【Daily Writing作文特训小组】草莓刨冰的作文贴！坚持就是胜利！

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

大家好~我是新人，今天第一次发帖。这也是第一次接触托福，之前木有上过课啊~
先写篇独立写作吧~
由于是第一次写，并且距上一次写英语文章（7.16考G）半个月，所以超时了。36分钟。
求赐教，求指导。

8月1日作业：20090227NA A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salarybut less vacation time.$ N) c3 p

There is a heated debate on whether a job with more vacation time is better or a job with high salary but less vacation time is better. In this topic, different people have different ideas. Some workers believe that their job cannot overlap their usual life, so they’d like to have more vacation time to have fun but not very high salary. While other people hold the idea that the salary is more important than the vacation time since that the salary can buy many things but vacation time cannot. As far as I am concerned, I would like to support the ideas of the first kind of people.

For those who want more salary but no more requirements on vacation time, in my opinion, they may be money-worship to some extent. They think that they can earn much money in when they are still young. And then they can buy a lot of things they like to decorate themselves. Besides, they may consider that they can use the money to have fun when they are old. In conclusion, these kind of people treat money as the most important but ignore the importance and necessity of time especially vacation time during their jobs.

As for me, I am inclined to choose more a job with more vacation time but may be with less salary. The first reason is that I believe the old saying said “Money is not everything”, though we cannot live without money. Money can buy many things but not everything. Besides, we may pay much for the money in our job. Fighting for the salary, the relationship between workmates may be impacted. Chasing for the money, the nature of human may be worsened. Just paying attention to the benefit, our horizons may be minished. In addition, higher salary will lead higher fees. And the final payback is possible not in proportion to our efforts.

In the view of time, in my point of view, it is more important than money. First of all, more vacation time means more chance to be relaxed. In other words, we can loosen our body and remove our stresses in the job. More vacation time is beneficial to us in most time. Secondly, more vacation time provide us more chance to accompany our families. That is good for the relationships between us and our family members. Moreover, we human’s life is limited and we can only have one time of youth, so we should have more time to enjoy our life but not work nearly every time in several tens of years. To be concluded, everyone’s time is limited. So we should give better use of our life time.

As I discussed above, more vacation time is much more worthy than more salary. Hence, I would like to choose the job with more vacation time but not a job with high salary but less vacation time.

heying1010UID：3139153

1# 草莓刨冰
不好意思，现在才改完

There is a heated debate on whether a job with more vacation time is better or a job with high salary but less vacation time is better(有点累赘，建议改用than，把后面的去掉). In this topic, different people have different ideas. Some workers believe that their job cannot overlap their usual life, so they’d like to have more vacation time to have fun but not very high salary. While other people hold the idea that the salary is more important than the vacation time since that the salary can buy many things but vacation time cannot. As far as I am concerned, I would like to support the ideas of the first kind of people.

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For those who want more salary but no more requirements on vacation time, in my opinion, they may be money-worship to some extent. They think that they can earn much money in （我不知道in在这里起神马作用）when they are still young. And then they can buy a lot of things they like to decorate themselves. Besides, they may consider that they can use the money to have fun when they are old. In conclusion, these kind of people treat money as the most important (缺个thing吧）but ignore the importance and necessity of time especially vacation time during their jobs.

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As for me, I am inclined to choose more(去掉） a job with more vacation time but may be with less salary. The first reason is that I believe the old saying said “Money is not everything”, though we cannot live without money. Money can buy many things but not everything. Besides, we may pay much for the money in our job. Fighting for the salary, the relationship between workmates may be impacted(relationship和fighting不对应）. Chasing for the money, the nature of human, may be worsened. Just paying attention to the benefit, our horizons may be minished(our horizon与pay不对应吧）. In addition, higher salary will lead higher fees. And the final payback is possible not in proportion to our efforts.

