linran0108的写作贴，请指教~~

linran0108UID: 2864715

文章已修改，请查收，水平有限，请包涵！
nunulong 发表于 2010-8-6 15:41

谢谢，改的很仔细，我还是有很多地方不仔细，错的多。

jjooyyUID: 2704028

发现我改错文章了，O(∩_∩)O~可以和你8.7的那组的一个同学交换一下吗？

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.! R9 B& d# C0 ?

There is a heated discussion nowadays about whether or not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities as students. Some people argue that students should pay attention to study and part-time jobs will separate(y seperate?) their limited energy and time. Others believe that part-time jobs are best ways for student to put theory into practice and get the knowledge of newness(new knowledge?). As a sophomore faced with the problem directly, I strongly hold to the idea that students are supposed to take part-time jobs while studying in universities., k

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Admittedly, the university is a bridge connected the real society and the ideal tower of ivory. I think the part-time jobs offer a rare opportunity to get touch with the specific work affairs. To cite my personal experience as an example, I ever do a part-time job as a Chinese teacher of a class with over 30 senior high school students, from which I learnt a key lesson. To my surprise, after a semester’s work, I am equipment(equiped) with various skills, not only how to fulfill tasks perfectly, but also how to handle human relationship tactfully. % P' I  r9 s) k) O4 D( v! V

Secondly, there is no denying that taking a part-time job will be a good way to earn money to cover the cost, light the economic burden of family and be independent. Most students in the university are adults who should be responsible for own life and be more independent. Besides, the tuition fee of universities, especially in three level schools in china(这句没完啊). So taking part-time job is always regarded as a better way to balance study and money. Part-time job wouldn’t occupy too much time were it properly assigned. （好！）And its burden laid on the students is exaggerated by the objectors.这句有点突然 / P9 a5 n4 X# R0 F+ l- L) Y8 ?% g

Last but not least, part-time job can be the start of a long term career. There are numerous success examples that start an undertaking in the universities. The legend experience of Dell illustrates it vividly. Dell made his first spot of gold(第一桶金吧。。) as a freshman by selling and redeploying computer. Then he built up a huge Dell Computer Company. Also, taking part-time job can be also regarded as work experience which is often required when hunting for jobs.

In conclusion, taking part-time jobs enable students in the university to get touch with the society, gain valuable practice experience and enhance ability to be independent, as well as earn money to light the burden of family. Obviously, its benefits outweigh its drawbacks, so I am firmly in favor of taking a part-time job.

1 主题是 interns and part-time jobs，你是因为不懂interns而不写吗？ 很重要的哦！
2 文中有些句子让我眼前一亮，非常不错的感觉~
3 单复数的问题 是中国学生写作的老问题，可以用复数，可以单数 加a an the, 不可以独行哦
4 有的时候不要过分追求词组或单词的新颖，只用对的。。。

nunulongUID: 2172898

16# linran0108

不客气，共同进步！

lxg198607UID: 2564115

there is a heated discussion nowadays about whether or not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities as students. Some people argue that students should pay attention to study and part-time jobs will separate their limited energy and time. Others believe that part-time jobs are best way for student to put theory into practice and get the knowledge of newness. As a sophomore faced with the problem directly, I strongly hold to(去了) the idea that students are supposed to take part-time jobs while studying in universities.

Admittedly, the university is a bridge connected the real society and the ideal tower of ivory. I think the part-time jobs offer a rare opportunity to get (in)touch with the specific work affairs. To cite my personal experience as an example, I ever do (did)a part-time job as a Chinese teacher of a class with over 30 senior high school students, from which I learnt a key lesson. To my surprise, after a semester’s work, I am equipment with various skills, not only how to fulfill tasks perfectly, but also how to handle human relationship tactfully.

Secondly, there is no denying that taking a part-time job will be a good way to earn money to cover the cost, light the economic burden of family and be independent. Most students in the university are adults who should be responsible for own life and be more independent. Besides, the tuition fee of universities, especially in three level schools（啥意思哦） in china. So taking part-time job is always regarded as a better way to balance （Between） study and money. Part-time job wouldn’t occupy too much time were it properly assigned. And its burden laid on the students is exaggerated by the objectors.

