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发表于 2010-8-22 20:18:21 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 bbliang 于 2010-8-23 21:04 编辑

09.01.23 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.


Whether young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in the long term? As far as I am concerned, though there may be a couple of advantages to take only one kind of job, after a careful comparison, I believe, the advantages of trying different kinds of jobs is more advisable.

It is true that taking one kind of job has its own strengths. This will avoid a lot of time and energy one have to spend on if he or she want to take several different kinds of jobs. For example, if one has just dreamed to be a scientist or artist and has been struggled for it all the time, is it necessary to try another kind of jobs that has little to do with their objects? Definitely not!

Considering more general situations, however, I'd like to argue, the strength of trying various types of jobs outweighs the strength of taking one type of job for the following reasons.

To begin with, people can gain plenty of experiences which will be beneficial to their career choice and career development. For example, I am a university student. During last summer vocation, I have tried several different types of part-time jobs, such as a waiter in an hotel, a tutor for a high middle school student. From these part-time jobs, I've learned many useful work skills to deal with different situation, like how to make an effective communications with my customers, how to defend what I deserve to gain, such as suitable payment, and so on. Also, in the process of trying these jobs, I have acquainted with many new friends. And I believe, in the future career, we are likely to get help from each other and even make an important cooperations.

Secondly, it is only through trying different kind of works, people can figure out what kind of jobs are actually what they are good at or are interested to do. As you know, in modern society, many successful people in their career are not engaging in what they are major in when they are at universities. Why? It is just because they can not figure out what's their true talents and interests when they are still young. So when they tried different kind of jobs, their talents have just been figured out. For example, the pioneer of KFC had just do a lot of jobs like servicing in a military army, different kind of business, all of which are unsuccessful. But when he finally created a new method of cooking chicken, his fortune has come to him. I would like to say, if he could not tried different kind of other jobs which proved they are not what he want to do, there would not been the appearance of KFC.

To conclude, different people have different traits. However, it is always difficult to detect out them. Therefore, isn't it deserved for us to dig them out through various kinds of jobs? Not only will we find "our fate", but also will we appreciate colorful sight of our life.


Do you agree or disagree:Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country.

In modern times, there are several ways for people to learn about a foreign country, such as through reading newspapers and magazines, traveling , watching TV or movies and so on. As to the question whether newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country, after a careful comparison, I think, newspapers and magazines have a couple of defects in contrast with other methods.

Admittedly, newspapers and magazines have their own strengths. They are cheap to purchase. People need only to pay less than one dollar to buy a piece of newspapers and a couple of dollars for a magazines. More importantly, the contexts are full of useful informations such as object statistical data, vivid photographs and sometimes even a both funny and meaningful cartoon .

However, when making a careful comparison, we may find out their weaknesses are so obvious.

Although newspapers and magazines are cheap to be obtained, how about TV programs and surfing on the Internet. They provide us far more active and numerous information than newspapers and magazines can provide but at the same time costs little from us. From TV news reports, one can know the latest things happened in a foreign country, such as political elections and cultural activities.  And on the Internet, people will have more freedom to know anything that they are interested with great details and vividness. How can newspapers and magazines can be better than them as a methods of learning about a foreign languages?


Besides, travelling, if one can afford the comparatively expensive cost, I believe, may still be one of the candidates for the best way of learning about a foreign country. Having a zero-distance touch with a foreign country, one can know every aspects about it, such as custom, history, economy, politics, etc. Staying in a foreign country, you will have best chances to communicate with local residents and take part in their ordinary activities. And such precious experience will impress you so much that you must learn things about a foreign country far more completely and vividly than you learn from newspapers and magazines.

In sum, newspapers and magazines do not show much advantages compared with other ways of learning about a foreign country as discussed above. From aspect of cost, they can not compete with TV programs and other media. From aspect of interactivity, it can not compete with travelling. Therefore, if I have enough money, traveling will undoubted be my priority for learning about a foreign country.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

As is well known, salary and vacation are two of the most important factors  people consider when they make decisions about their jobs.  If there are two kinds of jobs, one with more vacation but a low salary, the other one in opposite, which one would you choose? As far as I am concerned, a job with a high salary but less vacation time is more realistic and advisable, especially for those young people who are just beginning to develop their career and life.

