niehanmj的作文帖 daily writing.

niehanmjUID: 3005699

主楼。

凉言UID: 2996787

改好啦~~我水平不好，大家一起交流啦
嘻嘻，好巧哦~

892524570UID: 2975104

不好意思啊   修改完了  见谅

niehanmjUID: 3005699

严重超时...  一小时才写完...求指点...

sEven_zhUID: 3007258

改完了~

niehanmjUID: 3005699

似乎有进步 30分钟正好写完。

凉言UID: 2996787

写的很好啊~~感觉进步了的

jacksonboy424UID: 2998392

Withinthe decade, with the rapid advancement of the society and economy, people beginto care more for(这里是不是用takeaccount in 会好些) their entertainmentlike watching television programs. Some people think it’s paramount for moviesand televisions to show audience that good people are being praised andrewarded, and at the same time criminals are being abhorred and punished, whichis however, from my perspective, is totally naive and inconsiderable.

Admittedly,there may be one advantage of not always manifesting good people are beingrewarded and bad people are being punished, that is, the plot of movies andtelevisions are partly according to the real world situations, through theindirect expression, governments and societies will have a gold opportunity tocultivate a consciousness of alert, and it seems like a wonderful chance to inspirethe governments and the authorities to award the people who have good behaviorsand penalize the criminals who are always eager to crack the harmony of thesociety. However, I believe the advantages of the opposite attitude are farmore than this.

Tobegin with, in this way, good people will get inspired and be more honest andloyal to the society, in the meanwhile, bad people can become better and lesshateful to the society. Since an increasing number of communication tools areavailable nowadays, like movies and television programs, there is no doubt thatboth good people and bad people can know the information through different wayseasily, they will definitely think about the advantages and the weaknesses of theirbehaviors. Good people are proud of themselves for the praise and bad peopleare ashamed for their notorious actions and gradually get less licentious. Nowonder it has a positive effect on the society.

What’smore, the government can benefit from such measures, which means, it canachieve the goals to build a harmonious society faster. If the crimes and badbehaviors are absent from the society, and everybody are trying to build up theflourishing of their countries, generally speaking, the government has achievehalf of its goals. (这里的例子怎么举啊？经常写到没有例子可以举，求指点。)例如 可以说说关于反腐败的电视节目，对贪官的惩治，有利于构建和谐社会

Insum, rather than the opposite, it’s the measure to make the movies andtelevisions always show that good people are being rewarded and bad people arebeing punished that is beneficial to the whole society.
个人认为，前两段有点罗嗦了，而且作者比较偏爱一些较为复杂的句子，这样的句子在前两段多了的话，让人无法一下子明白作者的总观点，考官评卷子的时候，也希望能非常明了的明白作者的意图。个人感觉，在首段中，直接表明自己的观点，单刀直入的比较好。以后的段落再逐渐展开对总论点的论证。（个人意见，仅供参考）

niehanmjUID: 3005699

哇哇。今天又正好写完- -
想死啊写这么慢- -
.....

伶女UID: 2797207

4.2 revised

niehanmjUID: 3005699

................

niehanmjUID: 3005699

写好了！

jacksonboy424UID: 2998392

4.5独立.doc (33.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2011-4-7 00:29:52 上传

下载次数: 4

改好了

niehanmjUID: 3005699

4.6独立写好了~~
辛苦了批改的同学  鞠躬~

niehanmjUID: 3005699

写好了- -
谢谢批改的同学。