作文185-154 一战作文不好，苦于找不到原因，求指导，拜谢！

zhouchlcyUID：2847817

TOPIC: ISSUE1 - 154 In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office building.
WORDS: 326          TIME: 00:28:47          DATE: 2010/8/30 11:19:03

Although smoking is a private behavior, it obviously damage the healthy of surrounding people.  For its influence of many people, I come to agree with the policy that smoking should be forbidden in the public places.
At the close area, we are surprised to find that the poisoned substance doesn't dismiss for a long time. However, at the same area, we notice that there are people who need to be cared of, such as ladies, the senior citizen and children. The destructive effect will be double for those weaken crowd. In addition, the scientific research has proved that the smoking is more harmful for those people who are forced to smoke.
Another reason is that smoking in the public is mislead for childern. When I recall the image of some modren characters in movies, I  distract the attention of smoke in their hands. It is result in that for a long time, I consider the smoke as a necessity for a hero. I believe that most boys has the experience with me. In fact, everyone frequently appeared in the public has the  responsibility to educate the children who are in stage to form the discipline of  behavior.
An noticeable problem is about the remain of the smoke in public place. Walking on the street, we can easily  find those remain of the smoke. Although there are many trash collection, it is also not enough for those people who are in the deep addiction. The practical solution is to forbid the smoke in the public . At the same time, we can gather the smoker in a place and set up the specific equipments for them. In this way, it is no doubt to save public expense to maintain the enviornment.
In short, the merits of forbidden the smoking in public places are more obvious  than doesn't do this. Everyone has the same right to enjoy a comfortable surrounding environment, for ethier the smoker or the no-smoker.

lghscuUID：2552043

语法
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段内段间逻辑
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以上几点导致“一战作文不好”

zhouchlcyUID：2847817

能否详细点，这个点评略显精辟了些
再次感谢