写写更健康 ——独立作文练习(9.20)

jcf2008UID: 2681015

Advertising is one of the most distinguish characteristics of modern life. We can not deny that advertisements are everywhere. People usually receive many advertisement printed on paper（a handful of paper printed with advertisements） when they shopping or having meals in restaurants. Advertisements (also) appears (on your screen) when you click and they sometimes dump up and down (on your computer screen) in order to attract your attention, television programs are fulfill with advertisement and even television program itself are advertisement. More and more people study advertising in college （and）start their career in advertising. High technologies are introduced into advertising (due) to make advertisements (them) more attractive and impressive. It is undoubted that advertising are playing an important role nowadays. It changes people’s life a lot and is going to change more. Whether advertising causes (has caused) unhealthy life is being questioned by more and more people. From my viewpoint, it is incompletely correct. It also relates to personal life habits. I want to give my details as following.（第一段讲得有些太多了，有些句子关系不大可以省掉）

Advertising, frankly speaking, cause many changes, especially on people’s daily life. Corn or rice products are introduced into every family, they say that these products are easy to prepare, contain enough nutrients and provide calories for working and doing sports. Majority people are stay up and get up late; they do not have enough time to cook breakfast or even three meals. The products meet their requirement. We can not deny that advertising providing healthy information sometimes, expertise in advertising offers public knowledge of be avoid of flu. Furthermore, the popular fast foods and carbonic acid drinks advertising remain people a cheap, convenience and nutritious image. In that case, people are misguided and leading a (an) unhealthy life.

All these above are partially reason that caused the problem. As far as I concern, whether leading a health life or an unhealthy one based on the people themselves. To lead an unhealthy life means that you definitely have unscientific personal habit (?). Even if the advertising (?) all over the world, a few people still live healthily, they make a perfect schedule for daily work, get up early and eat (eating) green vegetables and fruits, many of them insist on having sports and test their physical function.(句子有些冗长，分为几个句子更好)


Unhealthy life dose not appear in the world where the advertising everywhere（？）. Different value judgement (judgment) and custom decided local life style. For instance, people who are live in high tropical (latitude?) area, usually eat meat. It slows (snows?) and the ground is covered by snow all year round, since cultivation is impossible, what people can do (eat?) is forester animals and then make the animals (animals’) meat as (to?) food. Meat contains high protein and high calorie, (but) eating too much meat will cause illness. Beside that, young people are more attractive to new stuff (stuffs). Socks like, noodles in paper cup and soft-drinks are favored by young. (Socks, like noodles in paper cup and soft-drinks, are favored by young.)


Moreover, Internet are pervading and cultivating a new form of living called zhai (算chinglish吗？). That means you do not have to go out, just click your mouse, everything you want will be sent to your house, including food, commodities and other services. People have been lose (lost) their opportunities of intercommunication since then. Lack of sports does much harm of (to) people’s health. In addition, pressure also makes people addict to alcohol and drugs (算bad eating habits吗?我不太清楚).


E2 c
To seek the real reason that （how） the unhealthy life happens, we should scan (?) ourselves first. Do we have a good schedule for ourselves? Do we see doctor ravel out both physical and mental problems in time? Do we have a proper judgement (judgment) on advertising? Many more reasons rather than advertising in this modern world are leading us (to) an unhealthy life.

感觉LZ许多基本功要加强，小错误有些多~
有些例子不太切合主题~需要再改改~

但LZ很多句式很好，用词很新颖。
我的作文也不好，是我的弱项，但相信我们通过努力都能突破IBT的~ 一起加油吧~

fermaighUID: 2236755

16# jcf2008 谢谢 你改出的很多错误很有用。

fermaighUID: 2236755

09.08.07NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them?