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In the view of time, in （一般都是from）my point of view, it is more important than money. First of all, more vacation time means more chance to be relaxed. In other words, we can loosen our body and remove our stresses in the job. More vacation time is beneficial to us in most time. Secondly, more vacation time provide(provides) us more chance(chances) to accompany our families. That is good for the relationships between us and our family members. Moreover, we human’s life is limited and we can only have one time of youth, so we should have more time to enjoy our life but not work nearly every time in several tens of years. To be concluded, everyone’s time is limited. So we should give better use of our life time.

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As I discussed above, more vacation time is much more worthy than more salary. Hence, I would like to choose the job with more vacation time but not a job with high salary but less vacation time.

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

8月2日作业： 20090807NA Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than help determine children's future.

今天严重超时。。呃。。


The theme of young people’s future has been told more and more in these years. Whether parents should allow children to make their own choices or help determine children’s future cannot have a common conclusion. Some parents would like to foster the capability of independency of their children. As a result, they leave the children alone to decide their own tasks. However, other parents are more likely to help determine their children’s future. From my point of view, I would like to support the parents who allow children to make their own choices. There are several reasons to support my perspective.

To begin with, parents should give more space to children to do their interests and fulfill their dreams. There is an old saying said “interest is the best teacher”. Only when children do their interests can they devote all themselves into their career. Besides, those children who decide their own things are more independent and self-confident than others. For this kind of children, they have no need to ask their parents for requirements. They have their own brains to think about the society and the world. In addition, these children can grow up earlier and be more mature than other same-aged kids.

In another field of eye, to allow children to make their own choices is good for parents as well.
The load on parents can be relieved since they need not to pay much attention to their children. As a result, parents can do their own things and enjoy their happy life. Besides, by doing this, the confliction between parents and children can be reduced. For example, a child like to study art but her parents want her to become a lawyer. In this situation, the child and her parents will surely have much confliction and argument. If the parents give the freedom to their child to make her own choice, there will be fewer quarrels.

However, parents who let their children do everything they like and give no limitation and advice to them can be regarded as unwise. Parents have more experiences in this world after all. They know which things are bed and which are good. They should take responsibility of their children’s future. But it does not mean to determine children’s future. Parents need to set limitation to some extent on children’s activities in order to tell them which are forbidden to do. And it is better to children that parents give some advice on their life. What’s more, when children are about to going to wrong way or meet difficult choice, parents are willing to give their opinion and help their children to overcome the difficulties.

As I discussed above, parents should all children to make their own choice rather than help determine their future. It is beneficial for both children and parents.

little_catyUID：3014175

不好意思来晚了，才改好~

The theme of young people’s future has been told（theme最好用discussed吧） more and more（可以加个frequently) in these years. Whether parents should allow children to make their own choices or help determine children’s future cannot have a common conclusion. Some parents would like to foster the capability of independency of their children. (连着两个of不够漂亮~直接用independent吧，再扩充一下句子）As a result, they leave the children alone to decide their own tasks. However, other parents are more likely to help determine their children’s future. From my point of view, I would like to support the parents who allow children to make their own choices. （这句有点重复，不如直接用previous one)There are several reasons to support my perspective.
第一段略长，重复的话可以精简
To begin with, parents should give more space to children to do their interests and fulfill their dreams. There is an old saying said “interest is the best teacher”. Only when children do their interests can they devote all themselves into their career. (倒装用的好，学习了~）Besides, those children who decide their own things are more independent and self-confident than others. For this kind of children, （这个连接很自然，学习了~）they have no need to ask their parents for requirements. （最好再加个连接词吧~）They have their own brains to think about the society and the world. In addition, these children can grow up earlier and be more mature than other same-aged kids.

