issue84

ken0405UID：124994

84"In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field."

Position: When it comes to my opinion, many contributions come from past achievements, which play a significant role in our daily lives.

1． To begin with, the past achievement has a strong influence on gaining success in many affairs of human society. 说past achievement很重要。以下是举例咯，分science，philsophy和politics
First, in scientific field,   
Second, in philosophy,
Third, in politics.
2。on the second hand, without past experiences attained by our ancestors, the situation will turn to be unfavorable.说没有past会怎么样，分开说。
First, without past experience, one can hardly survive in modern society,说没办法survive。指出是indispensible的
Second, without past achievements, many accomplishments will not occur.说没有他，civilization无从谈起
Third, 说学科是interdependent的，所以past achievements有用

In sum把前两段变个戏法说一下。

真文如下：

Nowadays, there increasingly arise much concern about whether now achievements have litter to do with the past. As the assertion presented by speaker, some people claim that without past achievements, it is impossible to make progress in any field. When it comes to my opinion, many contributions come from past achievements, which play a significant role in our daily lives. 第一段我实在是没有办法了，如果写一点背景的话，那会很耽搁时间的。牛人可有高招给我？？

To begin with, the past achievement has a strong influence on gaining success in many affairs of human society.（主题句） First, in scientific field, （分开说）four hundred years ago, standing on Copernicus' shoulder, Galileo, a scientist who inducted experimental method into scientific researches, invented telescope, which made people learn that the earth is not the center of universe. After many years, standing on Galileo's shoulder, Newton founded the Law of Gravity, which explains the regularity of planets' motions. This theory led to new problems-that how and when did our universe generate-which now physicist Stephen Hawking, a preeminent physicist, is engaged in. （这个例子是抄的，呵呵）Second, in philosophy,（第2点） as is well known, Aristotle, a famous philosopher, was believed by public people to know everything at him time. But where the wisdom of Aristotle came from? One can readily find that Aristotle was a student of Plato and many achievements of Aristotle had direct and indirect relationship with Plato. And what is more is that the knowledge and wisdom of Plato came from Socrates, a famous Greek thinker, who was the teacher of Plato. Third,（第3点） in politic, if one takes American history into consideration, he or she would go no far to find the fact that we should owe our contemporary democratic lives to many figures in American history, which include Washington, who led the Revolutionary War, Thomas Jefferson, who drafted the Declaration of Independence, Lincoln, who led the Civil War and united North America and South America, Roosevelt, who guided American to conquer Fascism in the Second Word War, and Martin Luther King, who brought peaceful and equal ideas into American minds through the movement of Civil Disobedience.


On the second hand, without past experiences attained by our ancestors, the situation will turn to be unfavorable. First, without past experience, one can hardly survive in modern society, not to mention thriving. Let's take education, which primarily aims to indoctrinate basic skills, which are the past achievements, into students' minds, for a specific example. If education fails to practice its function, people cannot discriminate the difference between what is right and what is wrong for lack of the ability of reasoning and analysis. In addition, people will find himself or herself trapped in the sea of information overloaded for lack of analysis. Second, without past achievements, many accomplishments will not occur. For instance, without the invention of stream-driven engines, the train would have not invented. Without the invention of inter-combustion engine, Ford could not invent car. Without the idea of Brother Writhers, who invented the plane, people could hardly realize the dream of landing on the moon and the exploration of out-space. Third, with the rapid accumulation of knowledge, our world becomes interdependent and progresses in some special fields come from achievements in other fields. For instance, in order to build the nuclear power plant, the Einstein's theory of relativity is needed. Simultaneously, Chemists and Architects are needed also. Accordingly, it is unwise to erase, ignore, or play down the function of the past achievement accumulated with the step of time.


In sum, as is discussed fully above, in many fields, the past achievement is an important element for individual and society to make progressive strides forwards. Moreover, in absence of past achievements, which are indispensable, our society will find itself trapped and can hardly put itself on the bright road to eventual prosperity.
结尾平淡的出奇。没有回味啊。


我觉得这篇以举例为主，写了这么多issue了，开始有点感觉了。时间也可以控制在1个小时多一点了。呵呵，感觉进步咯。本来打算7月初考的，看样子是不行了，现在都还不可以报名，faint！
所以又有新计划了，打算8月初考吧，因为7月底考试。呵呵，所以我是不是应该做阅读了？？
单词当然一直在背ing，呵呵。面对变化，无话可说，

songyxUID：118533

个人观点：
1. 第一段写的太平淡，可以多看看别人的
2.例子挺多，但是分析太少（第二段最为突出）

ken0405UID：124994

谢谢songyx
同感，同感，呵呵。
只有多看点范文咯。
多模仿咯。
暴砍ets

ken0405UID：124994

请求斑竹们提提意见
不用详细修改
只是这个思路
还有容不容易看懂的啊？？
有没有逻辑啊？？

tomatoeggsUID：82073

84"In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field."

Position: When it comes to my opinion, many contributions come from past achievements, which play a significant role in our daily lives.