不同意遵从父母安排的未来。
原因：
父母安排虽然有帮助，但也助长孩子缺乏思考之病。
父母的安排不一定是科学的。
父母陪伴我们几十年，未来还是要自己面对。

Everyone inevitably experiences both success and failure in his or her life time which they gain a lot from that. Failure teaches us never give up while success maintain us the proper aim and method. People, however, do not have inborn good luck, which along with them and help them lead a successful life. Everyone ought to learn the principle of success and independent personality in life time. I firmly convince that people should learn to make decisions and keep up thinking alone, and it should be added to the one’s early education.

In the first place, with the help from parent, who has much more experience than the child, children are avoid of making mistakes in most case. But the disadvantage of this has a negative impact. Children get used to the advices from parents or the choices that the parents made for them, they will begin slack up and even do nothing. So too much help will probably ruining children’s future.

The future that your parents have decided for you is probably incorrect. Your personality, hobbies and ambitions all inside you, no one, including your parents, but you is clear about these. Follow the plans that your parents make equal giving up your own feeling and pursuit. What the parents want usually based on what they think what kind of people that you should be, and they make the decisions without asking for your opinions. In that case, it is must awful that you obey what they tell you to do instead of seeking the appropriate position on your own. as the example following, Lu Xun, one of the well-known Chinese writers in twenty century, he is arranged to go broad to study medicine by his family, at the same time, China was undergoing a war, he found out that mental medicine was strongly needed than the biological medicine. After that he quite the study and return to be a writer, a lot of his books awoke people to fight.

Parents, who accompany with you just for a few decades, you have to rely on yourself in the rest of life. Children who never make their choice and have no foresight about future definitely lose themselves by then. Various of problems and obstacles in your life are tasted and realized by yourself. In order to lead a life, the basic skill is able to get rid  of these obstacle on your own.

According to the discusses above, people who neglect of fostering an independent personality and determining self-decided future will pay a heavy price in their future life.

Words 432

fermaighUID: 2236755

小组作业28日交
08.08.08NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All university students should take basic science courses, regardless of their field of concentration.

是否所有大学生，不管专业是什么，都要上自然科学基础课。
不是。
基础科学课，已经上过，没必要上。
学生时间少，上不了那么多的课。
学校将开支省下再提高目前的教师素质和设施。


There are various curriculums in universities today. College students frequently involve in required course and selective course. It is common most students who major in music against to attending to the physics class. This issue is under debate by more and more people today, that is, whether a university student should take a basic science courses without considering their major. In my opinion, they are not necessary for the students.

Basic science course are the indispensably required in high school, and it is very detailed taught. University students who have passed the final examination of basic science in high school are, apparently do not have to learn these courses again. A few university students, the rather that, are not favor of science, and what they learn in university are not related to the science at all, so the basic science course are nonsense to them.

Four-year college life is the most precise time in one’s life. Students gain knowledge and skills in order to put themselves on the favorable position of the job market. An increasing number of students attempt to have internship off-campus. They are usually busy with the projects that given by professors. A recent survey shows that quite a lot students spend more than sixty hours a week in the laboratory or training agencies rather than that spent in classroom and library. The school authorities ought to arrange the proper class schedule for these students. These selective course, even the required course that are not closely linked to the students’ major can be canceled.

Due to setup so many course, universities, by all means, require to hire more faculties and purchase more facilities, like more books for library, larger parking space and dinning room. Take the futile courses off,  it will save a lot of money, in addition, the money could be used for enhancing the quality of current faculties and facilities.

As the reasons I have discussed above, I strongly support the universities canceled the policy that basic science courses are one of the required course for students for the reasons that students have suffered enough and save the budget for advancing your own distinguishing education.

WORDS 362

fermaighUID: 2236755

09.02.27NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
Whether a job with a higher salary or a job or more vacation time is under the debate among people at present.  A recent report shows that the younger prefer higher salary while the older ones are favor of more vacation time. Both of them have strong support on this. In my viewpoint, as a college student, I definitely think that the job with higher salary less vacation time is better for three reasons, first, I need to work hard to gain more experience and relationship during the several-year career after graduate. In addition, as a young man, I ought to earn enough to support myself and even family, moreover, I should not spend so much time on vacations instead of working hard to win the promotion.

