Anita的作文本

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

Almost everyone has dreamed to have a job with both many vacations and a high salary, but the fact is not like what we’ve expected it to be. Still, we have to make our choice. As for me, I prefer a job with more vacation but a low salary to a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

To begin with, life is not all about money and we do have more important issues and personal affairs to deal with, which requires much of our time. I have to admit that I didn’t have a happy childhood because my parents are all very busy with their careers and I had little time to talk to them, let alone a family trip. Lack of enough vacation kept us being more and more alienated from each other. I was really very upset and sorry for that so I don’t want my child to follow my roads. And this is most important reason for which I believe a job with more vacation but a slow salary is better.

What’s more, more vacation offers us chances to adjust ourselves from the busy and tiring working condition as well as improve our life quality. Nowadays, many people are suffering from subhealth and it’s high time they should properly schedule their time to rest themselves. And obviously, a job with a high salary but less vacation time cannot provide this. On the contrary, having a job with high salary but less vacation time leaves us nothing but money. Yet, how can we deal with the money while we have less vacation time to spend?

In addition, a job with more vacation offers us more free time so that we can have time to pursue our dreams. For example, my elder sister Lily failed to realize her dream of playing the piano when she was young. But now, as she worked as an assistant of newspaper editor, she has much vacation every year and thus being able to attend the piano lessons continuously and practicing more. Last week, she passed the piano Lv.8 exam and she’s very excited for realizing her dreams. Like her, I find realizing one’s dream overweighs a high salary.

Taking all these factors into consideration, I believe a job with much vacation but a low salary is better.

lxg198607UID: 2564115

Almost everyone has dreamed to have a job with both many vacations and a high salary, but the fact is not like what we’ve expected it to be. Still, we have to make our choice. As for me, I prefer a job with more vacation but a low salary to a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

To begin with, life is not all about money and we do have more important issues and personal affairs to deal with, which requires much of our time. I have to admit that I didn’t have a happy childhood because my parents are(were) all (both)very busy with their careers and I had little time to talk to them, let alone a family trip. Lack of enough vacation kept us being more and more alienated(感觉这句语法有问题) from each other. I was really very upset and sorry for that so I don’t want my child to follow my roads. And this is most important reason for which I believe a job with more vacation but a slow salary is better.

What’s more, more vacation offers us chances to adjust ourselves from the busy and tiring working condition as well as improve our life quality. Nowadays, many people are suffering from subhealth and it’s high time they should properly schedule their time to rest themselves. And obviously, a job with a high salary but less vacation time cannot provide this. On the contrary, having（去掉） a job with high salary but less vacation time leaves us nothing but money. Yet, how can we deal with the money while we have less vacation time to spend?（这结论跟前面不搭啊）

In addition, a job with more vacation offers us（与上段重复，建议用provide, give 替换下） more free time so that we can have time to pursue our dreams. For example, my elder sister Lily failed to realize（去掉） her dream of playing the piano when she was young. But now, as she worked as an assistant of newspaper editor, she has much vacation every year and thus being able to attend the piano lessons continuously and practicing more. Last week, she passed the piano Lv.8 exam （钢琴八级是这样表述的吗，最好google下，则么感觉像游戏里的级数啊）and she’s very excited for realizing her dreams. Like her, I find realizing one’s dream overweighs a high salary.
Taking all these factors into consideration, I believe a job with much vacation but a low salary is better.

小囧字UID: 2752429

Do you agree or disagreewith the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary isbetter than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

Almost everyone hasdreamed to have a job with both many vacations and a high salary, but the factis not like what we’ve expected it to be. Still, we have to make our choice. Asfor me, I prefer a job with more vacation but a low salary to a job with a highsalary but less vacation time.

To begin with, life is notall about money and we do have more important issues and personal affairs todeal with, which requires much of our time. I have to admit that I didn’t havea happy childhood because my parents are
all(both) very busy withtheir careers and I had little time to talk to them, let alone a family trip. Lackof enough vacation kept(时态乱了) us being more and more alienatedfrom each other. I was really very upset and sorry for that so I don’t want mychild to follow my roads(road?). And this(it?) is most important reason for which I believe a job with morevacation but a slow salary is better.

What’s more, more vacationoffers us chances to adjust ourselves from the busy and tiring workingcondition as well as improve our life quality. Nowadays, many people aresuffering from subhealthand it’s high time they should properly schedule their time to rest themselves.And obviously, a job with a high salary but less vacation time cannot providethis. Onthe contrary(逻辑关系应该是递进的), having a job with high salary but less vacation time leaves usnothing but money. Yet,how can we deal with the money while we have less vacation time to spend?(我觉得在第一句提出论点后应该进行对论点的解释，但这一句是进行了引申?)

