issue114

song123456UID: 133578

Admittedly, in the present circumstance, there are still so many things in our world that we believe to be inhumane such as war, violence, and poverty from which human beings are suffering. However, I disagree with the statement that technology cannot change the condition of humanity. In my point of view, aside from these deficits of the world of human race, the condition of humanity does have achieved a better one partly due to the help of technological development.

First of all, it is the development of technology that provides us the methods, equipments to know of and give a hand to the victims of such inhumane destruction as war, violence and poverty. For instance, during the Gulf War, thousands of people lost and were forced to leave their home. When they were facing severe shortage of living substances, sufficient foods, water, and other materials they necessitated were coming to them from all over the world where people were caring for them. But we would never know about what were happening thousands of miles away and what we could do for them had it not been for the assistance of modern techniques of communication. And how could we have conveyed those substances to those who needed if there were on facility of modern transporting system?

Another important thing that should be mentioned is that with the process of internationalization resulting from the advance of science and technology it is possible to gain global effort to prevent and halt inhumane events and humanity disasters. Successfully have we cracked down the terrorism and brought the end to the humane calamity in Afghan with the effort from various nations of the world. With the further technology development, the more internationalized the world will be, the more intimately connected with each other we will be, and the more solidary we will be to improve our condition of humanity.

Of course, technology by itself cannot solve such problems of humanity as war, violence, and terrorism completely or even be applied to destroy humanity. What it can bring to us is instruments, measures, and relative forces that are in our hands to change the condition of humanity for good or evil, therefore the application of which require conscious and committed efforts and responsibilities of us.

To sum up, in spite of the present unsatisfied condition of humanity and the double-edged nature of technology, it is in fact able to help us with improvement of humanity.

lily_changUID: 50566

楼主，你的时间是不是也用得太超了。我想说，这篇文章，可能你自己很满意，感觉内容丰富。当然我也同意。但是个人认为有些句子，我无法理解，还是那句话，平实到位的句子。

我们就看第一段吧。你的结构：Admittedly,  xxxxxx  howeverxxxxxx,,,,, In my xxxxxx


大致没有问题，但你不觉的 Admittedly, however,不太合适吧。还有我举个句子来说：
aside from these deficits of the world of human race, the condition of humanity does have achieved a better one partly due to the help of technological development.

如果是我，我会写：Though there are still so many deficits in our current society, the condition of humanity does have been improved greatly due to the development of technology.

1，aside from在我记忆里好象是区别同类的。（不过有可能我记错了@!@,你查一下字典）
2deficits of the world of human race，太累赘了吧。不知道你要说什么啊。
3a better one   ONE制什么？？应该是enter into a better stage 吧？due to help of ,,,,,为什么不直接就due to the developmen of,,,,,简单又快啊。


大家一起探讨一下吧。

song123456UID: 133578

谢谢lily， 语言一直是我的弱项， 我的大部分时间都花在该如何表达我的想法上。 只有两个星期了，不知道怎么才能得到提高。

angle123UID: 105697

我同意lili所说的，逻辑是关键，虽然我不是很好，指出几个小问题把
inhuman         用得不太合适
还有注意一下 and-or 的区别 例如thousands of people lost and were forced to leave their home
With the further technology development, the more internationalized the world （will be,） the more intimately connected with each other （we will be）, （and the more） solidary we will be to improve our condition of humanity.
这样更好，其他听充分的，语言挺漂亮

song123456UID: 133578

最初由 angle123 发布
With the further technology development, the more internationalized the world （will be,） the more intimately connected with each other （we will be）, （and the more） solidary we will be to improve our condition of humanity.
以下省略...... [/B]

经你这么一改，感觉是更紧凑了