It is no doubt that a job with more vocation time has its merits. It allows more free time for people to spend with their family members and friends. They can have meals,travel, or just have simple but close and funny chats with their relatives and friends. All of these things can both enhance personal relationships and keep a pleasant mood for them. Besides, the person with such a job will have better opportunity to cultivate their hobbies. They can refire their taste of art, do their favorite sports to improve their physical health, and so on.

However, as a modern people, we are more likely to be driven by realistic pressure from daily life. People have to earn enough money to  pay for their daily expense like meals, water fees, electricity fees and other kind of community services. Their children have to be raised and educated with the help of their salaries ; their older parents have to be taken care of ,especially when a serious disease attacks them. So if one can not earn enough money to afford all of these, it would become meaningless to have sufficient vocation time, no matter the increasingly higher price of housing which has been the biggest problem for general young people in China.

Furthermore, if one want to be successful in their life-long career and make a remarkable contribution to society, a type of tough job with less vacation time will be unavoidable. As an old saying goes, a piece of true gold can never be easily available. If one wants to make something remarkable, he has to make far more efforts than others; he has to be better equipped with their expert knowledges and skills. Take me for an example, as a students who has decided to study abroad, I am spending the whole summer vocation on preparing for the TOEFL test. Although it is not a kind of job, but what I really mean is that it is necessary for one to endure something tough in order to get a well-paid result.

To sum up, it is difficult, sometimes, for us to make a choice when we both consider about high salary and more vacation time. However, in the light of current economic trend and our personal pursuits, a job with high salary and less vacation time will makes an regretless choice for us.
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沙发
发表于 2010-8-25 23:10:48 |只看该作者
Bbliang的精力相当充沛 一鼓作气三篇都完成啦 赞一个
先改一篇 后两篇等写完再看
由于很久没有写过作文 并且是第一次评论他人的作品 所以多少有些矫情 有可能是很矫情 随便看看吧
还有 找了半天也无法上传附件 只好直接贴上了 注释都加了括号 并且转为红色

Whether young people should (疑问句 助动词should 应在主语young people) take several different kinds of jobs (个人认为kinds of job就好
job
不需要用复数 有点矫情 以下是纯矫情 可以直接掠过 different jobs 改写为different kinds of jobs改变了原文的意思 从某种程度上说 job可以用以下三个要素界定 industry, function, location 如果是different kinds of job 意味着三者中至少有一项不同 different job没有这个含义 可以是三者都不变 比如说去同城竞争对手处做同一职位 不同joblong term career的影响也会不同 当然如果不打算从此角度论述 则无须区分 我只是顺嘴说一下当时审题时的脑拧状态)
before they take a career in the long termlong term好像是形容词 不能做介词宾语 可以用in the long run? As far as I am concerned, though there may be a couple of advantages to take only one kind of job, after a careful comparison, I believe,(逗号貌似可以不用 逗号后应该是I believe的宾语从句 中间以逗号分开 会让人将I believe理解成插入语 也许作者就是当成插入语用的 我又开始矫情了 但是after引导的壮语应该是修饰人发出的动作believe比较好 修饰is有些牵强) the advantages of trying different kinds of jobs is more advisable.


It is true that taking one kind of job has its own strengths. This will avoid a lot of time and energy one have have的主语应该是one 单数 考虑主谓一致 应该用has to spend on (介词on之后没有宾语 考虑是定语从句 也许不省略which会比较好 改写成on which one has to spend 改成这样好象也不太对 on的介词宾语变成了time and energy 意思不对 从整段考虑 此句应为对第一句中strength的解释 提出都有哪些strengths 如果只有省时间精力这一个strength的话 不如直接在首句直接提出 这样更加直接 观点更加鲜明)
if he or she want
(主谓一致 单数 wants to take several different kinds of jobs. For example, if one has just dreamed to be a scientist or artist and has been struggled for it all the time, is it necessary to try another kind of jobs that has little to do with their objects? Definitely not!
(设问 不错 给文章增添了句式变化 回答也很有气势 遗憾的是让人觉得有些意犹未尽 如果可以进一步将例子与本段论点联系一下就更好了)


Considering more general situations, however, I'd like to argue, (呵呵 发现lz特喜欢这个结构 逗号无敌) the strength of trying various types of jobs outweighs the strength of taking one type of job for the following reasons. (看到这儿 发现第二段是让步  其实我在看到it is true之后就一直在找转折 但却意外的发现了第二段结尾的叹号 有点confuse 本段however之后回应了全文论点 云开雾散 逻辑开始清晰)