Last but not least, part-time job can be the start of long term career. There are numerous success examples that start an undertaking in the universities. The legend experience of Dell illustrates it vividly(is vivid). Dell made his first spot of gold as a freshman by selling and redeploying computer. Then he built up a huge Dell Computer Company. Also, taking part-time job can be also regarded as work experience which is often required when hunting for jobs.

In conclusion, taking part-time job enable students in the university to get touch with the society, gain valuable practice experience and enhance ability to be independent, as well as earn money to light the burden of family. Obviously, its benefits outweigh its drawbacks, so I am firmly in favor of taking a part-time job.
思路清晰，但有些小语法要注意，整体不错。。。

高小鱼UID: 2714619

修改建议参见附件~

linran0108UID: 2864715

8.10 独立写作，字数多了，然后我觉得我对interesting的理解出了点小问题。。谢谢。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and TV programs made in one’s own country are more interesting than those made in other countries.

The world is witnessing radical changes at an unprecedented pace. The speed of life is so fast that people are under great pressure, as a result, they pay more attention to the gossip and entertainment. Besides, benefiting from the advanced development on audio-visual technical aspect, the industrial of movies and TV programs prosper. Now is the popular entertainment age. And in the information society, it’s feasible to get the freshest foreign movies and TV programs in time. Some prefer the local rather than outside, yet I strongly hold to the idea that movies and TV programs made in my own country are more interesting than those made in other countries.

First of all, language is the barrier. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that even the best translation cannot show all the language charm. And there is no denying that language plays a crucial role in movies and TV programs. In the foreign movies and TV programs, we are always missing the essence spirit due to the improper translation. What’s more, some words, such as classical Chinese and English idioms, are born not translated. To cite my own experience, when I watched the English talk show, only did the audience on spot burst into a laugher I came to know it’s an episode. I can hardly get the jokes just like that Chinese grown up abroad never understand the fascination of crosstalk though they know Chinese well.

Secondly, the native movies and TV program are closer to our life, rooted in the traditional culture and focus on the society hotspots. It means that they can appeal to our deeper motion and call on us to ponder about the environment we live in. For example, the reason why the Film Great Tangshan Earthquake was well responded by Chinese is that we love the country and we are a nation faced with the catastrophe. In spite of movies, the TV program that focuses on the life of common people, like Today’s Law, always have much attraction to the local audience. Rather, thanks to the environment we grow up and the culture influencing us, we always feel estranged from the movies and TV programs outside.

Of course, great advantages as the local movies and TV shows enjoys, they have their own shortages. They are fresh, vulgar and a little bit out of date, maybe. In addition, the high-tech on audio-visual aspect oversea is preferable to that in China. That’s what the local movies and TV shows need to place an emphasis to move on.

In a word, though the movies and TV programs made in our own country still have its rooted drawbacks, they have enjoyed natural advantages like language and closed to daily life. After weighing, I still believe that the local is more interesting.

linran0108UID: 2864715

17# jjooyy
我今天才上来，发现另外小组的同学帮我改了，所以就。。额。。不好意思
另外，intern？我没明白意思，是指我把intern当成part-time了么？还是说我应该提一下？

cairen1986UID: 2599310

The world is witnessing radical changes at an unprecedented pace. The speed of life is so fast that people are under great pressure, as a result, they pay more attention to the gossip and entertainment. Besides（说的背景太多了，把主要的话题当做附带了的有点不好）, benefiting from the advanced development on audio-visual technical aspect, the industrial of movies and TV programs prosper. Now（adv，不能作主语的！） is the popular entertainment age. And in the information society, it’s feasible to get the freshest foreign movies and TV programs in time. Some prefer the local（没有宾语啊，当地的什么东西。。。） rather than outside, yet（此词的转折不当，与前面的观点一样，怎么用表转折的词在这里连接？） I strongly hold to the idea that movies and TV programs made in my own country are more interesting than those made in other countries.