Inaddition, a job with more vacation offers us more free time so that we can havetime to pursue our dreams. For example, my elder sister Lily failed to realizeher dream of playing the piano when she was young. But now, as she worked as anassistant of newspaper editor, she has much vacation every year and thus beingable to attend the piano lessons continuously and practicing(practice) more. Last week, she passedthe piano Lv.8 exam and she’s very excited for realizing her dreams. Like(like的用法不一样吧?) her, I find realizing one’s dream overweighs a high salary.

Takingall these factors into consideration, I believe a job with much vacation but alow salary is better.

小囧字UID: 2752429

这个字体我不晓得怎么改。。。粘贴上来就这个鬼模样了。。。楼主还是看附件吧。。。

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

I think younger school children should be required to study art and music. What’s more, I hold the view that education of art and music, to some extent, is more important than other classes like math and history when considering in a long term perspective.

In the first place, artistic and musical education helps to discover talented children in music area. Everyone is born with gift but most of us don’t have a quite clear understanding of our talent until we get matured. I have a friend who was selected by a musician to learn to play the violin when she was 6. Now, she has become famous and has won several international competitions in the music field and she told me she had never thought she could do that before the selection. My friend is lucky enough to encounter a musician, but not all the children have that fortune. If younger children are required to study art and music, some of them may surely be discovered and cultivated. In other word, they may shine themselves or even change their whole life due to this.

Second, music and art will make children’s life more colorful and let them be confident. If children have some knowledge about music or have the capacity to play a musical instrument, they will definitely be self-proud because they may perform in front of their families or on the school parties. All of these will add to younger children’s confidence and self-acknowledgement while at the same time, enrich their leisure time activities and decorate their lives with colorfulness.

Third, children’s mood can be edified through musical and artistic education. Studying music and art at a young age enables children to view music and art in a right and even professional perspective so that they are able to improve the ability of appreciation and cultivate their interest of discovering real beauty, which will certainly improve their humanistic qualities and finally be beneficial to their life qualities. In this case, musical and artistic will benefit children in a long term while the study of math and science cannot reach.

In conclusion, it’s better for younger children to study art and music in addition to math and other existed classes.

期待能得到托友对此文语法、语言修改外的整体评价和建议。十分感谢！

好吧那就这样UID: 2846511

I think younger school children should be required to study art and music. What’s more, I hold the view that education of art and music, to some extent, is more important than other classes like math and history when considering in a long term perspective.（有点拗口，就直接说from a long-term perspective，老美喜欢简洁）

    In the first place, artistic and musical education helps to discover talented children in music area. （个人认为不要单说music area，虽然你举的例子是关于音乐的，但是art的分门别类很多的，所以建议可以说in some related fields) Everyone is born with gift but most of us don’t have a quite clear understanding of our talent until we get matured. I have a friend who was selected by a musician to learn to play the violin when she was 6. Now, she has become famous and has（这个has可以省略）
won several international competitions in the music field and she told me she had never thought she could do that（换个漂亮点的说法，made a difference) before the selection. My friend is lucky enough to encounter a musician, but not all the children have that fortune（建议替换成opportunity，因为 句子前半部分已经说朋友很幸运……，后面再说幸运就显得有点重复；或者换句说 not all the children can bump into their watersheds重大转折 like my friend did）. If younger children are required to study art and music, some of them may surely be
discovered （建议stimulated their creativity)and cultivated. In other word, they may shine themselves
（这个表达虽可以，要想好看点，可换成find their own niches找到属于他们自己的一片天地）or even change their whole life due to this.

Second, music and art will make children’s life more colorful and let them be confident. If children have some knowledge about music or have the capacity to play a musical instrument, they will definitely be self-proud（proud本身就是自豪的意思，不用再加前缀self） because they may perform in front of their families or on the school parties. All of these will add to（没这个说法吧，用enhance吧） younger children’s confidence and self-acknowledgement while at the same time, enrich their leisure time activities and decorate their lives with colorfulness.（你已经用了很多colorful相关的词了，建议换一种表达，比如说expand their outlooks）

Third, children’s mood can be edified through musical and artistic education. （这个用法有些chinglish了，你是想说陶冶情操吗？如果是这样，是不是可以这么表达。Learning arts and music can effectively elevate young individuals emotional reflections）Studying music and art at a young age enables children to view music and art in a right and even professional perspective so that they are able to improve the ability of appreciation and cultivate their interest of discovering real beauty, which will certainly improve their humanistic qualities
and finally be beneficial to their life qualities.（素质高了，生活质量就高了？）
In this case, musical and artistic education
will benefit（用词重复）children in a long term while the study of math and science cannot reach.

