issue127,偶的第二篇，大家看我写的有没有新意

grillUID: 138097

There is proverb saying "fact is stubborn". It is the same meaning with issue above. Although improper rhetoric always is used to persuade and convince people, even some facts are mispresented, but fact always is fact, it can't be altered by wishes, inclinations, and passions .
When we examine ourselves we will find it is the fact that every person will experience . childenhood, youth, ,adult, old and ending to death. When child was born, they need cares from their parents especially cares from their mothers. As getting old, they begin to learn walking and speaking. As years going by, the age for school education coming, the child will go to school and learn basics-such as reading, writing, math, and science, and even develop a set of ideas about how things work and the nature of human being. When finishing study period, people will go to job, creating fortunes for society. Maybe they begin to fall in love and marry later. Then they will have their own children. As the child growing up , they will get older and older, and death was waiting for their coming ahead of them.
These are principal facts for human lives. Whether we like or not, they will come on the time.,and no one can avoid these processes. Moreover, only we understand and abide such facts existed in the world, could we get accomplished in our lives. Baby can't survive even for a few days without cares because he (she) hasn't got the ability of preparing food and clothe for himself(herself).At the age of tree ,it is the optimal phases for learning language. If this opportunity is missed, hardly could make up. conversly, if this opportunity is grasped, children's lingual ability could easily be cultivated and could easily learn two different language at one time without confusion between them. School life is important for students to prepare them for future work and life. Illiteracy always can't live full life because our lives themselves now full of information and reasoning. love, and fostering child ,these are direct somewhat by instinct, can lead to a full life also. Immortal is all long a myth to all persons. In history many people take great effort for finding ways to keep immortal, but no one succeed.
All these are living law. Not only man themselves, but even every animal, every plant, even earth itself will have an end in some day, everything has its own rules. Only knowing these nature, could we apply and utilize them well, only a good wish does not do anything .For example, Only when we know rules about crops growing, would we cultivate in proper conditions and could we get big harvest. Only fishermen know fish's activity well, could they catch many fish. In fact many  facts have even been internized by human as commonsense. In daily life.
However facts are always not precisely presented, even mispresented. one is inclined to use rhetoric to develop these facts concerning their own propensity. Facts are also distorted to meet one's dark needs. In scientific realm, data may be misinterpreted. Some of them due to people having embody their personal metalities and passions into them, others rise because of techniques ,equipment and methods are not adequate, new facts should be found in further investigations. So these "fact " are qualified as "not precisely" or "mispresented".

Formulated as above, we can know well, facts are ruthless, it only tell the truth.

grillUID: 138097

先说说我写这篇文章的思路吧。拿到题目，大脑里面一团糟，首先想到的是中外媒体对事实的扭曲，统治者为了愚民给人民灌输的思想。。。
但是这些思绪太乱了，我干脆让自己同意这个观点得了，不是真的同意，只是因为这样好写。其实大家以后写作文也可以这样，对付ETS，不需要真的表明自己的观点，正反观点，怎么好写，哪个能写好就写哪个啦。

废话太多了，言规正传，我的作文好在是思路，观点鲜明，例子朴实，却很贴切。自己感觉还很符合老外的思维，我平时爱看一些社会科学的书，里面的一些例子倒是用上了。
不足之处：小错太多，句式变换说不上多样，跟我马虎的习惯有关系，文章太长，每次拿到题目，我的思绪就会很乱，很杂，当然写得多了，时间用得也多，大大超时，多练才行。而且有的地方罗嗦，结尾太没有力度，没有办法，实在些不出了。

我9.25日作文，10.18日TOEFLE,10.25笔试，根本就没时间精心准备，但是感觉做GRE的阅读对作文帮助很大，可以了解ETS的语言习惯与思维习惯。呵呵，说实在的，做G阅读的感觉是“痛并快乐着”，做了50多道阅读题，感觉不是那么害怕了，填空也感觉好多了。我倒不害怕语文，却害怕作文，希望ETS能给我四分，就烧高香了。

说说以后的打算吧，还有二十天，augument还没有看呢，issue就写过那么五篇，接下来每天最少一篇作文，修改一篇。接下来看TOEFLE的语法书，也是为了作文句子的规范，这个很重要，老外看你的文章，满篇错误，肯定来气，idea,偶是不缺的。继续做阅读，把阅读里面的idea与句式也用上。

呵呵，罗嗦了这么多，真希望有人看。

grillUID: 138097

顶，嘿嘿。

木耳UID: 123036

看你牢骚满腹的,鄙人就给你看看.也要谅解大家一下,都要考试了嘛.

