issue126 请大家斧正，枪正，炮正！：）

feier521UID: 109747

126"Society's external rewards are no measure of true success. True success can be measured only in relation to the goals one sets for oneself."

I fundamentally disagree with the speaker on the threshold claim that societal external rewards are no measure of success, in fact, they can also embody one's achievement to some extent. Nevertheless, true success will be measured in relation to the goals one sets for oneself, and come from the actualization of one’s goals.

Admittedly, the society's external rewards can serve as a standard when assessing whether one is successful or not. The external rewards are often regarded as a catalyst to prompt people to pursue their goals and intentions, and once they actualize their dreams and achieve a significant contribution to people and society as a whole, society will give back some returns and even rewards to recognize them. To make clear this point, let us see some apt illustrations. The Olympic golden medal can best demonstrate an athlete's stamina and persistence which make him surmount personal limitation. Undoubtedly, it is a kind of individual success. Nobel Prize is also a kind of recognition of those who make huge contributions to the whole mankind. How can one dare to say it is not a kind of success? No one can.

However, do these kinds of rewards mean the “true” success? Maybe not. True success stems from people themselves, and lies in the goals they set for themselves. The first reason why I put forward this point of view is that most society's external rewards, except for some famous and high-profile rewards, fall into mundane or meaningless categories. Various rewards or prizes, significant or not, true or bogus, unceasingly throng into this society, which make people difficult to evaluate one's actual success. What's more, the evaluation standard is difficult to establish. Who can exert this task. Should we leave this right to people themselves? Of course not. Most of them have a tendency to enact the reward to themselves or their relatives due to greediness, maybe one of human's natures. Neither should we leave it to the legislators or governmental officials. As rational animals, they are susceptible the outside situations, especially the authority and the money. It is impossible for them to keep an even-hand and objective role in evaluating people's attainment. Furthermore, these rewards are only the signs of the materials things; will the societal rewards meet people's “real” needs? Possibly not. What can be defined a true success may be to meet the psychological and mental need, which is sometimes inaccessible for exterior rewards.

As a matter of fact, true success can only measured in relation to the goals people set for themselves. Only people themselves can clearly know whether or not they realize their own goals, and only they can know whether or not their “real” needs are met. Generally speaking, the greatest need is the psychological and mental satisfaction. Only it is achieved, people will be the most successful ones, at least they themselves will think so. Imagine that those who process a number of awards while immersing in the sea of grief or sorrow, are they successful? Maybe others will regard them as successful one, but they never have such a conception. In contrast, those who have healthy mood and happy spirit, even if they did not get any reward that endowed by the society, they will define themselves successful ones.

All in all, although society's external prizes can to some extent show one's achievement, whether those who attain such prizes are successful ones is still uncertain. The true success is related to people themselves and the goals they set for themselves. Only when these goals are actualized will they enjoy a huge psychological satisfaction with themselves, then they will the most successful people in the world.

ken0405UID: 124994

126"Society's external rewards are no measure of true success. True success can be measured only in relation to the goals one sets for oneself."

I fundamentally disagree with the speaker on the threshold claim that societal external rewards are no measure of success, in fact, they can also embody one's achievement to some extent. Nevertheless, true success will be measured in relation to the goals one sets for oneself, and come from the actualization of one’s goals.（你这个转折又没有MORE一类的东东，转折似乎不太合理）

Admittedly, the society's external rewards can serve as a standard when assessing whether one is successful or not. The external rewards are often regarded as a catalyst to prompt people to pursue their goals and intentions, and once they actualize their dreams and achieve a significant contribution to people and society as a whole, society will give back some returns and even rewards to recognize them. To make clear this point, let us see some apt illustrations.（废话一句） The Olympic golden medal can best demonstrate an athlete's stamina and persistence which make him surmount personal limitation. Undoubtedly, it is a kind of individual success. Nobel Prize is also a kind of recognition of those who make huge contributions to the whole mankind. How can one dare to say it is not a kind of success? No one can. （你后面的东东好好发展一下咯）回过头来，这两个例子好象对你本身的主题就是极大的讽刺哟。你后面的分析一定得重新说说这两个例子才好的
这两段的过度不错，可是后面however之后就不太好了。
However, do these kinds of rewards mean the “true” success? Maybe not. True success stems from people themselves, and lies in the goals they set for themselves. The first reason why I put forward this point of view（why后面多余） is that most society's external rewards, except for some famous and high-profile rewards, fall into mundane or meaningless categories. （为什么，世俗为什么就不可以定义成功？）Various rewards or prizes, significant or not, true or bogus, unceasingly throng into this society, which make people difficult to evaluate one's actual（这个词不好的，不能代表real的意思吧） success. What's more, the evaluation standard is difficult to establish. Who can exert this task. Should we leave this right to people themselves? Of course not. Most of them have a tendency to enact the reward to themselves or their relatives due to greediness, maybe one of human's natures. （你说这么一大通，我有个想法，就是：1。不是每个成功都会得到奖励的（因为标准难定，向你后面说的）2没得到物质奖励的人不可以算成功吗？COPERNICUS， VAN GOGH，康有为等）Neither should we leave it to the legislators or governmental officials. As rational animals, they are susceptible the outside situations, especially the authority and the money. It is impossible for them to keep an even-hand and objective role in evaluating people's attainment.（哦，你说那些奖励标准不好，不能准确定义成功？） Furthermore, these rewards are only the signs of the materials things; will the societal rewards meet people's “real” needs? Possibly not. What can be defined a true success may be to meet the psychological and mental need, which is sometimes inaccessible for exterior rewards.这段有点乱乱的。