In conclusion, it’s better for younger children to study art and music in addition to math and other existed classes.（结尾有些草率，必要的时候总结一下你的理由或者提出一些希望建议之类的）



文章三段给出的理由之间没有一个层层递进的关系，感觉像是作者想到哪点就说了。如果不递进也可以，但是最好从不同的角度来说，并且有它实实在在的价值。
但就你现在提的几点，“可以以发现自我的潜力，可以是生活更加多姿多彩，可以陶冶情操”，似乎都太泛泛了，而没有落实到具体的。比如说，发现潜力→让自己更有竞争力→找到一份更好的工作。这样，就显得你的论证比较饱满。

总体来说，作者表达个方面还是妥当的。只是词汇库有待扩充哦，修辞技巧也要加把劲，这样你的essay就会很棒了！共勉！

好吧那就这样UID: 2846511

我也是第一次来改写，要是有不对的地方，还请包涵。多多私下交流~~

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

十分感谢LS的童鞋！给了我很多启发和好的用词！一起加油！

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

2010/8/7
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

It seems to be a complicated question whether students should take part-time jobs or not while studying in universities. In my opinion, answer to this question should be considered after an overall balancing, particularly giving priority to the students’ majors and their future plans.

For students who major in applied science like sociology or journalism and plan to apply for related jobs, it’s better for them to take part-time jobs. Courses required in these majors usually have a close link with social activities and present issues while a part-time job can definitely make students well informed of these things, and what’s more, it sometimes complement with the courses. We all know journalism is a practical subject, so let’s just take students major in journalism as an example. For journalism students, whose knowledge obtained in class are usually theoretic and rigid, what they terribly lack is experience. If they take part-time job as an assistant of newspaper editor or something, they may gain valuable experience and have a better understanding with the theories gained in class and apply them more efficiently than just memorizing them without using properly. Even they don’t acquire related part-time job experience, that’s ok because they at least improve their communication skill with social people and that will be of some help in their later career since communication is the vital step for a successful report. In addition, graduates with job experience are more likely to be favored when searching for a job. In other words, taking part-time jobs will benefit them both on campus and off campus.

For students who major in theoretic subjects like physics and has determined to devote themselves to research and theories, it’s better for them not to take part-time jobs and focus more on experiments. That’s because they totally don’t need the experience of part-time jobs and what they really desire are research and new findings. To them, taking part-time jobs is just a waste of time. It’s better for them to stay in the laboratory, working hard in search of clues to their subjects and make contribution to the world.

To sum up, only after paying close attention to students’ majors and their settings for their future careers can we finally draw a conclusion whether students should take part-time jobs or not.

longxue26UID: 2687755

楼上的童鞋 作文修改好了 水平有限 呵呵 敬请谅解
如果有问题 就直接找我好了
如果说的话太直接  不要生气呀

joy1025UID: 2760517

yuki姐传错啦:loveliness: 25# longxue26

joy1025UID: 2760517

水平有限，敬请谅解

longxue26UID: 2687755

楼主啊 实在是对不起啊 我传错附件了  罪过罪过
抱歉呀!

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

没事的呢 嘿嘿
谢谢两位同学的意见和指正！

anitaxjaUID: 2758421

说明：这篇超时很多..字数也有点多..一直在构思观点..大家轻拍..


Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sureother people (especially influential people or your employers) know about yourstrengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life.
 
 
Life is not easy in a society whereferocious competitions put on everyday and, as far as I am concerned, the onlyway to stand out is to make your strengths and achievements known to otherpeople, especially influential people and your superiors.
 
To begin with, you absolutely need yourstrengths and achievements shown to the employers when you are apply for a job.If you don’t fully express yourself, how can you beat other competitors and howcan you stand out from the crowd? Not to mention finally achieving that job. So,you are supposed to show yourself by spreading out your strengths. And thisreally explains why the interviewers are always interested in asking questionslike ‘What aspect do you think you’ve got over others’.
 
Second, showing and expressing oneself is oneof the basic skills to attract people’s attention, which is the key to gettingother’s recognition. Nowadays, people are all busy with their schedules, no onewould spend time observing you intentionally to check out whether you are eligibleor not. In this case, all that we should do is trying to promote ourselves inas many ways as we can. If we just stand by and act as if we are spectators, noone would care about us at all. Taking my own experience as an example, once Iwas working as an intern at a newspaper agency, my superior assigned me and myfellows the same task. Finally, we all handed in our work on time and it turnedout to be that all the pieces of work looked similar, but only one of us gotpraised. Guess what happened? After we handed in our work, one girl just jumpedout, saying many advantages her work had over other interns and how she haddevoted to the work. As you can image, she was the final winner while what shesaid is totally not true. You see, sometimes we do need some self-promotion andself-expression to attract others because if you don’t do that, you’ll bedefinitely eliminated by people who do that.
 
What’s more, making your abilities andachievements known to your superiors earns you opportunities and promotion. Leaderswould rather to choose people who they consider capable of the job while self-promotionis the most direct and efficient way for them to get to know about their inferiors.For example, last year, my mom was selected to attend the internationalconference of medicine and health. My mom was not the best employees in hercompany but since she made her oversea background known to her superiors, theyfinally gave her the chance because the conference required much on Englishpresentation. So, it was exactly the strengths mom had that earn her thechance.
 
To sum up, we highly need our strengths andabilities as well as achievements known to others to win people’s approvals,recognitions and promotions, all of which contribute to our final success.