与雨的作文贴

njuslsUID: 2757819

9.28 修改版
In many contries the most popular things among young person is traveling. Some of them tend to travel in their own country because it is more convenient and cheaper. Others prefer to travel in a foreign country because it is more exciting and beneficial. For me, traveling abroad is more appealing to me. Because I am so curious about the（没有the好像更好） different culture, sceneries, and the（没有the好像更好） unusual experience in the journey.

Admittedly, there are many places in my own country that I am thirsty to visit. Like the highest mountain in Tibet, tiananmen square in Beijing and many other small places where I can always find fun things（感觉句子结构不完整，还是不要单独做一句话，直接连在上一句后面）
from there（累赘）. Meanwhile, it is convenient because I have no problem communicating with others and I do not need money exchanging and adapting(adaptation) of time difference.

However, traveling in my own country can’t give me a closely(close) way to experience the culture which is total different from my country. For example, in my country, the traditional painting is called Chinese painting, which is usually abstract but meaningful. So(逻辑不太对哦，好像用，however之类表转折的), if I want to visit a oil painting museum, go（going） to the Louvre Museum in France is a better choice. From there, I can see the most famous painting(s) in Renaissance and see the latest trends. Thus, traveling abroad means an opportunity to open our eyes.

Additionally, I can grow from traveling abroad because of the difficulties I may meet. For example, traveling aboard means getting away from your parents and your friends(if you travel along). I need to gain a skill to communicate with others with limited foreign langrage(language) level and learn to understand their different living habits and manners. And I also need to deal with a lot of emergency situations such as being lost and being stolen. I believe, all of these difficulties can help me to be a more mature person.


In sum, travelling abroad is a good class(不太明白) full with different culture, scenery and valuable experiments（实验？？）. Though（through） this class we can broaden our horizon and learn to face the difficulties in journey of life.

称谓有点混乱，忽然说I 后来又成了your
句式变化再多一点就更好了，至少不要全是“need to”

njuslsUID: 2757819

错了
是9.30号的
呵呵

towntownUID: 2907332

spending time alone is the best way to relieve stress?

In the modern society, the problem of stress is very common. When we are facing stress, leaving us alone could sometimes be a good solution because we could really enjoy the time如何JOY？没有写明白 when we are alone and forget about stress. However, in most cases, just spending time alone is not a good way to relive stress. We need to think about why we feel stress, and find a person to help us.

Spending time alone sometimes can really be useful. We can have a good sleep, listen to music, watch interesting movie or用and just everything you wanted to do. Meanwhile, we will not worry about our impressions to others. For example, we can scream loudly in the top of a mountain, that不引导非限制性定语从句must be efficient to relive the stress. On the other hand, we won't be disturbed by others if we are facing the deadline stress.

However, we just need others' help sometimes,没有连接词spending time alone can not solve the problem which causes us feeling stress. For example, when we come to a new school, we may feel stressful to adapt或者用that引导同位语从句 to the new style of teaching in the class and making new friends. The best way to relive this kind of stress is to talk to the professor who may help you adapt to the new study environment fast. And then, talking to the students nearby can be the first step of making new friends. 这一句和前一句有什么关系？Thus, we will no longer feel stressful after we begin talk to somebody who can solve us the problem.

All in all, in order to relieve stress, sometimes we need spending time alone because we can have a good rest and refresh our mind. In other cases we need to think carefully about what is the causes of stress, and then, try to solve the problem. Maybe, contacting with a person who can help you is a good beginning of relieving of stress.

第五希云捷UID: 2457467

9月30日修改
抱歉,晚了
In many contries the most popular things among young person is traveling. Some of them tend to travel in their own country because it is more convenient and cheaper. Others prefer to travel in a foreign country because it is more exciting and beneficial. For me, traveling abroad is more appealing to me. Because I am so curious about the different culture(s), sceneries and the unusual experience in the journey.

Admittedly, there are many places in my own country that I am thirsty to visit. Like the highest mountain in Tibet, tiananmen square in Beijing and many other small places where I can always find fun things from there(there去掉). Meanwhile, it is convenient because I have no problem communicating with others and I do not need money exchanging and adapting of time difference. : [4 Z9 \7 T2 A( |( u

However, traveling in my own country can’t give me a closely way to experience the culture which is total different from my country. For example, in my country, the traditional painting is called Chinese painting, which is usually abstract but meaningful. So, if I want to visit a (an) oil painting museum, go to the Louvre Museum in France is a better choice. From there, I can see the most famous painting in Renaissance and see the latest trends. Thus, traveling abroad means an opportunity to open our eyes.
: R: c% Q& o5 \
Additionally, I can grow from traveling abroad because the difficulties I may meet(face). For example, traveling aboard means getting away from your(my) parents and your(my人称最好统一一下,因为前面说的是我要出国) friends(if I travel along). I need to gain a skill to communicate with others with limited foreign langrage level and learn to understand their different living habits and manners. And I also need to deal with a lot of emergency situations such as being lost and being stolen. I believe, all of these difficulties can help me to be a more mature person.
5 V! m$ A6 ?2 a' |& P

In sum, travelling abroad is a good class full with different culture, scenery and valuable experiments. Though this class we can broaden our horizon and learn to face the difficulties in journey of life.
文章总体而言结构是可以了,典型的先扬后抑型的
但有几个问题:
1)        认证的不是很充分,感觉语句都很平淡,缺少一些闪光句
2)        第三段,第四段没有进行比较,因为无比较不能说明哪个多,只是说了出国旅游可以学到一些东西,但是没有说明一定比国内旅行多 . `6