请大家提提意见，argument 9, 初次写作请批评哈

madpianoUID: 2257605

真心希望有人能多提意见！因为自己作文是比较差劲的，好几年也没写过这种议论文了。语言肯定是很单调生硬的，机构可能也不是很清晰。不过我已经准备好接受拍砖了！




9, （教育/提议/递进）The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors(1). Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent.(2) Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University(3,7). To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.(4,5,6)"

Argument 9

The dean from Omega University is trying to determine the correlation between job securing of his graduate students and the efficacy of an evaluation system implemented 15 years ago. Such evaluation, according to the dean, has been abused by students and professors, in that even though overall student grade averages have been raised thirty percent, the students are not doing better in job securing than neighbor university Alpha. The dean reasoned that the evaluation becomes a tool which student demand high grades, while professors give higher grades in return for more plausible evaluation. S/he further concluded that in order to enable graduate students to get better jobs, such distorted evaluation should be abandoned.

Nonetheless, the dean’s ratiocination is not flawless. In fact, there are fatal errors in reasoning, and evidence aimed to support such reasoning is untenable. First of all, whether grade averages increase is the result of the evaluation procedure is to be determined. It is possible that multiple factors can influence professors giving grades to students. For example, more eminent professors hired can lead to higher grades of students. Alternatively, Omega University could have lifted the entrance standards, as result student admitted are smarter and thus do better in exams. Such grades increase is normal phenomenon, but inflated. Thus it is possible that the dean’s conclusion is based on accounts not so tenable.

Secondly, the claim that Omega graduate students are less successful in securing job than Alpha students is ascribed in the sole factor, grades, is improvident and simplified. Job securing after graduation are determined by more than one factor, such as resume, extra-curricular activities, previous work experience and recommendation letter obtained from professors. Moreover, job securing can be varied from year to year according to job market, the economy of a city in general. It could happen that some industries are experiencing bad job market or saturated job market coincide with programs Omega offers to students, while students from Alpha University can fill the good industries in the area. Such subtle relation is most likely not determined by any sole factor. Other possible attributes may include that since students from Omega are receiving better grades, they may go to graduate school for higher education. Therefore, it is not convincing to argue that job securing has absolute correlation with grade averages, even though such grade averages may have been inflated.

Last but not the least, termination of evaluation procedure needs more evidence. Has the dean overlooked any advantage brought by such evaluation? Has the evaluation procedure been an effective tool in assessing faculty members? Even though inflated grades did result from the abuse of evaluation procedure, is there any way to modify it in procedures or administration? On the other hand, other possible ways by which Omega can adopt to increase job securing are totally ignored. If getting higher grades is thought the only way Omega students can find a better job, I can hardly imagine what changes can happen even though the evaluation procedure is indeed terminated. To conclude, in order to help Omega graduate students find better jobs a more thoroughly examination and more convincing evidence ought to be provided prior to termination of the evaluation procedure.

madpianoUID: 2257605

对了，word统计字数532，是不是有点多了？