As a matter of fact（这个词不太合适吧，老兄？）, true success can only measured in relation to the goals people set for themselves. Only people themselves can clearly know whether or not they realize their own goals, and only they can know whether or not their “real” needs are met. Generally speaking, the greatest need is the psychological and mental satisfaction.（GENERALLY 这句多余） Only it is achieved, people will be the most successful ones, at least they themselves will think so. Imagine that those who process a number of awards while immersing in the sea of grief or sorrow, are they successful? （好的，具体有没有支撑呢？）Maybe others will regard them as successful one, but they never have such a conception. In contrast, those who have healthy mood and happy spirit, even if they did not get any reward that endowed by the society, they will define themselves successful ones.最后这段分析的好。

All in all, although society's external prizes can to some extent show one's achievement, whether those who attain such prizes are successful ones is still uncertain. The true success is related to people themselves and the goals they set for themselves. Only when these goals are actualized will they enjoy a huge psychological satisfaction with themselves, then they will the most successful people in the world.
终于有你的了，呵呵。看我怎么收拾你 ：）

happyman2000UID: 136936

ken,当我们的斑竹吧！

imongUID: 140258

好久不劳动了

126"Society's external rewards are no measure of true success. True success can be measured only in relation to the goals one sets for oneself."

I fundamentally disagree with the speaker on the threshold claim that societal external rewards are no measure of success, in fact, they can (只有in fact是不能构成从句的,要用as they can actually这样的引导结构)also embody(embody不合适，exemplify或者represent怎么样) one's achievement to some extent. Nevertheless, true success will be measured in relation to the goals one sets for oneself, and come from the actualization (别扭，用realization) of one’s goals.

Admittedly, the society's external rewards can serve as a standard when assessing whether one is successful or not（one’s success就完了，不要啰嗦）. The external rewards are often regarded as a catalyst to prompt people to pursue their goals and intentions, and once they actualize（realize） their dreams and achieve (contribution要用make) a significant contribution to people and society as a whole, society will give back some returns and even rewards to recognize them. To make clear this point, let us see some apt illustrations.（这种菜句尽量少些） The Olympic golden medal can best demonstrate an athlete's stamina and persistence which make him surmount personal limitation. Undoubtedly, it is a kind of individual success. Nobel Prize is also a kind of recognition of those who make huge (great) contributions to the whole mankind. How can one dare to say it is not a kind of success? No one can. 不像在论述倒很像吵架。论点没有很好的支持。个别用词造作，总体用词还好。

However, do these kinds of rewards mean the “true” success? Maybe not. （还不如直接说these kinds of rewards does not always mean true success）True success stems from people themselves(语意不清), and lies in the goals they set for themselves. The first reason why I put forward this point of view is that most society's external rewards, except for some famous and high-profile rewards, fall into mundane or meaningless categories. Various rewards or prizes, significant or not, true or bogus, unceasingly throng into this society, which make people difficult to evaluate one's actual （genuine吧） success. What's more, the evaluation standard is difficult to establish. Who can exert this task. Should we leave this right to people themselves? Of course not. （最近怎么这么喜欢用短句和反问？？？）Most of them have a tendency to enact the reward to（to?） themselves or their relatives due to greediness, maybe one of human's natures. Neither should we leave it to the legislators or governmental officials. As rational animals, they are susceptible the outside situations, especially the authority and the money. It is impossible for them to keep an even-hand and objective role in evaluating people's attainment. Furthermore, these rewards are only the signs of the materials things; will the societal rewards meet people's “real” needs? Possibly not. What can be defined a true success may be to meet the psychological and mental need, which is sometimes inaccessible for exterior rewards. 我觉得写得很散，前后除了3个各自独立的支持原因，又不是一摆出来就巨有力的那种reason。First和What’s more是可以放在一起的或者干脆只说first，而Furthermore是绝对的多余。把全部精力放在First上边论述，in-depth一点。

As a matter of fact, true success can only measured in relation to the goals people set for themselves. Only people themselves can clearly know whether or not they realize their own goals, and only they can know whether or not their “real” needs are met. Generally speaking, the greatest need is the psychological and mental satisfaction. Only it is achieved（到现在已经连续3个only…了，单调，不一定非要放前头）, people will be the most successful ones, at least they themselves will think so. Imagine that those who process a number of awards while immersing in the sea of grief or sorrow, are they successful? Maybe others will regard them as successful one, but they never have such a conception. In contrast, those who have healthy mood and happy spirit, even if they did not get any reward that endowed by the society, they will define themselves successful ones. 我不客气地说，通篇就是围绕社会认可的success和个人追求的success的差异与共同，两者有本质差别而又非mutually exclusive，把这一点说清楚不就完了，例子也非常好找。这一段的Imagine that those完全没有说服力。

All in all, although society's external prizes can to some extent show one's achievement, whether those who attain such prizes are successful ones is still uncertain. The true success is related to people themselves and the goals they set for themselves. Only when these goals are actualized will they enjoy a huge psychological satisfaction with themselves, then they will the most successful people in the world.
评语很尖刻，不要见怪。

GcanadaUID: 118286

KEN,IMONG,等你来做我们的领导人呢!
其实FEIER写的文章也是很不错的!

feier521UID: 109747

谢谢ken 和imong 两位的严厉批评

偶昨晚12：00 以后写的，晕乎乎的...

本来想说：社会的奖励在一定程度上评价人们的成功，但是他们只是物质的DD，“真正”的成功只能通过实现个人为自己设立的目标和个人心理满足获得的。

结果说来说去，就说晕了，主次不分了，所以考场一定要观点鲜明！

imongUID: 140258

反正当心就是了，你自己take for granted的东西人家不一定appreciate
把定义下清楚很关键的，true success vs 什么别的对立面，society vs individual，千万不能乱七八糟一堆浆糊的，该说明的说明白