据说是要给自己的写作作业开一个楼来着~跪求指导！

liang0603UID: 3182007

120# byebyehaku 注意单复数哦，文章的比列有点长，字数倒挺多的，是30分钟之内些写完的挖？还有论点的三个感觉可以拧成2个了。。。第二个论点，我个人认为有点点多余。。。加油！

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

121# liang0603
谢谢~！！！单复数形式已经被说很久了……可视每次总是注意不到……大概是因为我总是写完之后就没有时间了……然后就忘记检查这回事了……= =

alohasallyUID: 2860276

10-18独立   之前传错了文档 不好意思

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

10.21   独立  还是自己找的题目

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family.

Some people think that television has decline the communication between family members for they will pay all of their attention on the television programs instead of talking with their families. However, as I was experienced, not only didn’t television destroy the communication between families, but also, to some extents, improve the relationship between family members.

For me, television is an effective tool for me to find new topics to share with my families. People get to know what happened in the world and latest information through all kinds of media, such as television and newspaper. Among them, television is admittedly the most convenient and fast one with the largest information in the programs. For example, my friends and I like to talk about the TV series we saw last night and exchange the information we get from programs on movie stars. On the other hand, if we live without televisions, the information we get are all the same since most of people who live in the same district tend to buy same kind of newspaper. Thus, there is no need for us to exchange any information and without TV series the topics between our girls will become much less.
Besides, the invention of television has not only greatly changed people’s life, but also has influenced the way people think. With the sprite of television which I think is to share influenced people’s way of thinking, people nowadays are more eager than ever before to share their thinking and their experiences. Thus, more communication will certainly be made between families, friends and neighbors. One best example is gossip. People like to talk gossip a lot. They used to get gossip from staring at neighbors’ life aimed at finding some gossip which can be talked with. This way may help people get gossip they are interested in but it will destroy the relationship between you and your neighbors once they are aware of what did you do. However, television offers people a large amount of programs which reveal the gossip people want to talk about. This is certainly a better way for you communicate with your friends and families without destroy any of your relationships than the older way.

Also, I guess most of people have same experience with me that everyday after dinner, all the family members will get together, watching television programs. It is the best time for family members to communication which we rarely find. The talk between them can be variance, from politic to sports games. Sometime during their watching they will also do some communicate. While without television, according to my experience of once our television broke down, men tend to read newspapers, while women choose to complain about their families with neighbors or do some housework. Never do they talk together.

Above all, television, to great extents, makes a contribution to our communication with friends and our family members. It not only broadens our topics and offers us a time for gathering, but also make us more eager to communicate with people than ever before.

junjunbillUID: 3171847

:)改好啦，总的来说字数是你的优势，但是可能也是写的太着急了，有些地方我觉得欠考虑。希望你能接受，如果有不同意我说的地方欢迎随时交流。
Somepeople think that television has
decline(decline做vt是谢绝，婉拒的意思，这么用似乎不合适，还是reduce, decrease, cut down较好) the communication betweenfamily members for they will pay all of their attention on the televisionprograms instead of talking with their
families（family就好，family本身就是复数名词）. However, as I was（删） experienced, not only didn’t（doesn’t） television destroy the communication between families, butalso, to some extents(extent), improves the relationship between family members.(感觉这句话用完成时较好一些))
~8 u/ P; S! ~4 K$ U

