薰叶初的作文贴~1120加油`!

qqlddUID: 2594915

10# 薰叶初 没改的改了> <...太nb了

houyulinUID: 2961779

10# 薰叶初
改好了，不好意思哈，我不知道怎么上传附件
10月14日 20090403NA Do you agree or
disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of
education is to increase teacher’s salaries.(words:364)

When comes to the problem how to improve the quality of education, opinions vary from person to person. Though a large number of people consider that the prerequisite of owning more advanced education is increasing teachers’ salaries, I do not approve of the point that it is the best way.

Admittedly, rising teacher’s salary will be beneficial to education of the period to some degree. First, it will focus their attentions to teaching. According to a recently released research, around seventy percentage of teachers have their alternative jobs to earn additional money, such as making business, dedicating themselves to stock market, and doing some edit work and so on. Inevitably they have less time to concern the students. If the salary is sufficient to lead a wonderful life, they will be less inclined to make themselves so busy. Furthermore, high salary will attract more intelligent people to apply for the job, which can undoubtedly let student be more readily access to excellent information. For example, more superior teachers equips themselves with more knowledge, including how to expressing words in a more understanding approach which students can comprehend perplex questions very soon.

However, in my perspective, the best way to change the situation of education is the way which can diminish the most detrimental drawbacks of education, but actually teachers’ low salaries cannot compete with the negative attitudes of thousands of parents towards schooling, not to mention the lack of the spirit of science. (这个长句是不是应该简化一些)Let’s bring our discussion here to a more practical context. It is known to all that Chinese students exhibit poor performance in organizing experiments and innovation. The main reason centers on the education system which gives students a sole goal in their study: to be the top in the score rank of their classes. And without outstanding results in exams, they may fail to be admitted by universities and colleges. This problem has lasted for nearly a century, which requires for being settled down.

To sum up, expending teachers’ salaries is a recommended way to improve education, but not the best way. We still have to search for solutions which will radically lead the quality of education to an unparalleled level.
（个人建议：文章的遣词造句都挺好的，但是我觉得第二部分应该简化些，第三部分再充实一下会更好。自己的一点拙见）

薰叶初UID: 3143366

17# houyulin
哈哈~好像你不是和我分在同一组的,还能帮我该作文实在非常感谢哈~你说的问题应该是有点道理的,毕竟我的观点是不同意,那在不同意的地方至少篇幅应该长一些说理要详细一些的~感谢~~~:)

alohasallyUID: 2860276

写了一些 个人建议  欢迎讨论啊   
1014independent-alohasally.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2011-10-15 11:46:04 上传

下载次数: 1

liang0603UID: 3182007

我想问下怎么上传附件？

薰叶初UID: 3143366

20# liang0603
多发帖子多留言之后就可以上传附件了,现在不能上传是因为等级太低或者积分不够吧~

rjj21664264UID: 3004467

改晚了，不好意思哈

albert199010UID: 2726886

10.15 revised by 我2我自豪

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

楼主能写成这种程度从我们中国人的角度来看是不错的吧！很不错！
但是我们写作文是给老美看的。他们不喜欢华丽辞藻的堆砌，因为这样影响阅读；也不喜欢各种壮观的排比，觉得浪费时间，更是不喜欢很多我们看来可以加分的东西。
之前楼主说我的文章太平淡，没有复杂的词汇。是的，就是这样的。我这篇文章是写好之后让一个哥伦比亚大学的美国学生帮我改的，他不是留学生，是本地人。他把我复杂的句式全换简单，把我复杂的高级的词汇全换成最简单的，然后告诉我，写作文最重要的是specific and clear，然后我就疑惑了。因为从开始学托福甚至英语开始，老师就是这样叫我们的。为什么会这样？
我写出来，只是想分享一下我的经历，避免更多的人走弯路。
其实我这篇文章以前就在组里写过，也相互批改过，我是拿着我认为的成品去让他帮我改的，都还是这样子。昨天匆忙占座，后来才发现题目是写过的，所以临时起意就把这篇发上去了。其实一般中国学生都会像楼主一样评价的。
不知道以我微小的能力可以真正影响几个人。