Every senior student in college begin to worry about their job after graduation, most of them have part-time jobs off-campus. Working experience and relationship become even more important than the knowledge gain at school. As a new employee in a company, young people should be aware of dealing with a great deal of issues that they have never met before, so it is a great chance of learning  if you cost more on your work. Then, what you have learnt and good relationship between the colleagues are the basis of your own development in future.

What’s more, working sometimes does not mean boring and tired. One of friend is a art designer, he is now working in a design company, they make creativity things for children in a park-like environment. Jobs like his is likely to take holidays everyday.

As a grown-up, I am responsible of taking care of myself and supporting my own life. One of the most important aspect of my pursue is money now, I need it to pay for my extra learning fee, life broad and traveling.

Most young people are full of ambitions, I am one of them. I got the highest score in school and do my best in racing competition, and undoubtedly I should pursue the promotion in my career. That’s means that I will become more important in a teamwork and gain more attention, especially enhance my ability and maximin individual value, which is the reason why a person lives, I think.

A job with a higher salary is attracted by young people like me, who are seeking for money to support themselves and promotion. So in my opinion, I prefer working for a long time and gain more money to less working time and less salary.
Words : 427

jcf2008UID: 2681015

There are various curriculums in universities today. College students frequently involve in required course and selective course. It is common most students who major in music against to attending to the physics class. This issue is under debate by more and more people today, that is, whether a university student should take a basic science courses without considering their major. In my opinion, they are not necessary for (all) the (college) students. . B! ?; D5 L7 u  J. {7 C

Basic science course are the indispensably required in high school, and it is(they were) very detailed taught. University students who have passed the final examination of basic science in high school(s) are, apparently do not have to learn these courses again. A few university students, the rather that, are not (in) favor of science, and what they learn in university are not related to the science at all, so the basic science course are nonsense to them., ?& C7 k9 ^! g7 _8 e5 @4 K

Four-year college life is the most precise time in one’s life. Students gain knowledge and skills in order to put themselves on(in ?) the favorable position of the job market. An increasing number of students attempt to have internship off-campus. They are usually busy with the projects that given by professors. A recent survey shows that quite a lot of students spend more than sixty hours a week in the laboratory or training agencies rather than that spent in classroom and library. The school authorities ought to arrange the proper class schedule for these students. These selective course, even the required course that are not closely linked to the students’ major can be canceled.. ~  I( m  u/ ^2 y/ f  R8 ~

Due to setup so many course, universities, by all means, require to hire more faculties and purchase more facilities, like more books for library, larger parking space and dinning room. Take the futile courses off, (and) it will save a lot of money, in addition, the money could be used for enhancing the quality of current faculties and facilities.


As the reasons I have discussed above, I strongly support the universities canceled the policy that basic science courses are one of the required course for students for the reasons that students have suffered enough and save the budget for advancing your own distinguishing education./ I'

LZ越写越好啦~ 好词好句多多~~
除去些小错误，有些理由还是有些牵强，例子和论点联系欠缺些。
望蒸蒸日上~~~ 祝我们T都过100吧~呼呼~（理想不高，LZ见谅，我们继续努力啊……）

fermaighUID: 2236755

21# jcf2008 谢谢你的评语～ 另外，我的理想也不高，要能过100，就算摆酒席请客都无所谓。

fermaighUID: 2236755

30日交
2008.10.17NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.



Due to the higher salaries and less vacation, people are undergoing pressure from work and life. An increasing number of people are intend to travel in order to relax the brain.In recent years, some people are wild about the beauty spots in my country while others travel even far - places in other countries. As a young student, I prefer the option one. I do not have so much money and so many time to take a long trip, besides that, I am working hard on enhancing my poor language ability, due to it, I gain little while traveling to a foreign country which I can talk to local people.

