Daily Writing gtldds

figuechenUID: 2850619

抱歉因为昨晚临时有事所以没来得及改你的2.23独立，我争取今天尽早改完！抱歉。。

葩公子UID: 3250277

We all crave real friendship, and we have heard of many stories about the enviable friendship between the rich man and poor woman(LZ这里用有钱男人很穷女人是想说什么？可以表达的更清晰一点). And（两个and放在一起是不是有点那个。。。完全可以用however） the reason why it became a story is that it is not existnonexistent in the real life(in reality). As far as I am concerned, it is hard for two people to become good friends if one of them has more money than the other（这里最好不要照抄原题中的话，适当转述）.

First, the poor and the rich have no chance to understand （interact with）each other. The rich spend there(their) time to manage(managing) their business. They have to make friend(s) with the officials, rich man(men), elites, who can give help to their business. Yet, the poor need to work hard for their boss to make a living. Moreover, the rich live in their own villas, drive their expensive cars when they go out(感觉很前后不协调啊), and go to the high-consumed (high-spending)places. As a result, how can they meet and understand the poor who live in the apartments, take the crowded buses when they go out and just work all day to earn the little salary（感觉不是很地道这里可适当improve一下）. Clearly, they even can not meet each other in their life（要么就是lives要么就是lifetime）, so(这里逻辑有点混乱，用in that case) they can not become good friends.

Secondly, most people would like to make friends that(with who) are similar to them. The person who loves shopping was(is) likely to have a close friend also likes shopping. The person who has lots of money always has a friend who is millionaire. What caused(时态混乱) this? Friends that share many（with） similarities can offer （share）a common purpose. They have the same hobbies, maybe face the similar difficulties and have the same topic to talk with. People bask their happiness (没查到这个用法，掩面。。。)spending their time with their friends who has many in common with. It is obvious that the rich and the poor have few similarities. It is（also） hard for them to become friends.

Finally, making friends with the rich makes the poor feel stressful even feel（or even） inferior. It is common for the rich to buy clothes or shoes more than ten thousand, but for the poor, maybe it is more than (beyond)their one month salary. According to a research on the Internet(据说，数据什么的一定要是真的，否则会很惨的==), more than 95 percent people feel stressful to make friends with the person who has much more money than they have. They feel unbalanced when their rich friends buy something easily that may not available for them to gain in their life. People would like to make friends with the person who have（has） similar economic condition（financial situation） to them.

In short, there is a wide gap between the poor and the rich. It is hard for them to become good friends because they have few chances to meet, people like to make friends that are similar to them and making friends with the rich makes the poor feel stressful and unhappy.
LZ如果注意一下时态以及前后一致的话会加分很多的。。。另外需要注意的就是用搭配最好地道些。。还有逻辑方面就是可以加强linkers的使用。。。祝好~
PS这篇我也很纠结，看到LZ说的最后一句话乐呵了老半天哈哈

figuechenUID: 2850619

15# gtldds


已改，请多指教！~
2月23日 瓜田_revised_by_figuechen.doc (31 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2012-2-25 23:35:32 上传

下载次数: 3

gtlddsUID: 3228712

谢谢给我改作文的同学~改的很认真，我也会认真修改自己作文的。

gtlddsUID: 3228712

独立写作

gtlddsUID: 3228712

真对不起，我忘了这事了，写晚了，你们的作文我也会尽快批得

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

恩恩，已改完

猫屎咖啡加冰否UID: 3214093

We all need to work and how to distributeour work time more rationally becomes a disputable question now.【可以换成it is disputable question that...】 Some peoplethink that it is more enjoyable to work three days a week for long time thanwork five days a week for shorter time. I disagree with this view point. Infact, working five days a week for shorter time is beneficial to our career,physical health, and also helps people to gain a better communication withtheir family members.

First, working five days a week enablepeople to do better in their work. For example, most people consider that it isdifficult to start work with passion after a four-day holiday because theyforget most of work they did four days before, which means that people willspend a lot more time to review the work if they only work three days a week.In addition, working three days for long time makes people feel too exhaustedto concentrate on their work. Working five days for a short time, on thecontrary, enable people to be energetic every day. According to a research,people do their work more efficient if they have enough rest-time between the work-time.Clearly, a person who works five days a week is more likely to do well in theirwork and this will advantageous to their career.

Second, working five days a week isbeneficial to people’s physical health. Most of people have to sit in front ofthe computer when they are working. According to a research, people will morelikely to get cervical vertebra disease and lumbar vertebra disease if they sitthere for a long time. In fact, these kinds of disease are difficult to cureand bother people a lot in their daily lives. One of my co-workers has cervicalvertebra disease because of sitting in front of the computer to work for a longtime. As a result, she often feels headache while she was working .However, theperson who works five days a week has more time to relax and this is helpful toprevent the disease.

Finally, working five days a week will helppeople gain a better communication with their families. For example, I workedthree days a week for a long time last year. In the work days, I have no timeto take care of my son and talk with him, which made him unhappy. I got upearly in the morning and stayed in the company until nine o’ clock at night. SoI feel so tired when I got home so I did not want to do anything. As a result,my wife also felt every exhausted. This year I chose a job that need to workfive days a week for short time. Now, I have enough time to accompany my sonand my wife every day. I have dinner with them and communicate with them more.We all feel joyful about this job.

Inshort, working five days a week enable people to do well in company, keephealthy and communicate more with their family members. That is the reason whyI think it is more enjoyable to work five days a week for a short time thanwork three days for a long time

我觉得吧，文章虽然有点小简单，但观点很明确。

gtlddsUID: 3228712

22# Arthur2012
看到了~改的很详细~谢谢

gtlddsUID: 3228712

23# 猫屎咖啡加冰否 改的虽然有点小简单但还是谢谢你了