There is proverb saying "fact is stubborn". It is the same meaning with issue above. Although improper rhetoric always is used to persuade and convince people, even some facts are mispresented, but fact always is fact, it can't be altered by wishes, inclinations, and passions .

When we examine ourselves we will find it is the fact that every person will experience . childenhood, youth, ,adult, old and ending to death. When child was born, they need cares from their parents especially cares from their mothers. As getting old, they begin to learn walking and speaking. As years going by, the age for school education coming, the child will go to school and learn basics-such as reading, writing, math, and science, and even develop a set of ideas about how things work and the nature of human being. When finishing study period, people will go to job, creating fortunes for society. Maybe they begin to fall in love and marry later. Then they will have their own children. As the child growing up , they will get older and older, and death was waiting for their coming ahead of them.(太长了吧?我觉得说两句就行了)

These are principal facts for human lives. Whether we like or not, they will come on the time.,and no one can avoid these processes. Moreover, only(加when?) we understand and abide such facts existed in the world, could we get accomplished in our lives. Baby can't survive even for a few days without cares because he (she) hasn't got the ability of preparing food and clothe for himself(herself).At the age of tree(three) ,it is the optimal phases for learning language. If this opportunity is missed, hardly could make up(could be made up?). conversly, if this opportunity is grasped, children's lingual ability could easily be cultivated and could easily learn two different language at one time without confusion between them. School life is important for students to prepare them for future work and life. Illiteracy always can't live full life because our lives themselves now full of information and reasoning. love, and fostering child ,these are direct somewhat by instinct, can lead to a full life also. Immortal is all long a myth to all persons. In history many people take great effort for finding ways to keep immortal, but no one succeed.(怎么又是人的例子,重复了吧?这样看你的第一段根本就是多余.而且看了你的第二段,感觉你对facts的理解有问题.facts不只是说什么时候该做什么,也不只局限于个人.个人认为这里的facts是一个非常广义的概念,自然,社会,个人;物质的精神的都可以而且应该包含进去.一句话,facts指的就是这个世界.还有,语言有些罗嗦,感觉你是在凑字数.学说化合上学一个例子就足够了.例子要多举,但要不同领域不同侧面,这样才能全面深入.

All these are living law(living laws是不是不太合适?). Not only man(men) themselves, but even(不是even,是also) every animal, every plant, even earth itself will have an end in some day, everything has its own rules. Only knowing these nature, could we apply and utilize them well, only a good wish does not do anything .For example, Only when we know rules about crops growing, would we cultivate in proper conditions and could we get big harvest. Only fishermen know fish's activity well, could they catch many fish. In fact many facts have even been internized by human as commonsense. In daily life.(这段你好像是在讲认识规律的重要性.道理没错,但和你第一段的中心论点没关系,有些跑题,不是吗?)

However facts are always not precisely presented, even mispresented. one is inclined to use rhetoric to develop these facts concerning their own propensity. Facts are also distorted to meet one's dark needs. In scientific realm, data may be misinterpreted. Some of them due to people having embody their personal metalities and passions into them, others rise because of techniques ,equipment and methods are not adequate, new facts should be found in further investigations. So these "fact " are qualified as "not precisely" or "mispresented".

Formulated as above, we can know well, facts are ruthless, it only tell the truth.

怎么讲呢?我觉得你这篇文章语言还是不错的,但逻辑不好,观点也有些偏颇,尤其是论证,例子虽多,可都是一个内涵,太贫乏了,不能让人信服.我认为4分有些危险 .

