darktalent的作文贴

darktalentUID: 2441910

劳烦改作文的同学了~:)

darktalentUID: 2441910

2月6日开始写作文，改作文的朋友让你受折腾了~！谢谢啦~！

darktalentUID: 2441910

Cell phone is available to almost everybody nowadays. It’s hard to envision the society in which people live without using mobile phone. One uses it to communicate with each other in order to deal with business, learning and the promotion of relationship. Since the mobile phone played an important role in our daily life, it is hardly to get rid of it. When it comes to the question that “Should people be allowed to use mobile in public transportation(bus, plane, train)?” The answer is definitely yes.

Last year, one of my best friends came to Shanghai to meet me. I am really happy to get the opportunity to meet my friend who has been lived in other city for many year. It has been 3 years since we graduated from high school. He will arrive at railway station and I’m obliged to pick him up. As I was in the bus, the phone was suddenly ringing. What should I do? Should I cancel the entry for I’m in public transportation? Yes, I do it. I cancelled the entry. It was quite in the carriage. I’m afraid disturbing people around me, especially an old man who is sleeping. However, the entry number is my friend’s and the outcome of the meeting impressed me. After several disruptions of ringing, my friend became worried. He hurriedly called my mum, and my mum told him that I has left home to pick him up. And then my mum also called me, I cancelled the entry without an exception which also rose my mother upset. After an hour’s waiting, my friend finally met me. He told me that when I showed up, he was just attempted to call the police for help to find me. It can be easily imagine how worried they were last time. Since then, I’m available to every calling no matter where I was in. I won’t let my friends and parents worry more about me.

However noisy in public makes people disgusted. Once I came home by bus.A man was talking to his cell phone loudly and caught my attention while I was soundly sleeping in the carriage. Every single words that ruined my sleeping could be heard clearly from him. Common people will get angry if they were rose up by violent noisy. I am common and I am indeed outraged for that. Since then I made up my mind to be gentle in public.Because I'd like to make people around me ease.

Hitherto, I have answered every entry calling but in a low voice. I think everyone in public should be considerate. Don’t make your friends worry and don’t make people around you upset. Accordingly, our society will be more harmony.

py5223UID: 2973181

Cell phone is available to almost everybody nowadays. It’s hard to envision the society in which people live without using mobile phone. One uses it to communicate with each other in order to deal with business, learning and the promotion of relationship. Since the mobile phone played an important role in our daily life, it is hardly to get rid of it. When it comes to the question that “Should people be allowed to use mobile in public transportation(bus, plane, train)?” The answer is definitely yes.9 `8 s0 U  H5 r5 ]- {0 {
8 s& c8 u9 u3 c9 B' ]
Last year, one of my best friends came to Shanghai to meet me. I am really happy to get the opportunity to meet my friend who has been lived in other city for many year. It has been 3 years since we graduated from high school. He will arrive at railway station and I’m obliged to pick him up. As I was in the bus, the phone was suddenly ringing. What should I do? Should I cancel the entry for I’m in public transportation? Yes, I do it. I cancelled the entry. It was quite in the carriage. I ‘m （was） afraid（应该是afraid to do把） disturbing people around me, especially an old man who is （was）sleeping. However, the entry number is my friend’s and the outcome of the meeting impressed me. After several disruptions of ringing, my friend became worried. He hurriedly called my mum, and my mum told him that I has left home to pick him up. And then my mum also called me, I cancelled the entry without an exception which also rose my mother upset. After an hour’s waiting, my friend finally met me. He told me that when I showed up, he was just attempted to call the police for help to find me. It can be（be去掉） easily imagine how worried they were last time. Since then, I’m available to every calling no matter where I was in. I won’t let my friends and parents worry more about me.

However noisy in public makes people disgusted. Once I came home by bus.A man was talking to his cell phone loudly and caught my attention while I was soundly sleeping in the carriage. Every single words that ruined my sleeping could be heard clearly from him. Common people will get angry if they were rose up by violent noisy. I am common and I am indeed outraged for that. Since then I made up my mind to be gentle in public.Because I'd like to make people around me ease.
6 ~* I# ~6 j7 ]7 w* b
Hitherto, I have answered every entry calling but in a low voice. I think everyone in public should be considerate. Don’t make your friends worry and don’t make people around you upset. Accordingly, our society will be more harmony.

我也是今天刚开始准备作文 说的不对的地方请楼下同学指正
之前上过新东方的课
按老师讲的内容 感觉这篇的结构不是很好
一般都是两个正面的观点 一个反例   
lz以后可以尝试下
还有 多注意下时态的问题

mkvsshineUID: 2838067

这个例子是不是有点长啊？另外，我说下我的看法：

Cell phone is available to almost everybody nowadays. It’s hard to envision the society in which people live without using mobile phone. One uses it to communicate with each other in order to deal with business, learning and the promotion of relationship. Since the mobile phone played an important role in our daily life, it is hardly（hard） to get rid of it. When it comes to the question that “Should people be allowed to use mobile in public transportation(bus, plane, train)?” The answer is definitely yes.

Last year, one of my best friends came to Shanghai to meet me. I am really happy to get the opportunity to meet my friend who has been lived in other city for many year. It has been 3 years since we graduated from high school. He will arrive at railway station and I’m obliged to pick him up. As I was in the bus, the phone was suddenly ringing（was suddently ringing 改成suddently rang好些吧，suddenly表示应该是一个瞬间动作）. What should I do? Should I cancel the entry for I’m in public transportation? Yes, I do it. I cancelled the entry. It was quite in the carriage. I’m afraid （of） disturbing people around me, especially an old man who is sleeping. However, the entry number is my friend’s and the outcome of the meeting impressed me(这句话没看懂). After several disruptions of ringing, my friend became worried. He hurriedly called my mum, and my mum told him that I has left home to pick him up. And then my mum also called me, I cancelled the entry without an exception which also rose my mother upset. After an hour’s waiting, my friend finally met me. He told me that when I showed up, he was just attempted to call the police for help to find me. It can be easily imagine how worried they were last time（last time可以删掉）. Since then, I’m available to every calling no matter where I was in（in可以删掉）. I won’t let my friends and parents worry more about me.

However（，） noisy（noise） in public makes people disgusted. Once I came home by bus.A man was talking to his cell phone loudly and caught my attention while I was soundly sleeping in the carriage. Every single words that ruined my sleeping could be heard clearly from him. Common people will get angry if they were rose up by violent noisy. I am common and I am indeed outraged for that.（这句有点多余啊） Since then I made up my mind to be gentle in public.Because I'd like to make people around me ease.

Hitherto, I have answered every entry calling but in a low voice. I think everyone in public should be considerate. Don’t make your friends worry and don’t make people around you upset. Accordingly, our society will be more harmony.

darktalentUID: 2441910

4# py5223

谢谢~！ 辛苦了。 还有楼上的同学，暂时没法表达谢意，等级不够，不让我回那么多帖子