Daily writing之 hcp作文练习帖

hcp4715UID: 2697633

6.4号独立

tom_cybamicUID: 2475644

你的独立作文没法改啊，你的不是当天的题目啊

乐之好好考托福UID: 3092078

楼主我在这的用户组没有办法添加附件，我用QQ给你发送离线了哦~注意接收~~:D

hcp4715UID: 2697633

6.6号 TPO9（engine） + 独立

qianhuangUID: 2766587

6月6日 独立 修改

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

综合看过了~么有问题~不错！
看你字数还挺多的最后一段总结的如果时间不够的话可以不用写了

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

In a society the competition become increasingly fierce, many people become workaholic and put all their time and energy on work –related(形容词短语) activities. In addition, they claim that all people should behave（behavior是名词） in this way. However, I personally believe that people should have hobbies and do physical activities, both to build up relationship and to enjoy themselves.

First of all, people have to engage in activities that they love（既然是愿意的，为什么前面用have to呢？） after work to keep themselves from being insolated（最后一个词是什么意思？整句是要表达什么呢？）. After all, most of us cannot find the real friend among colleagues because we are only doing business instead of building relationship. However, when we participate in the activities we really interested in, we could meet people who share many common features as ourselves. In addition, without the involvement of economical interests, we could make friend with them easily and safely. For example, I love to read book at a particular book store during the weekend, after several weekends there, I became familiar with one girl, which also love reading books there. Later, we found that we share many traits and become very good(表达很好的话用close更地道) friends. The(不是她的友谊，是我们间的友谊)friendship makes me feel warm when I was alone.

What's more, having hobbies and doing physical activities different from work is essential to keep mental health. Psychological studies have shown that people need to do different types of tasks so that their brain could work more efficiently, and their mental health would be increased. However, if a person doing a single work for a very long time, say, working,(这种用法没见过，什么意思？) he or she would feel tired, anxious or depressed because certain chemical matter in his or her brain has been consumed. In this case, doing something else, whether engage in one’s hobbies or physical activities, would help his or her brain to restore the balance. Therefore a mental illness would be avoided. For instance, after staying a lab for a whole week, I would be extremely stressful and anxiety. I have to walk a long distance to the book store to relax. Walking alone the street and reading my favorite fictions make me forget the stress temporarily and recharge myself, especially with friends being with me!

In a nutshell, people should have hobbies and take part in physical activities, both to build a more secure social network and to keep themselves mentally health. Otherwise, the negative influence of long time work would affect his or her working efficiency.

题目中还有一个 very different from one's job, 这个没有强调到啊！如果严格说的话有点小小的偏题。
文章的的两个论点不错，但是只有两个论点，略显单薄。
其他的语言什么的问题不大，如果有时间的话可以在句子多样性变换下，就更好了 。

hcp4715UID: 2697633

6.7号作文
20100514NA 人要多渠道获取信息

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

Information become increasingly valuable because real and complete information would helps us make better decision. To make sure the information we get is, I believe, as the statement claims, that people should get information from different new sources in order to be well-informed.(这个句子首先to 后面意思不完整，“我们得到的信息”后面是什么， 这两个插入语有些看不懂。其次，句子没有主语)

To begin with, I'd like to point out that information from one source could be false, either because they make a mistake or they deliberately report the wrong information to mislead people. Given the limited information-processing capacity of human, people work in news agents would make mistakes and then delivers the wrong information（没看懂，句子主语前后不一致？）. For example, when I was going to listen to a concert and check the website, it said the concert was going to began at 3 o'clock pm, but the workers of the theater made a mistake because they are too busy. I trust this message and arrived there at 2:50, it turned out the concert had started for 20 minutes.

Also, some new agents（这个词到底是什么意思呢？） deliver the inaccurate news intentionally because they want to benefit from this misleading information. The most obvious examples are the advertisement. Many advertisements contain false information or maliciously neglect of some important information to cheat consumers. So we need to check the truth of the information by viewing it from different sources, especially when the information is important to us.

Even we assume that the information is accurate and complete from one source, we would be ignore certain parts of that event because of the way the median report it. Thus we need to view one event from different reports to completely digest the information. For example, one of the actors who starred in the famous movie, the king's speech, had published a paper as the third author on a prestigious science journal. Then many news agents reported this event. Some of them mainly reported the actor and his career and how he participated in the research. As I read this news, I was led by these reports and ignore the content of the research. Then, I occasionally read a blog which mainly discussed the research's meaning and problem. Until then, did I realize(until 提前要倒装) the problem that this investigated paper was the one I had studied! Without viewing that blog, I probably totally neglect that important research.

In a nutshell, I believe that people should check different news sources to get the authentic, complete information, as well as not ignored the key information because of the focus of the reporter.

文章的主要框架是这样的：
第一段说单渠道信息可能是错的。似乎有些过，应该是有局限性的甚至是错的，这个比较客观。
第二段说有些错误信息是xx为了获利？和主题有关系么？
第三段说单渠道可能会流失部分信息。
跑题了！从你自己最后的总结中就能看的出来啊！还有题目中有，为了要成为消息灵通人士。。。这个一点没有提到啊！


其实第二点可以并入第一点中，说明单渠道信息有局限性，甚至是错误的，然后举广告打得例子。然后第三点就可以。
然后再强调多渠道信息会得到更广泛的信息，多角度的信息，这样就能成为消息灵通人士，就能好很多。


其他方面语言，句子什么的没什么大问题，就是第一段的那个句子和 new agent是什么意思始终揣摩不透啊。

hcp4715UID: 2697633

24# xiangtuo
谢谢悉心修改，受益不少啊！
你不明白的地方是我没有写错了
1 To make sure the information we get is correct and complete, Ibelieve, as the statement claims, that people should get information fromdifferent new sources in order to be well-informed.
2 news agents 应该是news agency。

zahngxinUID: 2976843

14# hcp4715