【Daily Writing】Julijone's TOEFL Writing Journal

julijoneUID：2843727

2011.07.28&2011.07.29
Independent writing:

julijoneUID：2843727

2011.07.30
Independent writing
Integrated writing

愤怒公爵UID：2929648

7.30修改好了，下面是批改结果，什么时候才能传附件啊？？？？！！！

独立写作
A teacher who is serious and strict is more efficient than a teacher who uses humor and who is easygoing.

Who can be more efficient, a serious and strict teacher or a humorous and easygoing teacher? People may have different responses to this question and they all surely have good reasons. In my personal opinion, the former is less, not more, efficient than the later. I give this negative(观点是中立的，没有偏向性，不必用这个词) answer mainly based on the following considerations.

First, good mood helps improving a person’s performance. Although being serious and strict does not mean that this teacher must be in bad mood, the factual situation is, such teachers are easier to get in relatively bad emotional status because they are more possible to be affected by the troubles met in the work. From psychology angle, a person who harbors an easy attitude tends to be more tolerant and stable. Humorous teachers, as a result, can handle the problems excellently and consequently, have a higher working efficiency（efficiently）.

Second, we have to recognize that, in the interrelationship, a humorous person could always be easier to be got along and（or） cooperate with. So, they could（can） get more help from the external. This advantage often saves a lot of time for those teachers who are easygoing and makes them efficient in their career, especially in team work.
上面这段感觉稍微少了一点，不过逻辑还清晰，可以多写几句。


Last but not least, teachers use humor frequently must be the kind of people who always keep optimistic. During the work time, a teacher ineluctably will suffer from temporary failure or setback. Under this situation, an easygoing teacher, since being optimistic, will underestimate the difficulty of a certain task.（这句逻辑比较好，+1） It sounds like they are cheating over themselves; however, it is indeed a good measure to strengthen their confidence.

To sum up, considered this or that kind of spiritual and social force, to be efficient, a teacher should at least try not being that serious and strict。

全文论点提出得很好，可能说服力还不够（至少我没有被说服），但是论点论据都很清楚，字数稍少，句子感觉不是很地道，闪光词不多，感觉词汇量有限。楼主可以多用一些同意词汇。


综合写作：
Integrated writing:.

TPO 18 About Torreya taxifoha

In the lecture, the woman speaker negated the three solutions of how to save Torreya taxifoha mentioned in the passage. The lecturer refuted the options for the following reasons.

Firstly, it is likely to fail to reestablish Torreya in the same region, even though the partial area, the northern Florida, is cooler and damper than the surrounding environments. Because that（后面没有接句子，不必要用） the local microclimate, to a large extent, is affected by the changes of the overall climate here（here没找到指代地点，是北Florida还是全球，有歧义）. The climate at any place may not be suited for Torreya any longer, considered the global warming effect which contributes to the increase of the temperature.（还有一个drier呢，听露点了啊）

Secondly, relocating Torreya is also not a satisfactory option. To illustrate this point, the lecturer took the example of another tree which killed a lot of local(加上说清楚) plants and trees after being translated to a new place. A species could spread madly in the new environment, so relocating plan may produce an unpredictable outcome。


Lastly, as for the third option, the lecturer thinks that preserving Torreya in research center is not feasible at all. Because the population of the wild Torreya is quite large, the research center is not capable of protecting Torreya from being extinct in the long term.'


In one word, （according to the professor,可能时间不够？应该指出是教授说的，不然会有人理解为是文章中写的）,none of these three solutions is effective to protect Torreya.

基本点都达到了，可以再听一下，有些细节可以听出来。字数达到要求了。

julijoneUID：2843727

谢谢 不过这个地方应该是用名词而不是副词 have a higher working efficiency（efficiently）.5 q'

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

加油！

julijoneUID：2843727

2011.08.01
Independent writing
Integrated writing

qqweer2007UID：2686919

改好了，写的不错，欢迎来改我的。https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=1283831&extra=&page=3

julijoneUID：2843727

2011.08.02
Independent writing
Integrated writing

米陌UID：2663269

8.2 独立 revised by 米陌
There is a public debate on whether parents should interferewith children’s making （感觉making 去掉能更加简洁） determination about their future. Those who advocate it say （也可以用admit） that it’s the parents’obligation to choose their children’s future. While the critics contend thisdeed is out of date, in the modern times, only children themselves could decidetheir future. I agree with the later（latter） opinion, although I do notcompletely deny the role parents play in this important decision.- g" P( x0 E6 q9 n, I% m
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Admittedly, since our parents have much moreexperiences than we have, tips from them may works （tips搭配work） in many situations. Therefore, they are indeed helpful inmaking determination. If the children don’t have good ideas or they have notmade a decision yet, they might as well as well（是写重复了吗？） follow their parents. Because any parents, no matter whatinstructions they give to the children, their purpose is to provide thechildren with the best, and what’s more, they always consider problems in thelong run.
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But, the role the parents play should strictly berestrained in a proper scope. In another word, they are just advisors ratherthan decision maker
（makers 同advisors相对）. They cannot escalate theinstruction or the reference to orders.


On the one hand, by merely accepting parents’determination, the children may not make any great achievements. As we allknow, there is often a relation gap between the parents and their children. Insuch a case, the parents can’t communicate efficiently with the children and asa consequence, they will misunderstand what their children really want. Even ifthis gap does not exist, a person could not be understood one hundred percentby anyone else but himself. One can hardly imagine what the future will be likeif he or she is enforced to carry on a certain business which he or she doesnot like at all.8 H/ l9 q1 K9 k# Q
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On the other hand, the most serious consequencemay be that the relationship between parents and children will be broken off.For example, once I had a good friend. His parents forced him to go to a cadetcollege he does not （加个动词如admire/want to go/dream of是不是更好？）. Because of the financial dependence, he compromised at last.However, after entering the college, he found himself not interested in themilitary courses at all. After that, he began to be addicted into some reallybad habits such as smoking and using drugs. His life has been ruined by hisparents’ determination against his wills.
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Thus, children
（parents） should allow children tomake their own choice. If they want to give a hand, they
（两个they指代的对象不一，这个根据前文their的指代孩子，这个可用parents替代） can give advices, but nevergo beyond the line.

另外的一个tip：考试中别忘记每段都隔一行~
写的不错~觉得determination这个词或许可以做一下适当替换~偶尔出现简单词也是可以允许的~

happinessviviUID：2837177

搞定！

chair020928UID：2956418

改好啦！

julijoneUID：2843727

2011.08.03
Independent writing
Integrated writing