To begin with, people can gain plenty of experiences which will be beneficial to (用动词benefit 代替be beneficial to 也许更加简洁) their career choice and career development. For example, I am a university student. (例子中用了很多I 很生动 但同时会显得比较主观 而且像记叙文 也许从论点出发重新整理一下 会使得论据更有力度)During last summer vocation, I have tried several different types of part-time jobs, such as a waiter in ana hotel, (and) a tutor for a high middle school high school就好) student. From these part-time jobs, I've learned many useful work skills to deal with different situation(复数situations, like how to make an effective communications (前面是单数冠词 后面是复数名词communications 不一致) with my customers (不知道client是否更准确些), how to defend what I deserve to gain, such as suitable payment, and so on (列举 给人意犹未尽的感觉 仅仅列写了一个例子 之后就so on 也许是时间不够吧 有空的时候补上 或者干脆去掉and so on. Also, in the process of trying these jobs, I have acquainted with many new friends. And I believe, in the future career, we are likely to get help from each other and even make an important cooperations. (例子本身不错 很真实 可以很有力的支持本段论点 但是需要对一个概念进行声明 这里的different types of part-time jobs与前文所述的different kinds of jobs 甚至是题目中的different jobs是同一个概念 也许我又开始矫情了 不过这个是从审题开始 就一直困扰我的问题 如何定义different jobs 如何定义long term career 如何将二者联系起来)

Secondly, it (不太明白这里的it是形势主语还是代词指带 lz好像是为了平衡句式刻意把介词through引导的壮语提前 但是逗号前后貌似是两个独立的句子 缺连词) is only through trying different kind of works, people can figure out what kind of jobs are actually what they are good at or are interested to do are good atare interested to do不对称 换成are interested in也许更恰当). As you know, in modern society, many successful people in their career are not engaging in what they are major in when they are at universities. (这里好拗口 而且过去式were可能更恰当) Why? (设问 我喜欢) It is just because they can not figure out what's their true talents and interests when they are still young. So when they tried different kind of jobs, their talents have just been figured out. For example, the pioneer of KFC had just do a lot of jobs like servicing in a military army, different kind of business, all of which are unsuccessful. But when he finally created a new method of cooking chicken, his fortune has come to him. I would like to say, if he could not tried different kind of other jobs which proved they are not what he want to do, there would not been the appearance of KFC.


To conclude, different people have different traits. However, it is always difficult to detect out them (代词也许应该放在动词和介词中间 detect them out. Therefore, isn't it deserved for us to dig them out through various kinds of jobs? Not only will we find "our fate", but also will we appreciate colorful sight of our life. (反问 倒装 鼓掌)


517 words

Development: 每个分论点都有详实的例证 如果可以和题目联系得更紧密些 如在例子之后进一步解释一下 例子是如何展示different jobs会为long term career带来益处的 会使得例证更有说服力
Organization: Agree->Concession->Subtopic 1: gain experiences->Subtopic 2: discover strengths & interests->Conclusion 结构清晰 只是第二段的让步有点太有气势了
Language use: 设问 反问 倒装的应用都很好 为句式增添了很多变化

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板凳
发表于 2010-8-26 15:45:54 |只看该作者
2# Fatalerror 非常感谢Fatalerror的细致入微的批改,眼泪唰唰的。。。通过这次修改,我对自己的老毛病--主谓搭配不一致,单复数错误顿生深恶痛绝之感。。。。

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地板
发表于 2010-8-27 13:36:27 |只看该作者
Humble Comment on  bbliang`s Essay of Oct., 26th
First, there are some basic errors which you should try you best to avoid in the future:
  • 第一段 such as through reading newspapers and magazines, through 应该去掉
  • 第二段 buy a piece of newspapers and a couple of dollars for a magazines中 newspapers 和magazines 都不应该加s
  • 第四段 They provide us far more active and nunerous information than newspapers and magazines can provide but at the same time costs little from us. 红色字应该去掉; How can newspapers and magazines can (去掉)be better than them as a methods(去掉s) of learning about a foreign languages(应该是country吧)?
  • 第五段:travelling, 好像不用双写l; one can know every aspects about it, such as custom, history, economy, politics, etc. Staying in a foreign country,s去掉
  • 第六段: Therefore, if I have enough money, traveling will undoubted be my priority for learning about a foreign country.7 s句中应该用副词undoubtedly吧
建议: 下次交作文之前,先将写好的作文贴在word文档里,因为word有自动纠错的功能,看看自己犯了哪些最基本的错误,这些可是致命的错误啊
总评;
  • 开头很好,信息很饱满
  • 第一段说I think, newspapers and magazines have a couple of defects in contrast with other methods. 第二段开头用admittedly,这种过渡很聪明哦,表扬一下!!!!
  • 通篇表达都很连贯
  • idea很好,specific information 很充实
  • 但是,文法,句法,拼写等方面的错误有点影响你的表达了
  • 我个人认为写作文好boring,没啥可写的总觉得,所以我写的东西很空洞很无聊,这点你比我强多了,呵呵