Travel is under debate among people, especially the young people. Majority the young people either work in a company or study in school. They are wild about the exploration and feel like to try something new. Admittedly, traveling in a new country definitely gives me a totally different experience, but it costs me more time and money as well, for instance, I should spend a lot of time to check the flight information and book the local hotel which is extremely expensive during the rush hour of the traveling season . Compare to taking a foreign trip, travel in my country seems much more attractive to me. My classmates and friends distribute all over the country. I can easily focus on the places which has long histories and distinguish local culture. I can live in my friends’ home instead of staying in the unacquainted hotel more motel.

In addition, as a girl, to take account for safety, I reject to travel in foreign counties, like some places which are fulfill the terrorism issues.

Moreover, I am not able to speak foreign language well, in that case, It is nonsense to understand the local culture while traveling in a unfamiliar country. For instance, my uncle who knows little Japanese used to take a tour in Tokyo, he inquired the way to a museum by drawing on paper and in body language, unfortunately, no one understood him. So he spent the whole daily time on asking the way, when he got to the museum finally, it closed.

As the the reasons above I give, traveling in my own country seems more convenience and less trouble, meanwhile, I can enjoy the trip breezily and relax well.

Words： 392

fermaighUID: 2236755

09.09.11NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only movies that can teach us something about real life is worth watching.
只有有现实生活教育意义的电影才值得看。

Film production has been one of the most important industrial in this society. Watching a movie, as a way of releasing pressure form daily work, is accepted by an increasing number of people, Some people, however, claim that the commercial movies are not worth of watching for they are made for amusement and money, only the movies that can teach people something about real life are encourage to watch. As far I as concern, I stand by the side of watching what you like, whatever they contain meanings of real life or not.

Admittedly, people can gain a lot of knowledge and some other things about real life while they are watching movie. Young people, especially the children, for instance, are organized to watch such a kind of movie in the theater. Not only these movies are ought to be watched, but also the other surrealistic ones. There are numbers of types of movies have been produced during last one hundred years like realism to new wave.
Besides the movies that are exactly predicting the real world, there are movies made by high technology, art movies that seems more personal and so on. Different people like different types. Therefore, we can not make a judgement on which one is better and worth of watching just base on its type.

In addition, movies which are fictitious stories written by playwrights and produced by computer technology are playing an important role in the film industrial at present. A recent reports shows that over 60 percent movies produced in the last five years are made by computer technology. That means fictitious movies are more attracted by people. Take the famous movie named Avatar which was on show in the 2009 as an example, it was about what would happened in the future and little images in this movie are real, but it did tell us that peace is the forever topic among peoples living in the world.

Moreover, I like the CG movies as well. They are not presenting a real world, but the main idea inside the story, sometimes are much more significant to think of. I believe they contain something that people can not get in the movies that present real life, even the real life itself.

To conclude, we are ought to choose the movies that contain something positive rather than making the judgement on whether it depicts real life or not.
Words: 443

fermaighUID: 2236755

08.12.07NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Spending time alone is the best way to relieve stress.

最好的减压是独自呆着。

A increasing number of young people are suffering heavy pressure from daily study and work. Quite a few of them got the mental illness, like depression. Society as whole are pay more and more attention on how to relieve. So many young people are intend to go to the bar, club and other places that make them feel not alone and happy enough to talk or shout louder after work. As far as I think, the best way of relieve is to find some one or some places that allows you shout and talk or sing louder.

Admittedly, sometimes, spending time alone could relieve oneself, like listening to music or doing some house work. Music is one of the best solution for people who are suffering heavy pressure. That’s why we usually listen to ipod on the bus or in the library so frequently. Besides, people do not have enough time to think about whether they are happy or not while they are busying with house works or sports. But the reason of the pressure will not  be eased by physical activity and music easily.

Moreover, Spending the spare time with friends are better because you can tell your the problem which drives you mad, they will probably provide you a few solutions. Even if there is no solution, you can get the mental support as well. Anyway, they definitely help you with the problems. Solving is always better than just thinking without doing.