很多文章是可以一边倒的,而且有些只能一边倒.但这并不意味着所有的文章一边倒就都好写(我干脆让自己同意这个观点得了，不是真的同意，只是因为这样好写。其实大家以后写作文也可以这样，对付ETS，不需要真的表明自己的观点，正反观点，怎么好写，哪个能写好就写哪个啦。).我非常不同意你的观点!

虽说只是一次作文考试,但对待每篇文章都要有认真严肃的态度,怎能"对付"了事?"对付"出来的文章又怎能是好文章!不是不要表达自己的观点,而是一定要表达自己的观点!试想平时用英文来表达自己的想法十有八九都言不达意;再要用英语来编谎话又会是怎样的漏洞百出!

刚看到题目大脑一团糟是再正常不过的事情,可不正常的是一团糟之后不是认真冷静的分析判断自己的观点到底是什么,思考该用什么样的方式方法论证;而是"干脆让自己同意这个观点得了，不是真的同意，只是因为这样好写".你如何知道这样写好写呢?大脑一团糟的情况下得出的结论可靠吗?

其实我还有很多话,不说了.你再把这篇重写一下吧.
要认真啊!这可是我们Gters的一贯信仰和作风!!

PS:言语过激之处还请多多包含,我有些激动.

@smiling@UID: 143705

呵呵，我也是25号考啊。也是狂担心作文。
十一月考托。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

木耳说的对，我觉得作文关键不是新异，当然有了也不怕，关键是要言之成理，让别人看下去之后能被你牵着鼻子走，就连本来不同意你看法的都觉得你说的有道理。
没有特别自己改（我考的比你还早：（（（555），不过觉得总体来说还好，木耳说拿四分困难，，，我觉得应该够了～ （说到这里，我不会给人打分：（但觉得ets不至于这么苛刻～）。关键是说理部分要加强，不能光是堆例子。
你还有半个月，完全来得及，一起加油！
ps：pf你不怕verbal了，我现在想都不愿意去想笔试的问题，5555

blake_wangUID: 9871

grill,等段时间会有人帮你修改的，因为大家都是自愿的嘛！如果一直没有人修改，就多发几次吧！别泄气。

hehuiUID: 134334

我觉得木耳这个同志说话还是满一针见血的，他评的话在我看来也是你文章最主要的问题。

1.先说说立意把：
关键还是facts的理解，你举的例子都是些过程性的东西，也就是说叫“规律”更好。我知道你想说人的生老病死都是必然的，不以人的意识为转移，这个立意算新鲜的。GRE作文的一般思路是大众思路，就是当一个关键名词出现时，它的意思是大家都认同的那个意思，而且是不因考生的专业而产生歧异的。注意，我说的是名词，当然你可以在论述里给它加各种限定以便阐述自己的论点，但千万不要跟这个词本身脚劲。

所以我觉得还是以一种一般性的理解来写。如果你想尝试写一些新鲜的论点，那么一个保险的做法是把新、陈论点都体现在文章中，把新鲜的论点压在1-2小段内，这样整篇文章就不显得偏颇了。

2.再说说段落结构的问题：
你3、4段开头都有个过度句，意识不错，但看上去与本段内容并不贴切，也不是本段的主题，而是上段的总结。尤其是3段首句。把他们提到上段结尾作为总结更合适。这样也可以把关键的段连接词如moreover,however等鲜明地呈现出来，使文章结构更清晰。

imongUID: 140258

“我干脆让自己同意这个观点得了，不是真的同意，只是因为这样好写。其实大家以后写作文也可以这样，对付ETS，不需要真的表明自己的观点，正反观点，怎么好写，哪个能写好就写哪个啦。”

一定程度上是对的。例如我写的那个领导人5年下台，明明常理是同意，但是我就是写出来了一个超级反动的不下台论。

我的看法是思路不囿于任何限制，但一旦写起来了，自己要忠于自己的想法，这是必须的，而那种普遍的看法倒未必非要遵从。多idiosyncratic都没关系，但是自己都不相信自己的话，不行。

zyxUID: 137435

同意imong的看法！
我觉的也应该是按照自己的想法去写，否则自己都不十分同意自己的想法，又怎么能说服别人呢？ 而且这样容易写着就没话说了

grillUID: 138097

最初由 木耳 发布
[B]看你牢骚满腹的,鄙人就给你看看.也要谅解大家一下,都要考试了嘛.

