白菜的作文本..~

liuxzzUID: 2611311

30# 白菜学英语

yeyelovenimoUID: 2774843

Many parents, believing that math, science, history, etc. are of great importance, always forbid their kids study art. However, I think that art and music courses could not only help children's upbringing but also beneficial to their future.
   By learning some art and music may give the children confidence. Take my little sister, who is still a seven-year-old pupil in primary school, as an example. She was shy in the past: she didn't dare to talk with strangers; she often stayed at home watching TV instead of going outside. But last semester her school opened a music class for students and she signed for it. Since then every day we can enjoy her beautiful songs at home. After her singing, we will always give her a big round applause（a round of applause 一阵掌声）, which makes her quiet proud of her ability in singing. What's more, she attend（attended 时态） a singing contest held in her school and finally won the second place, which is really an amazing achievement to（for常用点吧） her. Now she becomes more confident than ever before due to the learning of music. If she didn't take the music class, she might still be my shy little sister and always hide behind her parents.（过去的虚拟语气应该用过去完成时）
这一段整段就一个例子…有点单调了
   Also, studying art and music at ages five to ten can give a rise to kids interests in art and found a solid foundation on these subjects. My parents let me attend the piano class in primary school when I was six. It took me a lot of time in training. But by playing piano every day, I gradually fall in love with music and piano-playing. It seems now the piano has become my best friend and with it I can easily express my feelings. I really enjoy the happiness that piano has brought to me. In addition, Last year I held my small concert in my school. Without the solid foundation in childhood, I could not have achieved that.
   So, with my own experience, I think that younger school children will be beneficiaries of learning art and music.
这篇文章用例子很不错，可是文章主体其实基本就只有两个例子，略显单薄
时态的运用要注意，有些小错误，篇幅看来也有些短
不过总体还是不错的啦，LZ加油~
记得回改哦~~~