    In another field of eye,（没查到这种用法啊，是在哪里见过有人这样写吗？） to allow children to make their own choices is good for parents as well.
The load on parents can be relieved since they need not to pay much attention to their children. As a result, parents can do their own things and enjoy their happy life. Besides, by doing this, the confliction between parents and children can be reduced. For example, a child like to study art but her parents want her to become a lawyer. In this situation, the child and her parents will surely have much confliction and argument. If the parents give the freedom to their child to make her own choice, there will be fewer quarrels. （可以再升华一下，争吵减少使得家庭和谐，家庭成员可以更有效率的工作以及成员之间感情更好）

However, parents who let their children do everything they like and give no limitation and advice to them can be regarded as unwise. Parents have more experiences in this world after all. They know which things are bad and which are good. They should take responsibility of their children’s future. But it does not mean to determine children’s future.(这几句可以合成一个结构更复杂的长句，效果更好~） Parents need to set limitation to some extent on children’s activities in order to tell them which are forbidden to do. And it is better to children that parents give some advice on their life. What’s more, when children are about to going the wrong way or meet(我觉得face更好） difficult choice, parents are willing to give their opinions and help their children to overcome the difficulties.
这段是在写什么，你把自己的观点推翻了啊亲~~
As I discussed above, parents should allow all children to make their own choices rather than help determine their future. It is beneficial for both children and parents.
结尾段字数有点少，再加一个长句就差不多了

总体感觉逻辑挺严密的，语言也比较流畅，欣赏你那个从parents角度的观点~但是突然峰回路转给我打个措手不及，建议还是不要两种观点都说好，一条道走到底吧

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

加油哇~ 快去改我作文~~

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

season08UID：2667789

7# 草莓刨冰

Nowadays, parents pay more and more attention to children’s performance in school especially to their study. In order to make the children do well in school, some people hold the view that parents should give a limitation to children in（on） watching TV programs or movies, while some others may disagree with it. In my point of view, I strongly support that parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies of children.

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The most obvious reason is that TV programs and movies will definitely divert our(题目在说children，我觉得还是用children说事儿比较好) attention from study to some extent. Although some of TV programs and movies are made to teach people some knowledge, most of them have little positive effect on children. Actually, those TV programs or movies may disturb our daily routine and decrease our efficiency on study. Students may probably believe that studying at home is more relax and we can do better in our schoolwork. But in fact, they（指代不明） distract our concentration from textbook to TV, therefore lessen our learning efficiency. Take me as an example, I would rather study in library or classrooms, which may not as comfortable as home, than study at home, which impact my studying efficiency because of the entertainment factors. Therefore, parents should control the time their children spending on TV programs and movies.

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Besides, it is entirely unavoidable that some TV programs and movies introduce negative and unwholesome information which are not appropriate for children. After watching these, children may be affected and learn from these. What’s more, if student take（spend） too much time on TV at night, he will feel sleepy in the next studying（school） day and thus do bad in school. So they have to be regulated in their after-school time.1 m4 k7 i8 m  y" Y) I

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Furthermore, limiting the time in TV programs and movies is good for developing children’s personal interests and personalities. Since everyone’s total time（and energy） is limited, when decreasing the time on entertainments such as TV and movies, children will have more time to learn what they are interested in. In those times, children can take exercises, do reading, taking lectures or developing their talents instead of just seating at home to watch TV programs or movies. By doing this, students can spend their time on valuable things and therefore become more and more excellent not only in school but also in society in the future. According to this reason, parents should be responsible to their children and control their time on watching TV programs or movies.! f. ?/ G! B1 l3 I7 i6 H% [1 f

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It must be admitted that TV programs and movies are kind of ways to relax. Students(Children) have the right to ease themselves after heavy studying. However, to consider further, parents should take their responsibility and power to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies in order to help children do well in school as well as in the futher.

happinessviviUID：2837177

写的不错，加油！

happinessviviUID：2837177

搞定~

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

sorry~现在才发上来~~辛苦蜂鸟同学和season08同学帮我改作文啦~~

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

julijoneUID：2843727

不错，加油

草莓刨冰UID：3141036

13# julijone

谢谢julijone~
从模考软件里复制的时候没把第一段复制上~后来给补上了~

season08UID：2667789

11# 草莓刨冰
good work!