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发表于 2010-8-27 19:23:17 |只看该作者
4# diamond_dream 多谢diamond_dream的细心修改, 很受教。。。。

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发表于 2010-8-28 15:33:35 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 fair_lady 于 2010-8-28 15:34 编辑

In moderntimes, there are several ways for people to learn about a foreign country, suchas through reading newspapers and magazines, traveling , watching TV or moviesand so on. As to the question whether newspapers and magazines are the best wayof learning about a foreign country, after a careful comparison, I think,newspapers and magazines have a couple of defects in contrast with othermethods.

Admittedly,newspapers and magazines have their own strengths. They are cheap to purchase.People need only to pay less than one dollar to buy a piece of newspapers and acouple of dollars for a magazines. More importantly, the contexts are full ofuseful informations (information) such as object statistical data, vivid photographs andsometimes even a both funny and meaningful cartoon.
However,when making a careful comparison, we may find out their weaknesses are soobvious

Although newspapers and magazines are cheap to beobtained, how about TV programs and surfing on the Internet.
(这句话什么意思?although和how about好像凑不到一块儿去)They provide us far moreactive and numerous information than newspapers and magazines can provide can provide 跟前面重复,可以删掉)but at the same time costslittle 前半句是比较级,这里也最好用less吧)from us. From TV newsreports, one can know the latest things happened in a foreign country, such aspolitical elections and cultural activities. 这个好像说服力不够,看报纸也一样可以know the latest news  And on theInternet, people will have more freedom to know anything that they areinterested with great details and vividness. How can newspapers and magazinescan(这个can删掉,应该是疏忽吧) be better than them as a a删掉 methods of learning about aforeign languages?
Besides,travelling, if one can afford the comparatively expensive cost, I believe, maystill be one of the candidates for the best way of learning about a foreigncountry. (这句开头很赞) Having a zero-distance touchwith a foreign country, one can know every aspects about it, such as custom,history, economy, politics, etc. Staying in a foreign country, you will havebest chances to communicate with local residents and take part in theirordinary activities. And such precious experience will impress you so much thatyou must learn things about a foreign country far more completely and vividlythan you learn from newspapers and magazines. (个人觉得这一段语言上比上一段更流畅,词汇也更丰富,上一段感觉语言比较平乏)

In sum, newspapers and magazines do not show muchadvantages compared with other ways of learning about a foreign country asdiscussed above. From aspect of cost, they can not compete with TV programs andother media. From aspect of interactivity, it can not compete with travelling.Therefore, if I have enough money, traveling will undoubted be my priority forlearning about a foreign country.
(结尾总结得很到位、精炼~


总的来说,结构很清晰,逻辑紧凑,语法和词汇再多加打磨就完美啦~

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发表于 2010-8-28 21:45:00 |只看该作者
6# fair_lady 呵呵, 多谢fair_lady的耐心修改,我个人也觉得写到倒数第二段的时候有点儿文思泉涌的感觉,前一段就逊了些。希望以后文章还能有所发挥,弟弟错误少犯一些。。。

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发表于 2010-8-31 17:34:33 |只看该作者
by fd笑笑

bbiang.doc

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从哪里跌倒就从哪里站起来!我一定能行!

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发表于 2010-8-31 19:02:14 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 bbliang 于 2010-8-31 19:16 编辑

8# fd笑笑 多谢! 其实我远不只用了半个钟头,还得在时间上加快速度啊!

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发表于 2010-8-31 19:04:43 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 bbliang 于 2010-8-31 19:06 编辑

831日by bbliang. 多谢批阅!
09.05.30NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.


Children's healthy growth has always been the main concern of our society. As to the problem whether younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language, people may maintain different viewpoints. In my opinion, I agree with that it is necessary for younger school children to get in touch with art and music and at the same time we should make a careful control of how much effort they should spend on it.