In addition, the places that fulfill of people, like disco and bars. There you can get some drink with your friend or other strangers like you. pressure will be decreasing throughout the conversation in the bars. Once, I failed my exam and I really do not know what to do. After having a sleep, I got even worse, I went a bar near my school, there were a lot of students from my school, we gather together and talked each other. Suddenly, I found that some of the problems that they had were even more serious than mine. From then, on, I never spend  the time alone while I am upset.

From the discussion above, I strongly do not believe that the best way of relieve is pending the time alone. Frankly speaking, I think it will be more harm to the mental health for you will probably feel worse and worse when you are alone.

Word 400 12min

WSYLRUID: 2666837

改好了 哈哈 加油哈

fermaighUID: 2236755

26# WSYLR thank u WSYLR  

fermaighUID: 2236755

09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Advertising is one of the most distinguish characteristics of modern life. We can not deny that advertisements are everywhere. People usually receive many advertisement printed on paper when they shopping or having meals in restaurants. Advertisements appears when you click and they sometimes dump up and down on your computer screen in order to attract your attention, television programs are fulfill with advertisement and even television program itself are advertisement. More and more people study advertising in college start their career in advertising. High technologies are introduced into advertising due to make advertisements more attractive and impressive.It is undoubted that advertising are playing an important role nowadays. It changes people’s life a lot and is going to change more. Whether advertising causes unhealthy life is being questioned by more and more people. From my viewpoint, it is incompletely correct. It also relates to personal life habits. I want to give my details as following.

Advertising, frankly speaking, cause many changes, especially on people’s daily life. Corn or rice products are introduced into every family, they say that these products are easy to prepare, contain enough nutrient and provide calories for working and doing sports. Majority people are stay up and get up late, they do not have enough time to cook breakfast or even three meals. The products meet their requirement. We can not deny that advertising providing healthy information sometimes, expertise in  advertising offers public knowledge of be avoid of flu. Furthermore, the popular fast foods and carbonic acid drinks advertising remain people a cheap, convenience and nutritious image. In that case, people are misguided and leading a unhealthy life.

All these above are partially reason that caused the problem. As far as I concern, whether leading a health life or an unhealthy one based on the people themselves. To lead an unhealthy life means that you definitely have unscientific personal habit. Even if the advertising all over the world, a few people still live healthily, they make a perfect schedule for daily work, get up early and eat green vegetables and fruits, many of them insist on having sports and test their physical function.

Unhealthy life dose not appear in the world where the advertising everywhere. Different value judgement and custom decided local life style. For instance, people who are live in high tropical area, usually eat meat. It slows and the ground is covered by snow all year round, since cultivation is impossible, what people can do is forester animals and then make the animals meat as food. Meat contains high protein and high calorie, eating too much meat will cause illness. Beside that, young people are more attractive to new stuff. Socks like,  noodles in paper cup and soft-drinks are favored by young.

Moreover, Internet are pervading and cultivate a new form of living called stay in home. That means you do not have to go out, just click your mouse, everything you need will be sent to your house, including food, commodities and other services. People have been lose their opportunities of intercommunication since then. Lack of sports does much harm of people’s health. In addition, pressure also makes people addict to alcohol and drugs.

To seek the real reason that the unhealthy life happens, we should scan ourselves first. Do we have a good schedule for ourselves? Do we see doctor ravel out both physical and mental problems in time? Do we have a proper judgement on advertising? Many more reasons rather than advertising in this modern world are leading us an unhealthy life.