For me, television is an effective tool
for me（跟前面重复了） to find new topics to sharewith my families. People get to know what happened in the world and latestinformation through all kinds of media, such as television and newspaper. Amongthem, television is admittedly
the most convenient and fast（改成the fastest and most convenient） one with the largest （我不确定你是否要表达最多的意思，如果是后面需填上amount of） informationin the programs. For example, my friends and I like to talk about the TV serieswe saw last night and exchange the information we get from programs on moviestars. On the other hand, if we live without televisions, the information weget are all the same since most of（删） people who live in the samedistrict tend to buy same kind of newspaper. （这句话理由说的不太妥，难道每个人不看电视就一定要买报纸吗？我觉得如果没有合适的理由倒不如不说理由）Thus, there is no need for us to exchange any information and without TV series （用一句then代替，更有因果关系）the topics between our girls will become much less.
: l/ x  l8 ]* q4 m. a
Besides, the invention of television has not only greatly changed people’slife, but also has influenced the way people think. With the sprite oftelevision which I think is to share influenced people’s way of thinking(没看懂这句，可能有点语法错误，欢迎交流), people nowadays are more eager than ever before to share theirthinking and their experiences. Thus, more communication will certainlybe made between families, friends and neighbors. One best example is gossip.People like to talk gossip a lot. They used to get gossip from staring atneighbors’ life aimed at finding some gossip which can be talked with. This waymay help people get gossip they are interested in but it will destroy therelationship between you and your neighbors once they are aware of what did（删） you do. However, televisionoffers people a large amount of programs which reveal the gossip people want totalk about. This is certainly a better way for you communicate with yourfriends and families without destroy any of your relationships than the olderway.
（这段论据没有组织好，你先说的电视可以改变人们的思想让他们变得更愿意交流，而后举了gossip的例子，显然是为了印证人们愿意交流的。但是你后面又说电视让人们看到了许多身边的gossip，让人们更喜欢去交流而不伤及感情，那么理应就是不谈gossip。我大概猜出你的意思，电视让人们喜欢gossip，但是gossip伤感情，电视又让人们说电视里的gossip而不说自己身边的gossip这样就能不伤感情。这关系太隐晦了啊！说得不清楚。评卷人不会细想这种关系的。最关键的是对主题“增加人们的交流”的支持显得无力。
你这一段说白了就是举了一个电视具体为人们增加交流的实例，gossip，而且不太有力，因为并不是人人都爱gossip的。我看不如再举点电视具体为人们提供了哪些话题的实例，比如最近的电视让卡扎菲成了话题人物，还有乔布斯的死让许多人谈论他的传奇。Gossip可以举，把它算到TV-play里）


Also, I guess most of people have same experience with me that everyday afterdinner, all the family members will get together, watching television programs.It is the best time for family members to communication（动词）which we rarely find（notice）.The talk between them can be
variance（形容词）,from politic to sports games. Sometime during their watching they will also dosome communicate（名词）. While without television, according to my experienceof（when） once our television brokedown, men tend to read newspapers, while women choose to complain about theirfamilies with neighbors or do some housework. Never do they talk together.

. b, V* [8 l" y6 m
Above all, television, to great extents, makes a contribution to ourcommunication with friends and our family members. It not only broadens ourtopics and offers us a time for gathering, but also make us more eager tocommunicate with people than ever before.

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

125# junjunbill
没错……我每次都没有时间检查来着……= =

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

不好意思在外面忙了一天才回来改晚了些~

文章楼主还是很不错的，很用心，共勉！

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

10.24  独立  自己找的题目……


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things they do not enjoy doing.

Some people only do things that they enjoy doing, for the reason that interest is the key to success. They think if they do not enjoy the thing they are doing, they won’t do it with all of their passion, thus the whole thing will be spoiled by them. However, I believe that even there are a lot of things people feel oblige to do, sometimes they do not have the choice to refuse it.

As a member of society, we have our own rights as well as duties. Of course, for many people, duty is something that they oblige to do, while they still should finish. The best example is working. I’ve heard a lot of complaining about the boring daily routine and the difficult tasks from the people who got jobs. I believe that for most of people, they don’t actually enjoy their jobs. But in sake of living a live, or at lease living the life they enjoy, they have to work in order to make money.

Also, when something you do not enjoy can benefit the thing you are interested in, the only choice for you is to try your best to do that thing. There are one thing that our students hate to do is to study a subject we don’t like. As students, we are facing with many subjects which we cannot possibly like all of them. For me, I hate math. I think math is a boring subject which calculates with meaningless numbers and equations. However, the math is actually the fundamental of physics and many physics theories have been proved through math equators. And in order to know more on physics which I am crazy about, I have to try my best to learn math even I hate it.

In addition, people may benefit from the thing they don’t enjoy. Almost every female will come up with one same thing when talking about the thing they do not enjoy doing, that is taking a diet. Some female choose to take a diet for getting a better body shape, while others may be forced by their doctors to prevent them from the potential health problem, such as obesity. Slim people diet because they want benefit from their good shape which makes them more attractive. If those heavy people ignored the doctors’ words and ate what they enjoy, like fried chicken or other junk food, their health problem will become more serious and result in illness. Avoid doing the thing we don’t like may lead to a bad result.

Above all, doing something we like to do is really an enjoyable thing, while sometimes we should also do the thing we don’t like in order to fulfill our duty as members of the society. Besides, the thing we do not enjoy, may benefit the thing you are interested in and your health.