First of all, language is the barrier. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that even the best translation cannot show all the language charm. And there is no denying that language plays a crucial role in movies and TV programs. In the foreign movies and TV programs, we are always missing the essence spirit due to the improper translation. What’s more, some words, such as classical Chinese and English idioms, are born not translated. To cite my own experience, when I watched the English talk show, only did the audience on spot burst into a laugher I came to know it’s an episode. I can hardly get the jokes just like that Chinese grown up abroad never understand the fascination of crosstalk though they know Chinese well.（这一段，你仔细体会一下，看与主题关系大不大）" l' x+ m  v6 Z" t0 C. j
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Secondly, the native movies and TV program are closer to our life, rooted in the traditional culture and focus on the society hotspots. It means that they can appeal to our deeper motion and call on us to ponder about the environment we live in. For example, the reason why the Film Great Tangshan Earthquake was well responded by Chinese is that we love the country and we are a nation faced with the catastrophe. In spite of movies, the TV program that focuses on the life of common people, like Today’s Law, always have much attraction to the local audience. Rather, thanks to the environment we grow up and the culture influencing us, we always feel estranged from the movies and TV programs outside（这一段，也是的说了很多，就没有与题目要辨析的联系起来，题目要求辩一下电影，TV节目的more interesting than other foreign ）./ p（）1 c8 ?The world is witnessing radical changes at an unprecedented pace. The speed of life is so fast that people are under great pressure, as a result, they pay more attention to the gossip and entertainment. Besides, benefiting from the advanced development on audio-visual technical aspect, the industrial of movies and TV programs prosper. Now is the popular entertainment age. And in the information society, it’s feasible to get the freshest foreign movies and TV programs in time. Some prefer the local rather than outside, yet I strongly hold to the idea that movies and TV programs made in my own country are more interesting than those made in other countries.
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, q! {* \- J, j# {. ]First of all, language is the barrier. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that even the best translation cannot show all the language charm. And there is no denying that language plays a crucial role in movies and TV programs. In the foreign movies and TV programs, we are always missing the essence spirit due to the improper translation. What’s more, some words, such as classical Chinese and English idioms, are born not translated. To cite my own experience, when I watched the English talk show, only did the audience on spot burst into a laugher I came to know it’s an episode. I can hardly get the jokes just like that Chinese grown up abroad never understand the fascination of crosstalk though they know Chinese well." l' x+ m  v6 Z" t0 C. j
$ |/ D# K9 o; a
Secondly, the native movies and TV program are closer to our life, rooted in the traditional culture and focus on the society hotspots. It means that they can appeal to our deeper motion and call on us to ponder about the environment we live in. For example, the reason why the Film Great Tangshan Earthquake was well responded by Chinese is that we love the country and we are a nation faced with the catastrophe. In spite of movies, the TV program that focuses on the life of common people, like Today’s Law, always have much attraction to the local audience. Rather, thanks to the environment we grow up and the culture influencing us, we always feel estranged from the movies and TV programs outside./ p1 c8 ?5 h# a: i3 o  U& U1 p

5 B4 k5 F3 i# w, GOf course, great advantages as the local movies and TV shows enjoys, they have their own shortages. They are fresh, vulgar and a little bit out of date, maybe. In addition, the high-tech on audio-visual aspect oversea is preferable to that in China. That’s what the local movies and TV shows need to place an emphasis to move on.
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In a word, though the movies and TV programs made in our own country still have its rooted drawbacks, they have enjoyed natural advantages like language and closed to daily life. After weighing, I still believe that the local is more interesting.5 h# a: i3 o  U& U1 p

Of course, great advantages as the local movies and TV shows enjoys, they have their own shortages. They are fresh, vulgar and a little bit out of date, maybe. In addition, the high-tech on audio-visual aspect oversea is preferable to that in China. That’s what the local movies and TV shows need to place an emphasis to move on.

L# p# I2 J
In a word, though the movies and TV programs made in our own country still have its rooted drawbacks, they have enjoyed natural advantages like language and closed to daily life. After weighing, I still believe that the local is more interesting.（最后一段，看能不能多写几句话）

呵呵 如有不妥，望楼主不要。。。。

niunianUID: 2864048

你说你对interesting 的理解有偏差，我没感觉呢，我觉得我的理解和你差不多，不知道你怎么认为你的偏差的
（可以在你给我改的作文回复下这个问题）多谢

chenrubingUID: 2856741

hi 同学 你好   我刚刚看了一下你的7.27作文 ， stuff 和figure out 也太不正式了吧！ 我觉得这些词与应该尽量避免:)