fermaighUID: 2236755

停写了三天作文了，在思考到底还缺一些什么。

根据上一阶段的作文练习过程中发现对论点和例子的关联把握得很不好。这可能需要我下一阶段的练习中，注意写作前要先列提纲。


还有在写作文的同时，还要多看牛人总结的好句，这样积累后，再看看前些天写的作文就能自己找错并尝试将自己积累的句子用一下。


注意类似unacceptable和 do not accept这样的转化，显然前面这词很简练又很有力。



这阶段就这样吧。。

顺水飘扬UID: 2715101

09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.
- \  }  W8 q" r, C7 `! V* ~5 ~# [% L* }' {
Advertising is one of the most distinguish characteristics of modern life. We can not deny that advertisements are everywhere. People usually receive many advertisement printed on paper when they shopping or having meals in restaurants. Advertisements appears when（连着两句话都用when 有点重复，最好可以换个句式） you click and they sometimes dump up and down on your computer screen in order to attract your attention, television programs are fulfill with advertisement and even television program itself are advertisement. More and more people study（studying） advertising in college start their career in advertising. High technologies are introduced into advertising due to make advertisements more attractive and impressive.It is undoubted that advertising are playing an important role nowadays. It changes people’s life a lot and is going to change more. 加个连接词Whether advertising causes unhealthy life is being questioned by more and more people. From my viewpoint, it is incompletely correct. It also relates to personal life habits. I want to give my details as following.
第一段有点长啊
. o2 ]* _, n% m1 f& B
- y, i: m9 R8 T Advertising, frankly speaking, cause many changes, especially on people’s daily life. Corn or rice products are introduced into every family, they say that these products are easy to prepare, contain enough nutrient and provide calories for our body when working and doing sports. Majority people are stay up and get up late, they do not have enough time to cook breakfast or even three meals. The products meet their requirement. We can not deny that advertising providing healthy information sometimes, expertise in  advertising offers public knowledge of be（being） avoid（avoided） of flu. Furthermore, the popular fast foods and carbonic acid drinks advertising remain people a cheap, convenience and nutritious image. In that case, people are misguided and leading a（an） unhealthy life./ g( W0 G; O% k: i$ ?! `6 D

1 r0 Y) P3 q* QAll these above are partially reason that caused the problem. As far as I concern, whether leading a health life or an unhealthy one based on the people themselves. To lead an unhealthy life means that you definitely have unscientific personal habit.
可以用一句话举个例子Even if the advertising all over the world, a few people still live healthily, they make a perfect schedule for daily work, get up early and eat green vegetables and fruits, many of them insist on having sports and test their physical function.
. [) R  n- {/ g! B$ |
（加个连接词）! Y: ^6 @- k* k/ y, KUnhealthy life dose not appear in the world where the advertising everywhere. Different value judgement and custom decided local life style. For instance, people who are live（两个动词并列了，改一个） in high tropical area, usually eat meat. It slows and the ground is covered by snow all year round, since cultivation is impossible, what people can do is forester animals and then make the animals meat as food. Meat contains high protein and high calorie, eating too much meat will cause illness. Beside that, young people are more attractive to new stuff. Socks like,  noodles in paper cup and soft-drinks are favored by young.
- G# j( j% C; l& o2 l  r3 v
) d: E# z6 q0 u- {Moreover, Internet are pervading and cultivate a new form of living called stay in home. That means you do not have to go out, just click your mouse（我常用的：all you have to do is just to click….）, everything you need will be sent to your house, including food, commodities and other services. People have been lose(lost) their opportunities of intercommunication since then. Lack(lacking) of sports does much harm of(to) people’s health. In addition, pressure also makes people addict to alcohol and drugs.(第二个句子pressure这个，可以换成被动语态：people are addicted to alcohol and drugs owing to their pressure at work)
, w* W9 P8 H3 N1 k7 Y  o) }) i6 q
8 a7 {' m) K* m% S% `$ QTo seek the real reason that(why) the unhealthy life happens, we should scan ourselves first. Do we have a good schedule for ourselves? Do we see doctor ravel out both physical and mental problems in time? Do we have a proper judgement on advertising? Many more reasons rather than advertising in this modern world are leading us an unhealthy life.

1 字数有点多了吧，不知道楼主是不是在规定时间写完的，有些话都是重复来重复去的，如果时间紧的话，就不用写了。
2 还有一些用词不是很恰当，一些词语搭配也不是很地道。
3 每段开头最好有个连接词，必读第一点 第二点  或者是转折的词，每段开头就写出自己这段要阐述的观点，这样看起来清晰明了。