1． To begin with, the past achievement has a strong influence on gaining success in many affairs改成events会更好 of human society. 说past achievement很重要。以下是举例咯，分science，philosophy和politics
First, in scientific field,
Second, in philosophy,
Third, in politics.
2。on the second hand, without past experiences attained by our ancestors, the situation will turn to be unfavorable.说没有past会怎么样，分开说。
First, without past experience, one can hardly survive in modern society,说没办法survive。指出是indispensable的
Second, without past achievements, many accomplishments will not occur.说没有他，civilization无从谈起
Third, 说学科是interdependent的，所以past achievements有用

In sum把前两段变个戏法说一下。 你这逻辑看来不错的，且待我看下去……

真文如下：

Nowadays, there increasingly arise much concern about whether now删去 achievements have litter to do with the past. As the assertion presented by speaker, some people claim that without past achievements, it is impossible to make progress in any field. When it comes to my opinion, many contributions come from past achievements, which play a significant role in our daily lives. 第一段我实在是没有办法了，如果写一点背景的话，那会很耽搁时间的。牛人可有高招给我？？ 这样就不错啦，在那么短时间。

To begin with, the past achievement has a strong influence on gaining success in many affairs of human society.（主题句） First, in scientific field, （分开说）four hundred years ago, standing on Copernicus' shoulder, Galileo, a scientist who inducted experimental method into scientific researches, invented telescope, which made people learn that the earth is not the center of universe. After many years, standing on Galileo's shoulder,你这句重复了，换种说法吧。 Newton founded the Law of Gravity, which explains the regularity of planets' motions. This theory led to new problems-that how and when did our universe generate-which now physicist Stephen Hawking, a preeminent physicist, is engaged in. （这个例子是抄的，呵呵）不错！举的好。Second, in philosophy,（第2点） as is well known, Aristotle, a famous philosopher, was believed by public people to know everything at him time. But where the wisdom of Aristotle came from? One can readily find that Aristotle was a student of Plato and many achievements of Aristotle had direct and indirect relationship with Plato. And what is more is that the knowledge and wisdom of Plato came from Socrates, a famous Greek thinker, who was the teacher of Plato. 建议这一句再简练点！Third,（第3点） in politic, if one takes American history into consideration, he or she would go no far to find the fact that we should owe our contemporary democratic lives to many figures in American history, which include Washington, who led the Revolutionary War, Thomas Jefferson, who drafted the Declaration of Independence, Lincoln, who led the Civil War and united North America and South America, Roosevelt, who guided American to conquer Fascism in the Second Word War, and Martin Luther King, who brought peaceful and equal ideas into American minds through the movement of Civil Disobedience. 你是想借用排比句的彭湃气势吧？但我觉得用who开头的定语从句表达不出成就来，改为ing形式会更好。


On the second hand, without past experiences attained by our ancestors, the situation will turn to be unfavorable. First, without past experience, one can hardly survive in modern society, not to mention thriving. Let's take education, which primarily aims to indoctrinate basic skills, which are the past achievements, into students' minds, for a specific example. If education fails to practice its function, people cannot discriminate the difference between what is right and what is wrong for lack of the ability of reasoning and analysis. In addition, people will find himself or herself trapped in the sea of information overloaded for lack of analysis. Second, without past achievements, many accomplishments will not occur. For instance, without the invention of stream-driven engines, the train would have not invented. Without the invention of inter-combustion engine, Ford could not invent car. Without the idea of Brother Writhers, who invented the plane, people could hardly realize the dream of landing on the moon and the exploration of out-space. Third, with the rapid accumulation of knowledge, our world becomes interdependent and progresses in some special fields come from achievements in other fields. For instance, in order to build the nuclear power plant, the Einstein's theory of relativity is needed. Simultaneously, Chemists and Architects are needed also. Accordingly, it is unwise to erase, ignore, or play down the function of the past achievement accumulated with the step of time.改成with the passage of time总的来说，你雄举了好多例子，是不错的，但确实忽略了说理的力量哦！


In sum, as is discussed fully above, in many fields, the past achievement is an important element for individual and society to make progressive strides forwards. Moreover, in absence of past achievements, which are indispensable, our society will find itself trapped and can hardly put itself on the bright road to eventual prosperity.
结尾平淡的出奇。没有回味啊。

说理清晰，虽然仍难免一些语法错误。例子也举的好，就是说理缺了点，如果能加进些说理的句子，会更为完美，这篇应该有4.5分。

ken0405UID：124994

我很怕到考试时
一急，时间不够
什么说理都不记得
还担心理说的不伦不类
更担心理很难自圆其说
更担心老美看不懂我的逻辑分析
我再去多看点范文先吧
谢谢tommotaeggs，和songys的意见
等我拷回去仔细读读先
呵呵
10分感谢tommatoeggs？
很佩服你们几位斑竹的
向你们学习
就是不知道smm看过吗？
可以给点意见吗，smm大虾？

今天又看了一遍braveheart
感觉william wallace 的例子可以有大用
freedom
呵呵
哦
今天单词还没背
回去了