【daily writing 作业】Arthur2012作文贴

FlyingFieUID: 3251779

好方法，加油！！！

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

4.5 独立

yyyforUID: 3283701

作为一个菜鸟..实在找不出太多毛病..也尽我所能帮你改了改..

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

78# yyyfor 十分感谢，我马上回改

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

实在不好意思，我居然有你的连续三篇没有改，其实我之前都改了，但是没有保存文档的习惯，碰巧有事，今晚给你重新再看一遍！ 79# Arthur2012

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

77# Arthur2012

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

80# 秋雨荆州 好感动，突然觉得虽然准备T的过程是艰辛的，但因为有大家这些gters在，就不难了，再次感谢！

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

82# Arthur2012

可他媽學點習吧UID: 3275783

77# Arthur2012 已改~ Apr.5.Arthur2012.doc (28.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2012-4-6 13:37:32 上传

下载次数: 1

青鱼UID: 3287008

改了，但是发不了附件啊亲。。贴给你吧

4月5日 110708 the friend that can have fun with are more important than the friends that can get more help from?9 P! i* |' h9 y9 n

20:31 - 21:00

Excellent as it look at first glance, friends who have a good time with us do not help us at a greater speed and with higher efficiency in most cases; or it could work towards the opposite direction which led(lead) us to lose our dream, get some terrible habits or waste our valuable time. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, the friends who could help us fade the friends who have fun with us.(whom can have fun with)这里想讨论一下，题目说的是the friend that can have fun with我的理解是“可以玩乐的朋友”而楼主的从句结构应该是the friends have fun with us变成“和我们玩的朋友”。我也有点吹毛求疵了，我在后面的也标注出来，要是楼主觉得无所谓那就算了~ 嘻嘻
The major reason that I do not choose the friends with happy memory together is that they might make people forget their dreams(马丁路德金告诉我们，dream是可数的。。。)  of life and targets of career. When people, no matter children or adults, have fun together like（+participating an ）interesting party, they just focus on the drinks, cigarettes and endless load(loud) music. Maybe tomorrow there is a significant meeting with some foreign international company partners, but the great time in the evening obviously steals people's meeting plans and level heads which might play a great role in their development of their career. In a nutshell, friends who just have fun with us could ruin our dreams or goals.

Another reason that I really overlook the importance of the friends having fun with us is considerable bad habits might be brought from them and destroy our life. My junior classmate, Jane who is a lovely girl with black glasses and preferred setting in the first row to take English class, had horrible memory with some friends taking drugs. She had known that drugs were actually dangerous and bad for human's body(health). Yet one day when her friends gave the drug to her, she was curious about it and accepted it(我觉得换成incited to have a try会不会更好一些，体现是被坏朋友怂恿、引诱的). Then she was addicted to drugs. She had not been to school and took the English class which was（used to be） her favorite class. In this case, we could realize some friends with fun even ruin our livings with awful hobbies.

In a word, with all the dimensions mentioned above, from my point of view, the friends who can have fun （+with） fail to compare with the friends who give help to us for they might destroy our dream of life and bring bad habits.

(29 minutes, 360 words)
我觉得有一些疑问，关于阴影部分我觉得时态有点乱。Had horrible memory，我觉得是持续到现在一直都有的，那么后面的过去完成时就不妥了。
而且我个人觉得，应该提一下的是，不是所有能玩乐的朋友都不能交，毕竟朋友的功能之一就是提供快乐吧。应该强调一下，那些只能够提供玩乐的人，其实也就是酒肉朋友吧。应该把话题往那方面引~
不过楼主的句型多变，看起来很漂亮！小词也用得不错~加油！
相比之下我的就弱爆了。。。。

originalsinUID: 3072724

已改，欢迎送些石头，鸡蛋给我。

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

84# 可他媽學點習吧 太感谢了，我马上回改

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

85# 青鱼 恩恩，十分感谢，我马上回改

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

86# originalsin 恩恩，我马上送鲜花

Arthur2012UID: 3275426

2012-4-6 作文总结
1 有时单纯为了凑字数，加入定语从句，而其实直接用一个形容词就能够清楚表达
2 当表示状态改变时，用become 代替 be
3 有个问题：既然Toefl是对语言的考察，那么是不是对问题复杂性考察的要求就没有那么高，因而对两个事物的比较，能不能三点都讨论一个事物的坏，而不去讨论另一个事物的好？