naqi2010的作文贴

naqi2010UID：2878960

努力学习！！

naqi2010UID：2878960

8月17日
independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects

Telephone and television are both very important inventions for modern life, man's life have been changed a lot since those two ..
invented. some people say that television has more effects on human's life than telephone, I don't agree with them. In my opinion , telephone has move effects than television.

For one reason, telephone is a indispensable product in our daily life, television is not. Just think about, what you life will be without telephone ,you can't conmunicate with your boss or colleagues on time when they need you. you can't keep in touch with your parents or lover any time you want, and if some emergencies happen like traffic accident you don't have a telephone, things will be tragic. However, if you don't have television ,you life will not become difficult. You can get news from newspaper, radio; You can do other things in you leisure time like reading a novel, doing some sports, there are many things you can do without watching television.

For another reason, with the technology developing, telephone functions become more and more powerful, you can serve the internet by your cell phone, so you can read news, watch football match, even watch TV though your phone, that means you can amuse yourself in many different ways in any time any place, all you need is only a phone. those powerful functions are not televisions have.

Therefore it hasn't gone too far to say that telephone is more effects than television on people's life today.

naqi2010UID：2878960

[code][/code]independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects

Telephone and television are both very important inventions for modern life, man's life have been changed a lot since those two ..
invented. some people say that television has more effects on human's life than telephone, I don't agree with them. In my opinion , telephone has move effects than television.

For one reason, telephone is a indispensable product in our daily life, television is not. Just think about, what you life will be without telephone ,you can't conmunicate with your boss or colleagues on time when they need you. you can't keep in touch with your parents or lover any time you want, and if some emergencies happen like traffic accident you don't have a telephone, things will be tragic. However, if you don't have television ,you life will not become difficult. You can get news from newspaper, radio; You can do other things in you leisure time like reading a novel, doing some sports, there are many things you can do without watching television.

For another reason, with the technology developing, telephone functions become more and more powerful, you can serve the internet by your cell phone, so you can read news, watch football match, even watch TV though your phone, that means you can amuse yourself in many different ways in any time any place, all you need is only a phone. those powerful functions are not televisions have.

Therefore it hasn't gone too far to say that telephone is more effects than television on people's life today.

肖婷~UID：2740510

已经改好了，具体见附件~

naqi2010UID：2878960

Do you agree or disagree young people should try several different jobs before take a long term career

people who oppose the idea of young people trying several different jobs before taking a long term career say that young people should focus on one meaningful career and do it as a long term job. I would argue instead that trying different jobs helps young people find out what's kind of job they really want, and allows them focus on a really meaningful career which can lead them to succeed.

many young people especially those who just came out form college don't know what they really want to do. In this circumstance taking a long term career is really impossible for them. They should take several different jobs which they interested in to find out what's kind of job really fit for them and what's job they want to take as a long term career. For example ,a young person just graduated form a painting school, there are many jobs he can choose, such as painting artist, painting salesmen, painting teacher. obviously, trying several jobs and getting some experiences is better way than thinking for a long time to choose one. After trying several jobs, the young person can find a job he want to do.

Trying several jobs in the beginning of young person's career can also give them more chance to become successful. Everyone has his own talent in certain aspect, but not everyone knows what he good at. In this reason, trying several different jobs may help them to find out their talent. And people can get a great achievement on the job which they really talented in. That means, trying several jobs is very helpful to leading young people succeed.

In  short, trying several different jobs is really necessary for young people whose just begin to work, and always the best way to find a long term career for young people. So you want a  good job, just keep trying.

naqi2010UID：2878960

cocomilkyUID：2886394

Do you agree or disagree young people should try several different jobs before take a long term career

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people who oppose the idea of（that）1 young people trying（try） several different jobs before taking a long term career say that young people should focus on one meaningful career and do it as a long term job. I would argue instead that trying different jobs helps young people find out what's（which） kind of job they really want, and allows them focus on a really meaningful career which can lead them to succeed.

1.由于后面跟的是长句，所以最好用that引导从句
第一句句子太长，主语和谓语相隔太远，最好改为两个分句。

many young people especially those who just came out（graduated） form college don't know what they really want to do. In this circumstance taking a long term career is really impossible for them. 【They should take several different jobs which they interested in to find out what's（which） kind of job really fit for them and what's（which） job they want to take as a long term career. 】1For example ,a young person just graduated form a painting school, there are many jobs he can choose, such as painting artist, painting salesmen（salesman）, painting teacher. obviously（Obviously）, trying several jobs and getting some experiences is better way than thinking for a long time to choose one. After trying several jobs, the young person can find a job he want to do.

1.重复了第一段的话，最好改一下句式。

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Trying several jobs in the beginning of young person's career can also give them more chance（chances） to become successful. Everyone has his own talent in certain aspect（area）1, but not everyone knows what he is good at. In（for） this reason, trying several different jobs may help them to find out their talent. And people can get a great achievement on the job which they really talented in. That means, trying several jobs is very helpful to leading young people succeed.6 Q# c2 |: n" Q/ \2 O  f

1.不知是否能用area
2.在这段可以再加进一个简单的例子

【In  short, trying several different jobs is really necessary for young people whose（who） just begin to work, and always the best way to find a long term career for young people. 】1So if you want a  good job, just keep trying.
1.可以改成对称性的句子


总结
1.文章中长句比较多，但是都是比较单一的定语从句。作者可以多运用其他的句式，比如同位语，状语从句之类的。
长句中如果注意对称性可以更上一层楼
还有，长句不能太长，比如第一段中的主语和谓语隔太远，ets不喜欢这样的句子
2.文章中第一个论点中的例子可以再详细一点，否则太单薄。可以加进自己的经历，比较有说服力:)
3.有什么改的不对的地方，欢迎拍砖

naqi2010UID：2878960

Although some people think that younger school children should have more free time to play or should spend more time on their class such as math, science, history and language, but I still think that studying art and music is a essential requirement for the young children. because studying art and music in a young age not only can make people more smart ,but also can help people finding their talent in art and music. Besides, the skill of art or music is a basic requirement for well educated person.
    A study on people's intelligence shows that studying art and music in a young age is very helpful for children's intelligence developing. For example, studying art such like painting, give children chance to practice the imagination ability, and help children to watch() things form different angle which is very useful ability for the future study and work. And young children can be more reasonable and sensitive by studying music which give them bigger opportunity to succeed.
Studying art and music in a young age ,can help children find their talent in certain area. Many famous artist such as Mozart, Beethoven, Vinci, began their career from studying art or music in their very young age. Because young age children can easily find their talent and can learn things or skills quickly, those persons who have study are or music in their young age have a bigger chance to become a great artist.
More importantly, a well educated person should has some basic art and music skills. To enjoy the beauty of art and music is not only a pleasure, but is also a way of communication which help people understand each other well.
    In conclusion, I agree that younger school children should study art and music ,because art and music skills will help them in the future study and work, as well as male them happy and healthy.

FatalerrorUID：2798581

08.31 Review Comment by Fatalerror