There is proverb saying "fact is stubborn". It is the same meaning with issue above. Although i..

以下省略...... [/B]

首先谢谢木耳，非常感谢。

其实我写这篇文章的思路来自一本叫“爱的科学”的书。特别是第一段与第二段。而且我发现有的五分作文有时只从一个现象出发进行阐述。抱着侥幸心里，所以我没有发散性的叙述，就偷工减料了。而且我窃以为人生是最根本的现象，美国人很注重。
但是心里一直忐忑，所以就贴上来了。

你说我的语言还可以，是我始料不及的。也许我写这篇文章的思想真有局限性吧。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
.(怎么又是人的例子,重复了吧?这样看你的第一段根本就是多余.而且看了你的第二段,感觉你对facts的理解有问题.facts不只是说什么时候该做什么,也不只局限于个人.个人认为这里的facts是一个非常广义的概念,自然,社会,个人;物质的精神的都可以而且应该包含进去.一句话,facts指的就是这个世界.还有,语言有些罗嗦,感觉你是在凑字数.学说化合上学一个例子就足够了.例子要多举,但要不同领域不同侧面,这样才能全面深入.


我第一段是想说人生的facts，第二段是想说我们不可以违背这些facts.（再看看的确罗嗦，唉）。第三段算我想进一步的阐明这些事实的重要性,并且要尊重，仔细看看，的确跑题。
文章写出来自我感觉还满好，被别人一下都看出这么多毛病了


再次谢谢木耳，看来我还要仔细研究范文一遍，我一定会重写的，不过让我好好想几天。。。

grillUID: 138097

最初由 imong 发布
[B]“我干脆让自己同意这个观点得了，不是真的同意，只是因为这样好写。其实大家以后写作文也可以这样，对付ETS，不需要真的表明自己的观点，正反观点，怎么好写，哪个能写好?.

以下省略...... [/B]

imong,GRE的大部分题目，都是很paradoxial的，不会象你举的例子那么极端。

辩论赛中的辩手分正反方，双方不是为了说明自己的观点，只是为了展现自己的能力。如果持什么观点好辩，可以自己选择，当然就选容易的了。

grillUID: 138097

最初由 hehui 发布
[B]我觉得木耳这个同志说话还是满一针见血的，他评的话在我看来也是你文章最主要的问题。

1.先说说立意把：
关键还是facts的理解，你举的例子都是些过程性的东西，也就是?.

以下省略...... [/B]

你的建议很好，接受
：）
以后多多切磋。

我发现这里的战友原来是这么的可爱^_^

realturtleUID: 69047

fact如你这般理解，能够就facts的一方面写出这么大篇文章来，的确不错
如果你行文逻辑性更强些，那就更好了
但是有点遗憾，我先看了评论，然后看了遍文章，又看了评论，又回头看文章
发现你这篇文章的确逻辑有点混乱^_^
我不反对在GRE作文当中有很新的，和别人不同的ideas，perspectives出现，因为每个人大脑不同，思维各异，不一定非要守着中庸，通俗不放
但是你如果要提出一个比较新的见解，你必须要把它论述清楚，让看文章的中国人外国人，能够暂时在你的文章中被你讲的道理说服（尽管他们可能本来不一定同意你的观点）
你这篇文章，主旨是讲facts are stubborn，无法改变，只能发现并遵从其规律，你写的实际上是就facts的一方面来说的，整个说得就是生命的facts，其中的rules，其中的必然和规律性，只是很可惜你后来扯远了。:-(