Firstly, art and music are not such difficult something that younger children could not capable of learning. To the opposite, they can learn much from it. It is common that drawing and singing have already been the regular courses in a kindergarten,although they can just learn some basic knowledges and make some simple works. In the process of studying, children could have a lot of fun and practice many other basic skills and abilities, which is undoubtedly beneficial for their healthy development. For example, through dealing with different kind of colors, children could cultivate their imaginary ability;by learning various songs, they can not only practice their speaking ability but also their listening ability.  

Secondly, it helps those who are talented in art and music  figure out their genius as early as possible and make a solid foundation for the further development by taking art and music classes. As you know, many famous artists and musician just began to touch art and music when they are quite young. I think the most typical example would be Mozart, who is one of the world-famous musicians. He learned music so early that he could performed in public before ten years old. Mozart's musical talent was so extraordinary and so earlily developed that he made the great contribution to classical music. So if it were not  lucky enough for him to get in touch with music so early, I may reasonably conclude that the history of music would be greatly changed.

In other aspect, although there aren't so many geniuses for us to discover, it is also meaningful for ordinary children to accept the primary education of art and music for the sake of a comprehensive development. If a person could not get a comprehensive development, I believe, his/her career would be less likely to be successful for many other factors plays a key role such as emotional health, spiritual motivation which may be just developed from the art and music. As you know, Eistein has ever shown to us that both physics and violin played equal roles in his success of career.

In a word,  art and music play such an indispensable roles in a child's healthy development that we must put it in his/her educational courses. Meanwhile, it is both practical and beneficial for a younger child to take it.

8.31writing homework by bbliang.doc

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发表于 2010-9-2 20:50:48 |只看该作者
9.2by bbliang  09.06.12NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.



If I were an interviewer who was dealing with two university graduates with quite different resumes, one of which is remarkable with high academic records but little job experiences while the other of which had been written full of various experiences of part-time jobs but relatively low credits, what kind of decision would be fair? I think the latter one would be the  advisable choice for current companies which not only indicates the trend for university students' requirement in modern society, but also implies that our university students should take part-time jobs to adjust to this requirement as well as for the sake of the following benefits.

To begin with, in modern knowledge-explosive times, our university students who have been absorbing a great amount of theoretical knowledges day by day, may easily go far away from practical availability. So it provides a good chance to solve this drawback by taking part-time jobs, especially those that are closely related with their expertises. For example, if one majors in teaching, he could do some tutor jobs regularly once at a week for a elementary school student. In this way, he/she can practice all the theoretical knowledge for how to effectively guide a child to learn.

Secondly, by trying different types of part-time jobs, university students could enrich both their campus life and social experiences, which is beneficial for their career development.  Take me for example, I have so much free time in my campus life that I have tried many different types of part-time jobs, like a waiter in the faculty dinning hall on campus, tutors for a high school student who has been preparing for his university admission exam, and so on. When working in the faculty dinning hall, I have encountered with many famous professors and talked with them in a relaxed atmosphere who have to be more formal in classroom. And sometimes they  even gave me some kind-hearted suggestions for my future career planning. So I have benefited a lot from doing part-time jobs.

Finally, taking part-time helps one practice his/her ability to be independent in terms of money. By dealing with the incomes from the part-time jobs, we can get a actual feeling of difficulty to earn a certain amount of money and become more reasonable when using them. By negotiating about the payment with different bosses, we can learn how to obtain as much money as we can by trying a sort of part-time job.

To conclude, in the light of advantaged discussed in the above, I believe it's high time for our university students doing part-time jobs as long as we can ensure that daily study could be well treated.

9.2writing homework by bbliang.doc

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发表于 2010-9-2 23:12:59 |只看该作者
改好了 有点晚 不好意思

8.31writing homework by bbliang.doc

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发表于 2010-9-3 12:52:37 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 Fatalerror 于 2010-9-4 20:20 编辑

11# bbliang
09.02 Review Comments by Fatalerror
Please refer to the enclsoe doc for the review comments from my personal perspective.

The doc is updated.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

0902_Review_bbliang.doc

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发表于 2010-9-4 12:33:24 |只看该作者
抱歉,改的太晚了,今天及时补上~

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发表于 2010-9-4 12:36:57 |只看该作者
13# Fatalerror

路过问一句,F~你是不是发错文件啦?你的附件里你给我改的作文哦

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