieve her/his goal. Besides that, sports also inspire ordinary sports enthusiasts to carry on practicing by offering delighted feeling in or during the sports.

Considering what I have mentioned above, we could safely answer the question: do sports teach people lessons? Yes. Are sports nessary for life? Absolutely!
优点：表达让人感觉舒服，结构也很清晰，细节描述生动。
拍砖 缺少反面论证，而且文章sports 与life的辩证联系不够多。

欢迎回批！8楼
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1774358530

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

前两天回家，参加好友婚礼。
今日补交。
有愿意帮我改一下的不？ 9.23 by langtianrinuan.doc (21.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-9-24 16:39:41 上传

下载次数: 2

jcf2008UID: 2681015

24# langtianrinuan
LZ真的写得很好。遣词造句，引用事例，文章结构都很强~是我一个新手学习的典范~ 不过感觉就两个论点是不是太少了点~ 还是其余两个论点少花点篇幅，在增加一个论点？ 文章改不了什么，我就过来学习下~~ 飘走

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

我也是来向楼主学习的~O(∩_∩)O~

best way to improve the quality of educationin a country is to increase teachers' salaries.

Education is of undeniable significance to human beings, especially innowadays when the development of the technology is of highly speed. Hardly toimage that what would happen to a country when the education（小纠正一下~应该改成形容词） system of thatcountry broke down. However, admittedly the education situations are not aspositive as people expected them to be. So what can we do to change this touch situation? Some people argue that maybe increasing teachers' salaries will helpto improve the quality of education. However, I could hardly agree thisstatement, and reasonsare as follows.

First of all, there are several much more crucial factors that determine the quality ofeducation besides good teachers. For example, high qualified education requiresmodern and wholly（这是副词，不如写成unified） facilities,such as a large quantity of classrooms and big playgrounds for daily increasingstudents. A latest survey shows that almost 45% of Chinese primary schools arelack of educational facilities and four millions of young people cannot affordto attend high school due to the increasing schooling fees. Apparently thesesituations cannot be solved unless enough fund for education are founded foreducational facilities and schooling funds.（第二句中没有提到fund的问题吧，应该加上~）

On the other hand, high salaries cannot turn all teachers into good teachers. According to scientific surveys, most so-called teachers are those who really fond of being a teacher and enjoy thefun of help students. In other words, few great teachers choose their career asa teacher because of money. Take my aunt for example, she is a wonderful mathteacher in our high school and she is very popular in students. Before shebecame a math teacher she was a successful lawyer in commercial law, who earneda lot of money as a lawyer and lived in a splendid house with a swimming pool,which is not so common even between rich people in China. But she quitted from thelocal reputable law firm and became a high school teacher, earning a salary farless than she used to have. But she is quite satisfied with her job as ateacher.

Tosum up, good teachers are not enough to make sure a good education, since thereare several other factors that contribute to qualified education. Even only for good teacher itself, highsalaries can hardly make wonderful teachers as studies show that there are farmore crucial reasons driving them to be good teachers.

亮点：表述清晰，层次鲜明。
不足：作为议论文，文章不够紧凑，每一段末尾如果能将内容拉回论点，文章结构就会显得更严密。另外反驳针对性若更强一点就好了。

欢迎楼主 回批！（文章在13楼）

lizhengjiangUID: 2619543

哈哈，改好了。
一片讨论声中完成的。
有不妥，不好意思哟。
24# langtianrinuan

nishuowosheiUID: 2843451

这是你18号的作业，之前有事米有改，拖到现在，不好意思~谢谢你对我作业的批改~

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

9.28 作业
超时9分钟，加油。
9.28 by langtianrinuan.doc (23 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-9-28 12:30:13 上传

下载次数: 5

langtianrinuanUID: 2810236

9.25的作业，交迟了，有人愿意帮我改一改么？我会回改相应的作文滴。

9.25 by langtianrinuan.doc (23 KB, 下载次数: 9)

2010-9-28 16:14:05 上传

下载次数: 9