初次作文 xdjm帮忙改改~

peter0421UID: 2902667

10月9号就考试了。。今天开始练习作文 有高人能帮我改改么~ 各种提前感谢！！

Most people like other people to make decision for them.
But other not. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


Every day, every hour, every minute, we may encounter various problems to overcome. Then, it’s time to make a decision. Some prefer asking help from other people, while others not. In my perspective, holding in hand the hammer for the ultimate deal is a better choice.

To begin with, in order to perfectly resolve a problem, it’s required that whoever makes the decision be conscious about the situation you are facing, the way you want it to be solved and the aim you would like to achieve. As is said, you are the one who know yourself best. In that case, you yourself are definitely the most suitable one to make the ideal decision. Imagine the time when we are going to select an university for further education, most of us will evaluate those universities based on our own preference and decide it personally, as this decision must satisfy our personal interests and may have a great influence on our future.

Furthermore, making a decision on one’s own demands for the courage to take responsibility. We know that every decision leads to either success or failure. It’s easy to embrace a positive result, but what if it’s a negative one? The person who made the final choice has to take fully responsibility for the loss. Going through that process, there is no doubt that we can establish the concept of being responsible.

Additionally, if we get accustomed to ask help from others, how can we handle the situation when we are alone, facing with an emergency which required quick response and immediate decision? As it cannot be guaranteed that we are accompanied by someone whenever and wherever a decision is required, we should be independent in decision making process and get it done by ourselves.

According to what have been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that it’s better to make decisions on our own. Life is just as complex as a map, are you well-prepared to choose a direction at every intersection?


一个特别大的问题，是不是应该再加入以下例子来支持论述啊？？

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

Every day, every hour, every minute, we may encounter various problems to [that should]overcome. Then, it’s time to make a decision. Some prefer asking help from other people, while others not. In my perspective, holding in hand the hammer for the ultimate deal is a better choice.3 e$ U' b) C! M9 Y9 `- K* W  P

To begin with, in order to perfectly resolve a problem, it’s required that whoever makes the decision should be conscious about the situation you are facing, the way you want it to be get to solved and the aim you would like to achieve. As is said, you are the one who know yourself best. In that case, you yourself are definitely the most suitable one to make the ideal decision. Imagine the time when we are going to select an university for further education, most of us will evaluate those universities based on our own preference and decide it personally, as this decision must satisfy our personal interests and may have a great influence on our future.

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Furthermore, making a decision on one’s own demands for[不懂你要表达什么] the courage to take responsibility. We know that every decision leads to either success or failure. It’s easy to embrace a positive result, but what if it’s a negative one? The person who made the final choice has to take fully responsibility for the loss. Going through that process, there is no doubt that we can establish the concept of being responsible.: ?* ~+ b( J

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Additionally, if we get accustomed to ask help from others, how can we handle the situation when we are alone, facing with an emergency which required quick response and immediate decision? As it cannot be guaranteed that we are accompanied by someone whenever and wherever a decision is required, we should be independent in decision making process and get it done by ourselves.1 Z! m8 z" C  V0 A& p2 p! x


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According to what have been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that it’s better to make decisions on our own. Life is just as complex as a map, are you well-prepared to choose a direction at every intersection? [it's not appropriate to end with a question. Just state or declare again for your opinion. 'Making decision for yourself is better' ]

Tips: 简洁 明确<我喜欢简洁的文章 利落！> 但属于来回说同一个意思。例证不够。需要加强例子的说明，观点+例子+论证。做到每个观点的饱满，而不是来回重复意思。你的文章感觉像ISSUE的行文，绕着主题 说一个意思。正如你自己说的 加上例子。你的文章就很不错了。用词和句子几乎没问题。小小的瑕疵可能是不够细致造成的。对了，写作的时候能不省略的 尽量别省略，把rator看做是傻子 做到让他清楚的明白你所要表述的内容。

以上 小建议



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peter0421UID: 2902667

多谢啦 我继续努力~