云鬓香UID: 3041275

我很喜欢你的文笔，我觉得读着特别的流畅。:victory:就是要是多点例子或者分析得更透彻就完美了。FACE MANY SUBJECTS, 不要加WITH.
live a life? 我觉得不是LIVE A LIVE.
Some female choose to take a diet ----chooses
我觉得你可以把最后一句话改得更好点：Besides, the thing we do not enjoy, may benefit the thing you are interested in and your health. 因为HEALTH 和THINGS U INTERESTED似乎不是很平衡。

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

10.25  独立 还是自己找的题目


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

I like to attend all kinds of activities which I am interested in. I think attending activity like a play or a sporting event is quite interesting and I learn a lot from the process. So, even with some people’s words that with television we can stay at home, taking part in every event in a second, I still believe it is more enjoyable for a person to attend a live performance.

One thing that I think makes attending the event more enjoyable is that as one becomes a part of performance, he or she can get a better understanding of its spirit. The spirit may be the characteristic of the role you act, or the spirit of teamwork from the sports game you take part in. All that kind of feeling will not be understood, or at least will not be well understood, by the person who just sits in front of the television, watching the event as well as eating a bag of popcorn. For example, as an animation fan, I am crazy about all kinds of animated movies. But even as a big fan for so many years, I still can’t understand almost half of the animated movies, such as why they created such characters and why they use this kind of scene until I have watched the interview of its main idea said by the director. I guess that is because I am not one of the makers so that I cannot fully understand their thinking as well as the spirit of their work.

Despite of the spirit, one can feel many other things that happen during the preparation process. As an audience, what I can see, is the result. I feel good when the play performs excellent; I feel disappoint when the sport team I am in favor of losing its game. What I see, is only the surface of it, as to the process, I never know. Once, I take part in a cosplay activity, a kind of role-play show which is very popular among young people as a director. At first, everything in my mind was wonderful and I have never ever dreamed of I will face so many things which to some extents are invisible to the audiences, such as I have to draw every scenes to the player and arrange the schedule in order to make everyone can get together, practice the play. During the process, I learned a lot of the duty as a director and all the unhappiness and labor turned out to be worthy in the end.

Above all, I do think that attending activities can benefit people a lot. They can get to know the main spirit of the event as well as the process of preparing the performance. All of the experiences will be the best memory to the member of the performance.

lizlee0420UID: 3163467

I like to attend all kinds of activities which I am interested in. I think attending activity（pl） like a play or a sporting（sports） event is quite interesting and I (can)learn a lot from the process. So, even with some people’s words that with television we can stay at home, taking part in every event in a second, I still believe it is more enjoyable for a person to attend a live performance.

One thing that I think makes attending the event more enjoyable is that as one becomes a part of (the)performance, he or she can get a better understanding of its spirit. The spirit may be the characteristic of the role you act, or the spirit of teamwork from the sports game you take part in. All that kind(pl) of feeling will not be understood, or at least will not be well understood, by the person who just sits in front of the television, watching the event as well as eating a bag of popcorn. For example, as an animation fan, I am crazy about all kinds of animated movies. But even as(感觉语法上有点问题，改为being会比较好) a big fan for so many years, I still can’t understand almost half of the animated movies, such as why they created such characters and why they use this kind of scene until I have watched the interview of its main idea said by the director. I guess that is because I am not one of the makers so that I cannot fully understand their thinking as well as the spirit of their work.

z' G; k  }( [$ E3 _
Despite of the spirit, one can feel many other things（feel the thing?我能明白你的意思，建议改为experience the genuine moments） that happen during the preparation process. (加上on the contrary )As an audience, what I can see, is the result. I feel good when the play performs excellent; I feel disappoint when the sport team I am in favor of losing(lose) its game. What I see, is only the surface of it, as to the process, I never know. Once, I take part in a cosplay activity, a kind of role-play show which is very popular among young people as a director. At first, everything in my mind was wonderful and I have（had） never ever dreamed of（imagined that） I will face so many things which to some extents are invisible to the audiences, such as I have to draw every scenes（单数） to the player（pl） and arrange the schedule in order to make everyone can get together, practice the play. During the process, I learned a lot of the duty as a director and all the unhappiness and labor turned out to be worthy in the end.（加一句话总结吧）



Above all, I do think that attending activities can benefit people a lot. They can get to know the main spirit of the event as well as the process of preparing the performance. All of the experiences will be the best memory to the member of the performance（最后一句话读起来不是很顺，建议改一下）.

jackieydanUID: 3182030

不好意思，恢復吃咯。。。
謝謝你的批改哦！！

zealgtUID: 2925467

赞LZ的坚持！看到LZ的帖子，再看看自己对待托福的态度，真是惭愧之极。我10.16的，考得很烂，要重考。LZ准备了好久了，LZ啥时候考啊？加油~坚持下去！

lizlee0420UID: 3163467

看到改好的啦，thx! 一起加油！

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

10.27  独立

今天初次磨合模版……写的前言不搭后语……请见谅